"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" -Mary Oliver

our story

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 13:17:00 +0000

This post is more personal than I would usually share, but we decided to tell our story anyway. This is the story of these two photos- taken about eight years apart. Because we tend not to like messy stories, I will start with the first photo, an ordinary evening at the home we are living in now.

There were times in this home that I would find myself blushing, and need to get up and close the curtains, because the happiness in these rooms was so tender, so raw, that it felt too precious to be exposed. The word the Lord gave me when we bought this house 4.5 years ago was peace and goodness, and that promise grew and filled up these rooms, it became deeper and stronger than I knew it could be, it overwhelmed me some days.

The story of the second picture was taken June 5, 2011, and as the girls and I were at the metropark that day I was believing our marriage was over. I don’t remember what happened when we got home, how we patched things up that day, but we both remember the years- probably ten- of agonizing tension and our shattered hearts, trying to save our marriage that felt broken beyond repair.

We knew all the right answers. We were well trained in the Biblical instructions for marriage, we could have preached all the sermons on marriage (Jim did preach them), we both spent decades praying for a spouse and anticipating a happy marriage, we both believed that marriage is for life. How could we know so much, and find ourselves so shipwrecked?

There were moments, days, when we would find some stable footing, a bit of hope would buoy us. We went to counseling, read all the books. Some seasons were darker than others. Nothing fit into the easy boxes we were taught.

We couldn’t really talk about it. How do you say, Our marriage is so broken and I think we hate each other and I am terrified of what that is doing to our kids? We took our vows as seriously as anyone, but as hard as we tried, we could not fix it. We worried about the kids above all. And so we’d talk about splitting, how to protect the kids in the process. We almost did. So many times, we nearly did.

I can’t explain what happened except that after years, and years, working and fighting and praying and weeping and forgiving each other, something began to grow. It felt like sunshine after a long, long winter. And God healed us. Love grew. That love, now, is the love we prayed for all those years. It took much longer to get here than we anticipated.

We still have our days! Believe me, we are not always happy and life is not always peaceful. I caution myself even now, in sharing this, to not become blind; storms happen to all of us and who knows when there will be another to weather.

It is easy to share our story now that there is a happy ending and a pretty bow to tie it all together. But we need to be people who can sit with others in the middle of their messes; when all seems lost and there are no easy answers. There were years when we had no light at all. Christians expect a kind of rosy optimism that is not honest or helpful.

We don’t judge anyone who makes the excruciating decision to get a divorce. We understand that it takes two people to work on a marriage, mere effort can’t always fix it. Sometimes there is abuse. Some situations can’t recover.

This is what we learned after our decade of fighting it out:

Get help when you need it. Goodness, everyone needs counseling sometimes, there is no shame. Even better if you have a safe group of friends to talk to, who will encourage and not judge.

Own your own junk and failures, do the hard work of repentance and becoming self aware and the person you need to be. It is so worth it.

Our God fights for us. Seek Him with all your heart. Pour out your heart to Him. God is our refuge (Psalm 62:8)

When we talk about it, it was the vulnerability of other people that helped save our marriage. Friends who shared their intimate, private struggles and how they overcame them gave us hope, it let us know we weren’t alone.

Grace came, as it often does, in the form of people to pray for us and cheer us on, because they had been in our shoes. This is the reason we want to share our story.

Our culture loves a redemption story, but we have no patience for the mess, for the junk that comes before the happy ending. Not all stories have happy endings. We need to be there for the in-between times too, the dark night when all seems lost. People need to know they aren’t alone, even if they can’t fix things overnight or maybe ever. We need to be there not only for the happy ending, but for the ugly, desperate process.

Jim and I want our story to encourage others who may be struggling. You are not alone. There is hope, and it is so worth fighting for. It feels hopeless right now, but the reward is so sweet. Joy comes in the morning.

“No long-term marriage is made easily, and there have been times when I've been so angry or so hurt that I thought my love would never recover. And then, in the midst of near despair, something has happened beneath the surface. A bright little flashing fish of hope has flicked silver fins and the water is bright and suddenly I am returned to a state of love again — till next time. I've learned that there will always be a next time, and that I will submerge in darkness and misery, but that I won't stay submerged. And each time something has been learned under the waters; something has been gained; and a new kind of love has grown. The best I can ask for is that this love, which has been built on countless failures, will continue to grow. I can say no more than that this is mystery, and gift, and that somehow or other, through grace, our failures can be redeemed and blessed.”

― Madeleine L'Engle

more time

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Tue, 09 Apr 2019 21:01:00 +0000

Yesterday my friend Ruth wrote a lovely post about a walk she took, with the purpose of becoming a happier person, and some things she learned in the process. It inspired me to write my own post about walking. I, too, take a lot of walks, sometimes with the purpose of becoming a happier person.

Usually at the end of a day of homeschool, before I start dinner or after I've put dinner in the oven, I'll lace up my shoes and call the dog for a walk. I might listen to a podcast, or call my mom or dad, usually I leave my phone at home so I can think. I am thinking about the day and the things I wanted to get done that didn't get done, things I wished to do, hoped to do, planned on doing if only there were more time. More time more time more time, this cadence of my steps, every day, as I think and plot and plan and regret, shaking off the day's limitations and frustrations, planning for a new day and more time tomorrow.

And every single day, rounding the third block, right in the middle of my self-recrimination or mental more time more time planning, I pass a neat, brick home with a sofa set against the wide front window. And every day I see the back of a man's head, seated there in the sun, and the black and white pages of a book he is holding. Every day he sits in the middle of the sofa and reads a book, and every day I see him as I walk past and I exhale.

I have no idea who this man is. I am fairly certain I would like him. Every day I think of what good choices he has made in his life, to get to this place, a seat in the sun, every day reading.

But maybe this daily glimpse is not a window into someone's living room at all. Perhaps it is a thin place, some ordinary miracle where eternity and this world have been accidentally stitched together, and I am glancing into a world past time, a world where time is endless and there is always enough time for the things that matter. Time enough to sit with a book as the sun pours over your shoulders.

And the rest of my walk feels less like accusation and more like invitation. To be unproductive and alive. To grow older, softer, quieter, slower. To all that is endless and good, just around the corner.

“There is no shortage of good days. It is good lives that are hard to come by. A life of good days lived in the senses is not enough. The life of sensation is the life of greed; it requires more and more. The life of the spirit requires less and less; time is ample and its passage sweet. Who would call a day spent reading a good day? But a life spent reading -- that is a good life.” ― Annie Dillard, The Writing Life

What I Learned in January (2)

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Wed, 30 Jan 2019 17:42:00 +0000

“...I will not allow books to prove any thing."

"But how shall we prove any thing?"

"We never shall.”

― Jane Austen, Persuasion

January had a lot to teach, or maybe I am just better at keeping track of it in January. Here is part two of some things I learned in January. Here is Part One.

Get outside every day Cold air in our lungs, moving our bodies, the dazzling beauty of winter is the cure for winter doldrums.

The difference between ambition and vocation . . .

Ambition left to itself, like a Rupert Murdoch, always becomes tedious, its only object the creation of larger and larger empires of control; but a true vocation calls us out beyond ourselves; breaks our heart in the process and then humbles, simplifies and enlightens us about the hidden, core nature of the work that enticed us in the first place. We find that all along, we had what we needed from the beginning and that in the end we have returned to its essence, an essence we could not understand until we had undertaken the journey. (and so much more. Wonderful essay by David Whyte in Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words.

(I purchased this book for Jim for his birthday after stumbling upon this extensive list of Stuff We Liked from The Rabbit Room).

The Sacred Enneagram One really practical takeaway that is helping me already in all of my relationships. I don't have the book with me to quote from, but the basic idea is that every person naturally responds to the world, receives information one of three ways: through their body, through their emotions, or through their gut or intuition. This little nugget of wisdom is so helpful in understanding people and how they function, and in listening for discernment. This is only skimming the surface of the Enneagram of course.

I love to follow people who challenge my opinions and make me think. My friend Colleen posts the most challenging and interesting articles and points of view on facebook. We don't always arrive at the same conclusions, but I believe her perspective on the Evangelical church is one that should be heard. And I'm learning about the transgender movement through her. Follow Colleen if you enjoy being challenged and stretching your own thoughts and opinions, and to become more informed on gender ideology (although I confess I don't usually take the time to dig deeply as I would like.)

One book, one guru I'm pretty good at keeping my house decluttered because there isn't a lot of storage, and clutter makes me twitchy. But I forget that our minds and persons have small storage as well. This month I decided to practice keeping only one book on my nightstand, and one book in the mornings, one tab on my computer at a time.

Related, The Lazy Genius suggested somewhere (I can't find it) as a way to combat information overload, to choose only one person to follow or go to for advice in any given subject. This is so helpful for me as a person who tends to copiously collect information and listen to everyone's opinion. Here are a few of my gurus:

Parenting: Sally Clarkson
Food: Simply Recipes
Books, ideas: Modern Mrs Darcy
Education: The Well Trained Mind

Mornings are the best time for reading the classics. I'm finding mornings are the best time for classic literature for many reasons; a clearer mind and the house is quiet, but also for my spirit to be most open to truth and beauty. I'm remembering again that the classics are classic because they are good and true and beautiful, with something to teach or beauty to grasp, goodness to reach for, and appropriately paired with morning devotions. I got through two classic works this way in January.

I read The Remains of the Day along with the Close Reads podcast, although I confess I just went ahead and read the whole thing without following along. The podcast is really insightful and entertaining.

I loved Persuasion. My favorite Jane Austen book.

Dinner: My husband and I have reached an agreement, that for every weird dinner I make, I will make a normal one the next night. Ha! Seems fair. Our menu this week . . .

Monday- Roasted cauliflower soup, lemon spinach over quinoa

Tuesday- Meatloaf and mashed potatoes

Wednesday- Cabbage farro soup

Thursday- Chicken and rice soup

Friday- Quinoa and sweet potato bowls

Saturday- Grilled cheese and tomato soup

What I Learned in January

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Tue, 29 Jan 2019 13:20:00 +0000

The trees are doing their best work now, beneath the surface, and so are we. Branches of life are set in stark realization. It is a time for reevaluating, for going deeper, lower, quieter. For hard conversations and honest reflection and listening.

In our house, January is our quietest month. We are at home more in January than any other month, and I find that this bare, blank season has its own fruit to bear, the kind that only can be found in stillness.

It is also a month for long books and endless cups of tea. Steady routines, focused school hours, time to tinker, bake, organize, create. Some of the things I learned this month . . .

Growing organic tomatoes . .

My kids are growing up! And you know what, parenting is work. They are kids, and in process just like we are, and I am after their hearts after all, not just behavior modification. It is the difference between growing your own organic garden, and commercial pesticide farming. There are more weeds, it is a lot more work, a lot more bending down, a lot of up close tending, a lot of gritty work that does not produce quick results or unnatural tomatoes. But I am starting to see real-life, tender fruit and it makes those years spent (and still) tending on my knees so worth it.

To love my family well. Show them Jesus.

I loved this comment. This is something we do not hear or speak to one another enough. Joy Forney is my new favorite follow on Instagram.

This table . . .

Way back in 2008 I wrote about this, The Center of the Home. This table never stops working, the center of our home, every day, all day long, the way it tethers me, the slim space of my dearest work. My affection for this table, the significance of this table, only grows from year to year, even as it becomes more and more scarred and beautiful. I could write a book dedicated to dining room tables.

The Road Back to You

Any other Enneagram Nines? This podcast is a must listen! The most enlightening 40 minutes ever.

Lean into it. Do it well. Your work matters.

Karen Swallow Prior = my new favorite person

How to make mozzarella (after our fifth try. Ha!)

There is more but the day begins. More later!

The Best of 2018

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Thu, 20 Dec 2018 13:44:00 +0000

Home. Just the strength of home, the mercy of home. Every year I learn this or maybe believe it a little more.

My husband. He had a heart attack this year. He lost his dad to cancer. He is the best man I know and I'm so glad he's with us.

Sourdough. I got a sour dough starter from King Arthur last January, and have had fun experimenting with sourdough bread this year. This year I'd like to try braided breads and filled breads.

Author visits. Our library system offers a steady roster of authors visiting, many at our local branch. I've gone to them hit and miss over the years, but this year I began to try to make more of them. They are usually only an hour in the evenings, and have become something I look forward to. What a treat, to listen to any person who is passionate about a subject.

Why people love dogs. I keep talking about this, but it is something I learned this year. Lucy was like learning to play tennis. I could kind of see why people are into it, there was a little bit of fun that went with it, I really, really, really tried to like it, but it just wasn't my sport. Finley is about ten pounds, he can sleep on the beds and in our laps, he just wants to run around the living room a few times to exercise. We love him. Small dogs, apparently, are our sport.

Homeschool. The reason why we homeschool changes every year. This year it is for the conversations we get to have, adventures big and small, for the way the kids are becoming their own person and to get to be a part of that and encourage it in some way.

Good food. Looking forward to good food, making it front and center in celebrations big and small. I spent so many years afraid of food or overthinking what I ate. I deeply enjoy preparing food for people I love, anticipating food, just being free to taste a savor and celebrate with good food.

Two Year Olds. I need to always have a toddler in my life. Two of my nephews are two, and we got to babysit a little guy some this year and it is so good for the soul to have little people around.

Taking Annie to Harry Potter World, camping, museums, anytime we can get in the car and go somewhere, adventures big and small.

Josie becoming a good reader, finally, after a lot of needless anxiety and years of working with her. Watching the girls find delight in books, talking about books, collecting books, waking up in the night to find they still have a light on and reading, watching them find warmth and happiness around these little story-shaped flames.

I still love early mornings.

The ladies I pray with and study the Bible with every week. I love these women so much.

Friends who text, friends I can journey with through the hard and broken and vulnerable, and the beautiful, redemptive stuff with. Community in all its forms.

Owning your 40s, enjoying the benefits of experience and knowing your own voice, how to step away from anxiety and what isn't life to you. Finding a deep and abiding place in our marriage. Being the mom of bigs and finally finding some confidence in this mom life. Knowing who I am and learning to be free of guilt (sometimes, a little bit).

The satisfaction of a quiet life.

the worst of the year

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Tue, 18 Dec 2018 13:58:00 +0000

In December I reflect on the year, pay attention to things I learned, the books I read, the best and the worst of the year.

“These people who can see right through you never quite do you justice, because they never give you credit for the effort you're making to be better than you actually are, which is difficult and well meant and deserving of some little notice.” -Marilynn Robinson

After a year of watching the world growing angrier, more at odds, people criticize, tear down, lash out, online and in life, politically, religiously, destroying one another over perceived differences large or small, real or imagined, I feel bruised and sick and sorry.

Wendell Berry says "It All Turns on Affection," and I believe this is true. When affection is lost, what will we have?

Wisdom that is from above is pure, peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere; the exact opposite of what is happening in our world.

Critical voices quickly silence thoughtful, honest, seeking people. I hope the people who are seeking, wrestling, searching for wisdom, with gentleness, humility, affection- won't be silenced by the blanket statements, reductionist labels and mean spirit of this age.

This post is for the dreamers, the poets, artists and lovers, gentle wisdom seekers and anyone who doesn't have everything all figured out.

They are wrong about you, you know.

These people who see right through you,

want to reduce you,

with their own small

shaped opinions.

Narrow-eyed commentators

-do not know you-

have you all figured out.

Critical voices,

if you aren't careful, can back you

right into silence.

You might find yourself agreeing,

hand over your voice your

brave- stretched heart,

so many years of

hopeful and struggle and

growing and trying.

You could close up,

turn off the lights,

give up your hard-won

time-worn and

battle-scarred

affections,

your well-deserved,

no-one-can-take-it-from-you

permission

to be you.

No.
Did you know-

narrow eyes see only half.

If what they see is always half-dark,

then they must be half-blind,

log-lodged in one eye.

Which is why we need your light

more than ever.

You

Please

Keep living, dear,

with your eyes wide open, with

all of your questions and living

-inexplicable, irreducible, varied and-

glorious living.

The bravest thing you can do, now,

is to shine

a little brighter, dear.

We need you.

Keep your light on

for us.

“My wish for you is that you continue.

Continue to be who and how you are,

to astonish a mean world with your

acts of kindness.

Continue to allow humor to

lighten the burden of your tender heart.”

-Maya Angelou

Top Ten Books of 2018

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 17:06:00 +0000

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality You can't be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature. There are so many angry Christians. Even mature believers and leaders in the church can remain emotional children, using religion as a cover for brokenness (as the author describes in his own story of building a successful ministry while remaining emotionally unhealthy).

Our losses, properly grieved, enlarge our soul for God, result in God's blessing and compassion for others. Those lacking compassion have not allowed God to walk with them through or to deal with their pain and loss.

So much Biblical, practical, life-changing wisdom in this course. I wish every church would learn and offer these tools for people to grow in emotional health and spiritual maturity.
(Follow Pete Scazzero on Twitter)

A Long Obedience in the Same Direction When I learned Eugene Peterson was dying, I finally picked this one off my TBR pile. It is as gentle and thoughtful as it is immense. I am thankful for Eugene Peterson's life work and eager to read more.

"My primary pastoral work had to do with Scripture and prayer. I was neither capable nor competent to form Christ in another person, to shape a life of discipleship in man, woman or child. That is supernatural work, and I am not supernatural. Mine was the more modest work of Scripture and prayer- helping people listen to God speak to them from the Scriptures and then joining them in answering God as personally and honestly as we could in lives of prayer. This turned out to be slow work. From time to time, impatient with the slowness, I would try out ways of going about my work that promised quicker results. But after a while it always seemed to be more like meddling in these people's lives than helping them attend to God. More often than not I found myself getting in the way of what the Holy Spirit had been doing long before I arrived on the scene, so I would go back, feeling a bit chastised, to my proper work: Scripture and prayer; prayer and Scripture.”

Everybody Always: Becoming Love in a World Full of Setbacks and Difficult People: I don't know how one could read this book and not be inspired to live with freedom, playfulness, big dreams and tender, extravagant, ridiculous love.

"We don't need a plan to do these things. We don't need to wait for just the right moment. We just need to show up, grab a parachute, and when it's time, jump out of our shoes after people the way Jesus jumped out of heaven to be with us. Sometimes, we make loving people a lot more complicated than Jesus did.”

Rethinking School: How to Take Charge of Your Child's Education "The way we do school is entirely unnatural."

Long-time leader of the Classical homeschool movement, Bauer changes her tune a bit with this premise, with which I agree; "Not everyone can, or should, homeschool." This is not necessarily a book for homeschoolers, but is more beneficial for parents with children in the public school, offering some strategies for being your child's advocate and owning his or her education.

"Our K-12 system is a modern product of market forces. Its grades and subjects are largely arbitrary. It isn't a good fit for all (or even most) students. It prioritizes a single way of understanding over all others . . . [school] has nothing to do with the way actual human beings acquire knowledge."

You Are What You Love: The Spiritual Power of Habit: You are what you love, not what you think. We are primarily lovers, not thinkers. This one was recommended over and over at the Homeschool Convention, and I can see why. Full of insight into the formation of our desires, and ways to encourage good desires and habits, as parents, teacher, pastors. I plan to read it again next year. (I wrote about this book here.)

“Jesus is a teacher who doesn’t just inform our intellect but forms our very loves. He isn’t content to simply deposit new ideas into your mind; he is after nothing less than your wants, your loves, your longings.”

The Orphan Master's Son This one destroyed me. The author did extensive research in North Korea before writing this work of fiction. It is a heartbreaking work which leaves me aching for the people of North Korea, but also manages to leave a taste of hope. I read it nearly a year ago and still am thinking about it. A breathtaking book.

Let the Great World Spin I found this novel absolutely stunning. Every line reads like poetry, and he managed to sustain this lovely cadence throughout 351 pages. A rare, dazzling work of fiction.

Katherine I got through this one through sheer determination. Over 500 pages, this epic love story is based on the true story of 14th century Katherine Swynford and John of Gaunt. So many people rave about it as the masterpiece which made them fall in love with historical fiction. The scope and research is definitely impressive, and while it kept me intrigued, it wasn't a thrilling read for me. Still, one of my top ten this year.

This Day: New and Collected Sabbath Poems, Wendell Berry Written over the course of Sundays on his solitary walks, this collection reads the way its title suggests; as a Sabbath. Restful, quiet, taking time to notice the beauty of his surroundings. I read this one slowly, a poem or two at a time. I will read this again and again.

I
No, no, there is no going back.
Less and less you are
that possibility you were.
More and more you have become
those lives and deaths
that have belonged to you.
You have become a sort of grave
containing much that was
and is no more in time, beloved
then, now, and always.
And you have become a sort of tree
standing over a grave.
Now more than ever you can be
generous toward each day
that comes, young, to disappear
forever, and yet remain
unaging in the mind.
Every day you have less reason
not to give yourself away.

(I do my best to keep track of what I read on Goodreads, although I miss a few. I like to write positive reviews, but find myself unable to write negative reviews for the most part; even if I didn't enjoy the book, it represents the labor and heart of the author, and it makes me feel gross to pick it apart. But you can find the books I love or at least like throughout the year over there.)

Renewable Items

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Fri, 14 Dec 2018 13:32:00 +0000

Would you like to renew your renewable items?

the screen asks, and every week I tap yes,

asking for more time- yes please renew

The Joy of Cooking

The Meaning of Marriage

Grace Based Parenting

(For the Children's Sake)

renew

A Room of One's Own

(which I will probably never read)

Peace Like a River

Good Poems

The History of Love

A World Lost

And while we're here

yes renew

the skin around my eyes

the leaking dishwasher

my blinking memory

and idealism

the sparkle of youthful

intentions

tomorrow's (always fresh, with no mistakes in it) best laid plans-

lives yet to be lived

in books I've lost

now

acquiring late fees.

Renew

It's not too late- best words of 2018

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Tue, 11 Dec 2018 14:17:00 +0000

In December I reflect on the year, pay attention to things I learned, the books I read, the best and the worst of the year.

My favorite words of 2018 were spoken by my husband (I mentioned it here): It's not too late.

After weeks of indecision it was a first moment of clarity. These words seemed to bounce across the city and over our years together and all of the paths we've chosen or didn't choose. It's not too late - an unexpected release of all the tension and indecision, a sudden inexplicable knowing. I still am thinking about them.

It is the best and truest news for all of us, whatever our situation . . .

Maybe you need to know this-
in a very practical or
very personal and
truer than true
kind of way-

It's not too late.

Darling, you cannot miss this-
wherever you are,
however long down this path . . .
having made these choices,
going this direction
firmly but-
some lingering doubt,
something still missing.
There is this one sure thing-
it's not too late.

You are more than you are.
Today is more than you know.
Life is more than only what is
before you now.

Nearly the end of the year,
among the darkest
days nearly spent-
if I could tell you anything, it would be-
it's not too late.

As you search the sky,
pay attention;
that someplace within you
unsettled, restless, empty-
open,
if you are waiting, then
something new is blazing,
about to be born.

This wish in your spirit
for a do-over, a second chance,
more time,
a new day- consider:
love is knocking.

Advent begins in the dark,
the very end of the year,
this seventh-inning surprise
no one saw coming:
The Ancient of Days became a child.

Christmas is just the beginning and
you are not at the end, and
Everything is about to begin
again.

"Turn around and believe that the good news that we are loved is better than we ever dared hope, and that to believe in that good news, to live out of it and toward it, to be in love with that good news, is of all glad things in this world the gladdest thing of all. Amen, and come Lord Jesus.” -Frederick Buechner

Our Advent Plans and Activities

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Sat, 08 Dec 2018 11:36:00 +0000

I love this time of year. Decorating, days and days of baking and crafting. I love the secret planning and shopping, the lists and events, the big sloppy chaotic mess of all of it. December is my month.

I'm kind of excited about our Advent calendar this year. Rather than filling the little boxes with teeny tiny candy which impresses no one- this year I wrote out the things we plan to do anyway this month and slipped one in each day's box. These are the kinds of things we do every year, some are very simple, but this way they are actually noticed and hopefully remembered, being given a special place to be discovered.

(I know I should post something spiritual and all of the family devotions and the Jesses Tree but honestly, I'm taking a break from it this year. I'm going to keep doing what I always do; talking with the kids all the time about Jesus, telling them what the Father is teaching me, talking about character, studying scripture, confession, practicing repentance, practicing gratitude, sharing with my kids my weaknesses, worshiping together, praying together, laughing together, repenting together, paying attention to all of the beauty in the world. I am reading this Advent devotional and I'm loving it, I tell the kids about it.)

P.S. If you only click on one link, make it to this podcast on Keeping Advent with Malcolm Guite!

Our activities for Advent:

Make our own snow globes
Salt dough ornaments (my kids are too old for this but we did it with the little 2 y.o. we babysit, and made wrapping paper with stamps).
We made these pinecone ornaments at Thanksgiving, my favorite for the younger crowd.
I absolutely love these cinnamon applesauce ornaments. Even years later they still smell good.
Cornstarch gift tags
Let's go buy new Christmas socks!
Lunch in the car at Swensons (There is one near us and we've never been. It seems like such a novelty. ha)
Gingerbread men (We bake a variety of cookies, but this is our favorite)
Candy cane play-dough for the cousins
Ice skating
Hot chocolate at the coffee shop
See a performance of the Nutcracker
Christmas tea with friends
No school today! Today, we bake!
Spiced nuts
Go to the store and find the best-smelling thing you can find (soap, etc).
New books for St. Nicholas day
Learn about the winter solstice and eat dinner by candlelight
A winter hike through a metro park on an especially snowy day
Deliver cookies to the neighbors
Take the train to meet Dad for lunch
Gingerbread house (with a kit)
A drive to look at the lights and stop for tacos
A new tradition I started right now- this chocolate tart

Honestly, my kids are getting older and less enthusiastic about all of my Christmas activities and it makes me so sad. I was looking through old pictures remembering the fun things we used to do. I need more toddlers in my life ;-)

On Humiliation

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Fri, 30 Nov 2018 12:07:00 +0000

“Meg, I give you your faults."

"My faults!" Meg cried.

"Your faults."

"But I'm always trying to get rid of my faults!"

"Yes," Mrs. Whatsit said. "However, I think you'll find they'll come in very handy on Camazotz.”

― Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time

Sometimes life feels like a long series of humiliations.
I know there are some who've figured it all out, are never wrong, always achieve-
this is not my experience.
I find, much more, there is lack, loss,
one small humiliation upon another.
Loss of friendships.
Loss of time and days.
I trust the wrong people.
I am too open, too vulnerable.
Parenting failures I wish I could go back and do again.
My endless failures to live up to my own ideals.
Failures of relationship, belief.
I was totally wrong here,
I made a huge mistake there,
I can't believe I didn't see this . ...

Then there are the smaller humiliations-
I forgot to renew my driver's license, I forgot about that email, a birthday.
The bill I missed,
I left the windows down in the car and it rained,
I was late,
I ran out of baking soda-

(And now I hear someone tell me how to keep better track, she never to runs out of baking soda or missed a birthday, here is a link to this better method--)

I asked the Lord the other day,
can I be done now?
Have I lived long enough through this season that I could be finished- with these humiliations?

And I felt Him say- they are the dearest thing about you.

And so, I am giving this to you- whoever you are,
humiliated,
or not,
achieving or fumbling,
winning or just barely getting by-

You are human and you will be for a long time.
It is the very deepest, dearest thing about you-
You are so imperfect and vulnerable and lovely
and human.

(The world does not, in fact, need more success, more competition-
what will we do with all these trophies?)

We need the light in your eyes.

We need your quiet thoughts and sometimes fears and

always insecurities.

Old habits you keep trying to change, old regrets,

old grudges.

We need your forgetfulness,

your mistakes, missteps,

misguided, sincere attempts.

Your lack of love but somehow, you keep loving.

Your lack of joy but somehow, you keep bringing it.

We need your unmade bed and dust

and heartache.

We need your nearly laughter and nearly tears,

your

almost winning, almost falling apart.

It is exactly what the world needs-
your trying again, hopeful, fumbling, impossible-
fearfully and wonderfully,
beloved
human
you.

(The root word of humility is humus, earth; to be human, too, comes from the same word . ..)

-Walking on Water, Madeleine L'Engle

we pulled on our boots

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Tue, 27 Nov 2018 13:37:00 +0000

First deep snowfall of the year last night.
We pulled on coats and boots and made footprints through
the densely quiet street.
The world-
a whisper
a wonder
an invitation
to journey
within a poem
within reverence
this life
these soft-moving
earth-shattering
footprints.

(Thirteen years now of parenting-
stacks of books and worry and theory-
I won't know if I've done this job well,
there is time enough to question- )

But looking back, I will know this-

when the sun set
or rose
the seasons
when the trees offered their wisdom-
we paid attention.
I didn't miss a chance to say LOOK-
to be astonished.
When the snow fell,
we pulled on our boots.

put love on the line.

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Tue, 20 Nov 2018 20:57:00 +0000

Every day I put love on the line. There is nothing I am less good at than love. I am far better in competition than in love. I am far better at responding to my instincts and ambitions to get ahead and make my mark than I am at figuring out how to love another. I am schooled and trained in acquisitive skills, in getting my own way. And yet I decide, every day, to set aside what I can do best and attempt what I do very clumsily–open myself to the frustrations and failures of loving, daring to believe that failing in love is better than succeeding in pride. -Eugene Peterson, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction

Hi. It's been a while.

I love this month. I love the long dark evenings, just begging to be curled into with a book or long conversations. I love the coziness of home this time of year; candles and lights in the corners and turning on lamps (this weekend Jim threatened to install an overhead light; I told him its me or the overhead, he can't have both ;-) ). This morning I took the dog out into the glittering atmosphere of snowfall on the dark street. I love the atmospheres this time of year; warmth and dark and hope and together.

We got another dog.
I may have skimmed over the fact that we re-homed Lucy, our chocolate lab, a year ago. At the time, the decision felt terrible. But honestly- she was like trying to keep a horse in our house. She was a big, stubborn puppy with more energy than our little house could hold, she seemed sad and depressed and because one of my top five strengths is empathy, I felt intensely guilty for keeping this free-roaming animal confined. I'd walk and walk and walk her for miles, she literally dragging me around the block, and it was never enough. I'd drive an hour round trip to take her to playdates, and spend actual money for her to go to dog daycare in the hope that she would wear herself out playing with other dogs for a day. The only time Lucy seemed to be happy was when she was with other dogs. And so we asked our friends whose dog was Lucy's pal if they were interested in taking her, and they said yes. I felt terrible for weeks over giving my kids' dog away, and it was the best thing I could have done.

We got another dog. He is tiny. His name is Finley. We love him. He is so easy and effortless and happy. I wonder why we give so much time and effort and guilt to things that are not meant for us.

Hogwarts
A few years ago I read a quote by Bill Gates; "People overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in ten years." This inspired me to begin saving a very small amount of money every week, for years. I didn't know what I was saving for, only that it was going to be something fun. And then suddenly I knew. ..

Annie has been obsessed with Harry Potter this year. She read all the books four and five times, she's reading them to Josie, she talks about the stories endlessly. In the books, acceptance letters to Hogwarts are delivered on the students' eleventh birthday. So we gave Annie her letter on her eleventh birthday, and she and I flew to Orlando to go to Harry Potter world. We had the best time. We aren't huge fans of amusement parks, but it was a great memory and I loved the time with my middle girl.

We are staying in Cleveland.
Always in the back of our mind was the question, is Cleveland home? Since we moved here eight years ago I've never wished to be anyplace else, but would we eventually make our way back to our hometown, or another city? It seemed possible. This month Jim had a job offer and we spent a week overthinking and changing our minds and changing them again. At the airport as Annie and I were flying home he decided to take the job, and I agreed, and then we landed in Cleveland and he picked us up and I said, I love it here. And he said, it's not too late. And we are staying.

We realized that we love our life here, we don't want to leave. It was a nice chance to step back and survey our life choices and where we are in this present moment, and to choose it all again.

Homeschool-
I woke up thinking about Heidi at Mt Hope Chronicles this morning. I've never met Heidi, but I began to read her blog way back in 2008 I believe. It was my first in-depth introduction to homeschool and to the classical method. Two things caught my interest- her love of books, and her humble honesty. I guess she was on my mind because last night I skimmed instagram and read her captions- genuine and self-deprecating and literary as always. Because she was my introduction to homeschool, this is what I thought homeschool could be. I'm not sure why I'm writing about this except that maybe I need to revisit my vision every once in a while, to shake out the rugs and clear the clutter. I want to do this job humbly, honestly, quietly, free of stress or competition or self-righteousness, to know my children and help them to love God and their neighbor and life and learning, which is the whole dang point.

(If you aren't familiar with Heidi, go follow her on instagram or her blog).

Books
When I heard Eugene Peterson was dying I read A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, which had been on my TBR pile for years. It is a wonderful, expansive view of the Christian life based on the Psalms of Ascent. I absolutely loved it and I plan to read it with my kids when they are a bit older.

The Christian life is going to God. . . . The difference is that each step we walk, each breath we breathe, we know we are preserved by God, we know we are accompanied by God, we know we are ruled by God; and therefore no matter what doubts we endure or what accidents we experience, the Lord will preserve us from evil, he will keep our life. We Christians believe that life is created and shaped by God and that the life of faith is a daily exploration of the constant and countless ways in which God’s grace and love are experienced.
Faith is not a precarious affair of chance escape from satanic assaults. It is the solid, massive, secure experience of God who keeps all evil from getting inside us, who keeps our life, who keeps our going out and coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

In the Kitchen
Still perfecting my sourdough.

My favorite lentil soup in the winter.

I could make this banana bread every morning. And these healthier blueberry oat muffins are really good too.

For Thanksgiving I'm making cranberry-jalapeno cream cheese dip, a pomegranate/apple/walnut salad,Turkey tacos with cranberry salsa on Friday. (I know, I don't get to make any main courses because apparently I'm still finding my way around the kitchen; actually we just have a lot of cooks in the family).

Learning, Enjoying, Watching
There is too much to catch-up after so many months . . . a few things . . .

Isn't the Enneagram so fascinating and super insightful/helpful/convicting?

I've missed The Writer's Almanac daily poem, but now I am enjoying the Circe Institute's Daily Poem podcast even more. No longer than ten minutes, some brief commentary and he reads the poem through twice. I listen while I'm getting ready in the morning or in the car with the kids, it's a lovely way to start the day.

I love everything Joy Clarkson and her sister Sarah Clarkson are giving the world. Watch these women, I believe they are speaking something deeply important into their generation. I especially enjoy Joy on twitter, and her podcast is fantastic. (Consider becoming a Patreon! Jim and I 100% believe in supporting truth and beauty).

Poldark is the first series I've gotten into since The Office in the 90's. Ha! I was so sad the fourth season ended on Sunday. If you haven't watched, it is worth catching up on. The next season will be the final.

After many years and many diets, I think now in my forties I'm finally landing in this camp. Basically, pay attention to your body and eat good food, mostly plants. I have adopted this morning detox drink.

There is more to write but this post is probably too long already. It is a lovely, snowy day here. I'm about to go make this cabbage soup.

I hope your Thanksgiving is rich. I hope you will put love on the line. To very clumsily open yourself to the frustrations and failures of loving. I hope you will see the humanity in every person with whom you disagree, I hope you will find yourself drawn to them by some illogical mercy, some miraculous tilt of beauty. I hope the atmosphere will be soft, and that you will linger for a long time, and ask good questions, and be vulnerable and share your stories. I hope you will go home full and warm and soft and glad.

And I wish all the people I love the most
Could gather in one place,
And know each other and love each other well.
And I wish we could all go camping,
And lay beneath the stars,
And have nothing to do and stories to tell.

We'd sit around the campfire
And we'd make each other laugh,
Remembering when...
And you're the first one I'm inviting.
Always know that you're invited, my friend.

And at the risk of wearing out my welcome.
At the risk of self-discovery,
I'll take every moment,
And every minute that you give me.
Every moment, and every minute that you give me.
Every moment, and every minute that you give me.
Every minute...

(Sara Groves, Every Minute)

It's not about the cow (it's love, of course)

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Sat, 05 May 2018 13:23:00 +0000

I love trying to identify personality types. I don't assume that I'm right, and I understand that people are more nuanced and complicated than a type. But it is interesting and helpful to think about as a way of understanding where people are coming from. I am especially interested in my kids' types as they are getting older, though I'm not certain I know or that they won't change and surprise me.

The easiest part of the Myers-Briggs to identify is the TJ (Thinking/Judging). I am a high FP (Feeling/Perceiving), and it feels like the whole world is a TJ.

Two of my kids are definitely TJ's, and I love (and can be exasperated by) the way their minds work. Today is a great example. I was reading aloud over breakfast. The previous chapter ended with a cow being killed by a bear, and this chapter opened with this sentence:

"Wilbur says I'm grief crazy sad . . ."

I couldn't even finish the sentence before Josie interjected. She already knew what the chapter was about, May Amelia was "grief-crazy sad" because their cow died, and she continued on with several more observations as if she had just finished reading the entire book.

In fact May Amelia's grief had nothing to do with the cow, this was a part of the story she couldn't have seen coming, the part with the cow was sad but she had no idea why May Amelia would be grief crazy sad. She hadn't yet heard the chapter.

This seems to be the way the whole world is interacting currently.

We look up a name and can instantly cast a person into one group or party or another, and then we are done listening.

We read a headline and believe or disbelieve the entire article based on where it was published.

We enter into conversations already disbelieving, already armed with rebuttals.

We assume that no one with a differing opinion is as intelligent, thoughtful, god-fearing, or well-informed as our group.

We just finished the chapter about the cow. The cow is dead, everyone knows what this chapter will be about.

FP's to the rescue.

Sometimes I'm insecure about my FP-ness. And for good reason. I struggle to make decisions, I can be a huge pushover, I'm often ruled by my feelings (oh, my word, why is being ruled by one's thoughts a superior virtue?) We are often perceived as weak and not taken seriously.

As I've gotten older I've grown into my FP-ness. It's the way God made a few of us, there must be a purpose.

Maybe it's because we're willing to wait for the next chapter. We don't believe we've arrived and we're open and willing to listen. We hesitate to make judgments and sometimes that's a good thing.

We usually begin with the assumption that there are people smarter, braver, with understandings and perspectives which we can learn from.

We can hear something with our mind, but if it doesn't engage our heart, if it doesn't resonate in our intuition, if it isn't beautiful, it just never settles.

FP's are quite comfortable with wonder, with hopefulness, with not knowing everything.

In his book You Are What You Love, James K.A. Smith makes the case that human beings are first and foremost lovers. (Great book! Highly recommend).

"To question thinking-thingism is not the same as rejecting thinking. To recognize the limits of knowledge is not to embrace ignorance. We don't need less than knowledge; we need more."

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless . . . Phil.1:9,10

". . . love is the condition for knowledge. It's not that I know in order to love, but rather: I love in order to know. And if we are going to discern "what is best"- what is "excellent," what really matters, what is of ultimate importance- Paul tells us that the place to start is by attending to our loves."

". . . It's a question not of whether you long for some version of the kingdom but of which version you long for. This is true for any human being; it is a structural feature of human creatureliness. You can't not love. It's why the heart is the seat and fulcrum of the human person, the engine that drives our existence. We are lovers first and foremost. "

I love the Thinking/Judging people in my life (I married one). They keep me grounded, they help me make decisions, we laugh at my lack of logic. But that doesn't mean our TJ's don't need us. I don't apologize for my feeling and perceiving anymore.

I have great affection for the number Pi. As a person who struggles to understand most math, my ears perk up hearing about this irrational number which lurks in every circle, appears to go on forever, seeming randomly distributed, has never been solved. There will always be this gap in our knowing, a fault in every fact, the crack in human logic. It is love, of course.

A few of the things I'm loving, learning, or changing this spring

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 12:23:00 +0000

I love home, homes. I love walking my neighborhood of homes built in the forties, all of these decades of coming home. My favorite are the kitchens. I'd trade an entire subdivision for one kitchen table with a light over it, the muffled clatter of dishes, chairs pushed back, over and over and over again. I have more hope in kitchen tables than just about anything, I believe they are the one thing keeping us afloat, holding us together. When despair for the world grows in me . . . I heat up a pan, chop an onion, I set the table.

"After the resurrection, Jesus didn’t show up at the temple, but around the dinner table." (Leonard Sweet)

A page of my bullet journal contains four lists: things I'm learning, small things I'm loving, my frustrating moments, and what is saving my life right now.

The idea of recording frustrations came from Modern Mrs. Darcy (here). It is surprisingly helpful to actually write down your frustrating moments, even the small things. When I name it, I can begin finding ways to change it rather than endure it, rather than repeating it over and over.

Here are some of the things that I've been learning, loving, or frustrating things I'm working on changing this spring:

Learning

I made this chocolate cake with chocolate frosting from Julia Turshen's Small Victories for Josie's birthday, and it will become my standard chocolate cake recipe

I re-read Daring Greatly for book club, and I really need to re-read it every year or so.
Vulnerability is life's great dare. Are you all in?
Shame heals best between people.

Who Thought This Was a Good Idea? by Alyssa Mastromonaco was hilarious and a super interesting behind-the-scenes look at the White House. (Let's be friends on Goodreads; I track my reading and write reviews there). One takeaway: She says she succeeded by focusing on the next five steps. You can't become an expert on everything, but you can prepare for your next five steps. I'm learning to prepare for the next five things right in front of me rather than looking too far down the road.

Dream More, by Dolly Parton
I would not have picked this up on my own, but I heard it recommended three times within the course of a week. Don't read the book, everyone said, you have to listen to her read the audio. It is a quick book, only three cds, and it is delightful. I love her.

It’s been my experience that happiness begets happiness. You have to work hard at being happy, just like you have to work hard at being miserable. I wake up every day expecting all to be good and right. And if it’s not, I set my mind to making it so by the end of the day. You just have to figure out where the unhappiness is coming from and then set about fixing it . . . I learned early on that if you can just get started at doing something positive, somehow you are starting on the downhill side of your problem. When big things in your life get messy, you need to get up and get out. I make a point to appreciate all the little things in my life. I do out and smell the air after a good, hard rain. I re-read passages from favorite books. I hold the little treasures that somebody special gave me. These small actions help remind me that there are so many great, glorious pieces of good in the world.

Small choices have more power than big. I'm learning this from the Lazy Genius, How to Set Goals Like a Normal Person and The Universal Path to Life-Giving Routine. Both are super practical and thoughtful. I'm loving everything The Lazy Genius (Kendra) writes or says right now.

Rethinking School by SusanWise Bauer
The way we do school is entirely unnatural. If you are a parent, read this book. It's not about homeschool, but about taking charge of your child's education- which is the job of the parent regardless of your school choice.

A few quick tips:
Don't ask kids what they want to be, but who they want to be.

Help kids to pay attention to their emotions and feelings, look for patterns. Be aware of the things you love. Have them keep lists; when are they confused/interested; frustrated/happy; things I love/places I love. Ask; If you could have a perfect day, what would it be? Take all of the Self-knowledge tests you can get your hands on.

I attended the Midwest Great Homeschool Convention in April. I wish there were a Great Parenting Convention for all of my friends who don't homeschool, as every year I come away encouraged and better equipped in my parenting. A few quick takes because I have pages and pages of notes which I will spare you . . .

Education is virtue. Your child's teacher should be the most virtuous person you can find. I must be the most virtuous parent I can be. (Andrew Kern)

Parenting: "Let there be a tree of no in a garden of yes." Our orientation toward the world should be positive. We are heirs. We don't lack." (S.D.Smith)

Writing: "Words are not abstract. They make you feel, they get in your head. Writing is a craft. It's physical, you're shaping and creating something. . . Don't try writing massive novels; write one brick, perfectly. If you can make one perfect brick, you can make another perfect brick, you can make a million perfect bricks, you can build a cathedral." (N.D.Wilson)

Little Things I'm Loving:

Tea time. Joy Clarkson's podcast is so great, and A Philosophy of Tea convinced me to adopt a daily tea time. I am surprised by the way a set time for tea actually brings a kind of order to my day.

We toured Chagrin Valley Soap and Salve with our homeschool. The company began in their mother's kitchen, and while it has expanded their process remains the same. They continue to make small batches of soaps and lotions, with few ingredients, on a stovetop. I've switched from a more expensive moisturizer to their whipped face cream and Pomegranate Argan Oil and I love them.

My set of wooden spoons.

Chopped Thai Salad with Honey-Lime Dressing
Spicy Turkey and Zucchini Burgers

Look & See: Wendell Berry's Kentucky (streaming only until May 7).

Taking a quarterly day every three months to review life, set new goals, trouble-shoot my frustrating moments. I'm finding quarterly goals are much more successful than grand New Year's resolutions.

Frustrating Moments/ Changes

My art space is in my basement laundry room, and every time I walk by with a load of laundry it sits there mocking me. I am frustrated that I'm not making art, frustrated at my unfinished pieces. My solution: inspired by the Lazy Genius' #the100dayproject watercolors, I'm starting a forty day project in May. Quick, simple, daily art.

Somewhere I heard the idea (I believe it was Erwin McManus) that I cannot measure my own success by anything but that I gave my ALL. This changes everything. The question isn't what should I be doing, but What can I give my whole heart to right now? In each situation, however large or small the question is, How can I give my whole heart to this situation?

Saving My Life Right Now . . .

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front

So, friends, every day do something
that won’t compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millennium. Plant sequoias.

(Read the rest here)

There are other things I'm loving and learning, other frustrating moments, and this is the wonder, that all things are ours, all of God's wide world, and all of the books and people to meet, all of the frustrating moments and cups of tea and chocolate cake; all of life and death and the present and future- all are yours, and you are Christ's, and Christ is God's. We will never run out of things to learn and ways to grow and love. Today, we pour tea and set the table and plant Sequoias. The wonder of it.

tug

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Fri, 02 Mar 2018 21:09:00 +0000

It's been a year since I last posted, and my writing here had been dropping steadily before that, and now there is this quiet tug to blog again. Life isn't any quieter now, or the internet any safer, but life circles back and there is this desire, and maybe desire itself is a gift, a nod in some direction- look, there- and to ignore it is to miss something.

This morning I tried to pull into our snow-covered driveway but there was a robin hopping all over the place, huffing, he seemed mad about the snow and I thought maybe he was calling my bluff- go ahead, take me now, please- as it hopped in front of the tires and I had to wait for the suicidal robin to clear the driveway. So what does this have to do with writing? Only that there are these moments- this joy and fury and misery and what do we do with them but notice and watch and protect them somehow, the experience of living.

Pablo Casals, one of the greatest cellists who ever lived, began every day in the same manner. "I go to the piano and I play two Preludes and Fugues of Bach. It fills me with awareness of the wonder of life, and with a feeling of the incredible marvel of being human." (Still Writing, Dani Shapiro)

Does blogging fill me with the awareness of the wonder of life and the marvel of being human? No, but writing does, and this is one way to share in the marvel of being human together.

Maybe someday I'll freshen up the blog, but for now I'll be happy with a free hour on a Friday afternoon to try to catch up a bit and share some things I learned this winter . ..

Harry Potter helped me remember what we're here for. I read the first Harry Potter book to the kids and before I could pick up the next one Annie had finished the series. For a month she ate, slept, and breathed Harry Potter. She is reading them all a second time, she's reading them to her sister, she talks about the stories, the characters, endlessly. She dreams about Harry Potter. Watching her, I remembered what art is for. I remembered how it feels to be entirely transported into an experience, I remembered the shock and thrill and sizzle that good art can do, and how to come back to earth with the light still firing in your eyes. This is why we make art.

I've been learning how to make sourdough bread. I'm learning about the elements of good cooking: Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat in this beautiful cookbook.

I'm still learning so much about mothering and living an intentional life from Sally Clarkson, and now I'm enjoying learning and pondering the arts through her insightful daughter's podcast, Speaking With Joy.

I learned more than I thought I could know about North Korea in this amazing novel.

I learned that writing is solitary work. I know this, I've always known it, and yet I've spent a decade believing that I could just sneak it in along with the noise and action of life, wondering why I felt so frustrated. Still Writing: The Perils and Pleasures of a Creative Life, by Dani Shapiro is a great book about the writing life. What struck me most were the details of her working life; she keeps bankers hours, she needs a place free of interruption, she is alone and writing forty hours a week like its her job, which it is. For some reason I needed someone to spell it out like this, to talk me through the details of a writer's life, the sense of feeling cut-off from the world, the courage to claim her own space and time. Some of the same challenges are present with homeschool.

I was able to attend the IF Gathering last month and was encouraged to Persevere in my faith, specifically in the spiritual disciplines.

"If you can't get out of it, get into it." I've kept this bit of advice in my pocket from Parker Palmer's Let Your Life Speak. Intentionally getting into the very thing you wish to avoid is the key to most things; commitments, relationships, winter, piano practice, growing older, getting things done.

Self-Care Mistakes, and How Service Solves Them, at Simply Convivial. This helps explain my cringing reaction to the term "self-care." I thought about all of the inexplicable ways and times I felt the tender care of God when I wasn't looking for it, and how much more satisfying it is to be cared for by God than to strive for it for ourselves. A wise perspective.

Finally, a fast summary of the past twelve months; I quit my job, we re-homed the dog (don't hate me, she got to move in with her best friend and the most incredible dog parents- a long story that emotionally wore me out but was the right decision), we continue to homeschool, this year we formed our own co-op and its been the best year, I turned forty, the kids are easy peasy, we're all still in process, still trying and failing and loving and fighting and working it out. We're still doing our best to love God and people and to live wholehearted and amazed in this brutal, beautiful world.

reflecting on 2016:

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Mon, 02 Jan 2017 21:25:00 +0000

I love the New Year for dreaming and re-focusing, and I love taking time to reflect on where we've been. I prefer to take my time entering a new year, giving myself these first weeks for dreaming and planning the year ahead. These are some of my reflection questions on 2016:

Single best thing that happened in 2016: Changing my diet, eliminating sugar, gaining greater health. Choosing to homeschool the kids another year.

Single most challenging thing: LUCY.

An unexpected joy: that I would not only learn to live with Lucy but also grow to love her. (Most of the time). Watching the kids grow and mature, seeing their strengths emerge.

Best books I read in 2016:
Own Your Life by Sally Clarkson
The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard (still making my way slowly through this, so much to mull over!)
Big Magic was good, too, and The Allure of Gentleness by Dallas Willard. I listened to both of these on audio.
Best fiction was The Princess and the Goblin by George MacDonald, a read aloud with the kids.

Biggest personal challenge: learning to say no, letting go of guilt

In what ways did I grow spiritually? In various ways, at various times this year I have sensed the Lord showing me that I am trying too hard. I feel guilty alllll of the time. I feel like from the moment my feet hit the floor, until I fall into bed at night, I am trying as hard as I can, and I still fall asleep feeling like I'm failing. One Sunday our pastor gave a message on the older brother in the story of the prodigal son, and it hit me hard. The older brother is working really hard. The older brother is angry. The older brother doesn't realize he too is lost. I am the older brother. I have to admit, the message made me mad. I felt hopeless. I felt like saying, no matter what I do I am still doing it wrong. I give up. For the first time I took a long break from everything- a break from guilt, a break from trying so hard. I am still working this out, I know I need to sit here for a while and understand how to abide as the beloved, how to rest in imperfection.

In what ways did I grow physically: I originally contacted a health doctor for one of the children. But it was the week I turned 39, and suddenly I wondered if I was taking care of myself. I considered myself a pretty healthy person, but I was also considering going on a mild anti-depressant. I'm so glad I started by learning about nutrition instead. After cutting out sugar and grains and adding supplements, I have very little pms symptoms, no more insomnia or anxiety or brain fog, more energy and balance. Over Christmas I indulged a bit and instantly experienced anxiety and insomnia again.

What was the most enjoyable area of managing your home? Cooking, meal planning, decorating, planning our schedule and just going about our life together, cooking with the kids, reading together, having people over.

What was the most challenging area of home management: homeschool

Single biggest time waster? The internet. One of the frustrations of being home with my kids all the time is the sense that I can't do anything without being interrupted. As a result, I often default to mindless things which don't require deep attention. One of my goals for the new year is Deep Work- to train myself to give focused attention to my work; whatever it is I am doing.

Best way I used my time this year: any time I was present with the family, the nights that I didn't work, reading with the kids, family suppers, Sunday evenings when I sit down and relax, visiting friends and taking trips. Not trying too hard to read, write or blog this year weren't things I'd have chosen, but ended up being a necessary choice.

2016 was a year of peace and goodness in our home. It was another year of God's beauty and grace. I am so grateful.

the problem with knowing everything

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 11:29:00 +0000

I spend a very large percentage of my life acquiring information in hope of doing something right, whatever it is- Life. Living. This Very Important Question.

I read ALL the parenting books and followed all the blogs and went to conferences. I researched the hell out of homeschool and read all the books and followed all the blogs and went to conferences. I've spent my Christian life trying to read all the books and I still read all the blogs and go to conferences. I've read all the writing books and subscribed to the magazines and followed blogs and gone to conferences. I spent all summer researching dogs which is not my favorite topic. Lately I've been changing my diet and now I'm searching for books and blogs and going to talks on nutrition.

And then I worry. I worry because I am not living up to what I know. I worry that I'm choosing the wrong information, or because this information contradicts that information. There is always more to learn, and yet there doesn't seem to be enough; I am still imperfect, life is still imperfect.

We have this very human need to know how to live. I don't think there is anything wrong with learning, growing, trying to improve; it is vital. Questions, ideas, contradictions, conversation, are some of the best things in life.

It is the glory of God to conceal a matter;

to search out a matter is the glory of kings.

Prov.25:2

Surely I've read 1 Corinthians 13 hundreds of times. But this week verses 8-13 were brand new to me, the best news I've read in a long time:

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part . . . Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Everything is only in part.

Knowledge is in part.
Prophesy is in part.
Homeschool is in part.
Public school is in part.
Classical education is in part.
Every parenting effort can only be in part.
Every vocation is in part.
Calling is in part.
Relationships are in part.
Nutrition is in part.
Art is in part.
Every book is in part.

Life will never feel quite complete. Every idea or school of thought will eventually end because it is imperfect. There are no perfect solutions or ways of doing anything. Every choice I make will always be at least partly the wrong one. This is a huge relief!

So what do we do with this incomplete life and imperfect living? Faith. Hope. The greatest is Love.

All of the books, all of the reading and asking and discussing and learning- what we are searching for are these.

Love fills in the gaps. Love covers a multitude of imperfections. Maybe living well isn't even all that possible. Only how we've loved will remain.

"Do every day with love, and you will know what to do."

Daybook October 5

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Wed, 05 Oct 2016 20:10:00 +0000

Today . . .
Today we are at home. I knew by the look in her eye at four-o'clock yesterday that Josie had caught her sister's fever, knew we wouldn't be hurrying out the door to co-op today. I never want my kids to be sick, but I never mind the healing. I don't mind canceling plans, cuddling all morning with books, getting out the soup pot and stirring chicken soup. I don't mind that she asks all day long for more hugs. Today is for healing and this is my best and favorite work.

Reading . . .

Devotional: The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard. Enjoying this one so much.
Fiction: We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves by Karen Joy Fowler. Recommended by Ruth.
Nonfiction: Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. I listened to this on audio and liked it so much I bought the book.

In the Kitchen . . .

I am completely off all sugar and grains now, so I've become one of those people who takes lovely, eternally good, delicious things like pizza and tries to make it out of cauliflower and enjoys suffering. (Kidding. I am all in. I thought I could never give up sugar and now bread but it really is worth it. I'm sorry, paleo people, for making fun of your recipes all these years.)

So now I'm cooking:

This red cabbage and kale slaw. Tuscan garlic chicken. Roasted sweet potatoes. Kale chips. Eggs over quinoa with feta. Or my default recipe: any remaining vegetables and/or protein on a plate, a handful of seeds over, oil and vinegar.

Outside my window. . .

It is a beautiful, sunny and mid-seventies week here in Cleveland, and I feel guilty every time I look out the window and can't stop thinking about Haiti, Jamaica, Cuba.

Thinking about . . .

How to quiet my mind. How to simplify our schedule. How to stay home more. How to say no to good things and yes to the right things. This:

"Until our thoughts of God have found every visible thing and event glorious with his presence, the word of Jesus has not fully seized us." -Dallas Willard, The Divine Conspiracy

Looking forward to . . .

Wendell Berry is speaking at the Circe Institute Winter Conference. The price is ouch but I was already hoping to attend and when I saw that Wendell Berry would be there I fell over. My biggest crush (W.B.) and my biggest educational influence- together. I will be such a fangirl.

The Spiritual Discipline of Dogs . . .

Josie is napping on my lap and I'm trying to type around her. Lucy is begging to be on the sofa with us and I keep dragging her off. I am determined to love Lucy. She barks too much and she stinks and the shedding is more than I can take. I don't understand dogs but I believe God is here, and that she is another way to know God and to be loved by God. I'm learning that my heart needs stretched, in all kinds of ways. The older I get the more aware I am of a hardening of the heart, a natural reflex to be unchanged and uncomplicated, and if I choose to believe in the vastness and limitless of the love of God then I must open up, again and again, the door of my heart to Jesus, to invite him to come in, daily, in every way. To find his glorious presence. Even by learning how to love dogs.

Symposium, and what is working this year

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Mon, 12 Sep 2016 19:17:00 +0000

Symposium, or Morning Time, is a concept I have read a lot about and have done in various forms over the years. It is basically a way of creating a specific space, or ritual, of reading aloud and memory work, and making it the most important part of our day.

The word Symposium comes from the Greek and means "to drink together," which is wonderful however for our homeschool this means tea. We have Symposium mid-morning, and promising tea and snacks is a great way to get everyone to the table.

This year Symposium consists of:

A hymn. Usually I begin by playing the Benediction on YouTube, hopefully we will go a little deeper into other hymns and their composers.

Devotions- The Jesus Storybook Bible (still our favorite, we will switch to another when we are through) and Jesus Calling for kids.

Scripture Memory: I have collected in our Symposium notebook many of the Scripture passages we have memorized in the past as well as what we hope to memorize this year. This way we can review several passages, and I can quickly choose the next. Having passages already prepared is key for me to reduce the paralysis of analysis I often feel with Bible memory- which one to pick next?

Poetry: ditto for poems, I have printed the ones we have already memorized, and selections to be memorized (I chose ours this year from The Harp & Laurel Wreath). We can quickly review a few already memorized, and then work on the new poem.

Classical Conversations Memory Work: we review Memory Work lightly and then spend time going in-depth in the subjects with library books, YouTube, Encyclopedia of World History, etc. For example, this week we are reading through an Eyewitness Book of Medieval Life, we watched a short video on the seven biomes, and a video of Charlemagne.

Read Aloud: One of our read aloud books is from the period of history we are studying, and there are more picture books from the library on the subjects from our CC week in Science, Geography, and History subjects.

Famous Paintings: I love this set of activity cards from Usborne Books. One brief card per week with a famous painting, the artist, and a few key facts.

There are educational coloring books for kids to color while I read aloud, or they can cut paper or draw. Generally Symposium lasts right up to lunch, from about 10:30 to noon, and is our favorite and most focused time of the day.

Other things which are working for us this year:

I am giving myself Mondays as a slow-entry day. Generally I work on Saturdays, and so Mondays are for managing the house: cleaning, laundry, groceries, and the library. I take the morning to catch up on email, plan our menu, figure out what books we need. The kids help me clean, round up overdue library books, and try to at least practice piano. We also try to fit in Symposium on Mondays. My fifth year of homeschool, I don't feel guilty for taking this day. Homeschool is about living life together, and we need this day.

I'm trying to take back a daily quiet time- all kids in their rooms reading for one hour. Everyone is happier when they take some space from one another, especially mom.

Just-Because-We-Can days. We want to be about enjoying the freedom that homeschool give us. Who am I kidding, we've always enjoyed our freedom, but we are being even more intentional this year and planning fun days and trips.

One of the values of Classical education is the idea of much not many- to go deeply into a few subjects rather than a thin study of many subjects. The same applies to life. Learning how to say yes to a few things- and do those things really well.

Most of all, I am learning to relax and enjoy our days. I'm learning to laugh more and try to control much less. Everything goes smoother when we take it a little lightly.

I love this permission slip at Brave Writer. I hereby grant myself permission . . .

Our homeschool plan and why I should not be doing this but I'm doing it anyway

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Tue, 06 Sep 2016 09:46:00 +0000

I decide that I am unfit for homeschool at least three times a week. Sometimes three times a day. As the mom, you are so up close and personally involved with every moment of your kids' lives, without the space of perspective. There are no perks to this gig or even a coffee break; you are the crazy person who chose this in the first place.

After taking the Clifton Strengths Finder this summer I thought about my strengths and compared them to what is needed to be a great teacher, and determined that I have none of them.

My top five: empathy, connectedness, ideation, input, adaptability. All of my strengths feel like weakness as a homeschool mom.

I love ideas. I can generate a thousand ideas but be unable to choose one.

I am highly adaptable, I resist structure and routine which are kind of important in a classroom. (Adaptability + ideation means that I change my mind twelve times a day)

I love to learn and so I can be impatient with things I already know. I love the learning and research aspect of homeschool but struggle to stick with one thing.

At the very bottom of the thirty-two strengths I am sure would be the command strength. I am terrible at command. I hate telling people what to do. I should not be in charge of anyone, I can't even take charge of myself. I cannot ask for help, I have no concept of time and plan for twice more than could ever be accomplished. I hate details. I make most of my decisions out of guilt.

When it comes to homeschool, my strengths feel an awful lot like weaknesses. All of these are reasons why I should not be doing this.

But something about turning 39 this summer has me saying, Ack, so be it. I am a bit of a mess, I will probably always be, so be it. I am what I am; self-deprecating, in over my head, usually a bit confused, doubtful, curious, feeling everything.

I do my best. I give my whole heart. I keep trying, and learning, and adapting. I am going to try to be a bit more empathetic with myself this year.

And also? We might not do it through High School. Or maybe we will.

The best bit of homeschool advice I've ever heard is from Susan Wise Bauer who said that every year they asked the question, what does each child need to thrive this year?

This year, thriving is more of the same: Classical Conversations one day a week, and Math, piano, lots of books, friends, field trips, and time to play. And because I have in the back of my mind (and on my prayer list), that just maybe next year will look different, we are being all the more intentional enjoying the just because we can things.

One of the themes for me this summer was the next right thing. Talking with friends who spent their entire career in Haiti, they said that so many people came to Haiti "for life" and left after a very short time. More often, it was the people who came only for a year or two who ended up being there long term.

Today we begin another year of home education. My next right thing is to make breakfast, and read to the kids. My next right thing is to overcome my nature by sticking to a schedule, at least a rhythm, and to help my kids overcome their natures too. My next right thing is to feed my kids enough truth, beauty, and goodness to make them hungry to seek it for themselves.

Maybe we'll only be here for another year. Or two. It is going to be a great year.

Our homeschool plan for the year:

Josie: First Grade

Yes Mom, Please & Thank-you

Patience & Kindness

Gratitude

Symposium

Math (Math-U-See)

Handwriting (Handwriting Without Tears)

Phonic Museum

Reading

Area of Care:

bathrooms,

kitchen,

front door

Annie:Third Grade

No complaining

Patience & Kindness

Gratitude

Symposium

Math (Math-U-See)

Latin

Cursive

Writing With Ease

First Language Lessons

Spelling Workout

Read great books

Piano

Area of Care:

den,

dining room

Sami:Fifth Grade

See what needs done & do it

Patience & Kindness

Gratitude

Symposium

Math (Teaching Textbooks)

Latin

Cursive

Institute for Excellence in Writing

Essentials of the English Language

Spelling Workout

Read great books

Piano

Area of Care:

living room, steps,

Lucy

*more on our Symposium- my favorite part! Soon . . .

Summer 2016 recap

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Thu, 01 Sep 2016 20:01:00 +0000

Birthday parties ~ Vacation Bible School ~ Cousin Camp ~ Vet appointments ~ Haiti reunion ~ visits with friends ~ playdates ~ swimming ~ visit my grandma ~ Pennsylvania ~ orchestra ~ a trip to Kelly's Island ~ Lots of walks with Lucy

It was a full, busy summer. The kids are at great ages, they are so much fun. Our favorite was visiting friends who moved away this summer. These friends have little girls the same ages as ours, they have been the best of friends as long as we've been in Cleveland. Spending a week with them at their farmhouse in rural Pennsylvania was a bit of Heaven. It was gorgeously restful and fun.

The girls paired off and disappeared and we wouldn't see them for hours. Meanwhile Nan and I harvested her garden and made pesto and preserved vegetables or sat on the front porch reading . . . amazing.

We came home refreshed and energized, ready to dive into our school year; in theory. The reality is that we are starting late and still feeling pretty wobbly. Easing our way in is more like it.

Turning 39 has me thinking about taking better care of myself. I visited a natural health doctor and decided to give it a try. After a reflex evaluation (Reflexology is mind-bending. I love it!) he put me on a few supplements and took me off of all refined sugar- super tricky for me because I am a big-time grazer and ~~could~~ survive on dark chocolate. I'm keeping a food log and go back weekly (it is the first week of homeschool; all that is on my food log is coffee and wine).

Another thing I learned about this summer is the Clifton Strengths Finder. Our church offers a Ministry by Strengths class, which includes the online Strengths Finder evaluation. This is so interesting! I love learning how people tick. My top five in order: empathy, connectedness, input, ideation, adaptability.

Finally, I discovered a super-cheap babysitter this summer: my kids are now old enough to babysit themselves! I need at least two hours per week to write, and now that Lucy demands my ~~every last breath~~ mornings, I hire my kids to babysit themselves and Lucy. The better they are (meaning the fewer times they interrupt me or disturb the peace of the neighborhood), the more they can make. Up to two dollars whoa.

Lucy destroyed the house and my sanity, the kids never stopped talking- not even once, I think I finished three books the entire summer. It was perfect.

What I'm Learning This Summer: Own Your Life

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Mon, 01 Aug 2016 17:48:00 +0000

One: Own Your Life

My summer began with this book, Own Your Life. For years I have known the name Sally Clarkson and assumed I knew what she was about. I underestimated her. I began with her book The Life-Giving Home, which I loved, and this summer Own Your Life spoke so directly into my life and circumstances and is giving me months worth of insight to chew on.

At the same time we have this puppy who demands that I own her life instead.

What have I done this summer? Lucy is what I have done. Lucy rules the summer.

And somehow I love her. She drives me crazy but I love her.

Lucy was probably providential, in her way, for me this summer as I have attempted to own my life, while realizing how much I allow outside influences to derail me. Jim describes me as a firefighter, constantly racing to the next emergency. I struggle to prioritize, to set boundaries, to not feel guilty. Lucy, bless her heart, is a living practice in becoming intentional.

Some ways I am learning to own my life:

(quoted from or influenced by Own Your Life by Sally Clarkson)

To choose to accept the hidden, mundane work carried out in ordinary days as my long-term work of service and the place God is calling me to worship Him. To choose to be faithful in the hidden moments only God sees.

Daily to ask myself: How can I bring grace, beauty, and order to each day, and live as though it is a place of worship?

To resolve:

To be a joyful person.

To practice being thankful.

To see God’s fingerprints each day of my life, as I know my children long to have a happy mother.

To live every day by faith, choosing to believe that God is real, He listens to prayer, and He will provide the grace to get through every trial.

To love, as much as possible, all who come into my life.

Don't prioritize your schedule, schedule your priorities.

In order to live a flourishing life of influence, I will choose to own my life- to take responsibility for my choices, attitude, will, and actions, knowing they will have consequences for eternity. My integrity is built when no one but Christ is looking.

Cultivating faithfulness is to begin and end my days with prayer, to spend time in God’s word, to accept limitations by faith, to choose an inner life of integrity. I will choose to find light in this darkness. No matter what happens, I will be as obedient as I can to bring joy into this place, to create beauty in the wilderness, to exercise generous love, and to persevere with patience. I choose to believe that wherever you are my faithful companion is the place where your blessing will be upon me.

Measure your life by how well you have loved. In the moment that you love well, you are the most like Jesus... following the pathways of love will lead me to the most deeply gratifying accomplishments of my life.

I have been feeling a little lost, and the Lord is so good to feed me with just the right book at just the right season. There is much more to learn and to become. I am so thankful for these words this summer. Lord, make them true in me.

July 27

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 14:26:00 +0000

Faith is a mysterious process of following the voice of God, accompanied by hard work and wisdom. -Sally Clarkson

When I try to write there are two things which present themselves, every time: one is who do I think that I am to have anything at all to say? There are so many brilliant people saying brilliant things, let them do this job. The second is that it is selfish; there are many more practical things requiring my energy and attention.

I tried not to write this year. I surrendered it, obeyed the nagging voices. I gave all of my energy to the practical and the necessary. I am a firstborn and by nature, if nothing else, utterly responsible. The year was crammed full, and much easier than writing.

It is easier to fly through the day by reaction than by creation. It is much simpler to do what needs to be done than to wait and listen. Like Martha I am every woman: set in motion, finding my identity by what I can accomplish while at the same time complaining about it.

My negative voices tell me that writing is both selfish and arrogant. But my year long experiment found that the opposite is true.

Writing is an act of listening. It is a way to pay attention.

I want to live a listening life. I love to listen, I believe it is the way God made me. Writing is a way- one way- of listening.

I am watching friends of mine flourish, finding purpose and passion in many different ways. Not all by writing, but I think, at the heart, these friends who are finding their life's work or meaning: what they are doing is listening. At their center they are kneeling and listening, and out of that comes this beautiful work and beautiful living.

There will always be practical work to be done. There is a time to write novels and there is a time to clean toilets and there is no formula. The only rule we are given is to abide in Christ; seek, knock, ask . . . listen. We will know what to do.

July 26

noreply@blogger.com (Jessica Stock) — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 18:29:00 +0000

I woke up this morning on the bottom bunk. We go through this routine still every few weeks, they all want a turn to sleep with me. I will miss this of course. When I woke my first view was of the backyard and it surprised me, how pretty it is in the summer morning light, how ordered and green.

Last summer it was this:

and this:

Last summer was mud everywhere, and before that a forest of overgrown shrubs and a drainage problem. I didn't want to even look out the window for a year. It seemed like such a terribly long process but little by little it's improved. We fixed the drainage problem, put in a patio, added some landscaping and swings, and a dog.

There is still a corner that's a mess, waiting for a shed. Some days all I can think about is that corner and miss all of the beauty and progress.

Working retail is a perspective on how fixated the United States is with this, perfection. I see how hard people work to achieve some impossible perfecting of their homes or bodies, missing the great delight of life in the pursuit. It makes me more grateful for our simple life and little home and small improvements. It makes me want to stay small and quiet and ordinary.

Today is one of our first full days at home of the summer. I love waking up and knowing we don't have to go anywhere. I am a bit anxious that summer is passing and I'm not summering. You know, summering- to putter, to dawdle, to loll. Today is for lolling.

Annie is listening to the Chronicles of Narnia on audio. Sam is downstairs playing lego. Josie is pestering me for ways to earn money. I am giving her a dollar to not ask me anymore questions for a few minutes.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" -Mary Oliver

our story

more time

What I Learned in January (2)

What I Learned in January

The Best of 2018

the worst of the year

In December I reflect on the year, pay attention to things I learned, the books I read, the best and the worst of the year.

“My wish for you is that you continue.

Continue to be who and how you are,

to astonish a mean world with your

acts of kindness.

Continue to allow humor to

lighten the burden of your tender heart.”

Top Ten Books of 2018

Renewable Items

It's not too late- best words of 2018

Our Advent Plans and Activities

On Humiliation

“Meg, I give you your faults." "My faults!" Meg cried. "Your faults." "But I'm always trying to get rid of my faults!" "Yes," Mrs. Whatsit said. "However, I think you'll find they'll come in very handy on Camazotz.”

we pulled on our boots

put love on the line.

It's not about the cow (it's love, of course)

A few of the things I'm loving, learning, or changing this spring

tug

reflecting on 2016:

the problem with knowing everything

Daybook October 5

Symposium, and what is working this year

Our homeschool plan and why I should not be doing this but I'm doing it anyway

Summer 2016 recap

What I'm Learning This Summer: Own Your Life

July 27

July 26

“Meg, I give you your faults."

"My faults!" Meg cried.

"Your faults."

"But I'm always trying to get rid of my faults!"

"Yes," Mrs. Whatsit said. "However, I think you'll find they'll come in very handy on Camazotz.”