Tag Archives: luck

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Fibbing Friday #279

Mixed bag from Pensitivity101 last week, her apologies if some appear familiar.

1. What is an ingot?

That’s part of the national motto of the excitable bunch that live to our south.  They even put it on their money.  Ingot We Trust.  Everyone Else Pays Cash.

BONUS ANSWER: The daughter says that, because a bigot is a person who judges and hates everybody who isn’t exactly like them, an INGOT is someone with an open mind and open heart, who accepts others as they are, and values the differences.

2. What is a Pekinese?

The neighborhood pervert who’s always trying to get a look behind bedroom curtains

3. What is gumbo?

A stop-action cartoon character, played by Eddie Murphy, on SNL
I’m Gumbo, damn it!

4. What is crème fraiche?

That’s the latest cosmetic moisturizer, maybe from Maybelline

5. What is a patisserie?

A French petting zoo – of course, they pet frogs, and snails.

6. What is cock-a-leekie?

What my male Scottish terrier does to the neighbors’ mailbox post, when I walk him

7. What is a scotch egg?

The Scots are so cheap frugal, that their eggs only come 10 to the dozen.

8. What is a tuning fork?

Call me anything – except late for dinner.  You’re lucky you haven’t seen me eating, cutlery flashing in the light, moving so fast it’s striking sparks, and musical notes.  For poutine or chili fries, I can get up to a B-sharp.

9. What is a leprechaun?

A Korean with a necrotic flesh disease  Unclean!  Unclean!

10. What is a running flush?

The wife told me not to take that second, big slice of rhubarb pie

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25 A To Z Challenge – F

I have foregone a binge-watching marathon of all the Fast and Furious movies, to bring you this fabulous word that you think you know, but don’t.

FELL

Oh sure, clumsy clod, tripped over the floor and landed – SPLAT!! – on his face.  Nah…. That’s the verb form.  I’m talking about the archaic adjective version, which means cruel, or ruthless.  Unlucky people were said to be forced to live in fell circumstances.  Since both of those could involve quick treachery and betrayal, it also came to mean sudden.  The carefully coordinated police drug raids rounded all the dealers up in one fell swoop.

I was going to offer you more information that you could actually use on Wednesday, but my blog is on an exercise kick.  After I exercise my right to Freedom From Religion, I’m going to Hop, Skip, and Jump over to Fibbing Friday.

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Lucky To Be Unlucky Fibbing Friday

It was Friday 13th last week, so Pensitivity101’s theme was (loosely) superstition based.
Here are your questions:


1. Who sang “Is This a Kind of Magic?”

A rich Jewish illusionist who called himself David Copperfield

2. Who sang “Somebody’s Watching Me?”

The President of Paranoids Anonymous – but he won’t give his name

3. Why do we blow out birthday candles?

The Big Bad Wolf had his Medicaid cut off, so he’ll be a little late.  We need to huff and puff, and blow out the candles before we burn down the house of straw, and the house of sticks.  When we get to the house of bricks, we’re gonna need an HVAC technician.

4. Why do we associate red and green with Christmas?

It all started when Olaf went to cut down that year’s greenery and the wife saw that he had bled on some of it.  She was gaga for the colour scheme and insisted that all the ladies try it.  Interior decorating wasn’t as big a deal back in the day, but they knew what they liked when they saw it!  Blood went with everything!

5, What do Little Elves supposedly cause?

Mayhem and pandemonium!  One Elf – one shelf – no problem.  Lots of Elves – drunken Christmas party  Who do we call, the cops, or Santa??!

6. Why do some people hold their breath when passing near a cemetery?

To prevent succumbing to the urge to finally tell that gone-but-not-missed relative what you held in for years.
Yeah, crazy Aunt Mary, you can take your latkes and shove them up your……

7. Why is finding a penny considered good luck?

When avaricious businessmen become our avaricious politicians, you’re lucky to find any money.  A penny saved – is a government oversight.

8. Why should we not rock an empty rocking chair?

You might catch the cat’s tail, and have it knock over your beer.

9. Why do people hang Dream Catchers?

They take the phrase “Dream big or go home” literally and decided to try catching the Dreams in the comfort of their own home.  The new wave of armchair warriors now do it from their beds!  I don’t chase my dreams anymore.  I just find out where they’re going, and meet them there later, for beers.

10. Why is flipping a loaf of bread unlucky in France?

Just being in France is unlucky enough.  Lichtenstein might invade, and some of that Surrender Monkey attitude could rub off.  A carelessly flipped loaf of bread might land in a bowl of garlic-flavored snails.

Ahhh… Summer finally arrived in Canada.

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Fibbing Friday The 13th

These are questions from other Pensitivity101 Friday 13th Fibbing Fridays so hopefully my answers will be different this time!

1. How many years bad luck do you get if you break a mirror?

Mirror, mirror, on the wall
Who’s the fairest of them all?

Well, it sure as Hell ain’t you!  I hate to break it to you, stupid they can fix, but you’re gonna be ugly forever.

2. What shouldn’t you walk under?

A man walks into a bar…. and is disqualified from the limbo contest.

3. Why are black cats crossing your path considered unlucky?

When you get to my age, you don’t get down, without a plan to get back up.  When you get right down to it…. tripping over a cat – black, white, or Tartan – is a good way to study for your carpet-inspector’s diploma.  😳

4. Why do we wear a wedding ring on the third finger of the left hand?

So that it leaves our middle finger free to discuss ‘Trump In ’24.’  😦

5. Why is it unlucky to open an umbrella indoors?

Because then Mom would know for sure that it wasn’t the cat who broke her Royal Hummel figurines.

6. Why do we cross our fingers for good luck?

Because, if we crossed our eyes, we’d walk into walls.

7. Why do we throw some over our shoulder if we spill salt?

To celebrate the release of the next ‘season’ of Vera.

8. Why is wearing green at a wedding considered unlucky?

Green is the colour for fairies, and sure as shit, you’ll get some Woke asshole preachin’ about the evils of LGBTQ, and gender reassignment.

9. What is signified by itchy hands?

Greedy relatives.  Where there’s a will…. there’s someone trying to contest it.

10. Why do we cover our mouths when we yawn?

Quantum Foam Theory appears to confirm the Hindu proposition that we could evert our essence, and become a yak in Indonesia.  For many people, that would be a step up in Karma level.

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Fibbing Friday 20/3

Instead of waiting for pensitivity101, I sent her a list of topics to lie about and share with others.  The email came back marked

Return To Sender
No Such Recipient
No such Address

So I guess I’ll just have to share these with lucky little you.

  1. How many years bad luck do you get if you break a mirror?

It depends on which one you break.  Knock something off the counter and break the one in the wife’s purse, and the tornado should dissipate by tomorrow.  Break a Hepplewhite one when she drags you out antiquing, and you’ll see a shattered image of two years’ savings disappearing.

2. What shouldn’t you walk under?

15.000 steps a day, if your wife put you on an exercise program, bought His and Hers Fitbits, and registered as your Friend.  When she goes to bed early, I lie on the couch watching Netflix, hang my leg over the edge, and tap the floor.  Next morning, See honey!  Quota achieved!

3. Why are black cats crossing your path considered unlucky?

One of the reasons that we bought this marvelous old mini-mansion, was the big, stone fireplace in the main room….  Until a bat got in down the chimney, and our previously-white cat chased it through the ashes, and back out onto our new, previously-ivory Persian rug.  😳

4. Why do we ‘knock on wood’?

To be closer to our Maker.

Jesus was helping St. Peter at the Pearly Gate one day.  A very old man shuffled up.  St. Peter asked him what he had been on Earth.  He replied that he had been a woodworker.  Jesus looked closer and said, “Dad?”  The old man peered back and said, “Pinocchio?”

5. Why are horseshoes considered lucky?

Know how to stop a runaway horse?  Bet on him.  I don’t know how they can run with those heavy steel things on their feet.  Couldn’t we get them a couple of pair of nice, light Reeboks?

6. Why do we cross our fingers for good luck?

To keep the stupidity and gullibility from leaking out.  This superstition stuff is all fake.  I’m a Virgo.  Us Virgos are highly skeptical and don’t believe in any of it.

7. Why is 13 considered an unlucky number?

Because there are only 12 slices in an extra-large pizza.  Sorry bro, you got here too late.  You’ll have to order another one – and while you’re out getting it, pick me up a six-pack of Heineken Dark, k?

8. On the other hand, why is 7 considered lucky?

If 7-11 is open 24-hours, why are there locks on the doors?  7 is the end of the overnight shift.  If Apu hasn’t been beaten and robbed by some junkie by then, he considers himself lucky.  I’ve never been robbed here at the Archon’s Den during any of my late-night shifts.  I see those ne’er-do-wells slinking by in the dark.  They look up and see me watching them, and put their dog between us.

9. What is signified by itchy hands?

You’ve been doing too much shopping, and slathering on that disinfectant at every store.  I’m glad this COVID is almost over.  My hands have absorbed more alcohol than I have.

10. Why should you not put shoes on the table?

With my wife’s cooking, the roasts are always so dry and tough, shoes could get sliced up and eaten without anyone even noticing.

***

It’s no wonder that Christian Apologists get their Bibles in a knot with me.  It’s not that I’m an Atheist.  It’s that I keep breaking the Thou shalt not tell a lie Commandment.  Which one is that anyway??  The 14th??

 

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Fibbing Friday VI

Property of Pensitivity101 LLC.  All rights reserved – and some of the lefts, too.  Used without Penny’s knowledge, and definitely without her permission.  This is a lesson about the correct usages of lie and lay.  I’m going to lie to you, and I’m going to lay it on thick.

  1. What does it mean if you have an itchy right palm?

Your Grandma told you if you kept doing that, you’d go blind.  You said that you would stop when you just needed glasses.

  1. On the other hand, what does it mean if you have an itchy left?

Oh, it’s kinky, and you get a much stronger climax if you switch hands.  It feels like a stranger is doing it to you.

  1. Why is it considered good luck to find a horseshoe?

You’re lucky that, while you were passed out in that alley, under the influence of booze and/or drugs, the passing horse didn’t step on your head.  You’re also lucky that the only part of the horse that you had to pick up after, was a horseshoe.

In 1880s New York City, thousands of wagon-loads of meat and produce came into the city each day, and hundreds of them left, loaded with horse-shit manure, to fertilize the fields so that more could be grown.  Street sweepers were hired to gather it up, and haul it away.  I’ll bet the high school career counsellor didn’t mention that job.  😯

  1. Why is saying ‘Bless you’ when someone sneezes considered to be good luck?

In the dark and distant past – as recently as yesterday – superstitious savages actually believed that “your soul” could leave your body when you sneezed.  Saying ‘bless you,’ or ‘God bless you’ somehow helped to stuff it back in.  I don’t think that I qualify to be so blessed, and I don’t feel that most people who say it are properly trained or authorized to do so.

  1. Why do we say ‘Find a penny, pick it up?’

I don’t know about the rest of you, but for me – Canada has stopped minting pennies, so every one I find is a collector’s item.  Besides, if I keep it for six or eight weeks, it gains enough interest to become part of one of my ‘Smitty’s Loose Change’ blog-posts.

  1. Why do we ‘knock on wood?’

It’s a paean of praise for the Good Old Days, when things like window frames, doors, and even furniture was actually made of “wood.”  Nowadays, it may look like wood, but it’s probably metal or plastic – unless those sheets of glued-together sawdust that IKEA and Wal-Mart sell are considered wood.  😯

  1. Why is the number 666 considered unlucky?

666 isn’t really unlucky.  That’s where Satan lives, or, as he likes to identify himself, Bob, my neighbor.  His dog barks all night.  His cat digs up plants in my flower bed and pisses under my front window.  His kid climbs my tree and breaks branches off.  Number 668 is truly the unlucky one.  That’s where I live.  I’m the neighbor of The Beast!  😥

  1. Why do some people believe it’s unlucky to step on the cracks in the pavement?

BREAKING NEWS:  THIS JUST IN!

Scientific studies have revealed that we’ve been doing it wrong all along.  Apparently, stepping on sidewalk cracks, or even stomping on them, is good for your Mother’s back – and your Father’s, and the whole family.  If we all just mastered our aversion, we would all walk straighter and truer.

  1. Why do we cross our fingers for good luck?

We cross our fingers so that we can lie our face off – and get away with it – fibs, exaggerations, little white lies.  The crossed fingers represent the Christian cross.  The stupidstitious superstitious somehow believe that, by performing some arcane, magical, mystical, mythical, manual manipulation, they can get God to accept them as long-term-loyalty preferred-customers when they ignore the 15 Bible verses forbidding lying, and either get Him to overlook it, or immediately forgive them for their sin.

This is why we seldom saw Donald Trump’s hands, not that they were tiny, instead of the large, manly-man hands that he claimed to have.  He lied so much, so often, so broadly, so continuously, so outrageously, that he would have had crossed fingers on top of other crossed fingers.  His hands would have looked like an explosion in a Chinese noodle restaurant.  😯

  1. Why is it unlucky to open an umbrella indoors?

You know what catches my eye?
Short people with umbrellas!  😳

Because it blocks the rays from the ultra-violet lamps that help to kill off the COVID19 virus, so that we can get back to the allegedly normal.

It’s been difficult, typing all this with my fingers crossed, but the cramps are finally easing.  I’ll be able to click ‘Publish’ again in a couple of days.  See you then.   😉  😀

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Monday Amusements

Laughing Face

It was a sunny morning, a little before 8.00AM, on the first hole of a busy course, and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the club house loud speaker, “Would the gentleman on the women’s’ tee back up to the men’s tee  please!”  I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.

Again the announcement, “Would the man on the women’s’ tee kindly back up to the men’s tee.”   I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the Man yelled,   “Would the man on the women’s tee back up to the men’s tee, please!”

I finally stopped, turned, cupped my hands and shouted back …..    “Would the jerk with the microphone kindly keep quiet and let me play my second shot?”

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How to give a pill to a cat and a dog

CAT:

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As the cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and vigorously rub cat’s throat.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make a note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the friggin’ cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13) Tie the little @#!*#^~!’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty Pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

DOG: Wrap pill in bacon, cheese or peanut butter. Make him beg.

***

You’ve heard about the hopeless gambler who was on the wrong side of 10 consecutive football bets. He decided to switch to wagering on basketball. Again, he lost 10 in a row. His luck got no better gambling on baseball. He went 0 for 10.

His friend tried to help him out of his losing streak.

“Have you thought about betting on hockey instead?” the friend suggested.

“Hockey?” the gambler hollered in disgust. “Are you nuts? I don’t know anything about hockey.”

 

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Mistaken Identity

Passport

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him…

She says hello.

He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, “Do you know me?”

To which she replies: “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says: “My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?”

She looks into his eyes and says calmly: “No, I’m your son’s teacher.

***

A plane was taxiing down the tarmac, preparing for takeoff when it abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”

“The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the flight attendant, “and it took us a while to find a new pilot.”

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SARCHOTIC adj.
When you’re so sarcastic,
people aren’t sure whether
you’re joking or whether
you’re just crazy

Remember, if you can’t say something nice – make it funny

If you have an opinion about my life, raise your hand.
Now put it over your mouth!

Life is short. Smile….
while you still have teeth.

My luck is like the bald guy who wins a comb

Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.

I don’t remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning means that it was awesome.

Sometimes someone will come into your life from nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes your life forever. We call these people Cops.

Smoking marijuana has imbued me with cat-like abilities.
For example, just one brightly colored piece of paper can now entertain me for hours.

My boss asked me if I could perform under pressure.
I said no, but I could do a pretty good version of Bohemian Rhapsody

When I was little, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day to survive.
It’s a good thing my older brother told me about it.

Bank teller: Your account is overdrawn.
Me: So are your eyebrows, yet here we are.

8:00 AM – Too tired to think
Noon – Too tired to think
5:00 PM – Too tired to think
Midnight – How do dragons blow out candles??

I’m starting meetings at my house for people with OCD.
I don’t have it. I’m just hoping they take a look and start cleaning.

I don’t believe in reincarnation.
I didn’t believe in it the last time either.

When I was growing up, my parents treated me like God.
They didn’t believe in me.
And if something terrible happened, I was the first one they asked why I did it.

 

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’17 A To Z Challenge – P

Challenge2017

letter-p

Only because I let him, my dog eats

Peanut Butter

PEANUT BUTTER

Born a slave, George Washington Carver spent his life improving the peanut plant, and championing its uses and the planting of it as a crop in the Southern U.S. Like the oats which made Scottish warriors the men they were, one of his best reasons was that peanuts were a cheap, plentiful food for Negroes, rich in protein and other nutrients.

The peanut plant is a nitrogen-fixing legume which fertilized and re-enriched soil made poor from constant growing of cotton. While he sometimes took public credit for the discoveries of others, aside from the food value of peanuts, Carver found many uses for the nuts and plant.

Peanuts have a variety of industrial end uses. Paint, varnish, lubricating oil, leather dressings, furniture polish, insecticides, and nitroglycerin are made from peanut oil. Soap is made from saponified oil, and many cosmetics contain peanut oil and its derivatives. The protein portion is used in the manufacture of some textile fibers. Peanut shells are used in the manufacture of plastic, wallboard, abrasives, fuel, cellulose (used in rayon and paper), and mucilage (glue).

The food value was where Carver concentrated. He published a small brochure, listing 105 recipes/uses for peanuts.  One of the greatest things to come from peanuts, is peanut butter.  I dig a small dollop onto the tip of a kitchen knife, and dip the dog’s daily antihistamine pill in it.

Peanut butter is just basically finely ground peanuts, although commercial producers add sugars, salt and stabilizers. In my little neck of the universe, in the late 1940s and ‘50s, we still had to stir jars of peanut butter, because the oils would separate out.

In 1922, a chemist developed a process for homogenizing it. In 1928, he sold the rights to a company which marketed it as ‘Peter Pan.’  Apparently before conflict of interest/competition contracts, in 1932, he began producing his own peanut butter under the name ‘Skippy.’  Later, he churned in recovered peanut bits, creating the first chunky peanut butter.

For reasons unknown to me, the son recently stirred the top half of a new jar. Apparently that negates the homogenizing effect, and now the oils must be stirred back in each time we open it.  It also changed the peanut butter from a semi-solid paste, to a drippy sauce.  You have to move quickly to get it where it’s going, or have it run off the knife, onto the kitchen counter.

Peanut butter….it goes anywhere, any time –white bread, rye, bagels, plain or toasted, crackers. It finds its way into Thai food with peanut sauce.  It goes with anything….spread it along with honey, or jam, (Good Old P. B. & J!)  Elvis Presley used to like it in peanut butter and banana sandwiches – although he wanted the bananas mushed, and the assembly fried, like a grilled cheese.

Me? I slice a banana into 3 slabs, lengthwise, and lay it over the PB, on toast – usually rye.  On white toast, I slather Miracle Whip on top of the PB.  It has a spicier taste than plain mayo, and sets off the peanut butter’s taste.  You Americans don’t know what you’re missing.  Then again, I’ve been known to put catsup ketchup, even my Spicy Ketchup, as a spread on toast, and you’ve been lucky enough to miss that, too.

I gotta go check with my bathroom scale, to see if I’m allowed some peanut butter and rye crackers as a snack today. The dog is already looking at me suspiciously.  How about you guys??  Eat it?  Leave it?  Like it?  Hate it?  Partner it with what??  😕

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Mistaken Identity

I recently read a post by a young woman who is a receptionist for a small firm.  She handles the few walk-ins, directs incoming emails and deals with the constant phone calls.  She wrote of the strange and wonderful telephone calls she has to deal with.

Steam ears

Like being a greeter at Wal-Mart, this is a job I could not handle.  I like to talk to people, but I don’t suffer idiots well.  By about coffee-break time the first morning, I’d want to injure someone.  Since I couldn’t get at any of the fools on the phone, it would probably be the loud blonde in accounting, with the nasal, Fran Drescher voice, who snaps her gum as she chews.

Asshole

The lady with the post estimates that she knows 83% (what an interesting number 😕 ) of her regular callers by their voice, even before they identify themselves.  That’s a useful ability to have, but it should not be relied on unquestioningly.

It’s only good telephone etiquette, and business sense to identify yourself on the phone.  When I worked as a Purchasing Agent, I always did so when I called someone – until that fateful day.  I had called a supplier one day, and told him who I was.  He replied, “Oh, you don’t have to tell me who you are.  You have a very recognizable voice.”

Once upon a time, my company required a small amount of…widgets, ASAP.   We needed them by 11 AM the next day, to allow assembly time, to make a 4 PM shipment.  I called a supplier, and in the excitement, merely started off with, “Hi Bill, could you do me a big favor?”

He replied, “Oh hi.  Yeah, sure!  What can I do for you?”  I told him what I needed, and how soon.  He put me on hold, and picked up again in a couple of minutes.  “You’re in luck.  The machine running that item is in production right now, and we have a bit of extra raw material.  I’ll tell the operator to run it out.  We’ll load your stuff tonight, and you’ll be the second stop for the truck tomorrow.  You should have them by 8 or 9 o’clock.”

I gave him a Purchase Order number, and promised to mail the confirmation.  The next day, when I arrived about 8, they weren’t there – no biggy.  They weren’t there at 9, when I took a washroom break – Hmmm.  They weren’t in by 10, when I called the receiver – startin’ to worry.  They hadn’t arrived by 11, when the receiver called me in a panic.

I finally got through to the supplier about 11:30.  “What happened to my widgets?  You promised they’d be here much earlier!”

“Oh, they’re there.  I knew how important they were to you, so I asked the driver to call me when they were unloaded.  He has a bill of lading, signed by your receiver at 8:37 AM.”

“But they’re not here!  The receiver just phoned me.”

“They must be there.  Maybe he unloaded them and just forgot.  Just call him back, Bob, and ask him….”

“BOB!!??  I’m not Bob!  This is Archon!”

“Oh shit.  You and Bob sound so much alike.”

He didn’t ask, and I didn’t tell.  The other company’s receiver unquestioningly unloaded parts they’d never previously ordered, on a waybill with a purchase order number not in their series.  The truck driver got paid overtime, because he had to go back and reload, and deliver to our plant.  And we still got a non-compliance late/short shipment demerit.

If it doesn’t say Styrofoam SM®, it isn’t, but you can be sure you’re getting the real Archon, because every one of my babbles is clearly identified as “Archon’s Den. ™”