Tag Archives: fibs

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Fibbing Friday #318

Pensitivity101 had a mixed bag of daftness last week. Your input on these please.  My output on these, thanx!

1. What is a tandem?

That’s how/when I disappoint two women in the same bed

2. What is a periwinkle?

Rip van Winkle’s metrosexual grandson

3. What’s the difference between a pitcher and a ewer?

A pitcher is a guy who throws the ball in an American game, so I assume that a ewer is a ball-hurler in the British sport.  Their games take so much longer because spectators need more time to figure out just exactly what a Silly-Mid-On is.

4. Who was Penelope Pitstop?

She was/is the female Transformer – Optimus Prime’s girlfriend.  A guy needs a lube-job and a refueling, after saving the planet.

5. What is pigeon toed?

It’s why they have to land and walk around on the ground, instead of lighting on power, or telephone lines.

6. What is a toupee?

It’s an alien creature from the planet DuPont, which came to Earth, landed on Donald Trump’s head, and is psychically controlling him.

7. What is carrion?

It’s a small tote bag, containing all your important personal items, that you try to cram into the airplane’s overhead compartment.

8. What is a milkshake?

A cow with the shivers

9. What is a cockle?

A guy who lives down around Beau’s belles

10. What is a chouz bun?

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s the new haircut/style that the Chavs are sporting.

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Fibbing Friday #317

Pensitivity101’s meeting last week was the inspiration for this list. Your thoughts on these please.

1. What is a board room?

The area of Home Despot where they sell lumber

2. Who usually has The Chair?

Donald Trumpet!  They say that a chair is where an ass sits – and he fits the description.

3. What are minutes?

They are incredibly long units of time, if you are standing outside the closed bathroom door with your legs crossed, while the wife is trying to recapture her beauty from a bottle, and says, “I’ll be out in just a minute.”

4. What is a projector used for?

It’s a dishonest debater/opponent who insists that you exhibit all the mistakes and weaknesses that they actually do.  They aren’t really useful for anything except comedy relief and irritation.

5. What is a CEO?

He/she is the head of the agricultural corporation that just purchased Old MacDonald’s farm – EIEIO.

6. What is a ‘stand alone?’

That’s the office co-worker who went to the suspect taco truck for lunch

7. What is a portfolio?

It’s a small cabinet with a concealed lock, where I store my wine for when the brother-in-law comes over.  In vino veritas  He could have been anything he wanted.  Too bad he chose drunken fool.  😮

8. What is an agenda?

Someone who is surgically/hormonally transitioning from male to female, or vice versa.

9. What is a ‘sea of faces’?

All of the people who are watching each SpaceX launch, hoping that this payload is MAGA hats, or the chief MAGAt himself.

10. To what does ‘any other business’ refer?

It’s where many Americans would prefer to see RFK Jr., instead of the Health Department, so that his Luddite Catholic conditioning would be less likely to kill people.

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Fibbing Friday #317

Similar fibs from Pensitivity101 as the previous week’s theme. How would you define these words?

1. Biblioklept

The guy who police are after, because he hasn’t returned 57 library books

2. Acnestis

An acute case of teenage facial skin problem that is so bad that it needs to be cured with skin-smoothing sand-blasting – or a girlfriend

3. Wrest pin

A victory in the carefully-choreographed (but totally real) redneck sport of Professional Wrestling.  Strike a chord??

4. Agelast

A British expression.  In North America they are known as senior citizens.

5. Peristeronic

That’s the name of the wave-like muscular contractions that move shit out of people’s anuses.  If only we could discover a control for the ones that move shit out of politicians’ mouths.

6.  Limerence:

King Chuckles the Threeth’s favourite citrus pudding

7.  Sonder:

Wonder is when you’re not sure of something.
Sonder is when you are absolutely certain.

OR

Sonder is what the Great-Grandson calls the noise in the sky during rainstorms.  His slightly-younger sister calls the clear liquid that we sprinkle on French fries/chips, ‘gimmicker.’

8.  Vellichor:

That’s the rip-off (If you’ll excuse the expression) imitation of the VELCRO ©™ brand of sealer strip.  It only works about three times, and then it’s not Rrriiipp anymore.  It’s more like R.I.P.  😮

9.  Petrichor:

A giant British fuel company which is trying to establish a national monopoly

10. Lugubrious:

The automobile oil-change chain that’s operated by Petrichor

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Fibbing Friday #315

Last week, Pensitivity101 thought it was time for a laugh. These were all popular comedy shows. If you didn’t know, what do you think they were about?

1. Bless this House.

A young priest, assigned to his first, small, rural parish, has a crisis of faith when he begins to doubt that God actually resides in the rectory with him.

2. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

From the producers of the Miss Bel-Air Pageant, comes the male equivalent!   All those males strutting their stuff, and looking for the top prize, and all the ladies getting what they’ve wanted for so long!

3. Diff’rent Strokes.

A niche porn channel

4. Porridge.

A specialty Scottish cooking series, with titles like Haggis, and Groats

5. Only Fools and Horses.

This is a 30-minute, Canadian Broadcasting Corporation series about the daily debacles of Donald Trump, and his unstable stable of yes-men – with particular reference to Canada.  Adolph Hitler lost WW II when he opened up an eastern front by attacking Russia.  Trump has opened so many fronts – Canada, Venezuela, Iran – that his foreign policy is like a hospital gown.  He can’t cover his ass!

6. Happy Days.

When you actually get a good night’s rest, score some time to yourself, get all the things done, and/or have someone else do the cooking for supper!

7. The Golden Girls.

Another limited-audience (but not limited enough Ew!!  Ew!!) porn channel

8. The Good Life.

A vanishing breed in today’s world. It, like common sense, is no longer common!  With rising costs for food, fuel, housing, and other needs, affording those extras gets harder and harder these days.

9. M.A.S.H.

Some new cooking show on that specialty channel.
Making Appealing Supper Hampers

10. Cheers.

That was a 90-minute special on the Fools and Horses series, when Trump had to remove all tariffs, to avoid a palace coup.  (Et Tu, Brute?)  Rumor has it that there will be another, follow-up episode, when the Americans – politicians and populace – realize that we’ve sold our oil to China, our wheat to India, and our aluminum to South Korea.

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Fibbing Friday #314

Last week, Pensitivity101 said, Don’t quote me on that…………… film quotes last week, but who else could have said them?

1. I have a head for business and a bod for sin.

I keep the head at the office and I’m getting strange looks from my jealous coworkers. Can’t wait to show them my bod at the housewarming this weekend!

2. Wax on, wax off.

Hilga, the Ogress manageress of The Brazilian Mani-Pedi Salon

3. I’ll have what she’s having.

Happy wife, happy life!  (She micromanages the rest of my life anyway.)  Besides, I’ll sneak out for a big helping of all-dressed chili fries when she’s out next time.

4. Please sir, I want some more.

Of that rummy that was getting served last week  😮

5. You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!

This is how a substantial part of the U.S. people live apparently, at least enough to put The Joker into the big office… again.

6. I have got to get me one of these!

Donald Trump, when he found out that Richard Nixon got a blanket pardon from Gerald Ford.

7. Stupid is as stupid does.

RFK Jr. a supposedly intelligent, well-educated scion of the once-proud Kennedy family.  He was appointed by The Greatest American Zero as the Secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services, but doesn’t believe in basic biology, like the efficacy of vaccinations.  If clan matriarch, Grandma Rose Kennedy isn’t rolling over in her grave, she’s rolling her eyes at this disappointing buffoon.

8. No-one puts Baby in a corner.

Except Baby herself!  If she wants to sit in the corner to feel safe and comfortable, let her be.

9. Adventure is out there!

Tripping, tumbling and falling all over itself in the great wide world.  Stay safe out there kids; there is a whole lot of crazy, happening in strange places!

10. I’m having an old friend for dinner.

Gordon Ramsay – The fib is, with a mouth like his, he HAS no friends.

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Fibbing Friday #313

Pensitivity101 wanted to know what was what last week.

1. What is Sudoku?

The new Japanese taste treat, deep-fried sushi

2. What is a vagabond?

It’s the discount, generic, Dollar-Store brand of dental adhesive.  It will hold just long enough for you to lower your guard – or your first sneeze.

3. What is an anagram?

It’s what Grandma used to send and receive, before texts and IMs were invented.

4. What is cribbage?

It’s a stage of your young child’s life – cribbage – cottage – bed-age.

5. What is protocol?

It’s a Danish, Death-Metal band.  In the original name, there were umlauts over all three ö’s.

6. What is subterfuge?

Homeless people, living in the steam tunnels, underneath New York City

7. What is rummy?

It’s the signature drink at the swim-up bar in the pool of a posh Puerto Rican resort hotel.  Nothing really special about it – finely puréed fruits, including pineapple, diluted with enough of Captain Morgan’s nectar to make him proud.  To have more than three per afternoon, you need a permission slip from the pool attendant.

8. What is a grammy?

It’s what Brits call Nan, or Nana.

9. What is an archive?

It’s a computer file where I keep copies of all my published Archon’s Den blog-posts.

10. What is infamy?

That’s when redneck hillbillies marry their cousins

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Heroic Fibbing Friday

Last week, Pensitivity101 wanted to know What Fibs or Wannabees could we come with for these ‘Heroes’?

1. Who were the Dynamic Duo?

Laverne and Shirley

2. Who was Peter Parker?

The automobile-lot attendant at the fancy hotel downtown

3. Who was Diana Prince?

The pretty girl who married Mad King Chuckles Charles

4. Who were The Fantastic Four?

Kim and Khloé Kardashian, and their half-sisters, Kendall and Kylie Jenner, who have done some of their best work on their backs, under black men

5. Who was Robert Bruce Banner?

He’s the guy who invented the advertising scroll at the bottom of your computer screen.

6. Who was Linda Lang?

Her real name was Bella Bates, and she helped the developers of Superman with character names.  She wrote herself into the story as Linda Lang, younger sister of Lana Lang, Superboy’s girlfriend.  Then she created Lois Lane, and Lex Luthor.  Later, she switched from L to K, and helped Mama Kardashian name her five daughters.

7. Who was Selina Kyle?

She’s the Krazy Kat Lady who lives down the street, and steals garden gnomes and wind chimes.

8. Who was Kent Allard?

He was the Frenchman who wasn’t fast enough – or smart enough – to catch a cow, and first thought that eating snails with garlic sauce was a good idea.

9. Who was Cliff Secord?

Chief chocolatier for his sister Laura

10. Who was Matt Murdoch?

Under the sobriquet “Howling-Mad Murdoch,” he was a member of The A-Team.

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Fibbing Friday #311

Mixed batch from Pensitivity101 last week, not all Easter related I might add!

1. Why do we have Easter Eggs?

Because we haven’t got a rise in our government retirement pension, and have to cheaply console ourselves somehow

2. What makes a Hot Cross Bun?

When the wife leaves her coffee mug warmer on my easy chair

3. Why do we have a bunny at Easter?

Because we’re getting older, and can’t eat an entire turkey, or ham

4. In which country did the Easter Bunny originate?

In a little Duchy that no longer exists, called Hopbrauberg.  It was between what became Germany, and Switzerland.  That’s why its national animal is still reproduced in chocolate.

5. How many decorative balls are conventionally on a Simnel cake?

I don’t care how decorative you think they are, pull your damned trousers up.

6.  What is a can?

The pisser in a disreputable pub

7.  What is a can-can?

Two pissers in a disreputable pub with pretentions of adequacy – one for both sexes – setters and pointers – but they’re both so small that the cockroaches are hunchbacked

8.  What is a cantaloupe?

It’s the new, hot, genetically-engineered pet.  It looks like a deer, but it’s the size of a Corgi.

9.  What is a canister?

It’s the honey-wagon company that empties the Port-A-Potties in the park.  Their trucks have a sign.
We empty cesspits
We fill swimming pools.
NOT THE SAME TRUCK

  1. What is a candelabra?

An over-shoulder-boulder-holder with mood lighting

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Fibbing Friday #310

Pensitivity101 was recycling her questions from July 2021, last week. What did I make of these? But I repeat myself.

1. What is a skiff?

It’s what I – and a bunch of other old geezers – have left on the top of our heads.  First it turned white from fright.  Now it’s leaving me faster than my schoolmates, on the obituary page.

2. What is a liner?

That’s the magic potion that’s mentioned in the online advert that says, Ladies, if you are over 40, this is the cosmetic that you should use, to draw attention away from the fact that you have the skin tone of a Sultana raisin.

3. What is a ferry?

It’s one of those self-deluded psychotics who dress up in fuzzy costumes, and believe that their ‘spirit animal’ is Fawzi Bear.

4. What is a destroyer?

A toddler on a mission to play with every toy (and non-toy) in the house!

5. What is a cruiser?

He’s a handsome, dashing young fellow who provides assistance and crowd control at roller-skating rinks..  Now that it’s making a comeback – at least in my area – I may have a new hobby/part—time job, in my retirement.  I’ll discuss it with my therapist.

6. What is a galleon?

It is the amount of gasoline/petrol that you get at the pumps these days for Antonio’s my pound of flesh.

7. What is a pedlow?

The name of Jeffrey Epstein’s estate, on his getaway island.

8. What is a kayak?

An indecisive ditherer, who is not sure if they are coming or going.

9. What is a schooner?

A glass tanker tankard of rich, October ale, that sails down the pub bar-top, and docks in front of me.

10. What is a coracle?

A method of birth-control used by Eskimos.  I just use my looks and personality.

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Fibbing Friday #309

Music and song titles from Pensitivity101 last week.
Who could have recorded these classics (doesn’t necessarily have to be a singer or even a real person)

1. I want to know what love is.

It was originally sung by Andre Agassi, but more recently, Venus and Serena Williams did a cover, on their new album, Making A Racket.

2. Money, money, money.

A celebrity duet, featuring the Chancellor of the Exchequer, and the Director of Inland Revenue

3. Tea for Two.

An inspirational jingle, sung at meetings, by the Board of Directors of Twinings

4.  There’s a kind of hush…………..

The Glasgow City Librarians Choir

5.  Take the Money and Run

The Bernie Madoff Band

6.  Time after Time.

The Office Clock-Watchers

7.  Rock Around the Clock.

Fred Flintstone and The Quarrymen

8.  Windmills of my Mind.

Donkey Hotey and the Rocinantes

9.  Hang on Sloopy

Rick Derringer and the Ohio State Marching Band
(Please comment if you get any part of this joke)

10. It started with a kiss……………….

and ended up in the maternity ward.