I went through primary school without knowing what bullying was. When I think back, I guess there possibly were instances of potential bullying, but they did not develop. If I saw that a group of children were being unkind to another child, I had a habit of swooping in and intervening. I would not allow it. On my watch, everyone was there for a reason, and we were going to get along.

The first time I became acquainted with the term “bullying” was back in 1992. Katherine Bamber’s story touched the nation and a campaign against bullying was launched. I was only a child, but that awareness had a huge impact on me. I was at high school during a period when there was a heightened awareness of bullying and before the era of social media – when bullying ramped up to a whole new pandemic.

I had a strong sense of inner security – and when I think back with wonder at how strong I was as a child, I know it was partly due to seeing love in action on a daily basis lived by my parents, but also I was learning so much about people and their emotions from the scriptures – which are an incredible insight into the human mind and heart. I was also learning about the mind of heart of our Creator, and that gave me an inner peace and profound confidence – not in myself – no, my confidence was based on the knowledge and understanding that no permanent harm could be wielded. Everything that has caused harm has been temporary. Our moments of despair will seem like a vague momentary recollection. Knowing that our Creator will undo the damage, even what seems permament to us, but is something our Creator has the power to do, and longs to do – to see the joy on our faces as we are reunited with our loved ones.

Growing up with that sense of peace – that there was nothing in the entire universe that could thwart the purpose of our Creator was a source of incredible power. It often makes me think of that expression “power beyond normal”. When you interact with someone with an inner foundation that stabilises them, inspires them, propels them – and see how they react to challenges and disturbing developments – it does stand out. I think it has stood out in history. Have you noticed how some of the most cruel and oppressive rulers have targeted some of the most innocent and peace-loving normal people? Yet, the most powerful rulers could not break the spirit and conviction of those who loved what is good.

Back to everyday life. I sometimes wonder whether when I was back at school, I was oblivious to any tiny sign of what could be deemed bullying because I had so much inner security.

The first time someone told me I had been bullied was just over a decade ago. It was upsetting to hear that actually, because I did not recognise what had been happening to me as bullying. I still find it very confusing. The role I was in – tears – it was everything to me. What started to cause me some anxiety was the growing volume of personal comments friends, colleagues, strangers were proliferating about Jack and myself (we were not a couple back then) which started as direct teasing, but warped into something very different. When I think back – which is not wise – to the comments made, the words used, the distasteful lack of propriety at public events – would I have defined that as bullying? In the midst of it, I did not see it that way. It felt more like a lack of awareness, a lack of good taste, a lack of thoughfulness – that had grown out of control and was damaging my career and relationships.

The scale of what happened. The scale – it was the most bizarre whirlwind. Waking up and finding messages on my phone – friends sending me screenshots of what other people had posted online. Stepping out of the apartment, sniggers, whispers, winks, cheeky comments, “you look tired – have you two been at it all night again?” Sitting on the minibus on the way to the dining room, sniggers, whispers, winks, cheeky comments, “he’s been going to the gym every lunchtime, he’s trying to build up his stamina so he can impress a certain someone” – cough, cough, snigger. Arriving in the dining room, “Good morning, you look gorgeous by the way – don’t look but he cannot keep his eyes off you.” It went on and on and on and on throughout the day, every day. They did not know that Jack and I were no longer speaking because of the pressure that had led to awkwardness, tensions, upsets and had now created a gigantic rift in our ability to interact.

Of course, I have shared tame examples of comments made by people we worked with, people who were our friends. But the posts from strangers were vile. I am not sharing them. But over two years of that nonsense and the loss of a friendship that meant a great deal to me was devestating. After I was attacked – that immediate period following what happened that night – and not to belittle being assualted, sodomised, my head battered repeatedly – but that night was not what I was suffering from – and that night is boxed off and obsolete – that man could not threaten my inner security.

What was I was suffering from became very clear to the hospital staff who were there to try offer emotional support and assess my need for support in coping with what had happened that night. I was suffering from over two years of anguish that had occured before that night and had nothing to do with that night. They heard me talk through what had been going on – and they used the words “bullying” and “harrassment”. It came a shock to me, because I had not seen any sign of bullying. I still have mixed feelings, because immaturely, I had always assumed those who bullied others went about what they did with deliberate intent. But what I experienced was the accumulative effects of lots from my professional and social circle saying lots of inappropriate things, and strangers thinking they could say anything they wanted on social media.

Anyway, it’s over a decade since that night. The outcome of that horrific period in my life? Astonishingly – Jack and I are a formidable duo – life partners – we are incredibly supportive of each other, and Jack has come to respect that our relationship is our relationship.

Back to the subject of bullying. I just completed the annual bullying training – it is one of the mandatory AI generated training units we all are required to complete. When I completed the course last year – it was really tough. I found it really challenging. I dealt with the impact it had on me by writing…

The Remedy Of Writing

…and here I am a year later still struggling with the word “bullying”. What I wonder is – when you have to complete bullying training – do you find yourself sitting there with tears streaming down your face on the realisation that what you are reading is happening to you, on a daily basis? How is it allowed to happen? I think the inner security I have – along with the ability to detach from porly behaved people who I happen to interact with due to the same organisation employing us – it means I have become almost oblivious to the attitudes, habits, behaviours of others. To put it bluntly – paid work is only paid work – it brings me into contact with some lovely people, who it is a pleasure to work with. It also brings me into contact with those who exhibit unacceptable attitudes and behaviours.

Yet, it is a hard read when you see in black and white what is happening around you. The bullying says if you do nothing, it will only become worse. But there is part of me that thinks – I want not to care how others are behaving. I want to show I am strong by being indifferent – a sort of “you can’t hurt me” attitude. But according to the bullying training, that is not the solution – because if this is happening to me, it is probably happening to others. It is happening to others, and some of that is a workplace structure that makes it ok for others to feel they are qualified and therefore authorised to humiliate, exclude, ignore and control others. It is almost bullying on an industrial scale. The bullying course seems to refer to exactly that and calls out workplace environments as requiring an overhaul. It plays games with your mind when that is your day to day experience and you are being asked to overhaul the culture and behaviours of those who are doing this to you.

Anyway… inner security.

Power beyond normal.

Endurance.

I know that sometimes the outcome of a horrific period in your life can be astonishing. I like that there is a mandatory course on bullying. But the ways we deal with attitudes and behaviours of others do not need to be dicated by an AI generated training course – because AI is an extremely poor guide to being human. On the other hand, the scriptures are a rich wealth of human interactions that provide a much broader and accurate picture of the human family – all of us so often do what is right in their own eyes and have no idea that our words and behaviours may be causing many tears to others. Thank goodness we have a wise loving Creator who is going to help all of us to learn and grow and forgive and heal and live with deep joy in peace and security forever.