Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
23 October 2013
Snap!
So it seems we are not the only workplace at which colleagues adopt similar sartorial sensibilities.
The good folk at I Like Looking Like Other People - who are in the business of celebrating that awkward moment at work when you realise you're wearing pretty much the same thing as someone else - reveal we are not alone. We give a great big two thumbs up to your excellent tumblr.*
* For a while we were curious about why Ffion and Terry are holding a pumpkin - then we remembered... (Beware: swears.)
04 February 2011
29 October 2010
Friday Stuff and Items - Halloween Edition
1) Aiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
Did you know that in 1996 the residents of North Tarrytown, New York voted to change the name of their village to Sleepy Hollow. Washington Irving, author of The Legend of Sleep Hollow, is buried in their cemetery. You can take a haunted hayride through the very street down which Ichabod Crane fled the Headless Horseman. We commend the residents of Sleepy Hollow for their commitment to their literary legacy.
2) AHAhaHAhahahaHAha!
Lit Drift has some hilarious suggestions for literary Halloween costumes. Our favourite: 'J.D. Salinger: Take extreme measures to part your hair with the utmost meticulousness. Then don't leave the house at all.'
3) Arrrroooooooo!
So your costume is all sorted. But what about your companion animal? The New Yorker's annual Critterati contest has the answers! This year's winners are SUPERB. Here is Mark as the Nurse from Romeo and Juliet.
4) WoooOOOOoooOOooo
In the mood for a spot of ghosting? We highly recommend younger readers begin with Catherine Jinks's series Allie's Ghost Hunters, starting with Eglantine. Older readers in the mood for a Halloweeny bite of vampire or howl of werewolf could begin with The Reformed Vampire Support Group or The Abused Werewolf Rescue Group.
22 September 2010
Spotted in the house
The Tall Designer is on holiday.
Someone else, not quite so tall, is sitting in his chair.
21 September 2010
... would smell as sweat [UPDATED]
Well, after that football on the weekend, we could certainly do with a good chuckle. So we were very pleased indeed to discover an ABC radio segment on 'Wrecked Titles', where listeners are invited to suggest an alternative title for a literary classic by adding or altering a letter.* Herewith a selection from the final shortlist:
The Last Mango in Paris
Rosencrantz and Guilderstern are Deaf
The Fridges of Madison County
The Road Less Gravelled
The God of Small Thongs
The Last Mango in Paris
Rosencrantz and Guilderstern are Deaf
The Fridges of Madison County
The Road Less Gravelled
The God of Small Thongs
In this spirit we give you some children's classics:
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stove
Where the Mild Things Are
We're Going on A Pear Hunt
Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bum
Tomorrow When the Car Began
The Day My Mum Went Psycho
The Day My Mum Went Psycho
Piff the Magic Dragon
I Capture the Cattle
If I Slay**
New Hoon (and its sequel Breaking Down)
And here are some of our very own that we almost signed up, but decided to tweak slightly before actually publishing:
And here are some of our very own that we almost signed up, but decided to tweak slightly before actually publishing:
Somebody's Frying Maureen McCarthy's tale of suspense and intrigue in a small country kitchen.
How To Ditch Your Hairy Justine Larbalestier's manual on the depilatory arts.
How To Ditch Your Hairy Justine Larbalestier's manual on the depilatory arts.
Guardian of the Mead Karen Healey's paranormal adventure - set in a pub.
Pint Lili Wilkinson's coming-of-age novel about finding out who you really are - set in a pub.
Dean Swoosie Penni Russon and Kate Constable pen a biography of one of our most eminent clergymen
Going Ovine Libba Bray's wacky road-trip novel about Mad Sheep Disease
Pagan's Laughter The final in Catherine Jinks's beloved series - where everything just goes swimmingly for Pagan.
The Waterless Seal The second book in Kate Constable's Chanters of Tremaris series sees Calwyn and her friends travel to the desert to rescue a dehydrated seal who has the gift of chantment.
Mr Chicken Goes to Parts Leigh Hobbs's picture book about a large juicy chicken, not recommended for vegetarians.
Step Up and Lance Thalia Kalkipsakis's Girlfriend Fiction novel about a young girl who joins a jousting squad of professional medieval knights.
***UPDATE***
Get thee to the comments and read Bakersdaughterwrites's hi-LAR-ious contributions! She be clever.
*Oh look! Cakewrecks seems to be getting into the spirit too.
** Actually, if anyone out there is minded to write this one, we'd quite like to read it with an eye to signing it up...
***UPDATE***
Get thee to the comments and read Bakersdaughterwrites's hi-LAR-ious contributions! She be clever.
*Oh look! Cakewrecks seems to be getting into the spirit too.
** Actually, if anyone out there is minded to write this one, we'd quite like to read it with an eye to signing it up...
16 July 2010
Friday stuff and items
This time last Friday we were flying up to Sydney for our PARTY (more photos on our facebook page). This time THIS Friday we are preparing a list of excellent stuff and interesting items:
1) The Mothership has a beautiful new website design. It's clean and spacious and easy to navigate and quick to load. www.allenandunwin.com We think you should go to there*, look around, put your feet up, make yourself at home. While you're there, you should check out the beeyotiful Alien Onion linky button right there in the left-hand sidebar. How cute is it? We are well pleased.
Big cheers for everyone involved in the remaking of the website. It is a Known Fact that cockies fly bettter with new plumage.
2) If you are a fan of either Lois Lowry or Scott O'Dell (Author of Island of the Blue Dolphins. See item number 1 on this list.), then you should go and read Lois's lovely letter on Amazon. (You'll need to scroll down the page a bit.)
3) There is MUCH excitement in the House as we eagerly anticipate the welcoming of Joss Whedon into our fair city as a keynote speaker at the Melbourne Writers Festival.
4) And speaking of our fair city and its festivals of genius... Quick, quick, snap up a ticket for Animation Shorts 1 at MIFF where you can see the short film of Shaun Tan's The Lost Thing. A thing of beauty it is.
3) There is MUCH excitement in the House as we eagerly anticipate the welcoming of Joss Whedon into our fair city as a keynote speaker at the Melbourne Writers Festival.
4) And speaking of our fair city and its festivals of genius... Quick, quick, snap up a ticket for Animation Shorts 1 at MIFF where you can see the short film of Shaun Tan's The Lost Thing. A thing of beauty it is.
5) The Twilight Saga: Eclipse as told through lolcats. Entirely too too good. (via Bookshelves of Doom)
6) Speaking of cats. Look at this bookstore in Venice**...
*Unless, of course, you have just come from there. In which case, hello and welcome! Lovely to see you.
** Onion 1: 'Oh did I mention I was just in Yoorup? *carefree laugh* 'And there was--'
Onions 2-11: 'Dear colleague, enough now. Shhh. Ssshhhh.'
06 January 2010
Curiouser and curiouser, said Alice
It comes to our attention that we are probably a grave disappointment to a few people.
We strive to please, but over the year-and-a-few-months that Alien Onion has been around, a host of people have landed here by way of very specific Google questions that, to the best of our knowledge, this blog has completely failed to answer.
In the spirit of the new year we have decided to answer these questions as best we can, in case any of those poor lost souls ever make their way back this way.
So here we go...
Q: How does the story Mahalia by Joanne Horniman end?
A: Okay, so Matt and Emmy... Wait a minute... Are you asking this because you're supposed to have read it for class and you have to write an essay or do an exam or something and you're trying to fake it? Well then, Sir/Madam, we would never be party to such sneaky cheaterism. You're on your own. Plus, the book is really good so you should just read it.
Q: What does Nick sing at the end of Lirael?
A: We wouldn't want to be spoilery so we've make this text white. You'll need to highlight it in order to read the answer.
I'll sing you a song of the long ago -
Seven shine the shiners, oh!
What did the Seven do way back when?
Why, they wove the Charter then!
Five for the warp, from beginning to end.
Two for the woof, to make and mend.
That's the Seven, but what of the Nine-
What of the two who chose not to shine?
The Eighth did hide, hide all away,
But the Seven caught him and made him pay.
The Ninth was strong and fought with might,
But lone Orannis was put out of the light,
Broken in two and buried under a hill,
Forever to lie there, wishing us ill.
Although, technically, we're not sure it's really Nick who sings this. I mean, sure, he's the mouthpiece, but there is something else behind his eyes - if you know what we're saying. To our minds, the song has interesting parallels with Green Grow the Rushes, O - which at least one Onion used to sing on long family car trips (because it builds and builds in a long and satisfying fashion, like The 12 Days of Christmas).
Q: What is riz?
A: We assume here you are not talking about the inimitable Rizzo from Grease, but rather the riz that the grass is. Happily, we had an epiphany about riz in the spring of our discontent. (Well, it wasn't actually the spring we were discontent with - just the loss of riz as awesome. Sigh.)
Q: Who said: "My Kingdom for a horse?" And where?
A: Speaking of seasons of discontent... That oft-quoted chap by the name of Shakespeare wrote it. Many people have said it, most notably those who have been unhorsed at the battle of Bosworth field while playing Richard in the Bard's play Richard III. Despite the fact that we are anti-spoiler, we can say that it does end rather badly for poor old Richard...
Q: What do onions have to do with Christmas?
A: Is this a trick question? Perhaps you haven't been paying proper attention? This is what Onions have to do with Christmas. What's that? Oh, you mean actual onions? The foods. Oh, I see. Sorry about that, chief. Hmmm. Onions and Christmas. Nope. Nothing springs to mind. But the multi-talented Ms Lili Wilkinson can help you with other Christmas items, such as Turkey, Stuffing, Bread Sauce and Potatoes.
Q: Does Mr Edwards bring onions or potatoes for Christmas in Little House on the Prairie?
A: Potatoes! Lili and Mr Edwards both bring the potatoes. We don't know who brings the onions. Well, technically, Mr Edwards brings sweet potatoes. He also brings heart-shaped cakes and tin cups and candy canes and shiny new pennies. And let us take a moment to remember that he walked 40 miles from Independence, Kansas, and then swam the swollen Verdigris river so that Mary and Laura would have their Christmas gifts.
Q: Is there onomatopoeia in To Kill a Mocking Bird?
A: Hmm. We suspect another attempt to shortcut the actual reading of the book here and we do not condone it. This is one to read. And re-read. And read again. That said, there is at least one onomatopoeic passage in To Kill a Mockingbird that springs to mind:
"Jean Louise. Jean Louise, stand up. Your father's passing." Sounds exactly like weeping.
Q: Can I get there by candlelight book?
A: Well, it is perhaps an unusual way to travel, but then so is the Tardis, so if you close your eyes and concentrate very hard on the candlelight book, its magic may well transport you wherever you wish to go.
Q: Are we under a spell?
A: Yes. We are under the spell of the candlelight book.
Q: "Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. so... get on your way." Which book?
A: As Sam-I-am might say:
I will not box them here or there.
I will not box them anywhere.
Oops, wrong book reference. Your mountain is actually waiting in the pages of Oh the Places You'll Go! by Theodor Geisel aka Dr Seuss. So get on your way.
Q: What is a wilted onion?
A: Something that happens when Onions are exposed to a brutal Melbourne summer. Check back in next Monday, forecast to be 38, and we'll show you.
Q: Do you remember when you were thirteen?
A: Yes.
Q: Can you kill an alien with onions?
A: You know what, we're not sure if it's ever been tried. Alien et al, Independence Day, Signs, District 9 - perhaps these could all have been shorter films if only someone had thought to try onions as the first line of defence. I mean, if garlic works on vampires... *rushes to stock basement with onions in preparation for inevitable alien invasion*
Q: How can a boy work on summer holidays?
A: Hmm, good question. Paper routes might be kind of on the way out. Summer jobs that are popular in YA fiction include: lifeguard at your local pool, working in the deli aisle at the supermarket, or serving in a coffee shop or bookshop. And if Empire Records is anything to go by, we strongly suggest you apply at the hippest indie record store you can find in your immediate vicinity.
Q: How do you pronounce hunca munca ?
A: We've always said hunka munka - like hunka hunka burning love. How else would you pronounce it? Surely not hunsa munsa?
Q: How do you spell 'marshions"?
A: Not like that.
Q: What's Mo Johnson doing these days?
A: Well, for one thing she's writing awesome books like Something More . Mo - if you care to further enlighten this curious soul, have at it in the comments.
Q: Can onions help with sickness?
A: Oh yes. Onions have many excellent medicinal qualities. *adds more onions to the Apocalypse-survival stash*
Q: What is the things that we use in water skiing?
A: Water skis.
Q: What's Bruno about?
A: You know, most of the time we have absolutely no idea. But whatever it is, it's working for us, so we hope he continues to be about it.
Q: Is there a banana-duck?
A: This is our favourite banana duck. In his biscuit form he is our avatar. (See top of page.) But here is another excellent one.
Q: What is YA?
A: Actually, the people who asked this question should have been well satisfied, as we've answered the heck out of it. Phew! Go Us!
Q: Are giant onions hotter and the compertition?
A: ... ... You know what, we got nothing. You're on your own with this one. Good luck, friend!
Q: What's so good about The Princess Bride? *
A: Everything. (Clearly we know something you don't know.)
*Okay. We confess. We made this one up. But, you know, as we have said before, when it comes to The Princess Bride: any excuse.
We strive to please, but over the year-and-a-few-months that Alien Onion has been around, a host of people have landed here by way of very specific Google questions that, to the best of our knowledge, this blog has completely failed to answer.
In the spirit of the new year we have decided to answer these questions as best we can, in case any of those poor lost souls ever make their way back this way.
So here we go...
Q: How does the story Mahalia by Joanne Horniman end?
A: Okay, so Matt and Emmy... Wait a minute... Are you asking this because you're supposed to have read it for class and you have to write an essay or do an exam or something and you're trying to fake it? Well then, Sir/Madam, we would never be party to such sneaky cheaterism. You're on your own. Plus, the book is really good so you should just read it.
Q: What does Nick sing at the end of Lirael?
A: We wouldn't want to be spoilery so we've make this text white. You'll need to highlight it in order to read the answer.
I'll sing you a song of the long ago -
Seven shine the shiners, oh!
What did the Seven do way back when?
Why, they wove the Charter then!
Five for the warp, from beginning to end.
Two for the woof, to make and mend.
That's the Seven, but what of the Nine-
What of the two who chose not to shine?
The Eighth did hide, hide all away,
But the Seven caught him and made him pay.
The Ninth was strong and fought with might,
But lone Orannis was put out of the light,
Broken in two and buried under a hill,
Forever to lie there, wishing us ill.
Although, technically, we're not sure it's really Nick who sings this. I mean, sure, he's the mouthpiece, but there is something else behind his eyes - if you know what we're saying. To our minds, the song has interesting parallels with Green Grow the Rushes, O - which at least one Onion used to sing on long family car trips (because it builds and builds in a long and satisfying fashion, like The 12 Days of Christmas).
Q: What is riz?
A: We assume here you are not talking about the inimitable Rizzo from Grease, but rather the riz that the grass is. Happily, we had an epiphany about riz in the spring of our discontent. (Well, it wasn't actually the spring we were discontent with - just the loss of riz as awesome. Sigh.)
Q: Who said: "My Kingdom for a horse?" And where?
A: Speaking of seasons of discontent... That oft-quoted chap by the name of Shakespeare wrote it. Many people have said it, most notably those who have been unhorsed at the battle of Bosworth field while playing Richard in the Bard's play Richard III. Despite the fact that we are anti-spoiler, we can say that it does end rather badly for poor old Richard...
Q: What do onions have to do with Christmas?
A: Is this a trick question? Perhaps you haven't been paying proper attention? This is what Onions have to do with Christmas. What's that? Oh, you mean actual onions? The foods. Oh, I see. Sorry about that, chief. Hmmm. Onions and Christmas. Nope. Nothing springs to mind. But the multi-talented Ms Lili Wilkinson can help you with other Christmas items, such as Turkey, Stuffing, Bread Sauce and Potatoes.
Q: Does Mr Edwards bring onions or potatoes for Christmas in Little House on the Prairie?
A: Potatoes! Lili and Mr Edwards both bring the potatoes. We don't know who brings the onions. Well, technically, Mr Edwards brings sweet potatoes. He also brings heart-shaped cakes and tin cups and candy canes and shiny new pennies. And let us take a moment to remember that he walked 40 miles from Independence, Kansas, and then swam the swollen Verdigris river so that Mary and Laura would have their Christmas gifts.
Q: Is there onomatopoeia in To Kill a Mocking Bird?
A: Hmm. We suspect another attempt to shortcut the actual reading of the book here and we do not condone it. This is one to read. And re-read. And read again. That said, there is at least one onomatopoeic passage in To Kill a Mockingbird that springs to mind:
"Jean Louise. Jean Louise, stand up. Your father's passing." Sounds exactly like weeping.
Q: Can I get there by candlelight book?
A: Well, it is perhaps an unusual way to travel, but then so is the Tardis, so if you close your eyes and concentrate very hard on the candlelight book, its magic may well transport you wherever you wish to go.
Q: Are we under a spell?
A: Yes. We are under the spell of the candlelight book.
Q: "Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. so... get on your way." Which book?
A: As Sam-I-am might say:
I will not box them here or there.
I will not box them anywhere.
Oops, wrong book reference. Your mountain is actually waiting in the pages of Oh the Places You'll Go! by Theodor Geisel aka Dr Seuss. So get on your way.
Q: What is a wilted onion?
A: Something that happens when Onions are exposed to a brutal Melbourne summer. Check back in next Monday, forecast to be 38, and we'll show you.
Q: Do you remember when you were thirteen?
A: Yes.
Q: Can you kill an alien with onions?
A: You know what, we're not sure if it's ever been tried. Alien et al, Independence Day, Signs, District 9 - perhaps these could all have been shorter films if only someone had thought to try onions as the first line of defence. I mean, if garlic works on vampires... *rushes to stock basement with onions in preparation for inevitable alien invasion*
Q: How can a boy work on summer holidays?
A: Hmm, good question. Paper routes might be kind of on the way out. Summer jobs that are popular in YA fiction include: lifeguard at your local pool, working in the deli aisle at the supermarket, or serving in a coffee shop or bookshop. And if Empire Records is anything to go by, we strongly suggest you apply at the hippest indie record store you can find in your immediate vicinity.
Q: How do you pronounce hunca munca ?
A: We've always said hunka munka - like hunka hunka burning love. How else would you pronounce it? Surely not hunsa munsa?
Q: How do you spell 'marshions"?
A: Not like that.
Q: What's Mo Johnson doing these days?
A: Well, for one thing she's writing awesome books like Something More . Mo - if you care to further enlighten this curious soul, have at it in the comments.
Q: Can onions help with sickness?
A: Oh yes. Onions have many excellent medicinal qualities. *adds more onions to the Apocalypse-survival stash*
Q: What is the things that we use in water skiing?
A: Water skis.
Q: What's Bruno about?
A: You know, most of the time we have absolutely no idea. But whatever it is, it's working for us, so we hope he continues to be about it.
Q: Is there a banana-duck?
A: This is our favourite banana duck. In his biscuit form he is our avatar. (See top of page.) But here is another excellent one.
Q: What is YA?
A: Actually, the people who asked this question should have been well satisfied, as we've answered the heck out of it. Phew! Go Us!
Q: Are giant onions hotter and the compertition?
A: ... ... You know what, we got nothing. You're on your own with this one. Good luck, friend!
Q: What's so good about The Princess Bride? *
A: Everything. (Clearly we know something you don't know.)
*Okay. We confess. We made this one up. But, you know, as we have said before, when it comes to The Princess Bride: any excuse.
29 October 2009
05 October 2009
Daylight saving is bad for the brain
Who has taken our precious morning hour? And where have they put it?
Nothing is functioning around here: computer clocks, phone clocks, brains.
But we* have a motto for just such times as this:
When in doubt, LOLcat
Herewith, for your delectation on this mind-affected Monday:
*Meanjin, it seems, live by the same creed.
30 July 2009
Create your own YA cover
Ok - don't mind if we do!
I mean, sure, we have professionals for that kind of thing. We've raved about Bruno and our awesome freelancers designers. We've dissected the cover design process. We've drooled over other people's pretty books. In fact, we've talked about design rawther a lot.
But now, thanks to 100 Scope Notes (and Bookshelves of Doom for pointing us there) we can MAKE OUR OWN YA COVERS. (Not to mention, have our own exciting pseudonyms and our own bestselling titles without ever actually having to, you know, write the book.)
There's already a hilarious and awesome gallery up.
But now, thanks to 100 Scope Notes (and Bookshelves of Doom for pointing us there) we can MAKE OUR OWN YA COVERS. (Not to mention, have our own exciting pseudonyms and our own bestselling titles without ever actually having to, you know, write the book.)
Here's how:
CREATE YOUR DEBUT YA COVER
1 - Go to "Fake Name Generator" or click http://www.fakenamegenerator.com/
The name that appears is your author name.
2 - Go to "Random Word Generator" or click http://www.websitestyle.com/parser/randomword.shtml
The word listed under "Random Verb" is your title.
3 - Go to "FlickrCC" or click http://flickrcc.bluemountains.net/index.php
Type your title into the search box. The first photo that contains a person is your cover.
4 - Use Photoshop, Picnik, or similar to put it all together. Be sure to crop and/or zoom in.
5 - Post it to your site along with this text.
And here're ours:
There's already a hilarious and awesome gallery up.
23 April 2009
09 January 2009
08 January 2009
Authors, look away now!
...
Of course, we Onions are ALWAYS respectful of our authors and gracious in disagreement. We would NEVER give way to such feelings as this bad, bad lolcat expresses so... deliciously.
Of course, we Onions are ALWAYS respectful of our authors and gracious in disagreement. We would NEVER give way to such feelings as this bad, bad lolcat expresses so... deliciously.
07 January 2009
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