Tag Archives: flat Earth

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Inertial Dampers

First of all – the correct word is “dampers,” a hindrance, or restraint, not ‘dampeners,’ which just make things wet.
It’s been wrong for so long, that now it’s right.

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If a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, some people should have their head registered.  Today’s world, and the science and technology that runs it, are becoming more and more complicated.  Sadly, many people, especially Christian fundamentalists, want comforting, simple answers to complex questions.

There really are such things as stupid questions.  We can skip by the Flat Earthers, the moon-landing skeptics, the climate-change deniers, and the COVID conspirators, and proceed directly to the likes of the young man who asked his girlfriend why the Earth wasn’t constantly getting lighter because of all the ores that were being dug out of it.  Or the Christian theist who called an Atheist podcast to PROVE the existence of God, because otherwise, “What holds the Earth up in space??”

Nobody can know everything about everything – although, I come close – just ask me.  Or don’t ask me, I’ll tell you, anyway.  In a recent discussion about time travel, commenter-supreme, John Erickson posed a very non–stupid question.

And here’s one to shoot down all the time travelers. Everybody moves through time, but always land on the same X/Y/Z co-ordinates. BUT – the planet that they launch from (usually, but not limited to, Earth) is moving through space, around a star that is also moving through space, in a galaxy that is also moving through space. So how come they always stay in the same spot? That has always bugged the censored out of me!

The short answer is INERTIA!  Everything is moving along with everything else.  Even though you take a shortcut (or a long cut, depending on your direction of travel) through the N/Temporal, subspace dimension, the rest of the physical dimensions continue in their assigned speeds and directions, ready to meet you when you pop out.

A Flat Earther posted a video to refute the claim that the Earth is a globe, rotating at 1000 miles per hour, (at the equator) by sticking his head and cellphone camera out the window of a car travelling at 60MPH.  “See how even 60MPH musses my hair??  We can’t be travelling at 1000MPH!!”  He completely missed the fact that the air in the car travelling at 60, or a train travelling at 100, or an airplane travelling at 500MPH wouldn’t muss his hair, because it was travelling along with him, at the same velocity, just like the atmosphere of Earth does.

That’s the Carl Sagan Memorial University inspirational message for today.  I hope to see you here again in a couple of days – unless you time-travel, and got here yesterday.  I’ll be in the same old spot.

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Fibbing Friday #157

I recently told Pensitivity that, despite always being a week late, I had not missed publishing a Fibbing Friday post since March 15, 2022.  I put a sometimes humorous descriptive title on each of them.  I am running out of smartass titles.  Three years X 52 weeks = 156 posts.  I have begun numbering them.  The occasional title will not interrupt the sequence.

Pensitivity101 wanted some more definitions last week. Hope you can have some fun with these.

1. Doohickey

This is the new sport that is already starting to replace pickleball, because the name makes more sense.

2. Donnybrook

The small stream that runs behind the grandson’s – and great-grandson’s home.  A virtual Natural Encyclopedia for an intelligent, inquisitive 4-year-old.  He must be carefully supervised, but it is full of ducks, geese, frogs, crawdads, lilacs, daisies, violets, and Dead (non-stinging) Nettles.

3. Dingleberry

A term of affection and acceptance for Flat Earthers.

4. Dingus

He’s the office brain-trust who comes to work on the short bus.  He’s actually a nice guy, and accomplishes a lot of carefully-explained-to-him work, but he thinks that manual labor is the Mexican groundskeeper.

5. Drub

This is one of the new bathing apparatuses, where a little door opens in the side, so that handicapped people don’t have to step up and over the edge to have a shower or bath.

6. Dreck

As Donald Trump begins his second term in office, and the average IQ continues to decline, (I get the feeling that those two are somehow related.) marketers and advertisers are busy convincing us that our teeth have to be printer-paper white, and we need to use Full-Body deodorants, or we won’t get laid.  Dreck is shampoo for bald guys.

7. Diggity

The sub-genus for my two Scottish terriers.  I don’t know what puts bigger holes in my back yard – moles – or my dogs, trying to get at them.

8. Dook

This is the new term for a digital novel.

9. Dibbly

This is what a putter at a miniature golf course was called, early in the 20th Century, before golfers stopped using Scottish Gaelic, and began speaking English.

10. Dinkum

That’s the cotton candy that you can buy at Australian fairs.  They’re always talking about their fair dinkum.

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Son Of: Humorous Answer To A Seriously Stupid Question

 

Ohh….  Did the big, bad firearm scareums??  Here’s a bit of facts and truth to calm you down.

WHY DO GUN NUTS INSIST THAT THE AR15 IS SEMI-AUTOMATIC, WHEN IT IS CLEARLY FULLY AUTOMATIC, WITH A HIGH CALIBER MAGAZINE?

It is clear that the Federal Government has passed legislation, banning the production, sale, and possession of fully automatic firearms, except for specially licensed groups, such as police or Armed Services.

It is clear on the manufacturer’s website where they state that, as a good, corporate citizen, not to mention avoiding being prosecuted for a Federal crime, the AR15 is available only as semi-automatic.

It is clear that the actuator switch on the side of the receiver does not have an indication for fully automatic firing, unlike its big brother, military model.

The “AR,” of AR15 does not stand for Assault Rifle!  The manufacturer is Armalite, and it is an Armalite Rifle.

It is clear, when you reached the point of over-emotionally ranting about the high caliber magazine, that you really don’t know what you’re talking about.  “CALIBER” refers to the diameter of the bullets fired, not the magazine.  The Army has changed from ammunition that kills the enemy, to stuff that just annoys them, and ties up four support staff, for every wounded soldier.  The 5.56 mm slugs that the AR15 fires equal .223 Caliber – barely barn-rat plinking size.

If you meant a HIGH CAPACITY magazine, I suppose that 20 rounds might seem like a lot to a rube whose chickens only lay a dozen eggs at a time, but the Army has 30, and 50-round banana-clips, and 100-round drum-mags.  Perhaps you could make it clear why, despite all of the above data, you insist on claiming that it is fully automatic.

It is clear that Chicken Little wants the rest of us to help him run around, shouting, “The sky is falling!  The sky is falling!” but the vast majority of us are too busy laughing at idiots like him and Flat Earthers, to be bothered.

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Personally, I think that most AR15s are purchased as a penis-substitute, by insecure men, but if you’re going to campaign against them, the least you could do is some research, to get your arguments correct – or just be honest.  That would be novel.  🙄

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Pushmi-Pullyu Fibbing Friday

Here goes Pensitivity101 again.  She’s been looking forward to my answers to these!  She should have been looking backward.

What is a mitre?

It’s a scientific instrument to measure just how far off reality, Flat Earth believers are.  There’s a new, special, two-axis-scanner version, because many of them are also fundagelical Christians.

  1. What is a dumpster?

He’s a sci-fi fan auto driver, who thinks that anything ejected from his vehicle goes into a miniature black hole, and just disappears.  Got a half-inch of ash on your cigarette?  Just flick it out the window, into the eyes of the following motorcyclist.  Done with the fag?  Toss the butt out too, because they all just magically evaporate.  Got a McDonalds bag with a cardboard fries tray, an empty soft-drink glass and a ketchup pouch?  Just dump them on the ground when you arrive, even though there’s a rubbish bin right beside the door of the business where you’re going.  It’s enough to make a person cry.

  1. What is a relic?

He was the comic-relief character in The Beachcombers, which was a Canadian comedy-drama television series that ran on CBC Television from October 1, 1972, to December 12, 1990. With over 350 episodes, it is one of the longest-running dramatic series ever made for English-language Canadian television.

He was a Welsh-Canadian, with a Serbian surname.  He personified the Grumpy Old Dude that I aspired to be.  I watch the occasional rerun now, and think, ‘What a sweet young lad he was.’

4. What is a puffball?

He’s a mid-life crisis who bought a hot-damn, bright red, little sports car that’s so small; he can’t fit his entire ego into it.

5. What is an accolade?

It’s a miniature accordion/squeezebox, like the one that Christie McVie of Fleetwood Mac plays – TUSK!

6. What do the initials O.B.E. stand for?

The inscription on the back of my medal says that it means Old, Bitchy, and Eccentric.

7. What is a hide chew?

That’s what my childhood friend did when I’d made a large error in judgement, and my Mother was on the warpath.
Ah kin hide-chew under mah bed.

8. What is caffoy?

It’s the gigantic urn behind the counter at every Starbucks Coffee Shop.  All the coffee gets brewed and poured into it.  You can order light roast, medium roast, dark roast, Kenyan, Kona – doesn’t matter!  Like four teats on a cow’s udder, no matter which one you pull, you’re gonna get the same stuff.

9. What is an erf?

It was Paris Hilton’s little handbag Chihuahua, when it had a slight sinus infection.  It went on to have two seasons of its own talk show, and a movie deal, probably because it was smarter and more personable than her.

10. What is an umbel?

It is the viscera – the heart, liver, etc. of animals – particularly deer – which is used to make (H)umbel pie, for people who can’t spell

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’22 A To Z Challenge – I

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s not that I’m stubborn.  It’s just that I’m usually right.  I am urged to consider others’ opinions.  I do!  I consider many of them stupid and unworkable.  My darling wife, whose vocabulary is limited to romance novel levels, would not call me

Intransigent

refusing to agree or compromise; uncompromising; inflexible
obstinately maintaining an attitude

Nor

Intractable

not easily controlled or directed; not docile or manageable; stubborn; obstinate:
difficult to influence or direct

I don’t think that I am smarter than others.  It is, perhaps, just that I pay more attention to reality.  I only have a high school diploma, and some work-related post-secondary training.  I am constantly amazed by the ignorance and misunderstanding of people with college and university degrees.

One day, at work, four of us were playing cards at lunch, and the radio played an advertisement referencing the legal code of Habburami.   Two of us perked up, and simultaneously shouted, “Hammurabi!”  A co-worker asked, “How do you know?”  I answered, ”Because we paid attention in class.”

Religion is not the only reason that people believe and say foolish, stupid things.  The education system in North America, more and more, resembles a sewage treatment plant, with about the same type and quality of output.  Something is rotten in the state of Denmark Mississippi, New Jersey, etc.

I am amenable to being honestly and intelligently guided, but I refuse to be blindly led.  I am willing – anxious – to change my opinion if I am offered solid evidence, and well-thought-out presentations.  I will not take seriously, any opinion, from someone who asks things like, “Do Atheists have children?” – or Flat-Earth-type fools who claim that, “Australia is a lie.  It’s not real.  If it was, (sic) people would fall off.”

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The Art Of Divorce

An attorney representing a wealthy art collector calls his client and says to him, “I have some good news, and I have some bad news.” The art collector replies, “I’d better hear the good news first.” The attorney say, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right.”

The client says enthusiastically, “That’s fantastic!  I can’t believe my wife made such a great investment. You’ve just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?” The attorney replies, “The pictures are of you with your secretary.”

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“The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.”

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The wife and I recently went on a Sunday road trip, and stopped at a lovely roadside restaurant for lunch.  We finished our meal and resumed our trip.  The wife unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and didn’t miss them until we were 40 minutes down the road.

By then, to add to the aggravation, we had to drive quite a distance before I could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.  All the way back, I was my classic Grumpy Old Dude.

I fussed and complained, and scolded her.  The more I chided her, the more agitated I became.  I just wouldn’t let it go for a single second.  To her relief, we finally arrived back at the restaurant.

She got out of the car, leaving the door open.  As she hurried across the driveway to retrieve her glasses, I leaned over and yelled at her, “While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat, and the credit card.”

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We were attending church services.  About halfway through, I leaned over to the wife and whispered, “I just let a silent fart.  What do you think I should do?”  She replied, “Put new batteries in your hearing aids.”

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A father is in church with three of his young children, including his five year old daughter.

As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service.

During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little five year old girl was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant’s head.

With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked: “Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby??”

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A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
“I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she says. “What’s your secret for a long, happy life?”
“I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise.”
“Wow, that’s amazing,” says the woman. “How old are you?”
“Twenty-six.”

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A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start drinking. As the night goes on, they get drunk, and the giraffe finally passes out. The man decides to go home.

As he’s leaving, the man is approached by the barkeeper who says, “Hey, you’re not gonna leave that lyin’ here, are ya?”

“Hmph,” says the man. “That’s not a lion — it’s a giraffe.”

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Mother’s Standards

Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a month of each other, a woman asked, “What kind of boy did your daughter marry?”

“Oh, he’s wonderful,” gushed the mother. “He lets her sleep late, wants her to get her nails done regularly, and insists on taking her out to dinner every night.”

“That’s sounds lovely,” said the woman. “What about your son?”

“I’m not so happy about that,” the mother sighed. “His wife sleeps late, spends all her time getting her nails done, and makes them eat take-out meals!”

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Bad Math

Two plus two

Something Doesn’t Add Up

Trying to argue or debate with Christian Apologists is like trying to spar with fog. They’re never quite ‘there.’ They move the goalposts, or change the definitions. When they argue their positions, they add just enough reality to make it seem real. 2 + 2 doesn’t quite equal 4. They will claim 3.97 or 4.04, hoping that skeptics will concede the tiny difference.

They hold up portions of the Bible which are historically correct, and then claim that it ALL is. See, the Bible mentions Jerusalem, and Jerusalem exists, so the Bible must be true. It’s when you ask them to prove the existence of Sodom and Gomorrah, that the tap-dancing begins.

A very small percentage of archeology remains after three to four thousand years.
A very small percentage of surviving archeology has been discovered.
Of what archeology has been discovered, a very small percentage of it has actually been dug.
Of the archeological digs, only a small percentage of the total area is actually exposed.
Only a tiny fraction of what has been examined and published, has anything to do with the Bible.
Of the unidentified digs, one of them might have been Sodom, or Gomorrah.

Yeah??! And it MIGHT have been Jephthah’s bait shop and sailboard rental. We’re getting down to dancing on the head of that argumental pin.

A YouTuber complained that Atheists are so closed-minded, that even if they observed a miracle, they wouldn’t change their minds. As Proof, he quoted the story of Christ raising Lazarus from the dead. The Jewish leaders plotted to have both Jesus and Lazarus murdered, because all Christ’s miracles were bad for their business. But that was because they believed that the miracles were real. They accepted Christ’s divinity. The circular reasoning is hardly the best example to refute Atheists with.

One Apologist admitted that Christianity had got many things wrong, but defended its existence as a possible font of additional hunches/intuitions/guesses about the universe and reality, which science could then investigate, and either prove or disprove. Contrary to usual dogma, he insisted that Christianity and the Bible should be viewed as allegory, and not taken literally. What did I think about that?

That idea sounds weak and desperate. So far, EVERY one of religions’ wild-ass guesses/intuitions/hunches has proved wrong. I don’t think that any one of them need make any more. If organized logic and science can’t intuit something new, ‘Conspiracy Theory’ is the new growth industry.

Besides, Religion is the bully on the block. No Flat Earther has ever threatened me with eternal torment in Hell, or even worse, stretched me on a rack, burned me at the stake, or protested at my funeral because I had the audacity to serve in the military to defend my country, just because I thought the Earth was round.

No Area 51 fanatic has ever put det-cord around my neck and blown my head off, tossed me off a 10-storey building, or put me in a cage and drowned me, because I didn’t believe that the government performed an autopsy on an alien there in 1947.

I don’t feel that we should give any sanction or acceptance to most religions. It only validates and encourages the worst among them. They, and their desperate, insecure, ego-driven adherents, can be quite retrogressive and dangerous.

If you can’t take religion at face value, why take it at all? Playing ‘Pretend’ is for children.

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How To Be Taken Seriously

Serious

PLEASE ENSURE MIND IS IN MOTION BEFORE ENGAGING MOUTH

Whoever you are, whether Christian Apologist, Flat Earther, Immigration Protester, or Climate Change Warrior, to be taken seriously, it really helps if you get your facts straight before you start spouting off.

It does little good for the Pope to insist that the Bible is inerrant and free of contradictions, when one of God’s commandments is, “Thou shalt make no graven images.’ and two chapters later, God instructs, “Thou shalt make two graven silver cherubim, and place them at each end of the Ark of the Covenant.”

I’m all for combating global warming, but a do-gooding tree-hugger recently had this op-ed published; Aircraft exhaust 10 or 11 kilometers above the Earth’s surface is thought to have considerably more polluting effect per person-mile, than automobile exhaust at ground level, per person-mile.

I’m not sure what his point was. Only transcontinental flights go up to 40,000 feet – 10/11 kilometers. The pollution from a few thousand flyers each day is much more than offset by the total of hundreds of millions of cars driving around. He could fight a more down-to-Earth battle. He’s tilting at one little Dutch windmill, when there are thousands of giant wind-turbines ruining people’s lives in the name of ecology.

Your favorite jovial old tundra-dweller recently became aware of ‘Blue Monday,’ the third Monday in January. It’s not something that affects me. A sociologist did a somewhat un-scientific study. He took into account things like the weather – cold and snow, the lack of sunlight for the last month, friends and family visitors who have now left, the shopping hassles of Christmas, back to work after some time off, and now the bills arriving. He felt that Blue Monday would be the day that cumulative depression would be most likely to affect/be noticed/felt by the average North American.

Immediately, the usual suspects began their howling. Psychologists, and counsellors whined that the day somehow belittled people with depression, when it actually raises people’s awareness of the condition and its causes.

One denier objected to the way the day was chosen, complaining that, “It’s like adding the speed of your jogging to the color of an apple.” And yet psychologists and penologists know that certain colors of prison uniforms and cells help calm prisoners down. One Arizona Sheriff makes his inmates wear hot pink overalls, and violence has reduced significantly.

It should be taken seriously, yet it is no more real that the chubby Santa Claus that Coca-Cola invented. Speaking of people who don’t know what they are talking about, a local radio announcer doesn’t get it. He claimed that, “It is the most depressing day of the year.” It is not the day that is depressing. It is merely the point in time when all the previous depressing influences come together in a confluence – like the perfect wave – and people are most likely to feel depressed.

A newspaper story about a truck crash wrote of ‘semi-tractors.’ (Surely, they are semi-trailers?) In another, a 10-year-old boy wrote to every automaker in the world, and requested ‘decals.’ He got back a hub-cap, hood ornaments, trunk logos, and key-fobs…. because, aside from those little generic warnings on your car windows – auto-makers don’t use ‘decals.’  I don’t know what he (or the article writer) thought ‘decals’ were.

First my Dismantling of Faith post, then all of these, in one week. Does nobody pay attention to the details of reality anymore? It helps, if you want to be taken seriously.

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Flash Fiction #174

Flat Earth

Copyright –Douglas M. MacIlroy

ERROR 404 – NO TITLE FOUND

I know that I shouldn’t bother, but I’ve been debating some Flat Earthers online.  The Flat Earth Society has members all around the world.  They’re as bad as the rabid Bible-thumpers – which many of them are.  Their minds are made up.  Don’t confuse them with the facts.

If the argument for a globe were a house, they can refute windows, or roofs, or walls, but not the entire building.   And their ‘proof’ against floors contradicts their ‘proof’ against chimneys.

Sometimes these discussions can be irritating.  Sometimes they can be amusing and entertaining, but often, they just go ‘round and ‘round.

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Don’t be afraid to click on ‘Flat Earthers,’ above.  It’s not a deep Wiki article, just a few thoughts I published on the subject a couple of years ago.  Even the less astute of you may notice that I am willing to plagiarise even from myself.  Rochelle’s photo, coupled with Wednesday’s religious rant, joined forces to give the inspiration for this post.  I slipped in an old, previously published Flat Earth joke, and used the same “Round And Round” hook line from my Nov. 30th Flash Fiction.  That’s just flat-out lazy.  😉

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Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

Friday Fictioneers

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(One-)Liner Notes

Tired

I like a good long cuddle with my girlfriend after sex…….
…….It’s the quickest way to deflate her.

Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds….
…..poor bastard

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach….
….unless he’s a vegetarian, then you can get there through his vagina.

Why was the Pediatrician always losing his temper….
….he had little patients.

One time I forgot how to throw a boomerang….
….but then it came back to me.

What do you call a boring woman with athletes’ foot?….
….anti fun gal.

There’s a new sex position called ‘Delivery Man’….
….You stay in all day, and nobody comes.

How do Flat Earthers travel?….
….on a plane.

I have OCD, which seriously affects my sex life….
….every time a girl gets turned on, I turn them off again

This guy lost his entire left side….
….doctors say he’s alright now

I once got a hand-job from Albert Einstein….
….it was a stroke of genius

Vladimir Putin’s approval rating is 80%….
….the other 20% is missing

There are 10 different kinds of people in the world….
….those who understand binary humor, and those who don’t

How do you stay clean in space?….
….take a meteor shower

Of all my friends….
….I am the most competitive

My wife is always stealing my T-shirts and sweaters….
….but if I take one of her dresses, “We need to talk”

What’s positive about rape?….
….HIV

How did the captain survive the sinking of his ship?….
….He kept a log in his cabin.

What so you call a man with a shovel in his hand?….
….Doug

He digs, she digs, it digs, we dig, you dig, they dig….
….It may not be a beautiful poem, but it’s very deep.