Cindy

Droog

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December 24, 2007

Don�t Make Me Bobby Hurley! It�s the New Mom Work Dictionary

You know those Word of the Day calendars? Before I go back to work from my maternity leave, I�m going to have to buy one of them. Because the vocabulary words that my husband and I have been using since our newborn came along won�t mean anything to my coworkers. In fact, it might make them consider checking me in to the funny farm.

A burrito is no longer something that I�d ask a coworker to pick up for me while she�s down in the employee cafeteria at noon on a day full of meetings. Not even close. Instead, burrito is now a verb that means, �wrap the baby as tightly as possible in his blanket, so he can sleep better tonight.�

Just like in an elementary school spelling bee, you are probably asking how I might use this word in a sentence. That�s easy.

�Honey, can you burrito the baby while I make his bottle?�

In the office, a package is something that the mailroom delivers. When I get one, it�s usually from a vendor with whom I�ve worked, trying to woo more of my business with a basket of cheese, or a notepad cube and matching pencil.

Trust me. I enjoy those packages a lot more than the �package� of my new vocabulary where the translation is dirty diaper. Again, here is how my husband and I would currently use this in a sentence:

�I took care of the last package � can you get this one while I run downstairs and get the laundry out of the dryer?� Or, we might be overheard in a restaurant, after a return from the restroom changing table saying, �That was the grossest package we�ve had in a week!�

I suppose if I referred to a package I received at work as gross, I�d have a line of people outside of my cubicle who�d still be happy to take the gift off my hands. It�s always amazed me, especially around Christmastime, how even smelly cheese can exponentially increase one�s number of cubicle visitors. Not so with my current interpretation of the word package. When it comes to that, it�s just me or my husband. And that�s on the weekends. During the week, taking care of packages is a solo mission.

And finally, when I�m at work, I might refer to Bobby Hurley during a casual conversation about former NCAA basketball stars. I love college sports, and my coworkers all know this. I also met Hurley, a Duke superstar during my own university years, once in a bar in New Jersey.

Bobby probably won�t like this, but around our house, our toddler son has pulled a �Bobby Hurley� when he�s thrown up. It�s winter, he has a little stomach bug, and there�s been a few more Bobby Hurleys around our house the past few weeks than usual.

I�m sorry, Bobby. I�ve always been a big admirer of yours, but I just don�t like the words �throw up,� �vomit,� or � the most detestable � �puke.�  So, Bobby Hurley it is. Besides it�s quite fun when used in a sentence when I�m on the phone with my father-in-law. �Dad, I have to get off the phone now. Anthony just Bobby Hurleyed all over the Christmas tree skirt.�

I keep reminding myself that I have just seven short weeks before I return to work. Then, I�ll have to go back to the language native to my fellow corporate executives.

But I can�t help but wonder if my new words could mean something in the workplace. I don�t know about you, but I�ve had days where I�d like nothing better than to burrito myself into my cubicle, when I could refer to someone�s Power Point presentation as equally enticing as one of my newborn�s packages, and when I�ve considered faking a Bobby Hurley to get out of a painful meeting.   

Fortunately, those days are few and far between. And I should be able to keep my New Mom Dictionary where it belongs � at home.

� 2007 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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