It’s been a year since the passing of my mother and I’d love to say I barely think about it anymore. But I do, and I don’t really think the purpose is to forget your loved one at all.

My mother was my friend, my “real” friend. And someone who knew my life and was related to it, beyond compiling a list of things about another to make a point one day (what I feel about my new-to-the game friends most time, while my older friends, now in a decade where they are trying to conclude their viewpoint of themselves – appear impossibly self consumed).

So I lost a heavy weight. Plus losing someone who lived a passionate existence as a woman, wife and mom. So my impression of her lives in every cell. And I want it to, forever. Not like majority of the lights crowding my life.

Sorry, not in the best mood.

Pretenses fall away with death.

Anyway, on the anniversary of mom’s death, I’m now laced with the challenge of digesting another. A friend of mine who had become like a brother about 15-20 years a ago for a couple of years had recently come back into my life to my elation. We saw one another at a course we both registered for and screamed out loud when we spotted each other, because we had been ‘very’ close once.

But had fallen away, losing touch through our traumatic undertakings.

However I never forgot him because I loved this ability to brush things that really weren’t that important – off – getting back to what’s important.

Uch. WHAT A LOSS.

He had a massive heart attack and I found out last night. So today I’m a little under the weather.

But. Trying to keep moving in some way, because once I stop and give into blueness, I will wallow in darkness with no opportunity for someone to impact it. Til I am ready (which can be like – foreeeeeever).

Anyway.

Rest in Peace mom and Tony. You are not forgotten, and NEVER will be.