Christmas, the season of hope.

Across the land, the Nebulas are dusting off their shelves, and the Hugo Awards are awakening from their year-long slumber, and writers everywhere are beginning to remember that, yes, they did write things during this awful year and yes they DO deserve awards for this! And so they scurry off to their newsletters and their barren blogospheres and their half-assed websites and write posts like this one, in the slim hope that people out there have recognized their labors and appreciated them and are willing to tell their friends about their books.

Dear reader, I am one of those authors. I have had a fairly productive year! I have produced good work! So, when you are marking your Hugo or Nebula ballot or what-have-you, please remember my name and these fine tales that I put out in the world.

It’s fun! It’s a quick read! It’ll make you laugh!

Novel: If Wishes Were Retail
Publisher: Tachyon

My humorous tale of a genie trying his hand at running a retail establishment in a mall and the mayhem that follows is a little bit Caddyshack, a little bit Aladdin, and a little bit social commentary. It includes something close to 2-3 jokes on every page, has gnomes wearing athletic socks for hats, and it involves a general strike against unfair labor practices.

Unlike much of my work, this actually got a teeny-tiny bit of buzz. It was an Editor’s Pick over at Amazon! Librarian’s loved it! I got a ton of awesome blurbs from people like Sarah Beth Durst and Daniel Pinkwater. I DARE YOU to nominate it!

Novelette: “In a Desolate Garden”

This is the cover!
(I did not make the cover)

Published in: Analog Science Fiction and Fact, September/October 2025 issue

This story is about the engram of a woman unhappily married to a trillionaire, suffering from depression after a miscarriage, and whose husband is offering to buy her an entire planet to be terraformed for their exclusive use. The trouble is, the planet is already occupied. This is a weird story about love and identity and discovering your own self-worth as well as being a first contact story, a story about uploading consciousness into machines, and about alternatives to human intelligence. I think it’s awesome.

I would say “go out and read it!” but it’s Analog, so…good luck with that. I’ll offer here this little excerpt, though:

She wanted to scream but didn’t feel it in her body the way she should. Didn’t feel that upswell of adrenaline and that brief moment of power before she unleashed it. She had always found screaming cathartic, but there seemed nothing to hold on to, nothing to moor her terror and frustrations.

“Why didn’t you just delete me, like the Barton engram?”

“In joining with what you call the Barton engram, I realized my error. You are not me.”

Claudia steadied herself by looking at the colorful alphabet on the wall. The letters flickered as she examined them. She closed her eyes which were not there, opened them again—at least, somehow, she could do that. “You weren’t self-aware, is what you’re saying? By eating the Barton engram, you became self-aware?”

“I was self-aware before your probe’s arrival. I was not aware of thinking things besides myself.” Not-Barton mimicked a smile, which somehow seemed more genuine than Barton’s actual smiles.

Barton smiled to get things. Barton smiled to work people in that way he did—a back slap, a good handshake, a quick joke. She used to marvel at how he would work a room of investors, have them trailing behind him like puppies, eager for his attention. Claudia liked to think she could coax the real thing out of him—Barton Song, grinning from the heart for once, out of love. She doubted all that now. Told him so a few years ago. It was maybe half the reason she—well, a copy of herself—was here now, talking to some computer program.

“What is going on?” not-Barton asked.

“What do you mean?”

“You are very noisy.”

I DOUBLE DARE YOU to nominate this novelette for a prize. Any prize.

It also has this kick-ass cover!

Story Collection: Faceless Galaxy
New Stories Contained: “Vestibular Dysfunctionality,” “Rates of Acceleration,” and “Infection Vector” 
Publisher: JAB Books

I released a story collection this year, too! It’s a collection of all my Faceless stories published to date, featuring a violent and cynical little blob alien on its quest to murder people who deserve it in exchange for extravagant meals and a safe place to hide. It is a book full of weird aliens, bizarre landscapes, and neon-soaked dark alleys full of disreputable characters. I’ve been calling it “alien noir,” but you can call it cyberpunk-adjacent or dark space opera or whatever you like.

I know for a fact at least 6 (!) people have purchased and read this book, so its obvious I don’t need your help nominating it, but in case you are compelled, you cannot, in most cases, actually nominate whole story collections. You can, however, nominate some of the stories. Most of the stories here are previously published, but there are 3 brand new ones. They are:

• “Vestibular Dysfunctionality” – short story (wherein Faceless is trapped on a boat on an ocean world with his quarry and has to plot his escape)
• “Rates of Acceleration” – novelette (wherein Faceless impersonates the bodyguard to a death race contestant marked for assassination and catches some feelings)
• “Infection Vector” – short story (wherein Faceless is contracted by a grieving mother to kill the bird-scientists who engineered a deadly plague)

I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU to nominate any or all of these stories on your awards ballots. There, see – now you have to do it. Everybody is watching. The whole internet.

Thank you for your attention to this matter! I now return you to your regularly scheduled internet dumpster fires.