My hole is gonna be HUGE!

I’ve been waiting for a while to discuss this, because this friend of mine in high school once told me about this theory she called “The Point of Light” and the idea is that when you are excited about something, the more you talk about it, the less likely it is to happen, and since I grew up in a household where that was basically the rule, the idea stuck. I know that seems like it has nothing at all to do with lights, but it does if you imagine your anticipation to be a pinprick in the dark that lets light in, and the more you share it with others, the bigger the hole in the darkness gets and apparently bigger holes are less appealing to the gods of wish granting. I think her theory might have been slut-shaming me. Anyway, now that Exciting Event I Didn’t Want to Jinx ™ has happened, (and not without a ton on ridiculousness attached to it) I am free to talk about it.

I moved AND I’m not exceedingly poor anymore, thanks to the government (for the time being, as long as President Dickface and his Zany Cabinet ™ don’t fuck up financial aid for old-assed people going to college. That would be my husband, not me.) Mr. Rose is a college student now and we are living in an adorable tiny house on a college campus in Montana with our cat and a veritable menagerie of woodland creatures. It’s adorable. A gopher cut me off as I was going to get in my car yesterday. Bunnies frolic on our front lawns. It could only get cuter if they talked, or carried tiny baskets with them (makes a note to buy tiny baskets).

But the not being really really poor part is exciting for me. When I’ve said I was poor, I mean, we had no actual income for three straight years and very little for years before that. Like, my mom gave us money to cover things we really needed during that time (‘cause who wants to live with a person who needs - but can’t afford - tampons), and the government paid for our food, but otherwise, I didn’t touch my debit card for literally years. I was actually confused when I had to use it again because ATM technology has changed so much in the last 5 years or so since I last used one. And with the influx of money that I now have access to, I have discovered a deep and passionate love for makeup. I want all the makeup. I don’t have all the makeup, and I should probably curb my appetite for it since, holy shit, makeup these days is so expensive, but it is all so pretty.

That’s not to say that I’m good at makeup. I’m not super girly, but I am so drawn to it. And with my art background, I’ve got an idea of what I want my face to look like, but using makeup brushes is just not like painting. It’s hard, y’all. I’ve been watching tutorials on youtube though and mostly it leads me to wonder how is it that I can integrate beauty tips into a humor blog so that Urban Decay and Too Faced, et al, decide that sending me free makeup is a good business decision.

How many of you are into makeup? Would any of you be into seeing what colors I put on my face some time?

American Horror Story: Chibi Asylum

A new season of American Horror Story has begun, and I want it to be Wednesday EVERYDAY!

I have a crush on Evan Peters, who played Tate last season, and who plays Kit this season, and I have figured out that I might be more perverted than I thought, since reading all the pre-show hype, I was most excited about seeing him being caned, and the show has not disappointed.

That face is part and parcel to my ridiculous, inappropriate crush.

Anyway, beyond me lusting after a boy who was born when I was in the 6th grade, the show is just really entertaining. So much so that I have created my own version of it, for my own entertainment and hopefully for the entertainment of others. I didn't really think of anything to say about this when I started drawing, so uh, TADA??

I encourage you to make it larger to enjoy the details, and feel free to share it. 

I also realize that if you don't watch the show, you aren't getting a damned thing out of this post (other than a hearty recommendation to watch the show), and I feel bad, so um...

Here is a failed concept that I drew.  My Little Llamas, not unlike My Little Ponies, only probably smellier, and named after snack food.

Queen of the Nerds

I'm supposed to be writing a Secret Cupid Valentine Exchange Round-up because it went really well, but unfortunately, I received The Big Bang Theory on DVD for Valentine's day from my friend Vez, so I have no desire to do anything but fall in love with fictional nerds who will also ignore me and, on occasion, make me cry.  It is like single life all over again.
I must say, I'm proud of myself for understanding so many of the jokes (and not just laughing because they said something I didn't understand at all, which is what I imagine a lot of people do). I am disappointed that they referred to giving electric shocks as "negative reinforcement" when talking about operant conditioning. Any psychology nerds out there will understand my ire. Everyone else will just continue to call me nit-picky and say that I am too serious, but what the hell is the purpose of giving things names if we are just going to call psychological techniques anything we damned well please?!  Also, unrelated to the show, don't get me started on schizophrenia being stupidly and incorrectly mistaken for multiple personality disorders in popular culture. Seriously, cringe-worthy.



So, I'm going to do the round up tomorrow, most likely, and in the meantime, back to my imaginary nerd harem.

It was taking way too long, attempting to draw convincing comic versions of the cast. I don't have the patience while I am jonesing to watch more.

Grammar Guide: I vs. Me (starring @JasonSegel and @MarthaStewart)

I know that a lot of people have trouble figuring out whether to use "I" or "me" when referring to one's self and someone else.

I am assuming we know it is considered correct (and polite or something) to put the other person first, but here is a trick to figure out if you should use ME or I.

We will employ the skills of the incredibly handsome and talented Jason Segel (who I might just have a GIANT crush on) and the fancy cookie maker, Martha Stewart, for this guide.

So we start out with our statement: "Martha and me want cookies!"

Then we take away Martha so we are all alone with Jason Segel (hubba hubba).

And we repeat the phrase again, without Martha this time.

Clearly, it is not correct, so it would be "Martha and I want cookies."

And it sounds just as weird when you reverse it.

 And yes, yes, I screw up on grammar, I am sure. I am not an English major... I'm an art major, but this should help. Don't give me shit. I am still sore that Jason Segel ditched on the skinny dipping.

Hanukkah 2011- 2nd Night- Chainsaw

This is actually a really good present, which is out of character for me... but only if you have a sense of humor and don't have kids around, because it is entirely not safe for kids, work, or anyplace else where you cannot listen to music that has dirty words and concepts in it... but it is one of my favorite inappropriate funny songs. 

This also kinda conveys my feelings pretty accurately... but you have to listen until the end. ;)

(click to open... or just friggen scroll down)

Mr. Pink is Blue.

Dear Steve Buscemi,

I love you, a lot. Please be mine. Here, I have painted you in a somber blue hue to express my sadness that you don't yet know that I exist and that you love me.  If you wanted, I could paint you in all sorts of other attractive colors.  I could even paint you as a zombie and/or a llama. I'll be here waiting...you know where to find me.

PS. My husband may or may not be fine with our pending love affair, but don't let that give you pause.