Before I get started, I just want to tell you that
Men in Black: International is not a
good enough movie to warrant the type of whimsical subject line I’ve chosen for
this post, which implies affection. In fact, I’m not even sure if it’s good
enough to watch on an airplane.
But I have a reason for choosing the subject, which I’ll get
to presently.
We’re going to America in a couple months, and I’m trying to
lose a little bit of weight. Ever since I dislocated my shoulder (nearly five
weeks ago), my fitness level has dropped considerably. Not only am I not playing
baseball, the culprit behind my dislocation and also a source of some exercise, and not jogging, though my injury doesn't specifically prevent it, but I’m also not riding my bike to work. And though walking to and from the
tram stop also gives me some exercise, it’s clearly not as much as riding.
This has exacerbated the effects of an already bad habit I
have of scarfing down whatever snacks you have in the vicinity. That’s a bit of
an exaggeration, but for some months now I have been eating whatever I like, whenever
I like, which we all know is a recipe for bad things.
A particular habit I have that contributes to the problem is
that I like to take sugary things with me when I go to the movies. This is
based on the largely false assumption that a hit of chocolate will help wake me
up if I start fading. And even if the assumption is false, it doesn’t change
the fact that if I’m not going to have chocolate with me, I need to have
something that can have a similar effect, even if it’s a placebo on some level.
How about tea?
Tea does not have as much caffeine as coffee, of course, but
it also does not stimulate my bowels the way coffee does. Having a coffee
during a movie is a good idea in theory, but in reality, there’s nothing that
sends me to the toilet faster. And watching a movie is exactly when I don’t
need to be sent to the toilet.
Tea has never had that effect on me. If I needed to wake up
emergently, it probably wouldn’t have the necessary effect on me either. But if
I just need a little something, maybe even a repetitive motion that would
keep me awake and would contain considerably fewer calories than repeatedly
eating M&M’s, tea might fill that roll perfectly.
I tried it out for the first time last night for Men in
Black: International.
I got a large thermos and filled it with hot water, then
dunked in two tea bags, screwing in the string with the cap when I closed it,
so I wouldn’t have to fish the bags out of the brew later on. I favor teas with
a little licorice in them, and this was one of those. I then slipped this
thermos in my backpack, where I ordinarily smuggle large bags of gummy worms,
and brought it with me to the theater.
The first thing I noticed is how damn well the thermos works.
Even halfway through the movie, the tea was almost still hot enough to burn my
lips. That’s because I kept screwing the cap back on between sips, but
still. I needed to make sure I was
sitting sufficiently upright not to pour it down my neck for that very
reason. I suppose sitting upright, rather than slumped over as I am accustomed
to, also prevents you from falling asleep.
My next takeaway was how far the tea went. Even sipping from it regularly, I didn’t come close to exhausting it – I’m sure in part because
it did remain so hot, so a sip could never become a gulp. In fact, I found
myself continuing to drink it on the way home, not wanting to waste it (as if
wasting tea is a thing people think much about), and even then had to dump out a third of it when I got home.
Then I noticed that you know what? It actually worked.
Now, it’s difficult to get a true test of its efficacy
because I don’t know if I would have fallen asleep without it. You’re sleepier
at some movies than you are at others. Even though I didn’t like Men in Black: International, maybe it
was diverting enough not to put me to sleep. Of course, the quality of the
movie itself is usually less a factor in my drowsiness than whether I slept
well the night before. In any case, I can’t know for sure.
But the circumstantial evidence of, you know, not falling
asleep – or more importantly, not struggling against falling asleep – was pretty good.
I’m lying a bit as I did nod off once, just for a second. But
that was a weird kind of anomaly, as I didn’t feel particularly tired either
beforehand or afterward. The real struggle is the struggle against sleep, and
that I didn’t experience at all.
I should note, however, that it didn’t function as a full
replacement for food. About two-thirds of the way through I surprised myself by
foraging through my bag for something to eat, found a granola bar, and ate it.
Simple solution: Don’t have any food in your bag.
So I guess this is something I’m going to go forward with.
At least until I lose some of those pounds and return from the U.S. in early September.
Oh, about that subject. There’s a character in Men in Black: International named High
T, played by Liam Neeson. Considering that most Men in Black agents are called
Agent _, where the _ equals a particular letter of the alphabet, it seemed
especially funny to me that there was an agent with the anomalous name of High T on the night I
drank tea watching the movie. And that “high tea” is a social event in Britain
and countries of British extraction, like Australia.
I suppose for it to be a true “high tea” I could have smoked
a doobie before the movie.
Maybe next time.
Oh, and if you want more on what I did (very little) and didn't (most of it) like about the movie, my review is linked to the right, or will be soon.
Who knew that National
Lampoon’s European Vacation would be a trendsetter 34 years after its release?
