ADMISSION

If an artist becomes too idealistic, he will commit suicide, because
between his ideal and his actual ability there is a great gap. Because there
is no bridge long enough to go across the gap, he will begin to despair.
That is the usual spiritual way.

-D. T. Suzuki, from Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind

An autumn shadow draws across my room.
This morning’s remedy hasn’t kicked in.
I’m losing the bookshelf wars.
Not to a doctor, but to a dream horizon
dotted with enormous nylon sacks
of arrogance and longing and gloom-fueled sloth.
I wanted more. There it is.
I wanted so much more to issue forth.
Wrong or right, I wanted to walk under a bridge
wearing a hat made of prose
and sing Buddy Holly songs in Russian.
I wanted to sell fire and sirens door to door.
Forget the stamen and the pistil.
I wanted a soy toy. I wanted more.
I could eat the breeze right off the curtains.

Jerry Williams

Tin House