Cindy

Droog

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December 4, 2008

Holy Morpheus! No One Needs to Work for a �Highly Matrixed� Company

A few nights ago, I put the kiddos to bed and sat down to read a marketing industry publication. Perhaps I needed a little something to lull me to dreamland � and unlike sleeping pills � no trade pub I know of is actually addicting.

All of a sudden, it jumped out at me.

A �want ad� about a job I might actually want.

You see, while I am firm believer in keeping my career options open, I don�t have much time these days for opportunity seeking. And I�m happy in my current job. Still, I have a case of what I call �professional curiosity� that I�ve never been able to shake.

Attribute this to whatever you want. Why not? All the experts have. Call it the timing of my birth, proud Gen-X�er that I am. My latchkey kid past. Lack of respect for authority. Or watching my dad offer a lifetime of commitment to a steel mill only to be left standing in the unemployment line.

Whatever made me this way, I can�t help it.

So, I jump up, get on the computer, find the company�s web site and begin reading.

Two seconds later, this sentence stopped me dead in my tracks. �The successful candidate should possess a strong sense of urgency and excel at building relationships in a highly-matrixed organization.�

I closed my browser and went to bed, laughing the whole way. For whoever wrote that job description clearly has my same sense of humor. She used the phrases �highly matrixed� and �sense of urgency� in the same sentence. Hilarious!

I have lots of experiences with matrices, and I know that nothing about them is urgent.

It started in seventh grade when I made a DNA matrix for a science fair. It took endless hours. Endless patience. Focus that hurt my eyes, my head and my butt. It was not fast. It was not nimble. In fact, if you�d tipped it even a little too far to the left, the whole thing would fall apart.

I also saw the movie The Matrix. You know, the one where a fake world is manufactured in order to make humans think that everything is hunky-dory and their energy and life isn�t being sucked out of them? Yep � that also sounds exactly like a highly matrixed corporation to me!

I�ve also worked for a client that developed matrices. These were hollow structures, made for shaping sand into whatever they wanted it to be. Pillars. Pump molds. Pieces parts. Stress on the words �hollow,� and �shaping you into what I want you to be.�

Again, what better way to describe a highly matrixed organization?

I�m a bit of a wordsmith, but even I can�t find a phrase strong enough to describe how turned off I felt about that job, and in fact, about that company.

Thankfully, the next job posting I looked at that night made me laugh, too � only in the good way. An agency hiring for the pet supply industry listed this as a qualification: �Must sit, speak and play well with others.� They ended their call for talent with, �If this is you, give us a bark!�

I laughed aloud. And had they not been located in a city I could never convince my husband to move to, I may just have responded with a little �bow-wow� of my own.

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This is Column # CD115. Request permission to publish here.