Welcome to the world, Christopher Byrne the Fifth

At 1935 pacific, March 28th 2013, Christopher Byrne the fifth was born to Christopher Jason Byrne IV and Melody Judith Byrne (nee Stern).

 He came into this world three weeks early... At .2oz under 7lbs and just over 18 inches long; healthy, reactive, good breathing, and a strong sucker.

 Mother and child are resting comfortably. Father is doing his best to tell everyone who needs to know, and fend off photo requests until he can get them off his camera.

 Grandfather Chris the third, has completely lost his mind over his first grandson.

 Baby boy Byrne has three registries established for him: 

Babies 'r' Us registry number 48762442

Target Baby Registry

Amazon Baby Registry

However, as the family is paying all medical costs out of pocket, donations would also be much appreciated:

PayPal Donation Link

Thank you all for your kindness and support and... everything you all do for us... I can't tell you how important it has been.

Less Temporarily Crippled

You'd think at baby #3 I'd have this whole being pregnant thing down pat and it would be easy.

Turns out baby boy Byrne has had his own thoughts on the matter.

The last 2 were relatively easy. I carried out front, I had plenty of energy, I gained weight well, morning sickness and acid reflux were only an issue in the first trimester, and birth and labor were relatively normal. The most tiring parts were labor and delivery, but I bounced back pretty quickly.

This time I'm carrying right in the middle of my body, forcing all of my internal organs (including lungs and diaphragm) into smaller spaces. It took until the 3rd trimester to gain weight and somewhat get the morning sickness and acid reflux under control (still struggling there). The little one has sucked up all of my body fat and requires far more calories than either of his sisters. I have no idea what labor and delivery will be like, other than I'm already exhausted all the time.

For weeks now I've been struggling with getting enough air because my lungs and diaphragm were unable to move properly. I couldn't take deep enough breaths. Because of this, getting enough oxygen has been difficult.

This is after becoming the fittest and strongest I've ever been. This is also after years of being Chris's legs (in both a metaphorical and physical sense) due to his widely variable mobility due to being sick and in pain.

I'm used to being able to do a full Costco run with a full cart, do Wal-Mart, run a few other errands, put away all of the purchases, carry a 50 lb bag of dog food into the house, and still cook dinner at the end of the day.

Now, with the lack of energy and lack of oxygen, not so much.

Today I got winded walking into the post office and checking the PO box. Then I struggled to stay awake driving home after dropping a friend off at work.

Seriously.

This is not me. I feel very crippled at the moment.

Today I lucked out and my uterus dropped a noticeable amount.

Thank fucking God.

I still can't draw a full deep breath, but I have more room for my lungs and diaphragm now. It's not all back, but enough back that I may finally be somewhat useful again.

Which is good, considering we only have 7 weeks left before the due date.

For those of you who are permanently crippled, or live with diseases or conditions that impact your ability to get as much done as you need to... I understand.

Mel

Baby Byrne, is now officially Baby Boy Byrne

Christopher Byrne the Fifth is due to arrive in this world on or about April 12th 2013.

...I make no comment on the gesture my son is making in the second photo...

Life goes on

So, now that the furor has died down somewhat, I can post this bit, which has nothing to do with the election whatsoever, and everything to do with real, actual, life; which indeed, does go on.

This morning, for the very first time, I was able to feel our baby move in my wifes womb.

Mel has been able to feel the baby for a couple weeks; but now, he (Mel is still insisting it's a boy) is big enough to feel from the outside.

We should find out the babys sex in two weeks.

It's How You Use It That Matters

Breda posted this on Facebook this morning:

I'm trying to figure out the difference between this and mothers who elect to abort disabled babies but I just...can't.

The article she is referring to:

 Nazi extermination of thousands of disabled children featured in new Berlin museum exhibit

The exhibition, entitled “In memory of the children. Pediatricians and crimes against children in the Nazi period,” displays photos and documents related to various Nazi projects concerning the murder and torture of children, such as Action T4 and Lebensborn. 

While Action T4 focused on exterminating children who were physically or mentally handicapped, Lebensborn was a eugenic breeding program using unwed mothers, in which children with features not regarded as sufficiently “Aryan” were disposed of like so much waste. 

“Through 1945, over 10,000 [children] fell victim to the various programs which were designed to exterminate ‘life unworthy of living,’” the museum states. “More than 5,000 children and teenagers were tortured and murdered in the Nazi ‘children’s departments’ alone, institutions which were specially created for the purpose of extermination.”

I tend to agree with Breda on this matter. There is no gray area as far as we can see. The problem with "life unworthy of living" is that the determination of worth is in the eye of the beholder. The child in question may have an entirely different opinion of their own worth.

Our views concerning abortion (and eugenics for that matter) are well known so we won't get too deeply into those. The short version is we are very deeply pro-life for religious, moral, and ethical reasons. We are however also anti-legislation because the government can't possibly do anything but make the situation worse.

The bottom line is convenient pregnancy or no, we will do everything we can to preserve as much life as possible. That's a conversation we had long before we were married with the understanding that we would never terminate a pregnancy unless it was to prevent my death.

It's been 9 years since my last pregnancy. During that time prenatal testing has come a long, long way. 9 years ago genetic screening for chromosomal abnormalities and congenital heart defects was only used in high-risk pregnancies and the only widely-available tests (amniocentesis for example) carried a slight risk of miscarriage.

Now genetic screening at the basic level can be done with non-invasive tests and is far more widespread. Through advances in sonography and blood testing the risks of abnormalities for a specific pregnancy can be calculated with a true positive rate of 79-90% combined with a false positive rate of 4.7%. That's not perfect of course but if results are positive the more traditional more reliable invasive tests can be used.

Now genetic screening is offered in all pregnancies no matter the mother's age. Including ours.

This definitely leads to some moral quandaries. If testing is positive some choose to terminate the pregnancy and that's horrible. I know from personal experience that there are adoptive parents for children with all types of disabilities so the child not being wanted is not an issue.

Many parents, when offered the testing, become very offended. According to my doc many couples jump right to "I would never abort no matter what!" and decline testing. They don't even want to deal with the moral question.

Then there are those who, when offered screening, see it as an opportunity to be better prepared. Special-needs infants quite often need special handling at birth and sometimes require c-section in order to preserve their life. If the obstetrician knows ahead of time arrangements can be made and quite often the birth will happen at a hospital better prepared for the special circumstances.

We're big fans of being prepared and we want to preserve the life of our child if it is at all possible.

Our screening will be on Wednesday at the same hospital where Chris had his surgery. The testing, while widely available, takes specialists to both administer the test and read the results.

We'll be doing a nuchal translucency test and a first trimester blood panel. The nuchal translucency test measures a fluid cavity at the back of the neck. A larger than average cavity (and therefore more fluid) is an indicator of many chromosomal abnormalities (most notably Down Syndrome) and an indicator of congenital heart defects. The blood tests measures for blood markers that can also indicate abnormalities. By taking into account both tests 79-90% of chromosomal abnormalities can be detected by calculating probabilities based on the results. If a high probability is determined a follow-up test will be done using the more invasive technology.

No, our chances aren't particularly high (1 in 323 at my age) but when medical conditions are involved the probability you have what you have is always 100%.

If it turns out that we're having a special-needs baby we want to be prepared. We want to do everything we can to make the best possible life for that baby.

Genetic testing isn't inherently good or evil, moral of immoral. It's inherently amoral. Where one person would use the results as a reason to end a life, another would choose to take that knowledge and possibly save a life.

Genetic testing is like firearms. It's all in how you use the tools at your disposal.

Mel

Baby baby, can't you hear my heartbeat

Baby Byrnes fetal heartbeat, 12.5 weeks, 160-170bpm, strong, healthy, and regular.

 We should know the gender in two weeks.

Hey look, there's my baby

Anybody want to see the first photograph of our placental stage spawn?

No, no matter how much it looks like it, that's not a kidney bean inside a chili pepper; that is our baby.

As she posted earlier, Mel had some spotting and other symptoms, so they had her do an early ultrasound today.

He (Mel is mortally certain of it, and the early indicators, as unreliable as they are, point that way) is currently 1.76cm long, exhibiting normal development and heart rate (both size and heart rate are at the high end of the normal range for the timeline, which is slightly more likely to be male).

We were also able to confirm the timeline, our estimate matches the OB/GYN estimates within 3 days. Due date is confirmed at April 15th -7/+14 days.

We go back for the second ultrasound in four weeks, at which time we should be able to confirm boy or girl then.

Well That's a Relief

1 baby, in correct spot, 1.76cm, original due date is correct.

What a Difference 9 Years and Another Country Makes

This afternoon Chris and I will be in the OBGYN's office for a short-notice ultrasound.

At my first prenatal visit yesterday the RN doing the medical history listened to a few of my symptoms, pieced a few things together, and said, "I'm getting you in for an ultrasound THIS WEEK."

So... that should be interesting. It's most likely nothing, but it might be something.

Her reaction panicked me a bit until this morning, when I realized...

The last time I was pregnant was 9 years ago and at the time I lived and received my medical care in Canada.

In Canada 9 years ago, it took at least 4 weeks of advance notice to get the single ultrasound for the entire pregnancy. I waited in the waiting room with a woman who waited 8 MONTHS to get an MRI for her debilitating migraines. The only place I could get an ultrasound was the local hospital.

Now I'm back in the US, covered by incredible heath insurance that we chose. We've maxed out our out-of-pocket for the year (the deductible is a distant memory). Our insurance covers all diagnostic tests the OB orders and all prenatal visits. Our insurance covers pretty much ANYTHING that's actually a good idea medically. Our insurance company does not have a history of Monday-morning-quarterbacking the doctors. We knew this when we chose our insurance coverage.

In Canada the medical system was (and is) run by bureaucrats. Bureaucrats more concerned with keeping medical costs in check than actually providing good healthcare. Bureaucrats more concerned with power than keeping people alive. Bureaucrats who don't invest in preventative care because preventative care is a cost they have to account for now. Preventative care doesn't make good statistics because you can't tie preventative care to a lack of bad consequences. When people die from lack of care it doesn't affect the bureaucrats one bit, other than "well obviously we'll pay for the hospital because you really need it." Never mind the fact that the hospital could be completely avoided in the first place. The hospital is easy to justify.

Our health insurance company thinks about costs differently. The health insurance company invests huge amounts of money in tracking patient outcomes. They figured out a long time ago that, as a whole, preventative care costs much less than handling avoidable outcomes. For this reason our health insurance covers "elective" surgeries like Lap Bands. The costs of treating obesity now are lower than treating the effects later.

So when our insurance company looks at prenatal care their default position is "diagnostic testing is good and useful." The entire point of diagnostic testing is to catch problems early when the issues are much easier (and cheaper!) to resolve.

When insurance companies understand this (and pay their bills properly) the doctors are encouraged to use new technology. The doctors KNOW they will get paid. The doctors know approximately how often they'll use different types of testing. The OBGYN's office decides its worth it to buy and keep their own ultrasound equipment and keep techs on the payroll.

So when a nurse sees something that worries her, she doesn't need to clear it with a bureaucrat. She just walks up to the scheduler and asks for the next available opening.

Thus how I ended up with an appointment for an ultrasound the next day.

We don't think about this is the US because we're so used to it. Can't anyone see their doc and get an appointment for a diagnostic test in a short amount of time? Aren't there enough imaging clinics and specialists around that the wait is never long?

The only reason I can get an ultrasound on short notice, and Chris can get an ultrasound within an hour (the case when the tumor was first discovered) is the high availability of the equipment and the people qualified to use it and interpret the results. The only reason we have high availability of diagnostic equipment is the absolute certainty that, once bought (and this stuff ain't cheap), the specialty equipment will be used and they will be paid for that use.

The moment you make it necessary to go through a bureaucrat to get a procedure approved and paid for, you take away that certainty. It becomes risky to invest in expensive equipment and new, more accurate, less invasive tests. If you're not sure you'll be reimbursed, why would you invest?

Which is why in Canada 9 years ago I could only be scheduled for one ultrasound, with a 4 week wait. Lots of demand but no ability (or desire) to invest.

Now my OB's office in a small rural town has its own diagnostic equipment, the people on staff to use it, and next-to-no waiting.

Now, when the nurse sees something that worries her she can put her (and my) mind to rest within 24 hours.

That's a big deal.

There is an even bigger deal here though, that I haven't mentioned. The reason the short-notice ultrasound was ordered is because I might have an ectopic pregnancy. The chances are low, but one major symptom is there and my chances are increased due to being on birth control at the time of conception.

If I was at all in pain I wouldn't have even waited one day. They would have sent me straight to the hospital. Since I'm not in pain, we're just going to verify that the fetus is in the uterus.

The chances are low, but ectopic pregnancies can be life-threatening if not caught early. My RN decided that the signs warranted immediate investigation so she made it happen.

Oddly enough, the same symptoms might mean twins, for which I'm also showing other possible symptoms. Immediate investigation is still warranted.

Either way, my RN made it happen.

My RN can do that. She doesn't need to call anyone. She doesn't need to check the list of "approved procedures" and "approved reasons." She can make it happen just by checking with scheduling.

Why the hell do we want government run healthcare again?

Mel

Pregnancy is Not For Wimps

According to our calculations we are on Week 7, Day 6 of Baby Byrne's gestation.

I've determined just why I can't remember the first trimester from my other two pregnancies. Oh, I remember finding out, making plans and all that. Then it's all a blank. If they were anything like THIS pregnancy, I don't remember anything because I spent my time working, being sick, sleeping, and NOTHING ELSE.

First trimester sucks. Oh, I know Chris said I would need him most in the second and third trimesters. Hah. Not even close. But we can excuse his assumptions; this is his first pregnancy rodeo.

If I'm awake I'm nauseous and unable to move without wanting to puke, with an extra special bonus of being severely nauseated by normally inoffensive smells. If I treat the morning all-day sickness I'm half asleep because the medication makes me drowsy. Oh, and I'm stuffing my face at every non-nauseous opportunity.

On the other hand, splitting my time between nauseous and sleepy (and always nearly useless) means that the other first trimester symptoms aren't ruining my life. Imagine the worst PMS/ PMDD you've ever seen. Now magnify it by a factor of 100 and you have first trimester hormones.

I wish I was kidding.

I decided early on that this pregnancy would be as stress-free as I could make it given the circumstances. This means I also decided to avoid any situations that might make my emotions go a bit nuts. And that I decided to avoid making any assumptions about my emotions having any basis in reality at the moment.

Thank fucking God I remembered.

If I'd actually been paying any attention to the mood swings Chris and the doggies would all be dead 10 times over. Touchy? Oh hell yes.

Well, they would be, if I had the energy to get off the couch. As it is, I get irritated and about the time I'm actually tempted to do something I decide that it isn't worth getting up for.

Nature's failsafe. Raise the estrogen levels so the emotions go nuts. Raise the progesterone levels at the same time to ensure there's not enough energy to actually do something about it. Raise the hCG levels so any thought of moving is enough to trigger debilitating nausea. This is how we survive as a species.

Chris has evidently decided that discretion is the better part of valor and has therefore abstained from saying anything that might "trigger" me or make it harder for me to ignore my mood swings. Smart man. It's almost like he read up on the hormones beforehand or something.

So to recap:
Nauseous or asleep.
Constantly tired.
Eating a ton.
Extremely emotionally unstable.
Feel like I've lost about 40 IQ points.

Yep, sounds like a typical first trimester. Good news is that within the next 2 weeks my hCG levels will start dropping and I will start acting like myself again. The second and third trimesters should be a comparative breeze.

Well, except for the whole "giving birth" bit.

Mel

We have been fruitful and multiplied

(note from Mel: Chris wrote this yesterday but we decided to wait until he was clear of surgery and awake before posting)

Holy...

About 5 weeks. Double confirmed, two different tests, two different days, one week apart.

Projected due date is sometime around the second week of April; with a margin of error of -1/+2 weeks, so from April 7th 'til around up to my birthday of April 27th (Mels term has been almost exact to her due dates with the previous two kids).

No, this was not planned. Yes, we were on birth control. Yes, it fails sometimes. Yes we're ABSOLUTELY THRILLED about this... over the moon.

Yes, it complicated our already complicated life infinitely more... So what... We're having a baby!

Yes... I recognize the inherent hazard of releasing a Junior ME onto the world... One of me was already too much. Too bad, the world is going to have to lump it.

Yeah, I've been a dad to two wonderful girls for almost 7 years now (7 years this Christmas actually; and they're almost 9 and almost 11); and yes, my stepkids are MY KIDS dammit, and they always have been and always will be... No different from my birth child in my heart and my mind (though unfortunately not in the eyes of courts)... But this'll be my first actual baby.

Damn...

36 years old, first baby... At least Mel is only 31 and we don't have to go through all the "pregnancy over 35" stuff; and she's been through this twice before, so it's not exactly a surprise to her (and given the number of cousins I have, dealing with babies isn't new to me either... just the actual "reproducing" part).

Damn...

Unfortunately, both of our mothers have passed before they could share in this with us... But both of our fathers are still around, and OVERJOYED at this news.

Damn...

Both our moms are gone, and amazingly enough, very few of our friends are in or recently our of "infant producing" stage (most of our friends either had their kids very young, or are 5 or 10 or 15 years older than us... or are 10 years younger than us), and due to our odd wedding circumstances we never even had any wedding presents never mind getting baby stuff; and our kids are almost 9 and almost 11, so we have NO baby stuff and nobody around to give us any.

And we're broke, and baby stuff is EXPENSIVE...

Mel is working on a baby registry at Amazon right now: http://www.amazon.com/registry/baby/3FTHDCS99TJU6

Damn...

Well... Just about the time we hit toddler phase we'll have two built-in babysitters ;-)

Damn...

I'mna be a babies daddy

Damn...