Vibrant unending energy
At every event, participating
Sleep evading me
Calendar booked to capacity
Where have you been?
Lupus flares constantly restrain me
No longer the hype woman?
I need your help to move daily
Along for the ride, and to my surprise
Pride violently pushed aside, leading to my health demise
In my life destined to thrive
Now chronic illnesses are along for the ride
Walking slowly on this boulevard of broken dreams
This landscape doesn’t invite my hopes and dreams of being a sprite
Always on guard against being crushed
Elevating to a branch in a distant tree
Now encapsulated in a cocoon
Alone in this womb, trying to make room
Body changing vigorously
Painful transformation giving life to new aspirations
Breaking the layer of confinement
Learning to fly
Seeing the possibilities before me
No longer a common bug
Monarchs are highly sought after
As I rest upon this leaf in the rain
The range of emotions begins to stain my brain
It’s the refrain for me
Pretty Wings by Maxwell
Yes, it is me renewed
In pain constantly through the growth naturally
I don’t like people
Yet the social butterfly moniker often clearly describes me
I don’t like people
But my aura shifts the attitude of those I come in contact with
I don’t like people
However, in small amounts, the focus turns to me
I don’t like people
Nevertheless, the atmosphere shifts when I arrive at a gathering place
I don’t like people
As I drift to the back of the room, only to be ushered to the front to control the vibe
I don’t like people
This gifting speaks from within to meet everyone where they are
I am that chick
Even though I am no longer hip
Out of the loop
Always ready for the latest scoop
Nice pair of hoops adorn my lobes
Diamonds dancing as I swivel my folds
No one to behold this joy à la mode
Emotions hidden in code
Could there be one
Tickets to this grand finale have already been sold
A butterfly whispered rest when it rains as I do
Could it be possible that I have never seen a butterfly in the rain
As stress compounds in my 49th year here on this earth
He reigns transcendently
When I feel worn down
My smile grows from within the frown
In this pause, my body fully relaxes
A sound bath of sorts engages my auditory receptors
Nature cleansing sacred space
Body aching through it all
Invigorated by the rainbow of it all
As the new day dawns, many drapes are drawn
Keep even the blinds closed
Not wanting to experience the blinding spectacle of its rising
If I could close my eyes as I walked outside
It would be the best
Unwilling to lie on the beach
Sitting on the balcony is beyond me
Skin tingling
Rashes peaking
Tanning in minutes
Fatigue descending
Bathing in this environment leaves scathing remarks
Hat, long sleeves, umbrella, and shades
Back into the shade I will remain
As the scars of this day bring me disdain
Seasonably cool, spoke the meteorologist on the trusted news station of many
Awakened by a sense of thirst as the temperature reflects 70 degrees before dawn
Frightening wind speed engulfing the budding trees
Hail dropping at a ferocious speed as the day dawns
Rain seemingly sideways amidst this weather event
This disruption within a 24-hour time frame has been unbelievable
Perfectly shaped snowflakes began to adorn the landscape
Slick roads worsen through the changes as the day progresses
Do you know HIM
Yes JESUS
All this is written
Things we haven’t seen
Evoking the realization of the scene yet to come
Pain emanating from my joints
Overwhelming fatigue ravaging my soul
Consumed by brain fog
Isolating in a cave of care
Craving sleep after each instance of activity
Slowing standing as the tingling sensation of numbness
Flows through my hands and feet
Tenacity raging deep within my very being
Appointments scheduled daily to combat the symptoms
Standing in the General Assembly
Working Full Time
Student in the Master’s of Public Health Program
Representing several non-profits
A chronic illness warrior has arisen
The newest avenger of the underserved
Granting awareness to those I’m standing on the shoulders of
Excitedly packing suitcases and duffel bags into the back of the van
Legs shaking from climbing the stairs time and again, making sure we had it all
Resting my head on my mom’s lap as we traveled down the road
Anticipating loads of fun with our family
Mind racing, eager to see this new landscape of thrills
My first time experiencing the beach
Happiness building up so immensely
Initially sensing fear of what makes it so exquisite to behold
Not really fond of nature thus far
Scenery drastically changed as the time ticked by
Excuberantly falling over one another, racing to the shore
Roughness felt between my toes
Cold water rushing up my legs
Turning towards the Boardwalk to escape
Sun feeling as if it were on my shoulder
Reminiscing as I sit in this rheumatologist’s office
Photosensitivity was rearing its ugly head then
Wishing I could have an invigorating beach experience
Now, I believe my autoimmune issues were peaking even back then
Public transportation stress
Ill-advised sharing of looks
Masked up for this
No time to get sick because
I was built for this
MzWerdSmyth's Blog 