Tag Archives: fashion

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Castle Fibbing Friday

Last week Pensitivty101’s questions were provided by Willow. Thanks Willow!
https://willowdot21.wordpress.com/

1.What is a codpiece?

An extra serving at the local fish & chips shop.

2. What is a doublet?

Two pints of stout, for the price of one, during the pub’s “Happy Hour.”

3. Who wears the hose?

That big, strong, handsome, manly-man firefighter.

4. What is a gauntlet?

It is the runway that models parade on, at fashion shows.  The scrawny, underfed models could be replaced with their 13-year-old brothers.  I can’t imagine having sex with most of them.  I might get splinters.

5. What’s kept in the moat?

A couple of cases of Newcastle Brown Ale, to keep them cool, and out of sight of the drunken ostler.

6. Where is the portcullis?

It’s a little device that the wife had installed on my liquor cabinet, which restricts my intake of red wine.  It’s like a Breathalyzer™.  Just blow into the little tube.  If you’re under the limit, it will dispense some more.
I will huff, and puff, and I will blow this damned contraption down.
How much should you spend on a bottle of wine??  About a half an hour.

7. Who wields the battle axe?

My darling wife is …. uh – does.

8. Where is the draw bridge?

Right there on the sign.

9. What is a catapult?

That’s the little “SURPRISE” game that our big feline sometimes likes to play on the dog.  Puppy will enter the living room, when suddenly, out of nowhere, the cat lands in front of her.  He’s half Maine Coon, and only slightly smaller than a Buick.  Neither the dog nor I can figure where he comes from.  I think he hides behind the wallpaper.

10. What is a flagon?

That’s what a jingoist, redneck, hillbilly, American’s got.  A flag on his front porch – a flag on his pickup truck, and even a flag tattooed on his arm.  My country – right or wrong!

 

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Slinging Slang Fibbing Friday

It’s crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide. = You’d be crazy to try to bribe a cop with counterfeit money.

Pensitivity101 wanted us to slang yer hook last week, and dropped some slang phrases/words for you.
Go on, give ’em your best shot! Have fun!

Fo-shizzle

This is what happens when you gorge yourself, and eat an entire package of Swedish fish.  Those things are full of water-soluble oils and paraffin wax.  They will lubricate your digestive system so well that you’ll spend more time sitting on the throne than Queen Elizabeth II.

Crunk

Crunk is the past participle of ‘Crank.’  I’ve been an old crank for so long, now that I’m retired, I’ve been designated an Honorary Crunk.

Booyah

That’s a compulsive heckler who can’t really decide whether he hates the performance…. or not.

Gnarly

It’s a mean, junkyard dog with a lisp.

Outtie

My strange uncle, who’s been on everybody’s gaydar for years, finally decided to start flying the LGBTQ+ Pride Flag.

Phat
It’s a Latin word for a person with an eating disorder.

What’s Crackalackin?

That’s how OB/GYNs tell boy babies from girl babies.

Cowabunga

You know how some seafood restaurants let you choose which lobster you want?….  I have to drive out to the farm, but my favorite steak-joint lets me do the same thing.
I’ll take the one with the big butt that looks like a Kardashian.

Ankle biter

Ankle-biters are a form of torture that many women inflict on themselves to attract men.  If they knew what they’d end up with, they’d choose a burqa and a Taser.  They are pairs of – if you’ll excuse the expression – shoes.  They begin at the front with a mediaeval thumbscrew type of cap, big enough for about one and a half toes, into which they jam all five – what comfort…

Behind this is a ramp, reminiscent of downhill skiing, perched on a ridiculously high heel.  There is often very little leather to contain the foot – apparently to satisfy foot fetishists, who give ‘ankle-biters’ a whole different meaning.  Therefore, they are held in place with tough leather straps, tightened down with buckles.

After an evening of dining and dancing, it’s a wonder that blood is not flowing down the leg, although pain and damage can be reduced by wearing Kevlar stockings.

All that and a bag of chips.

That’s my standard order at my neighbourhood drive-thru.  They know me.
May I take your order?
Yes.  I’d like….
Just pull up Archon, we’ve got it ready.

 

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I Back This Fibbing Friday

Pensitivity101 frolicked far and free, to ferret out these foreign terms.  They’re all Greek to me – so I’m keeping my back to the wall.

  1. Novalunosis

This is a condition sometimes suffered by American tourists in Britain.  Used to homes and buildings with 7 and 8 foot doorways, they rent a Hobbit Hut of an Airbnb cottage.  The first time they head to the loo in the dark, they smack their forehead on the low clearance, and see all those rainbows and stars and moons that cartoon characters see.

2.  Wundervei

This is a word/phrase often heard from my German immigrant neighbour.  He married a controlling bitch assertive feminist Canadian bride.  Meine Frau says that I may not play golf – watch World Cup – play meine accordion – on Sunday.  I wundervei.

3.  Eramnesia

What is the term for the condition that the hapless tourist in question one gets, when he smacks his head into a stone wall, and then has a loss ofi memory?  Er, amnesia!!

4.  Witnessoja

Being in the wrong place at the wrong time, doesn’t just happen to people like mugging victims.  It happened to me, because I was close enough to see what happened, and got a good look at the perp.  When his case came up, I was subpoenaed.  I don’t even know the victim, but I must want to be a good guy, and do my civic duty, ‘cuz this $24.75 daily witness fee ain’t cuttin’ it.  $24.75??!  😕  What genius bureaucrat dreamed that amount up??  It doesn’t even cover my parking.

5.  Sundreesorro

I tried to convince the wife to become a nudist.  Every time she buys a new dress, my bank account thinks that I adopted another family in Thailand.  $229 for a dress??!  If only it stopped there.  I’d like to say that I’m nickel and dimed to death on the sundries – but this isn’t dimes.
You’ll need a new pair of matching shoes – and a belt, to set it off.  A belt??  It doesn’t even have belt-loops!  And a nice brooch, and some ear-rings…. and perhaps an ivory hair-comb, to hold your coif.  Coif??! – cough, cough!!  How many zeros on that receipt??

6.  Livilence

Livilence is the working to ensure that you enjoy your existence to the maximum.  Don’t be glum, chum.  Don’t take life too seriously; none of us get out of it alive.  I have bad days – or weeks – but I don’t want to always be the bug.  I want to be the windscreen, as long as someone else gets to clean it.

7.  Seatherny

This is the official medical term for hemorrhoids.  The wife’s pet name for me is Himorrhoid, because she says that I’m a constant pain in her butt.  I’m lucky she doesn’t call me an ASSteroid.

8.  Drizzlosis

In America, they say that the Mississippi River is too fast to walk on, too thick to drink, and too thin to plow.  The British have the same kind of problem with their persistent weather.  It tried to rain, but it mist.  The entire country is so chronically damp that you can hear mushrooms grow.  In America, moss grows on the north side of trees.  In England, moss never sees the sun long enough to know where North is, so it wraps completely around trees, like a May-Day sash.  Washington State sends its condolences – and some sponges.  When If the clouds ever part, Brits are confused and frightened.  What is that strange yellow, glowing orb in the sky??  My Grandfather told me that he saw one, a long time ago.  😎

9.  Zirgwè

Zirgwè is the official currency of Zimbabwe.  There are thirty-seven and a fifteenth ffsnargs in a Zirgwè – which, in real money – isn’t!!

  1. Teresaurum

It’s a glass box, like one you would keep fish in, only you can add sand and perhaps some pebbles and make a miniature Zen garden.  Mine has some Singing Sand that we stole liberated from a beach in Myrtle Beach.  A true teresaurum is when you xeriscape it by adding some vegetation that thrives with very little water, and put a small pet bearded lizard in.

Just because all you lovely people are such great followers and readers, here’s a bonus.

What three books have made the greatest impression on you, and why??
Men Are From Mars – Women Are From Venus, A tale Of Two Cities, and Fifty Shades Of Gray….until I was gaining speed, duckin’ and weavin’ – ‘cuz the wife can’t throw that far, that accurately.  😉

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Speaking English Like A Frenchman

In 1066, William of Normandy rowed across The Channel, became William the Conqueror, and took England.  In a spirit of fairness, his descendants gave scores of words to the ‘English’ language.

Here is a list of French words and phrases that are commonly used, but have not officially been adopted.

Je ne sais quoi – a special, indefinable quality
Her fancy clothing had a certain je ne sais quoi.

Habitué – a person frequently visiting a place
As an habitué of the bistro, he headed to his usual table.

Billet-doux – a love letter
Stewart’s first novel was a billet-doux to his home town.

Bric-a-brac – a collection of ornaments
Among my aunt’s bric-a-brac was a glass angel that she treasured.

Flāneur – one who idly strolls around and observes
Paul spent the day as a flāneur on the streets of Montreal.

De rigueur – required by fashion or convention
A jean jacket is simply de rigueur this season.

Esprit de l’escalier – a perfect retort, formulated too late
A comedian went home after being heckled, and finally delivered his esprit de l’escalier to the cat.

Sang-froid – self-possession under stress (literally – cold blood)
The butler retained his sang-froid during his employer’s crisis.

Ā la carte – ordered separately from a menu
Not hungry enough for a set meal, Terri ordered baked potato and creamed spinach ā la carte.

Renaissance – cultural revival or rebirth
Toronto’s restaurant scene was undergoing a renaissance.

Contre-jour – with a camera facing the light
Matt positioned his grand-nephew contre-jour to produce a halo effect.

Armour-propre – self-worth
Getting dissed by a nerd wounded Rory’s armour-propre.

Éminence grise – a person with no official title, but great influence
Years of insightful posts had made Archon an ėminence grise in the blogosphere.

Laissez faire – a non-interference approach
Small businesses benefit from laissez faire economics.

Roman ā clef – thinly-veiled novelistic accounts of real people or events
George Orwell’s Animal Farm is a roman ā clef about the Russian Revolution.

I prefer to speak my French in plain English.  Aside from a couple of these which have finally been naturalized into the language, I don’t use any of them.

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WOW #75

Yankee Doodle went to town
Riding on a pony.
Stuck a feather in his hat,
And called it Macaroni

MACARONI

How did he get to be a Yankee??  And what did it have to do with macaroni??!

Yanke Surname Definition: (Dutch) Descendant of little Jan (gracious gift of Jehovah); one who came from Holland; a name sometimes applied to a stranger.

The Online Etymology Dictionary gives Yankee its origin as around 1683, attributing it to English colonists insultingly referring to Dutch colonists (especially freebooters). Linguist Jan de Vries notes that there was mention of a pirate named Dutch Yanky in the 17th century.

From the mid-1750s – even still today – it was the custom of the upper British crust to ‘Do The Continent’ when they came of age.  Starting in Spain or France, they would party their way though Germany and Poland, and end up in Italy.  Italy was considered the epicenter of society and fashion.

Young English men became enamored of anything Italian – better than what was back in frumpy old Britain.  Costume balls were common, and clothing became more and more gaudy and ostentatious.  Of course, “everything Italian” did not usually extend to actually learning the language.

After they returned home, they would wax eloquent about Italian food and wine, the flamboyant clothing, the buildings, and the parties.  It became common to refer to “everything Italian” in verbal shorthand as simply Macaroni.

Some English in the New World (Remember, there were no ‘Americans’ yet) with less wealth and far less chance to party in Italy – were Yankees.  If they had servants and slaves, and were ‘idle,’ – they were a Doodle.  They displayed their wealth by being able to ride a fine horse – pony.  If they wanted to emulate their British cousins, they would adorn and ornament their clothes.  They would stick a jaunty feather in an otherwise simple, basic hat, and pretend that it was as glitzy as any of that Italian Macaroni.

So, this nonsense little poem has nothing to do with college survival food.  Instead, it is a reminder of how the early American common folk viewed those who claimed to be their betters.  I’d better make some mac-and-cheese for lunch.   😉   😆

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Skirting The Issue

Little Black Dress

It may be local. It may be temporary and fleeting.  It is definitely from a small sampling, and a completely personal study, but I believe that women are beginning to regain some of the sophistication and elegance of bygone years.  Many women, including many young women, are once again wearing skirts or dresses for everyday situations.

Women wearing ‘men’s clothes’ became common during World War II, when women took factory jobs to fill in for menfolk in the Armed Services. After the War, working women, dressed comfortably and modestly in shirts and pants, became common, and acceptable.

Even in office settings, skirt/blouse combos were usually outnumbered by slacks and jeans, and dresses were reserved for parties and dates. The ratio of skirts or dresses seemed to be about one in twenty, or fewer.

I recently spent a day at Niagara Falls, followed by a day with a couple of hours at a mall, followed by a Saturday morning spent at the Farmers’ Market. Suddenly I was amazed at the number of females wearing skirts or even dresses.  The odds now seemed to be one in five, or even more.

Of course, I’m not counting the Mennonite females, who always wear dresses, which look like they’ve been made from rejected couch upholstery fabric.  They look neither elegant nor sophisticated.

While I appreciated the views, I didn’t feel Niagara was a good place to wear skirts. There’s a lot of breeze, and up-and-down, and climbing – hills, stairs, escalators, even the tour boats in the river.

Granted, while there were a lot of them, not all of them were sophisticated or elegant. Many, and not merely the younger ones, wore barely enough fabric to hang the ‘For Rent’ sign and price list.  One 40ish woman wore what I originally took to be a sock.  The color of safety-cone orange, it was a knit dress, primly covering her from chin to kneecaps, but it was so tight, that even I had trouble breathing.

It clung tightly to her, from below chandelier earrings, to above cork-wedge-soled sandals with 4 inch heels.  Not what I’d wear to a tourist trap.  Knitter daughter says there’s a knitting term for knitted clothes that look like they’re painted on – maximum negative ease, alternate pronunciation – If you’ve got it….flaunt it!

The next day – a hot, sunny one – at the mall, I expected lots of shorts. Again, I was surprised.  Skirts were common, and ranged from office wear, to pencil skirts, to baby doll.  Poodle skirts are back, although I imagine they’re called something else now.  Lengths ranged from barely legal, or moral, ‘wide belts’, to floor-length.

There were grandmothers in comfortable, conservative, kneecap-length dresses, latter-day hippies in swirling, diaphanous kerchief dresses, young mothers in cool caftans and airy muu-muus. Asymmetrical hemlines were evident.  Angled cuts hung down front, side and back.  Cut-outs were on chest, arms and backs.

The biggest surprise was at the food court. (You didn’t think I’d leave without eating, did you?  All that looking made me hungry.)  There were at least 12 young women having lunch – or at least coffee – wearing some form of ‘The Little Black Dress’, which I thought was reserved for more special occasions, plus four more in the same high-fashion style, but in rose, gold, robin’s-egg blue and pastel green.

What’s happening with women’s-wear in your neck of the woods? Are skirts and dresses becoming more common?  My female readers will already know, because they always keep an eye on the competition.

For the guys, if you get caught staring, assure any eye-candy that you are not a lascivious pervert, but merely performing a scientific study for a famous blogger.

Extra points if you can do it without snickering – or drooling.   😆

 

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CANADA D’Eh?

Canadian Flag

July 1 is CANADA DAY!

In celebration, I slept in till after noon….wait, that’s my regular schedule.  In any case, it took me a while to get my mind firing on all three cylinders, steal research the following fascinating information about my great country, and get it out to all my foreign followers.

ARE THE STEREOTYPES ABOUT CANADA TRUE?

It’s always winter here

False. There is, almost always, a stretch of several weeks between the end of the Stanley Cup playoffs and the start of curling season when it is warm enough for mosquitoes to thrive. This is when we go camping. In fact, according to Environment Canada the highest temperature ever recorded in Canada was on July 5, 1937, when it reached 45 C in Midale and Yellowgrass, Sask. You know where else it reaches 45 C? The Sahara desert. Saskatchewan: the Morocco of the North.

We say “eh” after every sentence

False.  A lot of sentences end with “Stanley Cup,” “puck,” or “sorry.”

We’re all very polite

See previous item. Actually, a poll by Angus Reid last year found that 56 per cent of Canadians reported using profanity on a regular or occasional basis, higher than both Brits (51 per cent) and Americans (46 per cent). But are we more profane or are we just less likely to hang up on pollsters? In fact, Canada had 554 murders in 2010, according to Statistics Canada. That’s 1.62 homicides per 100,000, compared to 4.8 in the United States, 13 in Russia, 18 in Mexico and 78 in Honduras, the deadliest country in the world, according to the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime.

We all play hockey

False. There is a rumour that several people somewhere in the Metro Vancouver region do not play hockey or understand what offside and icing are, and the relentless mocking of neighbours and co-workers has so far failed to convince them to pick up some skates and get with the game. According to the International Ice Hockey Federation, Canada is the hockey-playingest nation in the world, with 572,411 registered hockey players, male and female, which amounts to 1.68 per cent of the population.

We drink a lot of beer

False, it seems. According to statistics compiled by Ranker.com, Canada pulls in at 21st among beer-swilling nations, swigging a meagre 68.3 litres per capita annually. That’s well behind Hungary, at 75.3 litres, and just ahead of Latvia, at 68 litres. Czechs more than double the pitiful tippling of Canadians, downing 158.6 litres of beer per capita per year. Ireland wins silver in the quaffing World Cup, at 131.1 litres per person. Per capita consumption of beer peaked in Canada in 1981, at 99.69 litres, says Agriculture and Agri-Food Canada.

We hate Americans

Wrong again. We share a language, a culture, a lot of television shows and 8,891 kilometres worth of border across land and water. We have the largest bilateral relationship of any two nations on Earth, and aside from the beer thing and burning down the White House in the War of 1812, we get along quite famously. According to Statistics Canada, they’re our best friends and we, theirs. The federal agency says more than 24.5 million Americans came to Canada to say “hey” in 2010, compared to 4.5 million visitors from other countries, and almost 20 million Canadians went to the U.S. to say “eh,” compared to the 1.4 million Canadians who went to Mexico, our second bestie.

We speak French

Mais oui. Un peu. In the 2006 federal census, 17.8 million Canadians identified themselves as speaking English and 6.8 million as speaking French, while 98,625 said they spoke English and French. Almost 300,000 others said they spoke English and/or French and another language. Overachievers.

Igloo

We live in igloos

We wish, because igloos are very cool, but the truth is that the igloo is the ingenious invention of the Inuit people of the Arctic. While Inuit traditionally used hide tents for their summer homes and sod homes in winter, they also built igloos for shelter when they were out on the land in winter. Igloos are built of blocks of snow stacked one atop the other to form a dome. They’re easy to construct and warm inside, offering fast and secure shelter in one of the harshest climates on Earth.

Modern Inuit – of which there are more than 50,000, according to the 2006 federal census – have settled in permanent communities throughout the North and live in houses like their southern Canadian cousins, but many continue to keep their hunting and fishing traditions alive.

We ride dogsleds

While riding public transit at rush hour can certainly evoke feelings of being at the mercy of a pack of rabid dogs, there are some subtle but important differences.

One: Sled dogs are actually quite well-behaved, or they wouldn’t be sled dogs. They would be dogs who chew shoes and chase Canada Post employees.
Two: Public transit smells bad, and while sled dogs themselves aren’t exactly a breath of fresh air, you do have to be out in the fresh air to be driving a dog sled.
Three: A dog team can run up to 32 kilometres an hour, says the International Federation of Sleddog Sports, while buses at rush hour rarely reach those kinds of speeds.

There are many differences but most importantly, mushing is a rural sport while riding public transit is a predominantly urban sport, and according to the 2006 federal census, of the 31,612,897 residents of Canada in 2006, only 6,262,154 of them lived in rural Canada. The same explanation stands for canoeing, although many Canadian city dwellers do venture outdoors, ignoring their common sense and overcoming childhood memories of summer camp to undertake such foolhardy activities as camping in tents, swimming in non-chlorinated natural formations and kayaking. A survey by Statistics Canada found that in 2004 alone, 13.6 million trips were taken by Canadians to visit national and provincial parks, and 8.2 million trips were taken to go boating, including canoeing and kayaking.

We all wear toques

Much to the chagrin of Canadian fashionistas, this one is true. And when the mercury drops into frostbite territory, many go full-out voyageur and pull the toques down over their ears.

Canada Kicks Ass

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