coma

Saturday, March 31, 2007

We think she is in a coma now. We are not able to wake her to give her any medicine today. We have liquid morphine and ativan to give her if she needs it, but right now she is just calm. There is a rattle in her breathing but it doesn't sound like she is in pain. It is just so incredibly hard to see her like this, please pray for us and for a peaceful passing so she is not suffering anymore..

At home

Tuesday, March 27, 2007 myspace blog

Since my last blog we have been able to do for mom what she wanted...bring her home.  She is happier here, and I am happy we are able to give her what she wanted so much.  Her sisters have been able to come in and help me take care of her for the last two 1/2 weeks.  My brother flew in last night too, and I am happy he is able to see her and that she knows he is here.  We had hospice come in and bring a hospital bed for her in the living room, and the nurse comes a couple times a week, then the aid comes the other 3 days to bathe her. It has worked out much better than being at the nursing facility.  Their objective is to keep her comfortable and I believe we are doing that.  She has slowed down a lot in the last 4 days or so.. she is sleeping almost all of the time now and not eating very much anymore either.  It’s very sad to see... yesterday she was trying to eat a plate, and wouldn’t let me take it away. Her breathing seems to be different too...for a few seconds it will seem like she is not breathing, and then she will take a big deep breath in.  Her sister P is with me now, and my brother came in last night as well.

We are just taking it day by day now and hoping things are peaceful and painless. She has been such a fighter and so courageous.  I am amazed.

blog comments:

I'm so sorry Amy!!  I'm glad your Mom is at home like she wanted and fairly comfortable.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.....
Posted by Alicia W. on Tuesday, March 27, 2007

I'm glad she's home. I bet you she appreciates and loves you more than you can ever imagine.  

Posted by Allie on Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Oh Amy- I wish I had the words to express to you what an amazing and courageous person I think you are!  You have done everything to make her comfortable and you will always have this time you have spent with her in your heart.
~HUGS~ 
Posted by Dana on Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I am glad that she is home now and that your family can be with you and her.  I hope that you are getting a bit of rest and taking care of Amy too (you look really thin in your new pic, pretty, but thin  :) )  My thoughts and prayers are always with you!  Please know that you are a wonderful daughter and I know that your mother appreciates everything that you have done for her.  You are a strong person.  God is with you during these trying times.  Lots of love and prayers to you and your family!  God Bless!  

Posted by Kristi on Thursday, March 29, 2007

Originally posted Wednesday, March 7, 2007

I have called hospice and we are bringing mom home tomorrow. She really wants to come home. They brought out the hospital bed today and put it in the living room, and will come out tomorrow after we get home and assess her and give us the supplies we will need. They provide her medications as well. Her sisters are each going to come spend some time and will take care of her with me. We had a good visit with both of her brothers and Renee this weekend. I am told a hospice nurse will come out at least once a week, and an aide will come 3-5 times a week depending on her needs. They can help bathe her and help with things like that. She would love visitors, if you will call first at a reasonable hour and we will see what is going on. Thank you so much for all your thoughts and prayers and nice messages in the guest book. I apologize if I am not able to get back to them all individually now, but we are reading them and they mean a lot to us!!

Originally posted Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Mom has been home almost 2 weeks now, and she is happier here. Her sister K has been here with me for that time, and has been a wonderful help with Mom and around the house. We have seen subtle changes over these two weeks. She is asking for pain medication for headaches more often, more trouble with communication, focal seizures when we turn her, and seems more calm in the last few days. She also said something a couple times about 'going on a trip' - which I've heard can be a reference for dying.

She really likes having visitors, as do we. It really helps to lift her spirits and break up her day - I'm sure we get boring after awhile ;).

Originally posted Thursday, March 1, 2007

Mom has refused physical therapy the last several days, says she is tired so we have stopped it.

Increasing the steroid didn't help much, today I couldn't understand anything mom said. She is saying things that aren't even real words. I called her neuro-oncologist at Duke today, and he said to increase the steroid considerably for tomorrow and the weekend so we can hopefully talk to her and find out anything she wants to say. Then he recommends just stopping it altogether and keeping her comfortable and resting with pain medication. It seems things are declining quickly now.

Hospice

from February 25, 2007 myspace blog

I am at a loss... I just spent an hour trying to talk to mom and explain things to her, and she just doesn't understand. It's not her fault, it's the tumor, I know. but I am emotionally exhausted and I am doing the best I can. She has been at the skilled nursing facility for 3 weeks, and physical therapy doesn't think she is improving.. it is time for hospice. Mom said she is tired, and wants to go home. She has made it clear that she will not be admitted to the hospital again, even if it is life threatening.. that she just wants to go home. I asked the doctor today about prognosis, and he said "I would say weeks."

I want more than anything to bring her home if that is what she wants, I just don't know how.. I know hospice will help with a lot of things, but they will not be there every time she needs something... they have needed 2 people to turn her from side to side to take care of certain things, and I am not strong enough to do it myself. I knew we would get to this point sometime, I just don't know if I'm ready... I feel like I am just floating through the days now, not really here.. stress doesn't even begin to cover it..I just wonder how I can keep it up, how much can one person handle.. but she needs me, and I want to give her this last thing somehow.

blog comments: 

oh amy,

i am so sorry. i know this is unbelievably overhwelming and sad for you. i am praying for your mom and for you..
loren

Amy, I don't even know where to begin.  I'm so sorry to hear that the prognosis isn't getting any better.  But even more than that, I hate that you're having to deal with so much of this on your own.  I have no words to explain how truely sorry I am to hear that you're having such a rough time.  Your mom must be so proud of you and appreciative for you taking such good care of her.  You're doing the best you can and that's more than so many people could do.  Please know I"m praying for you and if you need anything, let me know.  Even if you just need to talk or get out of the house for a little while...whatever you need!  

Posted by Kelly

"I would say weeks"

from Friday, February 23, 2007

Her stomach has been bothering her for the last week and she has not been eating much. She has headaches every day and they are giving her pain medication a few times each day. I have seen a couple seizures in her face and she is not very responsive for a minute or so during/after. Her speech is worse in the last day or two and she's not completing sentences well, so they are increasing the steroid again. The doctor today thought he heard something abnormal in her chest and did an x-ray but we don't have results yet. Her heart rate has been elevated also. We have an MRI ordered for March 8th.

The main news is that when I asked the nurse practitioner today about prognosis, he said "I would say weeks." Mom has made it known in the last two days that she will not be admitted to the hospital again, even if it is something life threatening. She said she has hit her limit and has had enough. I knew she would get to this point sometime, but I just didn't know when. It looks like it is time for hospice. She just wants to be at home now, and I am trying to figure out how to make it work.

Curbs are the enemy

from Monday, January 22, 2007 myspace blog

So..I figured I didn't have enough to deal with right now, and I'd just go ahead and run into a curb when I left the hospital last Sunday, thus giving my lovely car a flat tire.. and causing me to have to buy 2 new tires since the other one apparently had a nail in it, and if you just buy one the tires wear unevenly.   fun times ;).  hehe.. i just had to laugh.. When I went to the doctor last week she told me I was under about as much stress as I probably ever would be.  I worried about everything for a minute, and then I had a thought.. I can't let it get the best of me.  I am going to think of this as a test.. if I can get through this I can get through anything. and I will.  I am going to do my best to take care of myself and live day to day. 

blog comments:

Bless your heart...sounds like you can't catch a break lately!  I know things will get better for you guys soon!  Let me know if you need anything, okay?
Posted by Kelly on Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Those damn curbs are so reckless- they never look both ways before jumping out in front of you!  LOL!  On a serious note- You are smart to take care of yourself and live day to day.  Or, in even smaller time increments if you need to.  Hour by hour, minute by minute.  Whatever it takes.  Hang in there:)

Posted by Dana on Wednesday, January 24, 2007

this one made me laugh!  sounds like something i would do!  thinkin of you always!  

Posted by Kristi on Thursday, January 25, 2007