Tag Archives: makeup

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Fibbing Friday #316

Last week Pensitivity101 gave us words you may or may not be familiar with, but how would you define them?

1, Defenestration:

That’s when they cut down all the trees to put in a new housing development, and then name the streets after them

2. Lollygag:

BDSM equipment

3. Flummox:

A female lummox – Princess Fiona, Shrek’s wife

4. Cattywampus:

In French, the word chat means cat, so a chateau is a cathouse.  In redneck country, a cattywampus is a double-wide working-center for women of negotiable virtue.

5, Bungle:

One of my favorite, old, Jethro Tull songs

6. Anachronism:

The collection of the stiff, sore pains and discomfort that I’ve accumulated since I retired

7. Serendipity:

The spicy, chili-flavored tomato sauce that Tex-Mex restaurants give you with your nacho chips

8. Paroxysm:

That’s two oxysysms together.  Not as enjoyable as one orgasm, but still nice

9. Solivagant:

A new feminine hygiene spray, developed by the makers of RAID ©™

10. Glossolalia:

That was Max Factor’s recent failure with a new lip treatment cosmetic.  It was so slippery that, when guys leaned in for a kiss, they slid right off. I hear that they’re going to remarket it as a rival to K-Y Jelly –park a Cadillac in a doghouse – nudge, nudge, wink, wink

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Fibbing Friday #263

Last week’s questions from Pensitivity101 were provided by our friend Jim Adams. Thanks Jim!

  1. Who was buried in King Tut’s tomb?

General Ulysses S. Grant.  Only Grant’s horse, Bucephalus, is buried in his tomb.

  1. Why did the Sphinx have a lion’s body and a human head?

Because the Egyptians didn’t believe in Darwinian evolution

  1. What month of the year did the Nile River overflow its banks?

Thirty days hath Septober, April, June, and no wonder
all the rest eat peanut butter – except Grandma, and she drives a new Buick.
It was the month when the new shipments of beer began arriving, and the river became a little more yellow.

  1. How many gods did the ancient Egyptians worship?

Every one they could find – and a few they made up.  No internet back then!  No porn?  No Home Shopping Channel?  No online gaming?  They had to have something to do!

  1. How much makeup did Cleopatra wear?

Girl… She was the first influencer for the makeup brands of the day!
Using all the pretty layers to look and feel her best, not to mention protecting her skin from the ravages of the sun.

  1. How long was Nefertiti’s neck?

As long as she was alive.  She wanted to be head and shoulders above the commoners, but she only accomplished the head part.

  1. Why did the Egyptians walk so strangely?

Sand in their burnoose

  1. How many pyramids did they build?

Oh wouldn’t you like to know!  The sands of time have hidden more than we have found and we’ll just have to wait until they decide if we are worthy of getting them back!

  1. What was Ramses II known for?

Condoms

  1. What did the Egyptians do in Karnak?

They watched Johnny Carson’s Tonight show, on Funk and Wagnall’s front porch.

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Inspired Fibbing Friday

Some real silliness last week, inspired by song lyrics, daft thoughts that entered Pensitiviy101’s head and fill-ins from the internet.

1. What is a ‘da doo ron ron’?

I told you not to eat that spicy curry.  Now, it’s not just your eyes that are brown.  I’m glad that I bought stock in ‘Depends.’

2. What is meant by ‘de do do do, de dah dah dah’?

That’s Morse Code message to Baby Boomers and Gen-Xers – ‘cause we’re the only ones old enough to remember Morse Code, or know what it is/was – that says, “Keep yer nostalgia-lined mouth shut, and don’t say stupid stuff like, “Back in my day, songs had some body, and meaning to them.”

3. What is a Rock a doodle do?

A daring, and rebellious hairstyle in its day, it is currently an un-Woke, if passé statement, that the bearer doesn’t give a shit about Snowflakes’ feelings.

4. How would you define the word PRICKLE?

Very carefully, and very delicately – perhaps with some assistance from a hedgehog.

5. What is an airhead?

That’s the thing that MAGA hats sit on.

6. What is Mahna Mahna?

It’s a Pakistani dish that is sweeping the pubs and clubs in Glasgow.  It is made from salamanders, quahogs, nettles, and camel butter, served with crusty rolls made from sesame flour.

7. What is a rockin’ robin?

That’s Batman’s young ‘protégé,’ after delivery of the latest shipment of edibles.  The Caped Crusader wants him to slide down the Bat-pole – not that there’s anything wrong with that.

8. What is a hoecake?

It’s a makeup holder, used by ladies of negotiable virtue to putty up the cracks, and apply a coat of Kem-Tone.

9. Why did Tiny Tim ‘Tiptoe Through The Tulips?’

Because ‘da doo ron Ron’ went that way, on his search for a washroom.

10. Why isn’t it easy being green?

Buy a Tesla – or any electric vehicle – to save hydrocarbons, and reduce emissions, and people assume that you are somehow allied with Elon Musk.  In that way lies chaos, and strangely-named children.

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Blame Someone Else Fibbing Friday

Pensitivity101 had some help last week (From Judy), who wanted to know what the following things might be.


1. What is Mascarpone?

It is a type of eye makeup for men, (?) first made famous by Boy George, and becoming more common by the day.

2. What is a Marsupial?
It’s that little drone that the nerds at NASA have flitting all over the surface of the Red Planet, looking for a Starbucks.

3. What is a Giblet?
It’s what Ladies in the Middle Ages –not middle-aged ladies – drank their ale and mead from, while the men swilled theirs from a goblet.

4. What is Good Husbandry?
Yes dear! No dear. You’re absolutely right dear. Whatever you say dear. SWMBO is our Goddess.

5. What is Onomatopoeia?
That’s what your excitable dog with the leaky bladder does when you return to the house from a shopping trip.

6. What is a Glaucus Atlanticus?
Gluteus Maximus is the Latin term to describe the Junk In The Trunk that most women have, and which most men appreciate to some degree. For some women, it’s as Big As All Outdoors. Glaucus Atlanticus is the term reserved for gals like Kim Kardashian, and Nicky Minaj, whose butts are As Huge As An Ocean. 🙄

7. What is a Sunda Colugo?
It is a viral, newly-popular ice-cream treat, developed in Central/South America, made with maple-walnut ice cream, banana slices, and coca leaves. You can fly all the way from Cali to London…. without a plane.

8. What is a Fossa?
It is a collective noun for all the marvelous, magnificent, prehistoric creatures whose remains – their bones – were fortuitously, amazingly, covered with muck and mud, and sand, and sometimes miles of water.
They mineralized, and petrified. Nowadays, when paleontologists dig into the earth, or chip away stone to uncover these proofs of evolution, they call them fossils.

9. What is Halitrephes Jelly?
It’s a contraception concoction for Greek men who are finally tired of sneaking in the back door, but who aren’t yet ready for children.

10. What does it mean to be Aliferous?
It is a tribulation which afflicts many students and workers, causing them to often call in – (Brits call out) sick.

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The Art Of Programming

Nerd

An architect, an artist and a programmer were
discussing whether it was better to have a wife
or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife,
building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his
mistress, because of the passion and mystery he
found there.

The programmer said, “I prefer to have both.”

“Both?”

Programmer: “Yeah. If you have a wife and a
mistress, they will each assume you are spending
time with the other woman, and you can go to the
office and get some work done.”

***

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks
his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his
own that she will never open. The bride agrees.

After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his
drawer has been left ajar. She peeks in and sees
3 golf balls and $6,000.

She confronts her mate with her findings, and
asks for an explanation. He explains “Every time
I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the
drawer.”

She figures 3 times in 30 years isn’t bad. But
what about the $6,000? He explains “Whenever I
got a dozen golf balls, I sold ’em!”

***

Any time four New Yorkers climb into the same cab without an argument, there’s been a bank robbery.

Men are like mascara. They run at the first sign of emotion.

Losing a wife is hard. In my case, it was damned near impossible.

***

I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons,
I’m a catholic and living with him is hell.

***

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of
pain. “Where are you hurting?” asked the doctor.

“You have to help me, I hurt all over”, said the
woman. “What do you mean, all over?” asked the
doctor, “Be a little more specific.”

The woman touched her right knee with her index
finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then she
touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch!
That hurts, too.” Then she touched her right
nipple, “Ow, even that hurts”, she cried.

The doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a
moment and asked, “Are you a natural blonde?”

“Why, yes,” she said.

“I thought so,” said the
doctor, “You have a broken finger.”

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