Tag Archive | health

December First

Dec13

People say alot of things in life, but in the end their actions and the perspective they choose to take on you becomes the most important thing between you. That either blooms or dissolves a connection.

My brother (affectionately known as Butchy) passed away on December 1st.

And our connection was blooming.

On November 12th, I woke up from a dream that left me with a profound feeling of love. Aftermath of a dream I’d had.

I lay there in bed, just enjoying the feeling and memory before it disappeared.

Then sat up and began searching the net, to see what the dream meant.

It was one part renewing, one part deeply disturbing. The dream chronicled in the picture posted here.

A few of the articles cautioned, ‘Someone close will die.’ Or warned, ‘You will lose someone’ or ‘Something big.’ Adding to a small alarm trying to go off in me.

I wrote the dream down because my brother had advised me to write down my dreams, then look them up, in one conversation we’d had.

He did. So I was doing it.

A little more than two weeks later, he passes.

Today I thought, it was God’s way of telling me. And I may have embraced it at the time, but in the end I chose to focus on the love which emanated from the dream, telling myself THAT is how I want to feel in life.

Well. May the Lord Jesus Christ protect and keep you Butchy.

Thank-you for being my brother, friend, protector, and connection to life.

Rest in power and God’s love.

Till we meet again…

Reblogged. (Certainly…)

Jun28

Stop.

May11

Let’s do an experiment.

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From now til December, let’s do the above and blog about what the results.

Game?

 

Okay, let’s explore: How our bodies transform, if we eat like we love ourselves. What we will attract if we move like we love ourselves. How people will respond to us if we speak as if we love ourselves in as many situations as we can manage. How people will react to us in general, if we act like we love ourselves.

 

Except for the ultra and supremely self accepting – what do you think that is going to look like? If you have body, aging, confidence, or performance issues? How do you think your life might change if you add loving what you bring and how you’re bringing it?

I mean what if we change the context of what we’re doing?  To loving every meal we eat?To loving our own unique brand of loving, loving our tastes, our expression, our dress, our carriage, loving our voice or our silence? Gifts or lack of them? To loving exactly what we are, as is, exceedingly.

So, notice where there is a lack of love for yourself, re-imagine the experience of that on the spot, watch what unfolds as you do, take count of the results. Record somehow. Continue on. Notice the next inner lip curling or sneer at yourself when you stumble onto something you don’t care for (again).

Now repeat.

Re-imagine.

 

 

 

 

Poetry Number Something.

Jul14

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Into the light I soared
A dark star
From the depths
I left

After results you profess

You ask why I protest
To requests

And I confess

I only came here for the prize.
Not to see the world through your eyes.

Goodbye (till we meet again).

Feb4

Mommie_cropped copy

I think the hardest lesson to learn in life is that there really is a separate universe outside of our hopes, aims, cares, desires, thoughts, and efforts.

And even if we are pretty aware of others and the world, most of us lose that ability in moments. Especially, where it concerns what we care about – in our loved ones (i.e. our wishes for them, our visions for them, our dreams for them).

But there comes a time when our loved one is NOT all that WE WANT FOR THEM. Instead something outside of that.

And most of us fail our loved ones in this place, being more attached to our vision for them than to them.

My mom passed away on Saturday after battling a few illnesses.

And she had become disillusioned, depressed, then hopeful, and finally resigned. Tired of illness, tired of healing, tired.

She’d even randomly told my brother and I she was ‘tired’ (on separate occasions).

But I wanted my mom to live, I wanted her to recover, I wanted her life back for her and even better than before. I wanted all the things I knew would lift her spirits and give her joy. For her. Forever.

But, none of us lives forever. Do we?

However when you love a person, you hold the best vision of their situation possible. It’s reverence for them and a respect for gift of their life.

However… a poor regard for the opposite.

And she was beginning to regard… the opposite.

Though my brother and I struggled to pull her away from… that.

On my way to work today I thought: whatever you you’re looking for, is looking for you.  It’s a quote I read somewhere, and really liked cuz I think it’s true. For me it means…whatever you value is coming. And my mom did not want to fight anymore, she requested a few times to stop treatment, to be taken off the machines.

We encouraged her out of that thinking, but the wrong SNF and wrong doctor who would ultimately cause her death finally arrived.

So, in the end, all my brother and I hoped for and struggled to achieve for her, fell away.

And she got her rest.

Our aims silenced, because perhaps, she needed us to be.

*Song dedication*

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Shell

Apr7

do-you-need-depression-treatment

Funny how staring their death in the face

Gets inside you.

Suddenly chit chat is your wasting time.

Emotion going in circles

Not worth it.

You want to love anew, be loved as new.

See old things with new eyes.

Grow up in an instant.

Aging past your age

You join them in theirs.

And life appears brittle and fleeting.

A brush with mortality puts you to sleep.

Unable to recognize the person that’s left.

You’re not sure what to think or feel or be.

The value for each even snatched away.

You feel like the night posing as day.

And there is nothing else to say.

A Psychopathic Narcissist on Narcissism, Borderline and Psychopathy…

Feb24

This was a very interesting listen.

Those of you who have been on my blog for a while know I am concerned about the existence of narcissists.

Those of you who are new should know there are other great videos posted on this blog on the subject, and that I started  watching them for research purposes. Psychological profiles are one of the things I start with when writing characters.

However, this is knowledge for life. So now it’s also serving another purpose.

I’ve said a few times, and in a few different ways, that I think narcissism is a regular part of our societal values but I don’t necessarily think that is a good thing.

The existence of individuals with this disorder also gives me pause, because it can be nasty stuff to be around.

Anyway if this interests you too…have a listen.