How to Become a Government Spy in Three Easy Steps

If you thought that your childhood dreams of being a spy were dashed on the rocky cliffs of reality, have I got news for you!

The Department of Homeland Gestapo Security is looking for spies right now.  In fact they are actively recruiting everyday folks in the name of anti-terrorism to perform surveillance.  Your country needs you, my friend!

The requirements are not as stringent as you might think.  Back when you applied for that position in the FBI, you needed a certain degree, an impeccable record and a background check. 

Today, all you need is a check list and access to a phone or a computer. It really is that simple, so let's get started and fight some crime!


STEP ONE:

If you SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING.  The DHS has a website chock full of tips to allow you to determine whether your neighbor has a bomb building facility in his garage or if he's just planning to dig up and fertilize a big garden.  There's even a patriotic acronym to help you remember what information a good spy should provide.

S SIZE:   note the number of people in the group, details of their appearance, gender and approximate ages.

A ACTIVITY - describe exactly what they are doing.

L LOCATION - document exactly where the suspicious activity taking place

U UNIFORM - remember what they are wearing, including shoes

T TIME - provide the date, time of day and duration of the activity

E EQUIPMENT - be able to describe the vehicle, camera, weapons or suspicious packages

STEP TWO:

Go undercover as....yourself.

No matter what your occupation, the DHS has a flyer for you. The FBI has produced a series of handouts to help you get your junior agent badge.  These "suspicious activity reporting flyers" can be found at PUBLICINTELLIGENCE.NET.

The "threat menu" provides linke to documents that will help you spot a budding terror cell in the following settings or occupations:

Airport Service Provider

Beauty Supply Store

Pharmacy

Bulk Fuel Distributors

Construction Sites

Diving or Marine Shops

Electronics Stores

Farm Supply Stores

Banks and Financial Institutions

Hobby Shops

Home Improvement Stores

Hotels or Motels

Internet Cafes

Shopping Malls

Martial Arts Studios

Paintball Arenas

Mass Transit

Military Surplus Stores

Peroxide and Explosive Vendors

Rental Car Agencies

Rental Properties and Apartment Buildings

Moving Van Rental Businesses

Storage Facilities

Tattoo Parlors

Of course, these locations don't give all of us the opportunity to surveil those around us.  For the rest of us, thankfully, there's WAL-MART.  We all know that Wal-Mart is a veritable hub of terrorist activities but the DHS has it covered, with ads promoting "hometown security" at a check out near you.

(HINT: Be especially certain to keep a watchful eye on those people purchasing excessive amounts of rice...it's a dead giveaway that the buyer is an anti-government extremist.)

STEP THREE

If all else fails and you are stymied with your observations of your friends, neighbors and coworkers, you can consider a career change and become a HOT DOG VENDOR and be personally trained by the TSA.

Through a branch of their FIRST OBSERVER PROGRAM,  a secret spy organization comprised of school bus drivers and other transportation providers, the TSA trained over 8000 hot dog vendors and park employees covertly to keep their eyes open during the Superbowl.  The fearless trainees were instructed to beware of those wearing hooded sweatshirts, using a video camera, recording the action on a cell phone or having the audacity to drive a van to the big game.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Folks, it's never too late to live your dream!  Being a secret agent has never been easier.  You have been empowered by the United States government to look out for your country and become a hero.  Songs will be written about you and children will venerate your name...it may even be added to the Pledge of Allegiance. 

You, my friend, have been recruited to rat out your neighbors to save the country....it's time to take action and kick some terrorist butt!

(Please Note:

Secret Decoder Ring is

not included in membership

and must be purchased

seperately.)

Cell Phones: The New Bat Signal

In the United States there are more cell phones in use than there are people.  CELL PHONE USAGE IN AMERICA IS CURRENTLY AT 103%.  Basically this means that virtually every person in the United States has one or more cell phones currently activated and in use.

Cell phones seem like an innocuous way to keep in touch with the kids, to access the internet from any location, and a way to call for help if your car breaks down.

In reality, though, the phone attached to your hip is not so innocuous.  This part of everyday American culture is little more than a personal locator that can be activated at any point in time by persons who may or may not have our best interests at heart. Because it's entertaining, modern and cool to have, we gobble it up without a second thought towards our privacy.

Your locator beacon mobile device has a lot of little tricks of which you may be unaware.

Since 2002, the FCC has mandated that ALL cellphones be equipped with a GPS locator.  The technology was mandated under the guise of response to 911 calls.  ALL cellphones can be tracked to within 50-200 meters of your physical location.

That's great if you need to call 911, but where does that leave you in terms of physical personal privacy?

Well, not only can the government and law enforcement locate you at will, regular folks with nefarious purposes can also do so.  Dozens of websites like howtotrackacellphone.org can help anyone channel his or her inner James Bond.

If your cell phone is with you and turned on, you may as well shine the bat signal into the sky and say, "Come and get me!!!"

The reality is that anyone can locate you at any time.  YOUR CELL PHONE IS A PERSONAL LOCATOR BEACON.  For law enforcement purposes it will find you using the same technology used on a parolee with an ankle bracelet.

The invasion of your privacy doesn't end with merely your physical location, however.  

The FBI can use something called a ROVING BUG with which they can tap into your phone calls, unbeknownst to you.  Not only can they listen to the calls made on your phone, but they can activate the microphone and listen to conversations you are having in proximity of the phone.  Even if the phone is turned off, the microphone can be activated. The only way to escape the roving bug is by removing the battery.

In Michigan, the state police have a handy dandy little device called a "data extractor".  A MOBILE FORENSIC EXTRACTION DEVICE is a hand held gadget that can take information directly from your cell phone, such as recent text messages, phone numbers dialed, and calls received.  It can also gather deleted information, user passwords and file dumps.  The Michigan State Police have commented that the device is only used with a warrant or with permission.  Thank goodness we can always trust what police officers say...oh wait...it isn't against the law for them to lie. 

The FBI, by the way, is where it's at for cool gadgets these days.  A technology called TRIGGERFISH actually simulates a cell tower, taking your call and routing it, while also, of course, listening to it and pinpointing your location.  The fun of Triggerfish is that no warrant is necessary.  No probable cause is required.  The users of this technology answer to no one regarding their snooping.

All of these things can be classified as "for the greater good."  We can find missing children via the GPS in their cell phone.  Police can see if the occupants of a vehicle pulled over for a traffic stop are joking via text about the drugs or firearms in the car.  The FBI can heroically catch the bad guys.

There are some ways to protect yourself...read THIS ARTICLE  to find out how...but keep in mind, despite our best efforts to defend ourselves from intrusion, Big Brother has more resources to find new ways to keep an eye on us.

Unfortunately all that good stuff comes at a very high price.  That price is the freedom of your very thoughts and personal communications.

The words penned by Benjamin Franklin way back in 1759 are ringing eerily prophetic in today's technological police state.

 "Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

Do You Ever Feel Like You're Being Watched?

That is because you are being watched. 

The government has developed all sorts of new ways to track everyday people, in the effort to squelch the rebellion that they know is coming.

Privacy is a thing of the past.  In fact, even the search for privacy has become an offense that places you under suspicion.  According to the FBI internet privacy is now considered to be "suspicious activity".  So if you use proxy servers, delete your cookies after each time you use the internet, password protect your photos, or use a residentially based server (Comcast, AOL, etc), you are teetering right on the cusp of terrorism.

The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals recently decided that no warrant was necessary for a gps tracking device to be installed on one's vehicle for the purpose of surveillance.  This means that at any time a federal agency decides, as long as your vehicle is in the driveway and not locked in a garage, a tracking device can be installed on said vehicle without your knowledge or consent.  Tick off the wrong person?  GPS tracking.  Have opinions that differ from the current government?  GPS tracking.  Fall into one of the increasingly ridiculous categories created by the Department of Homeland Gestapo Security?  GPS tracking.  It's all coming to a driveway near you. Fortunately upon appeal and public outcry, this decision was overturned.  Of course, just because they are supposed to get a warrant, doesn't mean that they will get a warrant.

Google, or Satan Jr., had jumped on the government bandwagon, instating changes to their privacy policies that consumers cannot opt out of.  These changes track everything you search through Google, every video you watch on Youtube and every email you receive or send via GMail.  The information is then combined to give "advertisers" a more clear picture of who you are and what interests you.  Ostensibly the only reason for this is to gear ads towards individuals who will be interested in them,  but in actuality, all users are being profiled and the information compiled may one day be used against you in a court of law.

Facebook is now tracking every keystroke for as long as you are logged into your account.  When you log in a cookie is inserted from Facebook to follow you around the net.  Furthermore, some government agencies are now reading your Facebook posts - and they are able to comment on them if you are "disseminating misinformation."  You could have your status bitch-slapped by the FBI if they don't like what you have to say. "Tracking data can be used to figure out your political bent, religious beliefs, sexuality preferences, health issues or the fact that you're looking for a new job," says Peter Eckersley, technology projects director at the Electronic Frontier Foundation. "There are all sorts of ways to form wrong judgments about people."

Twitter now offers country-specific censorship of updates.  Readers in Thailand, for example, will not be able to read messages that disagree with that government's policies. 

The DHS now has the ability and legal authority to monitor every keystroke on your computer.  It's okay, though, because they promise not to share the information - well, not unless someone's life is in danger.  Or the moon is full.  Or you are caught standing on one foot while singing "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall."  Okay, they have a few exceptions.  Here's a quote from their document, Publically Available Social Media Monitoring and Situational Awareness Initiative.

While this Initiative is not designed to actively collect Personally Identifiable Information (PII), OPS is conducting this update to the Privacy Impact Assessment (PIA) because this initiative may now collect and disseminate PII for certain narrowly tailored categories. For example, in the event of an in extremist situation involving potential life and death, OPS will share certain PII with the responding authority in order for them to take the necessary actions to save a life, such as name and location of a person calling for help buried under rubble, or hiding in a hotel room when the hotel is under attack by terrorists.

So, remember, the next time you are buried under rubble, the DHS will send help!  We can all breathe a sigh of relief about that particular concern.

All types of public transit are also being surveilled.  If you take a plane, train or subway, there are covert scanners that can track your eye movements, make use of facial recognition software and use infrared technology to see what's beneath your clothing.  This report from the DHS gives all the details of what they are doing to spy on you   keep you safe while you travel.

Scanners with sci-fi capabilities are also about to be made mobile, and put into vans that could be trolling around a neighbourhood near you.  The government has purchased 500 vans with backscatter X-ray technology according to Forbes Magazine.  Be sure and check out this link - the photos are disturbing in their detail and these vehicles are already in use.  Also keep in mind, just as an aside to the invasion of privacy, x-rays irradiate you.  Not only can they see you in your underwear, they can give you cancer as an added bonus.

Of course, while on this course of  "paranoia" you can't forget the eyes in the sky.  The United States is now making use of unmanned drones to help in the War on Americans  Terror.  These drones can use infrared technology to watch you, crack wi-fi networks to read what you're reading on the net, and listen to your cell phone conversations.  Read more about the abilities of these drones HERE .

It all sounds like a great big conspiracy theory - and it is more than that.  It's a full-blown conspiracy.  The theory part is not longer in doubt.  Please do your research and follow up on the links that I have provided.  This baseless spying on the people is the act of a desperate government, seeking ways to control the populace. The government is seeking to marginalize the opinions of those who speak out against this illicit behavior.  The puppeteers of the mainstream media don't allow much of this information to get out.  That is why we must speak out about the invasions on our privacy and liberty.

Speaking out is easy.  They can't shut us all up. 

Share information with friends, family and coworkers.  Forward this post and the links that support it to everyone in your email contact list.  Share the information on your social networks.  Tell everyone you know that they are being watched.  It's a whole different ballgame when people know that they are being surveilled - the government watchers no longer have the elements of ignorance and secrecy on their side.

The government told us a while back, "If you see something, say something." 

Well, Uncle Sam, that's my motto now. 

You'll be hearing a whole lot from me.