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I got written up at my job today.
In a situation where my take, perspective, voice, wasn’t considered even for a moment.
I usually acquiesce, taking it on the chin when I disagree with a thing. The goal to be coachable and listen to my coach on the wrong turns. But today it was – hers. Really hers.
Still, she was insistent she was correct then low key called me a liar. This kinda thing makes you and your team member feel like adversaries.
I left feeling like a left foot who can do nothing right. Angry. Demoralized. Dismissed.
It’s a little depressing to work this way.
But, God is a fixer.
I later opened up my email to notice I have a note from the editor working on my films. He’d sent me a video clip (shortened here) for our composer search.
I watched. And as I did, the effects of my day faded.
Everything will be okay.
Happiness.
Walking To Meet the Shore
My last post is password protected because I’d like those who follow me on WordPress, or truly interested in a “Calling In The One” journey to be those who read it. It isn’t really for the general public roaming the net.
But if you’re on here (a follower) and would like to share in my journey, email me here: indevelopment21@yahoo.com
And I’ll send the password, so you can read it.
Be well…
Art That Takes You Home
…sometimes it is necessary
to reteach a thing
its loveliness…
~ Galway Kinnell
As an artist who lives in a culture dissimilar from the one in which I was raised, I am hyper-aware that much I was oriented on and knew as valuable growing up, is absent from my present environment. In the US, and in New York.
As a young woman my parents afforded me the chance to travel to the US for high school and to stay on for college. My parents didn’t agree with my every choice as a young woman, but they allowed me power over my own destiny, after a certain age.
However living in a culture with little indigenous influence, is a shift that takes a lifetime of adjustment. And I’ve honestly – not – very well.
Instead I remain hungry and attuned to any expression of it which happens along.
And in this choreographer, I recognized the reference to the ancient, ritual, and indigenous immediately. So I’ve looked him up, for more reconnection to what was revived in my spirit.
And been watching ever since, settling in.
Update July 2018
God Almighty, a helping of courage?
My life has changed. I lost my father in February. My mother 3 years ago, her mom last year.
I still live in the same place, have the same job, the same so-called “best friends,” a particular style as a writer-director.
And yet, none of this fits in quite the same way.
I’ve been trying to have the life I had, be the Tanyeno I was, live by the markers I placed. And yet, it’s suddenly not going so well. I’ve become annoyed at what I’ve built, completely disinterested in it, or disturbed at the half-bakedness of it all. My entire life looks like an unfinished project or like shoes I’ve outgrown I’ve been forcing myself to wear. And I wanna trash them.
That might sound unrealistic. Maybe kinda crazy, so I ignore it, other days I make plans.
One day though, on Twitter, this appeared on my feed:
That, in the middle of my feed. That.
I need a relationship with God Almighty, and Jesus Christ. I will lose some with this, because it’s ultra unpopular to say given the misguided Christians who are nothing like “their Christ.” But I want to know the Christ-God, and walk the talk.
Directing which was kind of a second fiddle-step-brother to writing, has now become more like a calling. Less like inspiration more like contact with my soul. That feels good.
So, this. Definitely.
Can you guess what draws my attention here? Love to give this a shot.
No idea.
These are my parents (best friends and married for 56 years before death did them part with hers).
I’d like to honor them with my choices.
All…
Punk Appreciation Post
In college I considered myself something of an Afro Punk. I loved the style and spirit of punks, that ‘I AM GOING TO NAVIGATE THIS MY WAY AND DECIDE FOR MYSELF’ thing. The ‘Not going with society’s dictate on… [insert anything here].’
So I sought to befriend punks or any misfit bold enough to give society the proverbial flip.
I grew up within a family of critical thinkers and intellectuals, so I was raised with a habit of deconstructing it all. Didn’t find alot of that in my peers in the mid-west, where I moved as a teen. So by college, I was hungry for it. Punks were my perfect match every time.
So this is an ode to the continuation of that spirit…
Not Knowing what THAT is…
“Never doubt that what you do has an impact. No matter what your job happens to be.” A blogger I just found (Victo Dolore) wrote that, and I’m beginning with it, because it frames what I have to say today, really well.
Alot of people don’t know how to take art of the kind you see in galleries. And I can’t say I always know how to take it either?
(Rirkrit Tiravanija)
BUT…
I love that it exists, and by “it” I mean the kind I don’t know how to take.
Because art, like people, places, or occurrences you don’t know how to take – give you the opportunity to travel to the unknown, which always re-casts who you know yourself to be in the moment, providing a fresh return to life.
You discover, instead of “know,” as you try to figure out what you’re looking at or what it means.
(Rachel Rose)
And in that practice, life is made pliable, first in your head, then in your heart, last in your environment.
(Rirkrit Tiravanija)
And from that, a kind of “freedom” emerges.
You become a discoverer, not tied to the posts which defines all corners of life.
Free in the midst of constraints, obligations, requirements and responsibility.
(Rachel Rose)
Free in the chains.
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*Pictures are from two Gavin Brown Enterprises exhibitions on September 24th, 2017. The video installations are by artist Rachel Rose, and the photos of pieces made by Rirkrit Tiravanija.
Anime – Shout Out To Lorn
I’m knee deep in researching different styles of Anime because I’m currently writing one. So I thought I’d share some cool short anime I stumbled upon while combing Youtube for music.
Yeah I said music. I’d been buying Anime on Itunes, which isn’t cheap, so imagine how happy I was to discover this group while looking for something to listen to.
The first, second, third, and fourth video of theirs…were all ANIME!
So great! Anyway, enjoy…
When feelings find Picture and Sound.
How every single trailer, and movie should play.
Create an emotional landscape as pathways off the screen into the heads and hearts of audience, to the point we can’t believe the characters aren’t here.
Somewhere.
(Damn. My turn. Lol…)
Archaic Sugar 
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