Monthly Archives: September 2023

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Fibbing Friday Movie Night

Here goes Pensitivity101 then.  You may or not remember these popular movies, be they the originals or remakes, but what do you think they could have been about?

  1. The Parent Trap

She said, “I don’t know how I got pregnant.  I took ‘The Pill’ every week.  🙄

2. The Incredible Journey

When the wife went out for the day with her girlfriend, I returned all my empty soda bottles for refund, and hied my way over to my nearest Burger King, only to find that that it had been purchased by Chick-Fil-A, and wasn’t open on Sundays any more.  I had to console myself by driving all the way over to the other side of the city to visit Taco Bill.

3. Aladdin

It was an extended promotional video from the Aladdin Company, who produce Thermos©-type products.  How do they know to keep the hot stuff hot, and the cold stuff cold??  It’s magic.  And they are delivered to a store near you by flying carpet.

4. Mission Impossible

It was a short PSA video from the DMV, desperately trying to get drivers to use their signals, check their blind spots before changing lanes, and how to properly navigate roundabouts/rotaries.  C’mon Americans!!  The Brits have been doing it for over a century.  The original copy, on a thumb-drive, was destroyed in a car-crash, between the studio and the Government office.  😳

5. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

When Ornge, Southern Ontario’s emergency medical air evacuation helicopter, takes off from an authorized pick-up heliport near the down-town hospital, and heads for the bigger, better-equipped hospital in London, Ont, in a straight line, it passes directly over my house.

6. The Wind in the Willows

In a disastrous attempted sequel to ‘Blazing Saddles,’ the bunch of malodorous cattle-minders drive the herd to Chicago, and celebrate with a Tex-Mex meal containing three kinds of beans.  They relax afterward in the shade of some trees.  Despite dead-calm weather, the branches are soon rustling and waving in the accumulated breeze.  Now I know why they’re called weeping willows.

7. Underworld

That was a feature movie, developed to tell the back story and life of sewer-worker Ed Norton, Ralph Cramden’s fall guy buddy on the TV series The Honeymooners.  It’s a good thing that the ‘60s techno-nerds were never successful at developing Smellovision.

8. Legally Blonde

Dear Ms Pensitivity:
Please excuse Archon for not having a humourous answer for this prompt.  His creative Muse abandoned him before he was finished with the list.  He has spent most of this week in bed, with a cheap hooker and a bag of blow severe case of depression.  He promises to have two fibs for next week, including this one.
Mama Archon

9. The Terminator

After I mounted the plaque that I wrote of in last week’s list, my Keystone Kops Karen neighbour ranted and raved sweetly and kindly informed me that I was a complete asshole, (I never do things halfway) and she was never going to speak to me again.  Oh, don’t tease me, you minx.

10. The Love Bug

No glove – No love  Chlamydia is not just a Negro girl’s first name.

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A House Built On Sand

The United States Constitution, you may be surprised to learn, mentions religion only twice: Once, in Article VI, where it states that “no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States,” and again, in the First Amendment, where it states that “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.” That’s it; you’ve now just read everything there is to read about religion in America’s most significant founding document.

This turns out to be an awkward revelation for the Christian nationalist; if the founders were, as Christian nationalists maintain, creating a “Christian nation,” it is quite odd that the words, God, Jesus, Christianity, and the like are entirely absent from the “supreme law of the land,” and that religion is only mentioned twice and in an entirely negative sense. Clearly, the US was established as a religiously neutral secular government—the first of its kind in the history of the world.

Frankly, I’m not sure how the founders could have been any clearer in their intentions without literally writing the words “THE U.S. IS NOT A CHRISTIAN COUNTRY.” Of course, some of the founders actually did write these words in the Treaty of Tripoli, which in 1797 was signed by President John Adams with the unanimous consent of the US Senate, and which says that “the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion.”

We can keep going. While Thomas Jefferson’s exhortation for a “wall of separation” between church and state is well-known, what may be less well-known is that James Madison, the author of the Bill of Rights and father of the Constitution, was equally vociferous against the idea of mixing religion with government. On the issue of congressional chaplains, for example, Madison wrote, in the Detached Memoranda, “the establishment of the chaplainship to Congress is a palpable violation of equal rights, as well as of Constitutional principles.” He noted that minority religions would likely never achieve chaplainship, and, therefore, that the promotion of one religion above all others using government resources was a clear violation of constitutional principles—principles, keep in mind, that he would be very familiar with on account of the fact that he drafted them.

Further, note that the Constitution opens with the words “We the people,” which is a direct philosophical declaration that the government draws its power from the consent of the governed, not from a deity. Additionally, the idea that all persons are created equal, embodied in the Declaration of Independence, is fundamentally at odds with the idea of Christian supremacy. As one Supreme Court decision put it (before it was overtaken by conservative Christians), “A government cannot be premised on the belief that all persons are created equal when it asserts that God prefers some.”

Therefore, under no reasonable interpretation of the founding documents—not even and especially under the flawed, conservative interpretive scheme of originalism—can we possibly conclude that the country was founded as a “Christian nation.”

And yet that is exactly what the Supreme Court is attempting to turn the nation into, as constitutional attorney Andrew Seidel masterfully explains in his latest book, American Crusade: How the Supreme Court Is Weaponizing Religious Freedom. By analyzing several key Supreme Court cases over the last thirty years, Seidel shows us how these cases are being increasingly decided against the principles and sentiments of the founders—and against the best interests as a country.

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Two Kinds Of One-Liners

There are two kinds of people….
….Those who can extrapolate to get extra information.

Logic is a systematic method….
….of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

After all is said and done….
….a Hell of a lot more is said than done.

My Dad was a failed magician….
….I also have two half-sisters.

I think the Origami Society is out of business….
….I heard they folded.

My flight back from Gibraltar to Glasgow has just been canceled….
….Now I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place…

My friend failed his aboriginal music exam….
….I asked him, “Did you redo it?”

Just found out I failed my online German exam….
….Sacre bleu!

What’s a specimen?….
….An Italian astronaut.

And now, a one-liner from seven-year-old Archon
What three vegetables do we take to the bathroom?….
….Lettuce, turnip and pea.
I like to hope that my humour has matured a little in seven decades.

It’s not the rapid pace of life that worries me….
….It’s the sudden stop at the end.

I just visited a diabetes-awareness site, and it asked me if I accept cookies….
….Is that a trick question?

You can train a cat to do anything….
….that it wants to do.

You can tell that Monopoly is an old game….
….There’s a luxury tax, and the rich can go to jail.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his hearing aids?….
….WHAT???

The bartender told me that they were about to begin happy hour….
….so he asked me to leave.

A limbo champion walked into a bar….
….and was disqualified.

I feel very strongly about graffiti in toilet cubicles….
….so I signed a partition.

A man reading a thesaurus….
….saunters into a tavern.

They say that being a hostage is hard and mentally draining….
….I could do it with my hands tied behind my back.

What’s the difference between a Scotsman and a canoe?….
….A canoe tips.

My friend was killed by a falling piano….
….It was a low-key funeral.

At an interview once, I got asked to describe my life in a nutshell….
….I said, “It’s cramped and dark in here”.

I used to live paycheck to paycheck, but with hard work and perseverance….
….I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.

ILLITERATE!??….
….Write for free help, 232 Main St.

The first rule of the Micromanagement Club….
….is right at the top of the first page in this three-ring binder.

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Watchword Fibbing Friday

Here we go again, with Pensitivity101.  What could these popular slogans have been used for (feel free to juggle or replace a word or two)?
I’m looking forward to your answers, and so is everyone else.

  1. Have a break, have a Kit Kat

Our little toes are devices for locating furniture in the dark, but you haven’t lived till you have found a black cat on a dark mat at night.  Your Vet will autograph your cast, and perhaps mention distraction and poor planning, adding insult to injury.
2. You’re never alone with a strand.

That seems to be the theme for The Ion, our new, expensive Hi-Tech, electric/electronic street railroad.  We were better served with horse-drawn, rubber-tired trolley-cars.  At least the horses were smart enough to step around automobile accidents.

Now, you could wait all day to know if, or when, you might get to work, to face an angry boss.  It is slim consolation to know that you have been left high and dry, along with 27 other unhappy commuters, all jammed into one transit shelter.
3. Snap! Crackle! Pop!

It’s a poster on the wall at my rheumatologist’s office.

4. The Ultimate Driving Machine

Tee for two – or fore.
5. Don’t leave home without it.

I can’t quite remember this one.  I think it has something to do with a guy I used to work with.  Al…. Al…..something.   Al Zeimer.

Oh, I remember now!  If you’re a resident or visitor to New York City, or Detroit, the murder capital of America, it’s a Colt Python .357 Magnum.
6. Have it your way.

I had a custom-made plaque with this inscribed on it, that I hung on the end of my porch facing my Krazy Karen neighbour to the north.  She recently called 911, to complain to the police that I had pruned a branch off my tree, on my property, because it no longer provided shade to her patio.

A nice officer came out and explained that he was going to cite her for improper use of emergency services.  She didn’t actually have to pay a fine, but she berated the entire police force to the extent that she spent overnight in a cell.  She’s been quieter for a while, but I see steam leaking from her ears again.
7. Good to the last drop.

This was a slogan dreamed up by my Strong Like Ox – Almost As Smart Scottish cousins, Robbie and Geordie, when they opened their Bungee Adventure at the El Gringo Gorge in Mexico.  Robbie, being the dimmest bravest, insisted that he would take the first, test jump to impress and awe the – taco benders proud Mexicans gathered below.

After he leaped and rebounded several times, and Geordie reeled him back in, his head and face were all cut and scratched, bruised and bleeding.  Geordie asked if they had mis-measured the cord too long.  Robbie answered, “Nae, but I want to know what the bloody Hell ‘Piñata’ means.”
8. Hello Moto

In the greatest case of white-washing since Tom Sawyer and the fence, movie producers hired two Swedish actors to portray the Chinese-American detective, Charlie Chan.  This was such a hit with the urbane, discriminating American audiences, that they then cast Hungarian actor, Peter Lorre, as the Japanese detective, Mr. Moto.
9. Taste the rainbow.

This was a hand-written sign at my nearest 7-Eleven store, when the dispensing mechanism somehow got tangled, and the Blue Raspberry, Cherry, Pineapple Whip, and Peach Perfect Slurpee all simultaneously came out of one nozzle.  If You Can’t Fix It – Feature It!  In the two days it took to get a repair technician to fix it, Slurpee sales actually went up.  (Does anyone remember Swamp Water self-poured fountain drinks?)
10. Because you’re worth it.

This motto is hand-embroidered on every pair of panties (When they wear them), bra and corselet, worn by the entire Kardashian family – except Bruce/Caitlyn.  His….Uh, Hers all read – Switch Hitter.

We’re G-r-r-r-eat!

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Where Angels Fear To Tread

More like Angels With Dirty Faces.  What the TSA don’t know about what happens on the highways, can’t hurt me.  We haven’t been anywhere since our visit to BrainRants, five years ago, long before COVID.  We paid off our mortgage.  We paid off our car.  We beat our credit card balance down to a reasonable amount.  I felt that we deserved a treat, so I ensured that the air pressure in our passports was up, and started to plan and plot

Even earlier than our BrainRants trip, we had managed to visit John Erickson and his wife for a mere two hours.  As a penance for using my blog-site to prove that his wit was faster than mine, (Mine is tied to a calendar, while his springs off a stopwatch.) he grudgingly agreed to allow us to visit for a whole two days.

I immediately booked a three-night stay at a nearby Red Roof Inn that doesn’t have a red roof.  Like the one that the son and I stayed at, in Batavia, NY, this one was purchased from another chain.  The roof has not been redone, and may never be.  It has internal corridors and room doors.

After the $500/night financial fiasco at the big Toronto hotel, I didn’t pay the online-listed $79/night charge.  I didn’t pay the members’ 15% reduced fee of $68.  When I phoned in my reservation, I was pleasantly surprised to hear that I was only being charged $55/night USd = $73.35 Cdn – and they will provide a free continental breakfast, and free long-distance telephone calling.  Finally, the Universe is trying to even out my karma.

On our last visit, we were in and out of beautiful, metropolitan, Dogsbody, Ohio, quick and sweet – no fuss, no muss, no bother.  Aside from John and his wife, the only people who even knew we were there, were the Mensa Organization meeting folks, over to thuh gen’ral store.  This time, it will be longer and more obvious.  If you hear that the Ohio National Guard has been called out, don’t worry.  It won’t be another ‘Kent State massacre,’ they’ll just be politely but firmly, putting down a local Amish insurrection of disaffected Elders, who are armed only with beards and buggy exhaust.

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’23 A To Z Challenge – M

 

Weirdoes Racists I Have Known

The lives of my Mother, and another woman in town, paralleled each other for decades.  They both got married.  They both had a baby girl.  They both got divorced.  They both lived as a single mother for ten years.  They both got remarried in 1943.  My Father was invalided out of the Armed Services, to return home and marry her.  I don’t know where the other woman dug up a man to marry, in the middle of World War II.

He was never the picture of glowing health, and I guess somebody had to stay and work in the factories – although, all three local factories produced solid-wood home furniture, not exactly crucial to the war effort.  Both women gave birth to a boy in 1944. (Me!)  In 1947 they both had another boy.

By the time I met him a few years later, he was already known to all and sundry as Tojo.  His father’s first name was Ivan, a good Russian name.  The family name was a very uncommon German name.  I suspect that the father provided the nickname, but don’t understand how a German-Canadian kid got a Japanese moniker, so soon after VJ-Day.  He kept it till he left secondary school.

He apparently also got word-usage and pronunciation from his dad.  He used phrases like, “Blacker’n Toby’s ass.”  I never learned who the unfortunate “Toby” was, or why (perhaps only) his ass was black.  Santa Claus came down his chimbley.  A large, striped feline was a tagger.  Farm birds that produced eggs, were chookens, and a dropped football was a thumble.  No-one else in his family – in the town – talked this way.

Already encumbered with a racist sobriquet, he regularly dropped another one in particular.  My neighbor wanted me to shovel his driveway, but he only wanted to pay me a

MEASLY

fifty cents, the heimy bastard.
‘Measly’ always seemed to indicate an itchy body-rash of raised, red pustules, but in fact means contemptibly small, meager, or slight: wretchedly bad or unsatisfactory:

On the other hand, heimy – or heimey – or jaime, was a racist slur against Jews, and their perceived cheapness and lack of willingness to spend money.  Unconscious bigotry like this may have contributed to Canada’s refusal to accept German-Jew refugees.

I haven’t heard/read the term heimy in decades.  Nor have I heard anyone speak of Jewing someone  down, to get a better price.  Hopefully, we’re growing out of that prejudice.  How about you?  Have you ever run into it?  Lately??  😳

 

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Blame Someone Else Fibbing Friday

Pensitivity101 had some help last week (From Judy), who wanted to know what the following things might be.


1. What is Mascarpone?

It is a type of eye makeup for men, (?) first made famous by Boy George, and becoming more common by the day.

2. What is a Marsupial?
It’s that little drone that the nerds at NASA have flitting all over the surface of the Red Planet, looking for a Starbucks.

3. What is a Giblet?
It’s what Ladies in the Middle Ages –not middle-aged ladies – drank their ale and mead from, while the men swilled theirs from a goblet.

4. What is Good Husbandry?
Yes dear! No dear. You’re absolutely right dear. Whatever you say dear. SWMBO is our Goddess.

5. What is Onomatopoeia?
That’s what your excitable dog with the leaky bladder does when you return to the house from a shopping trip.

6. What is a Glaucus Atlanticus?
Gluteus Maximus is the Latin term to describe the Junk In The Trunk that most women have, and which most men appreciate to some degree. For some women, it’s as Big As All Outdoors. Glaucus Atlanticus is the term reserved for gals like Kim Kardashian, and Nicky Minaj, whose butts are As Huge As An Ocean. 🙄

7. What is a Sunda Colugo?
It is a viral, newly-popular ice-cream treat, developed in Central/South America, made with maple-walnut ice cream, banana slices, and coca leaves. You can fly all the way from Cali to London…. without a plane.

8. What is a Fossa?
It is a collective noun for all the marvelous, magnificent, prehistoric creatures whose remains – their bones – were fortuitously, amazingly, covered with muck and mud, and sand, and sometimes miles of water.
They mineralized, and petrified. Nowadays, when paleontologists dig into the earth, or chip away stone to uncover these proofs of evolution, they call them fossils.

9. What is Halitrephes Jelly?
It’s a contraception concoction for Greek men who are finally tired of sneaking in the back door, but who aren’t yet ready for children.

10. What does it mean to be Aliferous?
It is a tribulation which afflicts many students and workers, causing them to often call in – (Brits call out) sick.

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Smitty’s Loose Change #22

Getting old is everything that it’s cracked up to be.
Speaking of “cracked,” I recently broke a rib – while sitting in my easy-chair!

I was peacefully reading my newspaper, when the wife decided to take a nap on the couch.  She tried to throw a comforter over herself, but was having trouble getting her feet covered.  I leaned over against the chair arm, which is none too well-padded, and stretched across to pull the bottom down, when

“#@POP@#”

I suddenly got a laser blast of excruciating pain, and visions of things that weren’t sugarplums danced through my head.  My chiropractor told me that I probably cracked the lowest floating rib, and would suffer 3 to 6 weeks of nagging ache while it slowly mended.

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The President of Uruguay drives a 33-year-old Volkswagen Beetle.  Actually, Jose Alberto Mujica Cordano is the EX-President.  He helped lead a rebellion to oust a corrupt government.  When it was successful he reluctantly led the country as president, from 2010, to 2015.  When he felt that he had the country on the correct course, he resigned and went back to being a farmer, living in a plain, little farm-house.

Mujica has drawn worldwide attention for his simple lifestyle. He has used a 1987 Volkswagen Beetle as a means of transportation. In 2010, the value of the car was $1,800 and represented the entirety of the mandatory annual personal wealth declaration filed by Mujica for that year. In November 2014, the Uruguayan newspaper Búsqueda reported that he had been offered 1 million dollars for the car; he said that if he did get 1 million dollars for the car, it would be donated to house the homeless through a program that he supports.

Several Christian Apologists have held him up as a good example of Catholic charity.  Mujica is an atheist.!

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The Highs and Lows of Humor

I recently read what claimed to be a joke.
You matter.
Unless you multiply yourself by the square of the speed of light.  Then you energy.
It sounds as if it was written by the only Mensa member of the Jamaican bobsled team.  😳

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Facebook writing one-liner prompts
(I may do a whole post of these)

“What gives you direction in life?
GPS

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What are your favorite brands, and why?
The Circle K, and the Bar None.  If they were good enough for Pa Cartwright, they’re good enough for me.

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What public figure do you disagree with most?
Our Gross National Debt!

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What are your five favorite fruits?
Elton John, Ricky Martin, comedian Rip Taylor, the swishy guy next door, who snow-blows my driveway, and special mention to Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner – now that’s dedication.

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Are you a leader, or a follower?
No!

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What sacrifices have you made in life?
I thought we weren’t going to talk about that little boy who went missing.

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Do you practice religion?
Dear God, NO!

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Working Jokes

We had to oil a couple, and gas most of them up, but they’re all working now.  Working is no joke, so try some of this comedy instead.

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My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.

I took a position as a security guard; my boss said that it was my job to watch the office. I’m currently on season 5.

On my way to work today, I saw a person dragging a clam on a leash behind him. I thought, it must be hard to walk with a pulled mussel.

Would you call the boss at Old MacDonald’s farm the C-I-E-I-O?

My boss asked me to roundup 18 employees quickly. I responded, “20.”

In my last performance review, I was told that my communication skills needed improvement. I didn’t know what to say.

I think that of all the inventions of the last century, the dry erase board is probably the most remarkable.

I heard that fewer and fewer people are going into archeology because the field is basically in ruins.

I asked if I could leave work early today, and my boss said, “Yes, if you make up the time.” I said, “Sure, it’s sixty-five past fifteen.”

My wife tells me I talk in my sleep all the time. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work ever mentions it.

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I grew up with Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope.  Now there’s no jobs, no cash, and no hope.  Please don’t let anything happen to Kevin Bacon.

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I was going up to bed a couple of nights ago, when the wife told me that I’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. I opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. I phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?”  I said “No,” but some people broke into my garden shed and are stealing from me.”  The police dispatcher said “All patrols are busy; lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.

I said, “Okay.”  I hung up the phone and counted to 30, then phoned the police again.  “Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.  Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now.” and I hung up. Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at my house, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to me, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!“  I replied, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

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Don’t you hate people who come and knock on your door, saying that you need to be “saved” or you’ll “burn”? Stupid firefighters.

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Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is as healthy as a twenty-minute jog.
So I’m sitting in the park, laughing at all the joggers.

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Every month millions of women in America experience bloating, cramps, and fatigue.

But Taco Bell’s just too good to pass up.

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Where do bad rainbows go?….
….Prism.  It’s a light sentence, and it gives them time to reflect.

***

 

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A Warlike Fibbing Friday

Pensitivity101 wanted alternate opinions about some historical disagreements.  The following may, or may not be, fictitious.

1 Who fought in the Punic War?

A bunch of online, word-swirling one-liner-mongers, trying to outdo each other to prove that they were real wits.  They would have to clone themselves, just to be half that.

2 Who won the Cretan War?

Well, it wasn’t the cretins who invaded the Capitol on January 6th, and it wasn’t the Mayor Mac-and-Cheese-head cretin who took sensitive homework to his log-cabin at Mar-a-Lago, and forgot to put it back.  I think the real winners were attorneys who finally got indictments, and the general American public, even though some of them don’t believe that.

3 Who wrote the book of war?

According to my great-grandson – it was some guy named Hoyle.  A two beats an ace, an’ a three beats a two.  You deal ‘em out, Poppa.

4 What was the Gothic War about?

Innumerable concerned mothers, trying to argue innumerable teenage daughters out of wearing black makeup, and all-black clothing, including torn leggings.  Couldn’t you put on a nice skirt, and look like a girl??

5 Why did they have so many Crusades?

Because they were all led by old retired guys like me, who forgot what they were doing.  “Okay, we’re at the Promised Land.  What did we come here for??  I want a cheese sandwich.  I’m going home.”

6 What was the longest battle in history?

That was between the wife and me.  Just because I suggested that she get her ass in gear, so that we could reach our vacation destination before it got dark, and they rolled the sidewalks up, it extended from Ontario, all the way to Charleston, SC.  When we reached the border, she gave the Customs Official the evil eye through my window and said, “We have nothing that you need to worry about!  Just step back, and let us through.”  He must have been married, because he did so, quickly!

7 How long did the 100 Years war last?

The King of Zor, He called for war
And the King of Zam, he answered.

A lot longer than it should have, because, back then, there were no ‘Summer Blockbusters.’  Farmers who might be conscripted into the army needed to plow and plant in the spring, and reap and harvest in autumn.  No-one wanted to fight in the winter, when there was ice and snow, but every summer, it was, “Let’s go invade someone.”  All that nonsense finally stopped when Sir Francis Drake invented lawn-bowling.

8 Who fought in the French and Indian War?

A disappointing percentage of the Canadian Parliament, because they are infected with a bad case of ‘Presentism.’  They want to “fix” decisions that were made 300, 400 years ago.  Afflicted with a bad case of “White Man’s Guilt,” they want to pay reparations to today’s Indigenous; because whites obeyed the law of the land back then – Take What You need – Keep What You Can Hold.

Les Quebecois are almost as bad.  The Surrender Monkeys in France gave them up back then, but today’s politicians want to give them special language rights and tax breaks that no other Canadian groups enjoy.  😛

9 Who was in the Battle of the Roses?

That was just a sort of informal contest between Pete Rose, and Axl Rose, to see if Pete could lose money faster, betting on baseball game outcomes, than Axl could, snorting it up his nose.  Axl is ahead at the moment.  He’s purchased so much nose-candy, that he can’t afford to snort it with a $100 bill.  It’s a good thing that he’s not Canadian, because we don’t have $1, or $2 bills any more.

10 How long did the 6 Days War last?

Just until Jehovah stepped in and said, “This is the Sabbath!  Enough already!  Give it a rest!”