January 31st was the anniversary of my mother’s death, my dad was found in his transitioned state on the 1st. A few days ago.

It appears he may have passed on, the same day my mother did 3 years ago.

The romantic idea of him joining her seems clear to some of my friends.

But the reality now is, I’ve lost both of my parents. And the grandmother, who I related to as a piece of my mother left behind, after her death.

There is no silver lining in this.

People simply must find a way to survive, and when I was told my father had died I didn’t know what mine would be honestly. My father and grandmother were my lifeboat away from the shore of my mother.

Now there are no anchors.

Imagine the reason your heart beats, all that gives your passions relevance, and your existing history erased in one fail swoop. Hard? I think this is going to be the understatement of my life.

But there is one thing.

My girlfriends…are coming together…from separate corners of the universe… lighting the way forward for me. Two coming forward to contribute to burial costs, one even bringing me interviewing outfits to kick start my journey in finding another job (I mentioned I wanted to go shopping for winter appropriate ones to that aim – some time ago). While another continually encourages me to take care of my well being ‘at this time’ while prompting some thought on what and where my life will go next. And others are extending their shoulders to lean on, if I ever need one.

It’s a rather stunning display of love and caring, and in a chilly world full of platonic, professional, and romantic disappointments.

My true network is illuminating herself via action, making me feel cared for in a way that is also establishing a scattered community of sisters, as not so.

An unexpected perk, from hours of undirected talk and listening. I suspect.

Well, maybe it’s a given. But it’s a gift-wrapped blessing smack dab in the middle of what feels like a cursed life.

I’ve lost my life long best friends in my parents.

The air.

But standing by… is an unrecognized community…providing some.

Stopping my heart, from stopping.