A good reason to get up in the morning.

Over the weekend, I came across a clip extolling the virtues of the movie Tron Legacy. Mostly the score by Daft Punk. And I totally agree with that. That movie score was just out of this world. So much so that I asked the kids to gift me with a soundbar up to watching that movie at full blast! Which they did, thankfully. So, after the clip, I promptly switched on said sound bar and found this tune on youtube:

My suggestion would be to use whichever speaker system you have in your house to listen to it. The louder the better.

But back to music. Really, any music. We all have different tastes. Different kinds of music speak to us at different times. The radio station I listen to during the day while I’m struggling through advanced Excel has a feature every Friday. My 9 @ 9. People send in a list of about 20 songs with a little story to go with it. I’ve been toying with the idea of sending in my list, but my tastes are not quite mainstream. Never have been, never will be, so I thought I’d make a little list of my own to regale you with.

All to do with the men in my life, starting with my father. He grew up with musicals. Showboat, Oklahoma, those kinds of things. He had a whole record collection from those old shows. This one was a particular favourite:

Then, one day in Iraq, a cold, rainy, miserable day, a Glen Miller song came over the speakers. I stopped what I was doing. It was only 7 years after my father’s death. Still relatively fresh. I smelled him. Saw him, just listening to the music. These days, whenever I hear this tune, I can’t help but miss him. Of course, there are many other songs that brings my father to mind. The Slave Choir from Aida, the opera, Queen of the Night, basically any opera you can think of and my dad would be alive again. But this Glen Miller song, on that particular day, made fresh the heartache and loss.

Moving on to the ex husband. Met him in 1985. The eighties were good music years. Not just because I became a human then, but because, I think, the eighties were the last years before the world started breaking. But the main song that brings my ex to mind is this tune from Silver Pozzoli. Can still see him do his thing!

Then I fell pregnant and got married in that order. It was a thing back then. I always joke that I got a baby shower instead of a kitchen tea! But, it’s all good. I’ve never regretted my kids. For a long time, they were the only reason I got up in the morning. But, while I was pregnant, Gene Pitney and Marc Almond had a song that played on the radio all the time. So, when driving while pregnant, I would hear it and so would my unborn child. To this day, it’s still on my eldest’s playlist.

But the song that brings my eldest closer when I miss him would be Windmills of your mind. He does the French version, but any version of that song reminds me of him. It’s what he listens to when in a certain mood, of which there were many instances! This is the version I chose for today’s playlist:

Then, my youngest. He leans towards techno music, and while I can listen to some of it for a while, I find it too repetitive for constant listening. But he’s got one favourite that will always remind me of him. Also something he only plays in a certain mood, but, to me, it’s his song 🙂

And then, the one that got away. The one that I would probably have cooked for had he ever lived with me. I often think that, had we ever had a normal life together, it may have ended horribly. And while I still think back to those days, almost 20 years ago now, I’m happy that I’ve tasted something that has sustained me for the past few years. It may have soured me slightly, but I will never begrudge what we had. He’s got a few songs all of his own since he’s played such a big role in my life. The first one is the ringtone I gave him on my phone. One day, he called me just so I could hear the song:-)

But the next one, that one always sits with me. Makes me dream of days gone by, possibilities. You know? White picket fence kind of dreams.

The next song was one I first heard in the movie Constantine but never knew what it was. But then my dude gave me the answer and he opened a whole different realm of music in so doing. For that I will ever be thankful to him.

And then, just because that is what I felt like when we were together:

And this one, just because it’s such a beautiful tune, and Billy Joel has a way of just making everything right:

This tune has nothing to do with any man in my life, but it’s a song of celebration, of freedom, of finding the One that makes it all possible:

Thank you for going down my musical memory lane today.

Go find your voice. Find your music. And add the score to your life. Because, when all else fails, music will always be able to soothe your broken heart, give joy a sound, give your tears a place to fall.

My opinion.

This is something I keep on coming back to. Well, I have a few things that sits in my thoughts, and this one is just been woken by something I saw last night on Criminal Minds.

So, while I sit here in my study, inhaling the fumes from a dog’s upset stomach, I’m thinking about revenge. And how, well, stupid it really is.

I’ve seen a few examples of it on TV shows – it seems to be a popular trope. If I’m not mistaken, there’s a whole series named Revenge. Not that I’ve ever watched it – high drama TV is not my scene at all!

Anyhow, back to revenge.

In my life, many things have happened to me. Some of it was my own doing, some I just paid the price for others. But in all instances, I chose to keep quiet and leave. Turn my back on it and move forward. Because, like the sloth in Ice Age, I’m too lazy to hold a grudge. I may not ever speak to you again, but I’m not going to hold a grudge – it’s just too time-consuming.

But I see revenge as a kind of cut your nose to spite your face kind of action. You spend your life planning your revenge, forfeiting everything else, and when you get to the culmination of your plans, what’s left? If you’re successful in your revenge, I’m thinking you’re kind of left empty. Your life’s work is done, and now what? If you’re old when you’re done, now what? Stupid!

If I take that same thought and I point it towards what’s happening in my country at the moment, I see a shining example of the futility of revenge. Chat GPT may not allow me to classify South Africa’s current situation as revenge, but I’m finding it hard to see another word for it. And all I keep on thinking is that it’s stupid. It’s a thoughtless process, with only one goal in sight – annihilation.

And what’s left after you’ve accomplished your goal? Nothing. Just dust. Stupid.

Why not, instead of contemplating revenge, take your innate pride in hand and build? Fix? Uphold? Live well? And this goes for anything and everything.

After my divorce, I kept my head down and worked. Struggled on my own. If I wanted to take revenge on the ex, I suppose I could have gone out and gotten myself either a rich husband or a young one :-). Instead, I stayed alone. Lived, worked, cried. But I made it through without fussing about what the ex would think of me. After all, he chose to live a life away from me – what does it matter what he now thinks of me?

And that, I think, is the real crux of this whole thing. If you plan revenge because of a wrongdoing, you continue to give that situation power over your life. You choose to hand your power to that person. You live there. Why? Why bind yourself to a bad moment? Why live in that quagmire ad infinitum?

Get out man!! Let it go. Put it behind you and work towards a clear future. One that’s more about you than your past. How many more times must you be told that the past should not control you? That it’s gone? And, believe me, nothing you do in the present can ever change the past. Nothing. this I know from dear experience. Very dear. All you can really do is pick up and carry on.

Ephesians 4:31–32 (NIV) “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger… Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Because that is where the real victory lies. When you forgive, you’re taking your power back. When you forgive, you may not forget, but you don’t live there anymore. When you forgive, you learn. When you forgive, you really do become a better person.

“My peace I give to you” And this peace can only come through forgiveness. Forgive yourself. Forgive your wrongdoer. And live a life without the things that hold you back.

…coming to the tree?

Yes, I watched The Hunger Games again this weekend. Must admit, it’s under my top 10 movies.

Not because of the actors or even the acting. But because of what it represents.

Lately, I’ve been seeing quite a few videos about how crazy it really is to start work at 20, carry on until you’re 60, retire, die. Pay half your earnings over to various taxes, pay other people to raise your kids, to be in your house while you’re working. If you’re lucky, you will have weekends free. And that is usually spent on chores. Mowing the lawn, doing the shopping, doing laundry, dishes, whatever.

Just now I saw a picture of flying in the 40’s. Wide open space, place to put your bag and, in those days, your gloves. Proper food in proper crockery with actual metal knives and forks.

We’ve lost something. Can’t quite pinpoint exactly what it is, but I’m leaning towards greed. Money. Always money. Which brings me back to the whole point of today’s post.

I don’t know how many really rich people there are on earth today. Say, out of the whole 8B of us, 500m are extremely rich. Those that spend stupid money on Louis Vuitton luggage, where Walmart or Tesco’s will do just fine. That spends, in my money, R2k on a kettle where a R150 kettle from a department store does the exact same thing.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t begrudge them the money they have. I know they have way more problems than I do, because of the money they have. But that’s neither here nor there. My question is, do you really need that much money? Do you? Must you absolutely charge me an amount per month to use the office suite? Must I really pay you a monthly fee just so I’m not inundated by ads anytime I watch a video somewhere? Where does that money go to? To my way of thinking, you can sleep in one bed at a time, live in one house at a time, drive one car at a time.

And that gets me back to the Hunger Games. What it represents. The rich in the capitol living off the backs of the districts. And really. Is that not what is happening right this minute? We’re just not divided into districts. But our labour, our sacrifice, our work pays for that bloke’s helicopter or jet or yacht. Pays for their children to look down on those that made their lifestyle possible.

Wonder how long the status quo will continue before the uprising? Because the push back has started. Every homesteader, every switch away from AI, and tech, back to paper and writing and analogue, is a sign that people are not just accepting what’s happening. That they’re beginning to see what’s really potting.

Which brings me to my own personal theory. About which I have spoken about before. You might say it’s my pet peeve. About who’s really important when the chips are down. And no. It will not be the billionaire. And certainly not HR. It will be the nurse, the engineer. The plumber and electrician. The rubbish bin guy and the teacher. Because, let’s face it. While there are people, they will use electricity, plumbing, cars and grocery stores which means farmers. But they have never had any use for billionaires. I certainly have never needed them! And I think the billionaires are beginning to realise this…

I’m in the process of sculpting, or, at least, trying to sculpture, my representation of the daily sacrifice. My homage to the people that really keeps the economy going. To those poor suckers that get up, show up and finish it. That keeps the roads roading and the cars driving. That feeds us and clothe us and, with their labour, allows governments to steal copious amounts of money that they misappropriate and mismanage and waste.

We’ve lost what’s really worth it in the life we get. And while money is necessary, it should never be important.

I don’t have all the answers. I’m sitting in the exact same boat as every other drone out there. Beholden to a system that’s geared toward sucking the life right out of you and spitting you out when they’re done with you.

I’ve just made up my mind that I will not allow them to steal my soul. That belongs to the Lord. And Him I can trust with my soul.

So. Are you?

ain’t it?

I’m mostly home-bound these days. The hip does not allow for easy movement, so it takes time and consideration to navigate the steps to the outside world. But, I can see my garden from all the windows. So there’s that.

It’s winter here in the Southern Hemisphere. On the Highveld, where I live, it’s mostly brown. Leafless trees, resting grasses, but my garden. Man, my garden! When I look out of the study window where I spend most of my days, I still see mostly green. Many South African trees don’t lose their leaves, and I have a LOT of trees and shrubs and bulbs that keeps green the whole year.

The point I’m making. As innocuous as a leafed or leafless tree may seem to you, in reality, it’s a marvel of engineering. Seeing the moonflowers in the luminescent nightly blooming, watching bees swoop in for nectar, seeing bats swoop through the sky, or earth worms in the compost I used to try my hand at veggie planting and seeing the carrots peeking out of the soil of said vegetable plantings – All of this is life. Glorious and engineered life.

And the colours! This video on Instagram was the inspiration for this post. The diversity in nature. And not one single animal moans about the inherent differences of each species. Why not? because the difference is what makes things work. An ant can’t do a bee’s work. A lion can’t do a vulture’s job. A bacteria can’t do a fungi’s job. They each have their niche. What they eat, where they eat, when they eat, how they catch what they eat.

And all of it is awe-inspiring. If you look a bit deeper than the surface. The thing about a flower’s electrical signal changing when a bee lands on it and when it’s empty of nectar. The sunfish basking in the sunlight and allowing birds to clean parasites off it. How a remora fish sticks to a shark.

They all live in the clear knowledge of their place in the cycle of life. They don’t prevaricate and become angsty because their nest is not as big as that one or their burrow is not as padded as the next one. They get up, every morning, with a song. Even that song has its use in nature.

Saw a video the other day that made the point that, if you have a dog, you may have an inkling of what God must feel like. To have this being that can’t speak your language, beholden on you for all its needs. We don’t become God. But for that dog, yes, we do. Because what does God do for us? In that sense? He gives us life, air, thoughts, comfort, rest, food. He looks after us in what we need.

If I take my own situation to elaborate on this point. I have no job. At my age, maybe not even the possibility of a job. But I lack nothing. Me and my dogs have food to eat. We have a roof over our heads. I can even still give money to my church. We lack nothing and that is all thanks to God that sees to my needs. No, my life is not easy, by any means. But what I need, I have. Sometimes even a bit more.

And I think that’s what we as humans lose sight of. You don’t always get what you want, but invariably, you get what you need, to quote the song. And getting what you need is, when you think about it, enough. More is fine. I’m not saying you should not strive for more or better. But making your life better incrementally is better than losing sight of what is important and only living for the more. The better padded burrow or bigger nest. Forgetting that enough is, well, enough. Do you need more than one house? More than one car? Personally, I don’t think so. You can only live in one at a time, drive it one at a time, so more is not necessary.

But, we’re greedy. Something animals generally are not. And I do think that, once you are content with what you have, the more will naturally flow from there. Just don’t lose sight of the real. The present. Keep them with you, and you will see that you already have enough.

A wandering meander of thoughts…

I’ve been watching Criminal Minds again in the evenings. There was an episode where one of the profilers’ ex-wives was diagnosed with ALS, and she wanted him to help her leave this world. He said he could not. Turns out she’d already done it, just wanted him to hold her hand.

Then I happened to see a podcast from Triggernometry about assisted suicide in Canada. Did not watch the whole thing, but I did watch some of it. Here’s the link if you want to watch it.

According to Chat GPT, I should not get too riled up about this, and it may be right, but generally, if it tells me to calm down, I immediately start looking for the catch. Because I think we’re only really seeing the tip of the iceberg.

But I’m not wondering about what’s happening in Canada. I’m wondering about why it’s even a thing. Why people seem to think that they don’t need to live anymore. Why they think it’s a good idea to snip off the days they’ve been allocated because it will be difficult. Any why there’s not as big a push against it as I might have expected. And the main thing, like a thread running through society’s behaviour, is that humans are making a concerted effort to play God.

I’ve had periods in my life where I really did not want to even bother getting up again. Not just one or two either. There’s been a few. Did I stay down? Well, no. I got up every morning, faced my life, faced myself and carried on. Also, the dogs need food and water and bathroom breaks, so what would have happened had I not gotten up? They are my responsibility.

I had a friend who did not get up. He stayed down. Did not talk. Did not look for help. Stayed down and left. Without a word.

Don’t suppose it’s quite the same as the assisted dying thing, but it runs a close second. Because. You have been allocated a certain amount of days to your life. Those are days you are given freely. All you have to do is use them to the betterment of yourself, others, the world, your immediate surroundings, your family – whatever you choose to do with those days. You should use all of them.

No matter how difficult some of them are. How sick you get. How sucky people are. How little money you have. As somebody said, pain will be there. Hardship will be there. Difficulty will be there. Sitting in it will not change anything. You pick a direction and you run. And you do that every day.

If you’re me, you struggle with why you are here on earth. Currently, more so than usual. But I’m a Christian. And I have a set of tenets to live by. And those all say that if you’re not happy with yourself or your life, that you should pray. About everything. That I do. I speak to my Lord every day about the things I struggle with. How I feel. What I’m worried about. No. I can’t change the world. I don’t think anybody can. But like the story with the starfish on the beach and the girl throwing them back one by one – can’t save them all, but the ones you do, will live another day. By the same token, it’s not your job to save the world. Only yourself, and as many others as you have access to.

And that you can only do by living. With pain. With hardship. With finances in the red. With heartache. With sadness. But you get up every morning and you face the day with God at your side. With Grace. With hope. With peace. You don’t hit a snag and run to kill yourself!

Not for nothing has suicide been called a cardinal sin by the catholic church. And, if you think about it, even if the law says that assisted dying is not wrong, by Biblical standards, I would say it’s actually one of the worst things a person can do. And if assisted death becomes a thing, when is murder going to be taken off the board? Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Living is not easy. Don’t think it was meant to be easy. It’s designed to challenge you. To shave off the pieces that don’t belong. So you can grow and resemble Jesus Christ. So you can walk with grace and know that you – regardless of your state – are worth being on this earth. And that you belong here. You are needed here.

And man! The relief you feel once you’re through your current obstacle. I made it! I’m OK! That’s the peace the Lord gives you. And that just makes everything worth it. I do actually think that people that believes in God, have something to hold on to. Something not of this world. That gives you the reassurance of hope. Maybe that’s it. Hope.

Don’t take my word for it. Go and search for people who faced what you faced and made it. They’re there. We’re everywhere. And don’t end your life by any means before it’s your time. You owe it to yourself…