This is my *very first* interview as a writer-director, and 😮💨😮💨😮💨….
I really like the writer whose podcast this is, so when she asked me for an interview I jumped to do it. But then, I thought ‘Wait a minute… do I know how to do an interview?”
Well, it’s done now. In the end it was like just talking with a young friend.
Still, maybe I shoulda been more formal.
Whether a politician, exec of an organization, men who have never seen a feminine woman in her glory, or women who carry themselves as men (psychologically) – are potentially harmful to women of self value.They are accidents of oppression and hate waiting to happen because…this world hates what it doesn’t know, and isn’t interested in knowing that which isn’t itself.
And to make matters worse, many women have no clue about the unique contributions women have made to the world and did not have a true model of a respected or highly regarded woman in their lives as young people. So now they contribute to the hate by failing to honor the existence of a different way at the world beyond a masculine one.
Then society looks at us for the model of how to hold us (this is why how you see and carry yourself has tremendous weight – we are creating the world by what we are doing). But as with many groups who have lived with oppression and hate, the assassination of our expression which transpired, is now internalized, and finds a way out in our interactions.
Women (eerily similar to the regard groups of color and even indigenous communities have for Caucasian values above their own) have been told for decades that a male’s expression is more valuable, so, similar to men, we have unconsciously and consciously modeled ourselves after him. And such that, expressions of femininity find poor celebration (beyond sexualized ones) in our communities.
As with black history month, limited periods are selected for the celebration of our contributions. So we are somewhat trained, that when it is over, we no longer have to observe it. Resulting in a society that remains focused on the values of the ruling class’ as a default, the rest of the way.
This is a highly problematic equation for women, people of color, and any other minority class in society.
So we simply must cultivate pride and celebrate our individual expressions any opportunity we can. Otherwise a consistent and pervasive narrative will take over and implant expressions and mores alien to and detrimental to our own.
Finally, this undertaking is just as revolutionary as any fight waged in past years, because our main oppressions are now unconscious and internal. Supplanted from an external reality but internal all the same.
They see female significance, or a color aspect, and it spells amateur. Now add in the trans aspect and it hooks damn near everyone’s bias. So I think I’ll be getting no around every corner too, for a while.
But the word no, is funny. Rejection grows you, and the growth is multilayered.
It’s given me insight around the nature of bias and people’s reaction to a thing that disturbs them in the most microscopic but also in some larger ways (institutionalized bias). And let me tell you, that is its own study. Now whether or not, all that translates into anything interesting for a viewer, depends on my defining an audience, then shaping a narrative from that cloth (it rests in my ability to create a soulfully impactful piece from that nugget).
Alright. Onward … into my sea of no.
A couple weeks ago I went to a seminar with a line-up film industry professionals on the panel.
The whole experience was cathartic because I released a few deeply ingrained fears through listening. Funny thing, I almost didn’t go because the organization which hosted it is a little intimidating to me as a filmmaker.
But, I’m working through that.
Anyway while producing my last short film (which I paused on), I worked with producers to further understand what we needed to hire and discovered that was – union actors. As they turned out to be the best ones we auditioned.
Unfortunately my content proved ‘uncomfortable,’ for many. There is still alot of shame in this country concerning LGBT affiliation, and the actual LGBT community tends to be highly skeptical if you’re not one of them speaking on one of them (as a filmmaker). Then, I threw in fundraising…
The producers and I soon came to the conclusion that people would watch it, explore the issues via a story, quietly as an onlooker, but they didn’t want to be called on to figure out whether they’d support LGBT issues or if they were in support of the LGBT issue touched upon in the film I was fundraising for.
Soooo Kickstarter was a nightmare. But my God….the learning curve about this society we live in!!
Anyway, LGBT individuals are still likely to incur gobs of discrimination in certain situations. Still. There is the sea of bias which still exists due to miseducation and a tendency to cling onto old narratives within external communities.
And I just don’t want to shrink from addressing what I see. I was raised to be respectful and to be gracious as a woman, but also strong and capable of discussing difficult issues.
In film school, I tended to be much more on the nose about it.
Now, I bury and aim to ‘bring the experience,’ to an audience.
However as I made efforts to produce the film, I realized that, my experience resonates with some, while others would like to put it to rest.
As an artist, I need the ones with whom my work resonates.
So I was happier than happy to find one such person, on that panel.
She began speaking on problems for a person of color, then a woman in our industry, speaking about the specificity of issues for that combination in a leader, and about the alienation one attracts being both.
I thought….wow…
So I approached her, soon as I could, beginning a discussion. And she was very open.
One of the things she said to me? “You need to start looking for your tribe. Find your tribe.”
And I knew what she meant instantly.
Those interested in a discourse beyond the basic, who are committed to furthering it by supporting others as well as inviting support, who are interested in building a voice that speaks to the collective experience.
Together with them, each individual’s contribution valuable, a furthering of women, people of color, LGBT, the conscious, can happen on a national and global scale.
So I know my tribe.
And I do need to find them, everywhere. In collaborators. In viewers. In friendships. In love. In life…
Archaic Sugar 
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