Cindy

Droog

Read Cindy's bio and previous columns

April 2, 2009

The Piano Man, Corporate-Style

Although I wish it weren�t true, I�ve once again been sucked in by American Idol. I try to fight it, but resistance is futile. For one, I�m lured by competition in sports, life and careers. I think it all started at a New York City PR firm internship I had back in 1994, when three teams of interns had to do a real new business pitch to a potential client.

It was quite brutal. We had to pitch a diaper manufacturer, and since no one else on my team cared, our presentation ended up being something that diapers are meant to hold instead.

I vowed never to lose a professional competition again. Thankfully for America, I know I can�t sing, and it�s not lost on me that even my own children give painful facial expressions when I attempt lullabies.

I do, however, enjoy making up my own song lyrics. And Scott MacIntyre�s recent Billy Joel rendition reminded me that I�ve always wanted to rewrite Piano Man to reflect my job not as a musician, but as � like the Counting Crows sang � �just another writer, burned to the ground.�

So, I dedicate these lyrics to my old PR firm, my coworkers and Scott. Go get �em, curly!

It�s eight o�clock on a Monday

My coworkers all shuffle in

The guy who scheduled this meeting?

Have I got some choice thoughts for him.

He says, "Cindy, can you please phone in Canada
I'm not really sure the zip code,�
He asks so polite
And I just say all right 
Even though that is all a crap load.

Take us some notes; you're the one who can write
Send them off to our project manager and boss
�Cuz the rest of us all are lazy, still weekend-hazy,  
And you lost last week�s coin toss

Now Kim, to my left, is a friend of mine
She brings in bagels and coffee
And she's quick to mock, or point out when it�s all a crock
But there's someplace we'd both rather be

She says, "Cindy, this company is killing me;
My brain used to be a creative hub;
Well, I'm sure I could be more successful,�
I laugh and say, �Sis, join the club!�

My aisle-mate is a wanna-be CEO,
Whose job he claims is his life
But he flirts all day with Katy, whose hair�s from the eighties
Instead of checking in with his wife

And my boss isn�t just practicing corporate politics
She�s actually already a pro
She�s teaching me about kiss-assiness
I�ve heard I should give it a go . . .  

Take us some good notes; you�re the writer
Have them typed up and e-mailed tonight
Finish them while you�re at home drinking the day away
We promise it will be all right.

It's a pretty good turn-out for a lunch meeting
And the free pizza�s the highlight of Jim�s day
'Cause you know that without it, he�d sit at his desk pouting

Just perusing the deals on e-Bay.

And the Power Point makes me want to vomit
With squiggly lines, unreadable charts and no cheer
But I sit and I nod, and think �bout getting a different job,
But the economy�s paralyzed me with fear.

Write us a presentation; you�re the wordsmith
And it is due today before five . . .
Be sure that it�s snappy and funny and perfect
Because it�s your career, not mine, that will dive.

Who knows? Maybe Dolly Parton and Scott MacIntyre will collaborate and make this song a reality � she needs a career comeback tune (and what better than today�s version of Nine to Five?) and he needs a career-launching one. And when they make me famous, I�ll buy Jim whatever he wants from e-Bay.

� 2009 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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