I signed up for a Zoom workout meeting that was too advanced for me.  So when the instructor said, “Do a plank, and then bring your knee to the opposite elbow.” I did a modified version, where I turned the feed off and made pancakes.

***

A man went to see his Rabbi. He stated in a very serious tone, “”Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.”
The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?”
The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.”
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asked, “How can that be?”
The man then pleaded, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should I do?”
The Rabbi then said, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.”
A week later the Rabbi called the man and said, “Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?”
The man anxiously replied, “Yes.”
“Take the poison,” said the Rabbi.

***

An angry man walks into a bar and throws himself on a stool. He motions to the bartender, “Give me a whiskey. Quick!” “Something bothering you?” asks the bartender as he pours the whiskey. “It’s lawyers!” the angry man exclaims. “They’re all jerks! Every single one of them!” Another customer at the bar looks over and says, “You better take that back!” “Why? Are you a lawyer?” the angry man shouts. “No,” the customer replies. “I’m a jerk!”

***

I feel much better now that I have switched from coffee to orange juice in the morning.  My doctor explained that it is the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

***

I just read a book titled 100 Things To Do Before You Die.
I was rather surprised that one of them wasn’t, “Yell for help.”