Tag Archives: games

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Fibbing Friday #318

Pensitivity101 had a mixed bag of daftness last week. Your input on these please.  My output on these, thanx!

1. What is a tandem?

That’s how/when I disappoint two women in the same bed

2. What is a periwinkle?

Rip van Winkle’s metrosexual grandson

3. What’s the difference between a pitcher and a ewer?

A pitcher is a guy who throws the ball in an American game, so I assume that a ewer is a ball-hurler in the British sport.  Their games take so much longer because spectators need more time to figure out just exactly what a Silly-Mid-On is.

4. Who was Penelope Pitstop?

She was/is the female Transformer – Optimus Prime’s girlfriend.  A guy needs a lube-job and a refueling, after saving the planet.

5. What is pigeon toed?

It’s why they have to land and walk around on the ground, instead of lighting on power, or telephone lines.

6. What is a toupee?

It’s an alien creature from the planet DuPont, which came to Earth, landed on Donald Trump’s head, and is psychically controlling him.

7. What is carrion?

It’s a small tote bag, containing all your important personal items, that you try to cram into the airplane’s overhead compartment.

8. What is a milkshake?

A cow with the shivers

9. What is a cockle?

A guy who lives down around Beau’s belles

10. What is a chouz bun?

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s the new haircut/style that the Chavs are sporting.

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Fibbing Friday #276

Pensitivity101’s theme last week was Who said/sang/wrote………………..

1. I want to break free.

The hymn of many a person in prison.  Occasionally one or two manage to make this refrain a reality!!

2. No more the fool.

My redneck neighbor – he’s already reached legal maximum.  He’s not a complete fool, though.  Some parts are missing.

3. Food, glorious food.

What many people think when they see the buffet at a favourite restaurant or cruise ship.

4. The Princess Diaries.

The private journals and papers of that entitled Chica at the local High School.  Don’t let her fool you, she’s got all the notes on most of the guys (and many of the girls too!).  All under lock and key in her luxurious bedroom.

5. The Name of the Game.

Monopoly, Yahtzee, Trouble, Sorry…  I know, Truth or Dare!  The truth is not to take the dare if you can help it!

6. You can’t hurry love.

“Hurry love??!”  He’s already going so fast that he’s back on the couch with a cold beer, and her hair isn’t even mussed.

7. Kiss me Kate.

Ellen Degenerate, the author of the new LGBTQ romance.  I don’t know who Kate is, but consent is always a good thing.

8. Catch a falling star.

They are worth a ton of money to the rock hounds and collectors.

9. Absolute Power.

Corrupts absolutely, as we have evidence of with the Orange Dictat-wanna-be.

10. I’ll have what she’s having.

This is what you get when the dating pool consists of the family picnic.  I’m sure the sister of the redneck wife next door has already offered the husband a cold beer, and a warm bed, as soon the separation is official.

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International Comedy

A Scot, an Englishman and an Irish man were serving in Nelson’s Navy.  As sailors then did, they broke some naval regulations.  They were each sentenced to 20 lashes.

On the day they were to get their lashes the Englishman went first. The doctor in charge told him, ‘This is going to be very painful, what do you want on your back to ease the wounds?’  ‘Just slather on goose grease’ said the Englishman

The man took his punishment and was carried to the sick bay to recover.

The Scot was next.  When he was asked the same question he replied, ‘Naethin. I’m a true Scot. I dinna need annathing.’  He took his punishment and managed to walk away and down to the sick bay

Next was the Irishman

‘What do want on your back’ he was asked.  The Irishman quickly replied, ‘The big Scotsman!’

***

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes.

As the train rolled out of the station, a woman sitting next to him made a phone call and started talking loudly: “Hi sweetheart. It’s Sue. I’m on the train.

Yes, I know it’s the six thirty, not the four thirty, but my meeting went long. No, honey, not with Kevin from accounting, it was with the boss. No sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life. Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart!”

Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly.

When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone, “Sue, hang up the damn phone and come back to bed.”

Sue doesn’t use her phone in public any longer.

***

I love board games.
My favorite one is where people put meat and cheeses on a board – maybe some fruit and crackers.
I’m very good at that one.

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An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said, “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”
Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later, she said, “Then you used to kiss me.”
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said, “Then you used to bite my neck.”
Angrily, he threw back the covers and got out of bed.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“To get my teeth!

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Fibbing Friday # 272

Pensitivity101’s Uncredited Fibbing Friday

Hopefully you can have some fun with these:

1. What is the difference between sun burn and sun stroke?

Sun burn is the hot, dry, painful skin you get if you don’t slather (Stroke) SPF3000 cream on.  I know you Brits don’t see it through the clouds all that often, but when it does shine, try to show a little restraint.

2. What is the difference between cycle and bicycle?

In finding out whether it is more blessed to give, or to receive, a bicycle will take you, coming or going.

3. What is the difference between pinch and pinchbeck?

Remember the old “Punch Buggy – No punch back” game that rowdy kids used to play in the back seat, on long trips, when one would spot a VW Beetle??  The modern version involves Teslas.  Pinch me.  I didn’t think anyone was dumb enough to buy one of these.  Sighting of a Cybertruck can result in unconsciousness.

4. What is the difference between sprig and sprog?

A sprig is an offshoot.  A sprog is a drunken Scotsman who will shoot off his mouth.
‘Ma caber’s bigger than yoors.’

5. What is the difference between beacon and beckon?

‘Beacon’ says stay away.  ‘Beckon says come hither.’  Sadly, neither of them say BACON, only one reason why I am neither Jewish nor Muslim.

6. What is a gooseberry fool?

Don’t call me a fool.  I know what a gooseberry is.  It’s a small fruit, used to make a sweet spread for toast or scones, sold at the jamboree, below.  Have you ever seen the process?  It’s jarring.

7. What is a bakewell tart?

Also known as a “meadow muffin.”  I used to dry them, and sell them as a homeopathic intelligence enhancer.  One guy said, “What is this??!  It tastes like shit.”  I said, “See!  You’re getting smarter already.”

8. What is a bistro?

That’s a Russian word for a single mother.  It means, “Father not in attendance.”

9. What is a jamboree?

It’s a small, local, fair-like retail gathering of people selling variously-flavored sweet spreads as replacements, for people who don’t like watercress, or cucumber, sandwiches for tea.

10. What is a chancer?

He’s the techno-idiot who makes a turn from a side street, across three lanes of traffic, onto a busy, main road, while checking his cell phone, to see how late he is.  If he doesn’t stop it, he, and probably several others, will be described as ‘late.’

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Out Of Control One-Liners

Does anyone ever….
….spiral into control??

The best way to watch a fishing tournament….
….is live-stream.

Due to recent budget cuts….
….the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie….
….is all the walking.

I’m taking my red marker to the hospital….
….We’re going to draw some blood.

A day without beer is like….
….Just kidding!  I have no idea.

How do you make a waterbed more bouncy?….
….Use spring water.

I don’t snore….
….I purr with the force of 10,000 kittens.

Can we just agree that we’ve taken this, “Anyone can grow up to be President”….
….thing, way too far??!

Love means nothing….
….in tennis.

I’m done being a people-pleaser….
….if everyone is okay with that.

I tried to teach my dog to fetch….
….but he just doesn’t get it.

It’s time to plant….
….some more impeach trees.

I didn’t want to grow up….
….I just wanted to reach the cookies.

The world is a donut….
….and we are but holes.

I made a chicken salad yesterday….
….Turns out they prefer grain.

If a book about failures is a best-seller….
….is it considered a success?

It’s no longer called ‘box wine’….
….The classy term is ‘cardboardeaux.’

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Fibbing Friday #268

Pensitivity101 was not very inspirational last week I’m afraid.
Our questions refer to movie quotes, but who could have said this?

1. “Lions, and tigers, and bears! Oh, my!”

The coach in ‘Bad News Bears,’ discussing how to name sports teams, now that using the names of Indian tribes Indigenous American Cultures is too Woke.  😮

2. “Shut up – you had me at ‘hello.’”

That was me, answering the door to the Jehovah’s Witness couple.  The fact that I did it in the nude kinda put an exclamation point on it.  None of them have come back, since!  😳

3. “Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?”

Jack Black’s character in Jumanji, when he finds that he’s trapped in that stupid game, because of a cultural decision.  Brits play the well-mannered ‘Chutes and Ladders,’ but he didn’t want to play the scarier, American, ‘Snakes and Ladders’ version.

4. “I’ll have what she’s having.”

Jenny’s (Ali McGraw) sister’s character in Love Story, when she discovers that Jenny has hereditary leukemia.

5. “It’s alive! It’s alive!”

That was the science experiment in a Tupperware bowl that caused Weird Al Yankovic to compose and perform Living’ In The Fridge.

6. “No man is a failure who has friends”.

That was “The Donald” Trump, in his cameo in ‘Home Alone,’ which he extorted from the studio.

7. “If you build it, he will come.”

That was Captain Magnus Christopher Pike, in the most recent iteration of Star Trek, when he discovered that they were constructing Data’s sister, as a sex robot.

8. “I feel the need, the need for speed.”

Jesse Pinkman, in Breaking Bad

9. “On Wednesdays, we wear pink.”

RuPaul – He/She/It/They was a font of philosophy – and style tips

10. “Florals? For spring. Groundbreaking.”

That’s a tagline from a recent Febreze home deodorizer advert.

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Fibbing Friday #265

Val from A Different Perspective kindly sent Pesitivity101 a list of slang words last week, so here is her selection for your fibbing frenzy this week:

1. Poggers

It was a game that was played – perhaps still is – by the young in years, and the young at heart, using the cardboard cap-liners from Hawaiian juice bottles – Passionfruit, Orange, and Guava.

2.  Simp

I’m drawing a blank for this one – Sorry!

3. Bussin

Taking public transit has never been so cool, or so the younger folk would have us believing.  I mean anything they do has to be cool or it’s not worth doing!

4.  Delulu

That’s the award that Pensitivity bestows each week, for the best, funniest, most interesting fib.  If you haven’t received it yet, you need to Lie Hard, or tell True Lies.  Not to boast, but I’ve won it twice in the same week.

5.  Gucci

What we used to say to new babies when they arrived…  Gucci, Gucci, Goo!  Now the modern parent is taught to talk to your kid like they are little adults, some even dress them up like little adults too.

6. Vibing

That permanent energy that those with ADHD, and young children, have.  Kind of like Bugs Bunny, always on the go and driving everyone around him crazy, or insane with laughter!

7. Rizz

These are crispy, round, cheese-based crackers, made by a company that’s desperately tap-dancing around a trademark infringement.

8.  Cheugy

That’s a redneck drunk.  None of this damned, delicate sip, sip, sip!  If yer gonna get wasted and make a hillbilly ass of yourself, do it the way Larry The Cable Guy says – Git ‘Er Done!  See below.

9.  Booed up

…. Oh, that’s Booed up, not Boozed up.  My confusion may have been caused by blurry vision, from imbibing a pint – or seven – too many at the local, last night.

10. Beige Flag

This is the standard flown by Incels, guys who are so uninteresting that they can’t even convince a female to agree to a mercy hump.  They flutter off automobiles, but you’ve probably never noticed.  When one of them enters a room, it’s like two normal people leave.

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’25 A To Z Challenge – A

AGATE

Is a way through afence – unless you go in stile.

Marbles were originally made from little broken pieces of marble – hence the name.  Now, most ‘marbles’ are molded from glass.  Hmmm, glass marbles??!  That’s as self-contradictory as plastic glasses – both kinds.

“Aggies,” the more often and more roughly-used playing marbles, also known as taws, were made from agate, a super-hard, super-strong, ultra-compressed type of sandstone.  The pleasing stripe/swirl patterns were created when the original sand was disturbed by waves or water currents, before it became extra-compacted.

I recently saw a video where an excited man pulled a dinner-plate-sized stone from the edge of some water.  He took it home and split it in half with a special saw. (Video agate coral)  The pattern inside was gorgeous.  He claimed that it was a special type of agate, composed of fossilized coral.

I thought agate was only the sandstone type, but I guess I was wrong.  (Hey, could happen??)  I suppose that the same thing occurring, in the same place, under the same conditions, to two similar materials, rates the same name.

I’m gonna roll on out of here.  Be careful on your way out.  I think I picked up all the aggies, but….  😉

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General Fibbing Friday

General knowledge questions from Pensitivity101 last week, so wrong answers/fabrications please!

1. What three symbols are featured on the game invitation card on Squid Game?


2.  What do Sumo Wrestlers use to purify the ring before a match?

Kikkoman Soya Sauce, and Gillette Full-Body Deodorant Spray

3.  What is the name of the sport played on broomsticks in Harry Potter?

Curling

4.  What is the name of the unique language spoken by Furbies?

Gobbledegook

5.  Which chocolate product had the slogan ‘The lighter way to enjoy chocolate’?

Willie Wonka’s THC Brownies

6.  What unit of measurement is used for electrical resistance?

Mormon chastity ring

7.  In what sport would you use the term ‘Daily Double’?

Bar shooters truth or dare

8.  Which fashion label popularized the velour tracksuit in the 2000s?

That was Bratva Russian Fashions LLC, soon a hit with Communist mobsters and American wannabes, alike.  The loose, roomy outfits hid the fact that the nouveau riche wearers had no culture or manners.  Their capacious pockets were ideal for concealing huge amounts of ill-gotten loot, and illegal firearms.  The most popular colour was BORSCHT RED, because it hid the bloodstains so well.

9.  Where would you find the Mariana Trench?

She’s the Irish Goodtime Girl currently working the local pub.

10. Which two words begin a darts match?

En Pointe

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Timing Is Everything

WHAT TIME IS IT, MISTER WOLF??

I dunno, but it’s gonna be two days late – again.

There I was, peacefully napping at my computer, when somebody said Y!
Why,? I responded.  Because I’m dozy.
NO! Y, as in A To Z Challenge – the letter Y!
Oh, is that this month?  Like Pa Kettle used to say, “Gotta fix that – one of these days.”

Stop back again on Wednesday, and Yogi Bear, Yasmine Bleeth and I will have a semi-coherent post ready for you.

😎