Yes, Red Lobster. When I was little, Red Lobster was the height of dining sophistication for me, only visited on special occasions and only when Grandma and Grandpa were paying. I remember being fascinated by the lobster tank in the foyer, and I remember that I always ate the exact same thing each time we went: popcorn shrimp, hushpuppies, and a baked potato with butter on the side. I'm not sure if we ordered dessert there. If we did, it obviously wasn't all that memorable.
I must confess that of the five restaurants we've visited this summer, Red Lobster is the only one I've actually been to within the last 15 years. I ate at one in Omaha with my friend Amanda when we went on our Little House on the Prairie roadtrip in the summer of 2011, but I chose a healthy option like baked tilapia or something stupid like that. That was not the game plan this time around. This time, in honor of my childhood memories, I'd be enjoying a nice plate of popcorn shrimp, and it would be glorious.
Two nights ago, however, the night before the Red Lobster stop, I checked out the online menu just for kicks and had a minor panic attack when I couldn't find popcorn shrimp anywhere. By "minor panic attack" I mean that I texted my friends Karen and Holly separate but similar frantic messages before I calmed down and remembered that I had a source "on the inside," as Holly puts it. Rachel, my long-time student, is now a server at Red Lobster, and she saved the day when she told me that popcorn shrimp was still a viable option. Crisis averted.
Reassured by Rachel's intel, I went to bed with the knowledge that I would soon be enjoying some popcorn shrimp and hushpuppies. I was also looking forward to trying the cheddar biscuits which I must have eaten in 2011 but couldn't remember. I'd been told by many people that those were the highlight of any Red Lobster meal.
My entourage for this seafood leg of the not-so-fine-dining pilgrimage was different from the Olive Garden group. Jenny once again abandoned ship this week, though to be fair, she was starring in a dinner theatre play last night which as far as excuses go, is a fairly legitimate one. Ashlee was out of town, and Karen had out-of-town guests coming. I suppose those are also acceptable excuses. Holly was able to go, though, and we were joined by our friend and colleague Betsy. Naturally with just three people, we were unable to sample too many different food options, and let me tell you--there are MANY food options at the Red Lobster.
One of my restaurant pet peeves, incidentally, is overly-long menus. That's why I will never go back to the Cheesecake Factory, for instance. Long menus with many pages stress me out. Just give me 8-10 options, and let me choose. When I need bookmarks to remember what page something that looked good was on, I get annoyed. That's what would have happened at Red Lobster had I not already gone in knowing what I wanted to eat and had Rachel not been there to guide us--and expertly, too!--through the odyssey that was choosing an entree.
Tragedy struck, however, when Rachel broke the news that Red Lobster no longer serves hushpuppies. All I could think was, "No hushpuppies?!?!?! What kind of 'seafood' establishment is this?! What am I supposed to do--go eat at Captain D's?! OUTRAGE." Clearly, the seafood lover in me was sorely disappointed, a sentiment I later expressed to Cassie, the very nice Red Lobster manager who came by our table to introduce herself and to say she had heard from Rachel about our dining adventures.
I eventually got over being hushpuppies-less, and we started off with the famous cheddar biscuits. Even though the reason Red Lobster no longer serves hushpuppies, according to Cassie, is that diners (who are clearly out of their minds) preferred the biscuits, I tried not to hold it against the biscuits and managed to eat two and a half of them. They were warm, light, and fluffy. When we finished the first basket, Rachel brought us out another basket and later also brought us individually-wrapped take-home biscuit bags. This was clearly VIP service.
After we scarfed down the biscuits, we moved on to our included salads. I don't know why I ordered and ate a Caesar salad since A) I don't like Caesar salad and B) this Caesar salad was on the salty side, but I did and ate the whole thing, and so did Holly. Betsy ordered the more sensible tossed salad.
Having finished my salad and bread, I personally started to feel like I had entered rough waters because it suddenly hit me that I would still have to eat an entree and a dessert--for the sake of the blog, of course--and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do it because I was pretty much already full. But then I remembered the wise words of my other friend Amanda, who lives near the Ryan's that we went to in Kentucky, and decided to believe in myself.
Our entrees arrived. I had ordered the "Shrimp Your Way" which offers two or three shrimp options. I chose two options, except Rachel allowed me to double up on popcorn shrimp, so I got a LOT of popcorn shrimp and a baked potato. It was yummy. I was able to save half the shrimp for dinner tonight, too, so that's good.
Holly ordered flounder and coconut-crusted shrimp that comes with a piña colada dipping sauce. She said it was delicious. I tasted one of the shrimp, and I concurred.
Betsy ordered fried shrimp and coconut-crusted shrimp bites. She was also a fan.
As I look at these pictures, the portion sizes don't seem all that equitable. Either popcorn shrimp is a lot cheaper than specialty shrimp so they can pile it on the plate, or Cassie and Rachel hooked me up. In any event, even though we were all feeling stuffed by then, we still had to order dessert.
Since none of us could remember Red Lobster desserts and weren't emotionally attached to anything specific, we decided we would each order something different. Holly got the key lime pie. She loved it.
Betsy ordered the chocolate chip lava cookie after I basically pressured her into choosing that because even though I wanted something else, I wanted to experience it vicariously through her.
It was also served warm with a scoop of ice cream, and Betsy let me keep some of our leftover cookie which I'll be eating later.
As for me, I didn't know what I wanted because several options looked good. I asked Rachel to recommend something, and she suggested the Chocolate Wave Cake which she described as "warm chocolate layer cake with chocolate chips and a scoop of ice cream"--i.e., heaven. Reader, I ordered it.
And OH MY GOODNESS, it was SO GOOD. It honestly gives the Shoney's Hot Fudge Cake a run for its money. I know that's almost blasphemy to say, but it's the truth. And even better, I was so full that I ate only a fourth of it, so the rest is sitting in my fridge as I type this blog. I'm not going to lie--I'm pretty excited about that.
Thanks for coming along on the super fun ride and reading all about our visits not just to Red Lobster, but to Olive Garden, Picadilly Cafeteria, Ryan's, and Shoney's. We may hit up a few more old school places like an eat-in Pizza Hut or a Mexican place Holly and Jenny used to eat at called El Chico's, but I'm making no promises right now because I'm still digesting popcorn shrimp.
You know those Berenstain Bears books that have titles like The Berenstain Bears and Too Much TV or The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Birthday? Well, after Red Lobstering last night, I feel like I'm in my very own Berenstain Bears book: The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Fried Food. I need detox, stat!
But hey, if you're wondering, yes, I do think I'd go back to Red Lobster, especially since I forgot to use the coupons my mom had given me, something she's sure to berate me for as soon as she reads this blog. For now, though, all I can say is thanks again for reading the blog, and stick a fork in me--I'm done.
I'll leave you, however, with one last claw game. This one is legit:
Oh, and if you're in the Cool Springs area, be sure to ask for Rachel to be your server, and she'll let you win a nice prize from the tank. And we're not talking about some stuffed toy from Shoney's; we're talking about a red lobster from Red Lobster. You'll probably need more than a quarter to play, though.
