There had been so many moments where I wanted to end my life because I wanted to stop the pain, I wanted to feel nothing at all. I’m not ashamed of that, I’m not ashamed of my past or who I am. I think we’ve all been there, we’ve all wanted to end our life at some point, a few of us actually do it. I had troubled thoughts convincing me that suicide was the only way to stop the pain and end all of this misery, and those thoughts got worse every day. I wanted to cease to exist but I knew there was more, I knew there were places yet to travel, books yet to read, movies yet to watch and people yet to meet. While a part of me wanted to leave this world, another part of me was begging to stay. Every time I refused to eat, go out or even interact with anyone, I was destroying myself and it had to stop. I had the ability to get better but I chose to depress myself even more. But then one day, I stopped being so selfish and I stopped shutting everyone out, I stopped pushing my parents away because I thought of what might happen to them  if I ended my life, they had already lost a son and I was more than just a daughter to them, I was a gift they waited 12 years for. One day, I stopped ruining myself and decided to see my life for what it really was, I was lucky enough to have friends and family to love me, people who would give up anything to see me smile again. And that’s when the pain I had felt was gone because I realized that the only way I’d be able to live, to really live, is if I let go of my past because what has happened to me does not determine where I’ll end up, there are many paths to take and choosing to end my life was not one of them.