Today, Sherwin and I have been married for 12 years. We are almost a quarter into our Golden anniversary. And with 3 wonderful kids now, for us, it’s not true what others say about how time flies. Every single year was felt and remembered and some years really went on and on dragging itself to December.
We got married after 5 years of being a couple so that makes it 17 years total. We can both truly say that we have grown together. Sometimes apart, but still one.
“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.”
2 Peter 3:8 NIV
Many of our friends do not know that we almost did not make it to 12 years. Boy, we almost did not make it to 7 years, actually. In the year of 2010 we experienced our deepest darkest test which led to where we are now. You see, Sherwin and I entered a job at the same role. After 6 years, I was promoted 6 times and he was on the other hand still on the same job.
At that time, in my mind I am the hero of the family, and with that comes a lot of entitlement-my joy, my decision, my pride. That also means everybody else, including my husband is not entitled to theirs. In my mind, i was very sure, I was sacrificing, working harder than everybody else and providing rightfully so.
Then comes a night, like any regular night, I randomly fumbled into an email to my husband. Yes, there she is. The thinner, fairer, younger looking, her. From denial to anger my heart swiftly switched back and forth while time stood still. Questions such as what, when and why repeatedly numbs my mind. Watching our newly renovated home see the family living inside crumbling apart.
It went on for two years of forgiving and repeating and blaming. There were nights that I truly desired the pain of knife slashing my wrist would be such a relief from all these darkness. Days floated by as if I wasn’t alive. While I watch my husband everyday yearning to hold someone else’s hand.
“I brought dead people to life, how can you doubt me”
These where the words that the Lord spoke to me one night while I was pleading to Him to change our marriage. After 2 years of agony, I decided to end our marriage. Days went by and I forced myself to believe I am in such a better place and that the greater me will pull through.
Well, thats not the Lord’s plan. Sherwin begged and cried to come back and as it was happening I prayed and sought for His guidance. Once again, the good Lord did not fail.
“I have forgiven you when you were still a sinner”
And so I did. We tried to rebuild our old lives with our own plans. We had rules and routines that we MUST do to avoid repeating our mistakes. But in reality, my heart has not healed, and my husband and I will never be the same couple. The doubts always keep creeping back in and the sniding remarks always blurts out.
It is impossible to redeem your own marriage out of your own will.
A day came when I surrendered to the Lord. It was during a time of prayer and fasting when I said, “Lord, let Your will be done on this marriage”. This then led me to a small bible study group in our workplace that meets during lunch breaks. Eventually, by God’s grace, He led us to get our own condo near a Christian Service where, through fervent prayer, Sherwin agreed to attend. Growing into our new relationship with Christ after 2 years, the Lord brought us to this new country out to our new adventure. That is why Isaiah, our youngest son, is what we always refer to our new covenant with our Redeemer.
We are both a work in progress, everyday we argue about the position of our sofa or how to shut or open the blinds. But one thing we don’t argue about is our faith. While we still consider ourselves young adults as Christians, we firmly believe that only the Sovereign Lord, was able to put it back together and make 12 years achievable.
“and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.””
Matthew 19:5-6 NIV
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