Thank you Nana for your comment and advice. I reflected on what you said and I decided that clarifying was the best way to handle the situation. Knowing how emotional I am, I told my parents about what happened so that I could also recieve advice from them. My father then sent an SMS for clarification and in reply, more allegations were made against me.
I did certain things with good intentions and for the convenience of everyone. Unfortunately, situations can be perceived differently and when you want to believe in something, there's always a way to find so called evidence to support your allegations.
However, I did not give up. This is my reputation at stake and I sent an SMS apologizing for any mistakes that I have made against her and also saying that I did not want a friendship ruined over one allegation that turned into multiple allegations.

I did not receive a reply. I think I have done my part and my conscience is clear. I admitted to my mistake but I will not take slander without trying to clear up the situation. Think what you want of me, I have no obligation to proof my innocence.
Allah is my witness. The two malaikats on my left and right are my witnessess.

I think my Eid has been ruined enough and I'm going to spend the rest of my time with my family and trying to catch up on lectures that I missed.

Allah is Most Forgiving and Most Merciful. I have faith in Him.


- iPhone blogging

I just reached home after spending 5 miserable days in a hospital. I refused to continue my treatment at home because I'd have to go home with a cannula in me. The doctors had an awful time trying to put a cannula in me and it was painful for me. They had to put a new one in almost everyday because it'd not stay in the right position. So when the nurse took it out this morning for what I thought was the final time, I was extrmely happy. But when she came back n explained I had to have another one I refused.
The registrar came and had a chat with me and I told him my concerns abt having the cannula and he said he didn't have to listen to my excuses. I was quite pissed off at that because I had genuine concerns. I have an exam on Friday and the cannula restricted the movements of my arms.
And each time I cried out in pain, the doctors will say Oh you should know better than that.
All of them were biased against me because some idiot put in the fact that I'm a medical student in my file.
And like my diagnosis is still unknown. First it's viral, then bacterial, then viral and bacterial, then autoimmune. Nobody could give me an answer but they insisited try were right despite negative tests. So what's the point of a test if you're not going to believe the results even after u repeat the tests? And ur giving me antivirals and antibiotics for an unknown condition. How do I know I've not been getting better on my own ( with Allah's will of course ) and not because of the medication???

But the nurses were really nice and lovely and were my advocates and refused entry to Any medical students and made my file invisible on the computers so that nosy medical students wouldn't read my notes.
So I'm much better now Alhamdlellah and hoping that I made the right decision in refusing treatment inshaAllah. I may be going home to my family for eid after this health scare because there's nothin like home and family that can make you feel better.

- iPhone blogging

Turning to Allah

I am going to see the doctor again today. The pain is unbearable. I feel miserable because all I can do is lie in bed, and even that hurts. The glands in my neck are so swollen that I've only drank some water and Ribena for the nausea. I don't want to complicate things by being dehydrated but I don't feel hungry, which is weird. I've had a small piece of bread with some meat and some biscuits since tuesday afternoon.
A friend said why am I asking people to make dua for me when I should be making them myself. I was also told I'm not Muslim for the way I was acting, crying non stop.
I have been making dua and I pray that Allah swt grants them but sometimes I just feel sad. Of course I know that Allah is Almighty and in the blink of an eye, He can change the entire universe.
I am not losing faith in Him. But it is possible to feel so alone when Im really not alone. Reading the comments left by my dear readers gives me comfort that I could not get from crying all day and all night. It gave me strength to not give up and to keep hoping.
A doctor is never always right.

- iPhone blogging

Differential diagnosis

I have been feeling very unwell the past few days and I finally managed to get an appointment to see the doctor.
I was diagnosed with a disease and I am feeling extremely upset at the diagnosis as well as depressed at the prognosis. I will not die of the disease but my life will be defined by the it.
I am unsure about what my plans are as I am still hoping that all the tests will come back negative.
Please make dua for me, so that I get better and that the doctor made a mistake by diagnosing me before the test results are back.


- iPhone blogging

Is seafood halal?

I haven't done any reading about this topic yet but I have been told by someone that seafood is not halal. He thinks only fish and prawns are okay for us. Seafood like oysters, mussels, calamari etc are not okay because he says they don't have bones.

Is anyone able to clear up this matter about what can and cannot be eaten?


- iPhone blogging

Re: Ramadan feasts

My phone isn't allowing me to post comments so I'm taking the easy way out and replying comments in a new post.

@ ellen557: Wa alaykum assalam sister. That is way too much pizza! :) did u buy them or make them? I hope you're not feeling too lonely without your husband. If we were in the same city, I will be your Iftar buddy. It is nice that many people say Salam especially in Ramadan. it always makes me feel less alone. Where I come from people don't usually say Salam to each other so it's really nice that I get to experience this in a western country.

@Splendid: Wa alaykum assalam and thank you for finding my thoughts cute lol. Glad that you are enjoying home cooked meals :) it really isn't that bad eating the same food a few days at a time, especially since I am hungry. Eating out is always another option, but like Ellen, I am also sick of pizza and kebabs.

@ Adib: Assalam alaykum. Moms are amazing aren't they? I only wish I can be like my mom. I don't know how they always give and hardly ever take, never asking for anything in return. Hope you've been helping your mom cook!
Have you been reading the twilight series? I don't want to scare anyone off by snarling at them! Haha

@ Saafir: Wa alaykum assalam. Actually your Suggestion is the best answer. I recently noticed that two of my friends had the prayer time schedule and the Maghrib times were 10 mins apart! Both of them follow the schedule to a T, although I find that the earlier one occurs when the sun is still up and it's still too bright. The safest bet is of course always to wait for sunset instead of relying totally on a schedule. All it takes is a little peek out the window. You do sound suspicious, but not to worry the guys weren't trying anything funny. They were truly hungry and wanted to know when it was ok to eat.

@ Anonymous: Wa alaykum assalam. I am not really clear on what you're actually asking. But since you placed "great" in quotation marks and you left the comment anonymously, I can only assume it's because you think I am not that great after all. I don't fault you, in fact I totally agree with you. I am not great or perfect but I am always reminding myself to be better. You may have mistaken my cynical/sarcastic tone as me being condescending toward others. Not everything I say is right but I am not forcing anyone to agree with me. If I have misinterpreted your question, I'm sorry.
- iPhone blogging

Ramadan feasts

So, have you been cooking all day and eating all night?

As students living without awesome moms to cook iftar, we usually cook a larger amount of one dish and eat the same dish for a few days in a row. Since I've been at a sleepover the past 4 days, I only rediscovered my food in the fridge this evening. I had old leftovers for iftar and it made me a little sick. The food wasn't bad, I guess it's just not fun to break your fast with old leftovers.

I am currently indulging in a mug of apple juice and an omelette.

I would fly back home just to have a meal cooked by mom.

Also, being out and about as a hijabi in Ramadan makes you a natural target for "Excuse me sister, what time is Maghrib?" by hungry uni boys who just collected their kebabs from the shop and are counting down the minutes til they can sip some lemonade, smoke half a pack of cigarettes and finish their kebabs.