North Star Writers Group

There are many columns written � both in print and online � about whether or not a marriage is worth saving. But when it comes to saving a friendship, all of the advice seems to be of the teenage �but she stole my boyfriend� variety.

Yet there are lesser, more adult offenses. And I am about to share a real life recent example.

Last week, a friend of six years called me � unsolicited, mind you � to notify me that she had found me a housekeeper and was going to drop her business card off to me. Let�s call this friend Diane.

You see, Diane had just been to my house a few days earlier. I was out of town, and she very kindly stopped by to help direct a paint contractor I had hired.

As she went on and on talking about this perfect model of a housekeeper, I simply wasn�t sure how to react. A housekeeper? For me? I don�t deny that I am no Martha Stewart, but wouldn�t any woman be offended to hear that her house simply did not meet the cleanliness standards of a friend?

I decided to go back in time, calling up any conversations that Diane and I have had in the past about the general topic of home cleanliness. I am quite positive that at no time in the past have I mentioned wanting or needing a housekeeper. It�s not that it�s a bad idea. It�s a great idea. I am sure I would love it. But I know � and have always known � that if I had that extra money to spend each month, that would not be my chosen expenditure. Having a housekeeper is simply low on my priority list and miserably fails the desirability test when compared to say, saving for an island vacation.

So the question remains � should I be offended? After all, I�m not immune to brief moments of insensitivity and like any breathing human being, I have placed my foot into my giant mouth before.

I�m not really upset that she thinks my house is dirty. On that particular day, it was. If I am honest with myself, it looks like that on most days. I have the same reasons as many other busy and modern women who work, have families, love their household animals, volunteer and have a plethora of interests outside the home. I guess if I walked into my own house as a complete stranger, my assessment would be �yeah, it�s pretty messy.�

But this was no stranger. What bothers me is not her honesty about my dirt level, but it is the concept of a �friend� who really cares about something this trivial.

You see, I absolutely adore my friends. Many are educators and social workers. Others are among the best dads and moms I have ever met. A few are CEOs and another is a mail carrier. What they do means nothing. It�s who they are. All of them have these traits in common: They are intelligent, fun, caring people who are too laid back to care if a thin layer of cat hair appears to live on my baseboards.

So where does that leave Diane? Again, the recollection of the past six years creeps in. I�ve been to her house several times � and it is always spotless. Clearly, this is a priority for her. I am a person who admires those who consistently keep their priorities straight, as long as their priorities are helpful to self and society � not like getting away with crimes, excessive intake of mind-altering substances and stuff like that. But priorities related to family, work, physical and mental health are good. A clean house certainly could fall into one or more of those categories.

I am glad that�s a priority for her. It isn�t really a priority for me.

Am I a little offended? Sure. But in this case, I have decided to forgive the insensitive comment and chalk it up to �she�s just trying to help.� She is simply assuming that we have similar priorities, and since we have been friends for a long time, why shouldn�t she assume that?

Perhaps she thinks cleanliness is next to godliness. So in her eyes, I have red horns, a tail and a pitchfork. But at least I know this. I don�t remember the topic of grimy floors being covered in the Bible. I do know that forgiveness is one of the major tenets. In that realm, I am thankful � and Diane should be too � that I have earned my wings.

� 2006 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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This is Column # CD10. Request permission to publish here.