Tag Archives: politicians

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Fibbing Friday #317

Similar fibs from Pensitivity101 as the previous week’s theme. How would you define these words?

1. Biblioklept

The guy who police are after, because he hasn’t returned 57 library books

2. Acnestis

An acute case of teenage facial skin problem that is so bad that it needs to be cured with skin-smoothing sand-blasting – or a girlfriend

3. Wrest pin

A victory in the carefully-choreographed (but totally real) redneck sport of Professional Wrestling.  Strike a chord??

4. Agelast

A British expression.  In North America they are known as senior citizens.

5. Peristeronic

That’s the name of the wave-like muscular contractions that move shit out of people’s anuses.  If only we could discover a control for the ones that move shit out of politicians’ mouths.

6.  Limerence:

King Chuckles the Threeth’s favourite citrus pudding

7.  Sonder:

Wonder is when you’re not sure of something.
Sonder is when you are absolutely certain.

OR

Sonder is what the Great-Grandson calls the noise in the sky during rainstorms.  His slightly-younger sister calls the clear liquid that we sprinkle on French fries/chips, ‘gimmicker.’

8.  Vellichor:

That’s the rip-off (If you’ll excuse the expression) imitation of the VELCRO ©™ brand of sealer strip.  It only works about three times, and then it’s not Rrriiipp anymore.  It’s more like R.I.P.  😮

9.  Petrichor:

A giant British fuel company which is trying to establish a national monopoly

10. Lugubrious:

The automobile oil-change chain that’s operated by Petrichor

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Fibbing Friday #315

Last week, Pensitivity101 thought it was time for a laugh. These were all popular comedy shows. If you didn’t know, what do you think they were about?

1. Bless this House.

A young priest, assigned to his first, small, rural parish, has a crisis of faith when he begins to doubt that God actually resides in the rectory with him.

2. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

From the producers of the Miss Bel-Air Pageant, comes the male equivalent!   All those males strutting their stuff, and looking for the top prize, and all the ladies getting what they’ve wanted for so long!

3. Diff’rent Strokes.

A niche porn channel

4. Porridge.

A specialty Scottish cooking series, with titles like Haggis, and Groats

5. Only Fools and Horses.

This is a 30-minute, Canadian Broadcasting Corporation series about the daily debacles of Donald Trump, and his unstable stable of yes-men – with particular reference to Canada.  Adolph Hitler lost WW II when he opened up an eastern front by attacking Russia.  Trump has opened so many fronts – Canada, Venezuela, Iran – that his foreign policy is like a hospital gown.  He can’t cover his ass!

6. Happy Days.

When you actually get a good night’s rest, score some time to yourself, get all the things done, and/or have someone else do the cooking for supper!

7. The Golden Girls.

Another limited-audience (but not limited enough Ew!!  Ew!!) porn channel

8. The Good Life.

A vanishing breed in today’s world. It, like common sense, is no longer common!  With rising costs for food, fuel, housing, and other needs, affording those extras gets harder and harder these days.

9. M.A.S.H.

Some new cooking show on that specialty channel.
Making Appealing Supper Hampers

10. Cheers.

That was a 90-minute special on the Fools and Horses series, when Trump had to remove all tariffs, to avoid a palace coup.  (Et Tu, Brute?)  Rumor has it that there will be another, follow-up episode, when the Americans – politicians and populace – realize that we’ve sold our oil to China, our wheat to India, and our aluminum to South Korea.

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Fibbing Friday #314

Last week, Pensitivity101 said, Don’t quote me on that…………… film quotes last week, but who else could have said them?

1. I have a head for business and a bod for sin.

I keep the head at the office and I’m getting strange looks from my jealous coworkers. Can’t wait to show them my bod at the housewarming this weekend!

2. Wax on, wax off.

Hilga, the Ogress manageress of The Brazilian Mani-Pedi Salon

3. I’ll have what she’s having.

Happy wife, happy life!  (She micromanages the rest of my life anyway.)  Besides, I’ll sneak out for a big helping of all-dressed chili fries when she’s out next time.

4. Please sir, I want some more.

Of that rummy that was getting served last week  😮

5. You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!

This is how a substantial part of the U.S. people live apparently, at least enough to put The Joker into the big office… again.

6. I have got to get me one of these!

Donald Trump, when he found out that Richard Nixon got a blanket pardon from Gerald Ford.

7. Stupid is as stupid does.

RFK Jr. a supposedly intelligent, well-educated scion of the once-proud Kennedy family.  He was appointed by The Greatest American Zero as the Secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services, but doesn’t believe in basic biology, like the efficacy of vaccinations.  If clan matriarch, Grandma Rose Kennedy isn’t rolling over in her grave, she’s rolling her eyes at this disappointing buffoon.

8. No-one puts Baby in a corner.

Except Baby herself!  If she wants to sit in the corner to feel safe and comfortable, let her be.

9. Adventure is out there!

Tripping, tumbling and falling all over itself in the great wide world.  Stay safe out there kids; there is a whole lot of crazy, happening in strange places!

10. I’m having an old friend for dinner.

Gordon Ramsay – The fib is, with a mouth like his, he HAS no friends.

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Fibbing Friday #306

Mixed bag last week, so Pensitivity101 was looking forward to our ideas on these.
Complete the saying:

1. Mad as a ……………..

MAGAt, when he drinks the Kool-Aid

2. It’ll all come out in ……………….

The Epstein files.

3. Two’s company, three’s …………….

an extra charge at the massage parlor.

4.  Hi ho ……………………………………

The Lone Ranger is no longer Works Manager at the Seven Dwarfs’ dig.  He opened his own silver mine – a sterling position.

5.  Every cloud has ……………………

About 90% porn uploaded to it.

6.  Sticks and stones ……………….

And you’ll have the second little piggy’s house

7.  In for penny……………..

Because that’s all a Taylor Swift concert is really worth.

8.  Don’t count your …………………..

Fingers, after you shake a politician’s hand.  You may be missing some.

9.  Let sleeping dogs……………….

Lie.  They never tell the truth, anyway.  The badger was THIS big!

10. Hands, knees and …………………..

And I gotta leave the pub earlier

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Fibbing Friday #283

Pensitivity101 said that these are characters in pantos or animated movies, but who would you nominate for the role (fictitious or real person)

1.Widow Twanky

Sounds like a Country/Western wife, who lost a husband to an overdose of banjo.

2. Buttons.

Buttons??  I thought it said Buffoons!!  Almost any male in the local Mennonite community – because the females are silent and obedient – especially the clan elders.  Through Theological hair-splitting, they have determined that cell phones and Wi-Fi tablets are acceptable, because they are not physically attached to the secular word, but zippers on the front of trousers are the Devil’s tool.

3. Cinders.

That’s the new sobriquet being applied to Donald Trump, because the jobs and careers of so many people like Steven Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel are going down in flames caused by his unlawful commands and demands.

4. The Beast.

Rosie O’Donnell  She’s the only one with the balls to tell Cheeto-Head Trump to stuff it.

5. Gru.

Two examples of a young English rose dare each other to visit a nudist camp.  Soon after they arrive, a studly male specimen walks past.  “Ooh, that’s gruesome, inn’t” coos one of them.  “I sure hope so.” responds the other.

6. Cruella de Vil

I was going to pull a name out of a hat, from a long list of female American politicians, with Marjorie Taylor Greene leading the field.  I realized that not one of them has enough brains to actually be cruel.  It’s all stupidity, egotism, and unintended collateral damage.

7. The Fairy Godmother

Duh-Wayne – The Rock – Johnson  He played The Tooth Fairy a couple of years ago, but got a promotion.

8. Abanazar.

He’s the penny-pincher without the conviction of his beliefs, in that stupid, saccharine, colorized, Christmas Carol movie, where you can see the cameraman in the mirror, if you watch closely.

9. Carabosse

He’s a Mexican sheriff, in charge of administering justice, who throws petty criminals into his calaboose.

10. King/Queen Rat.

We can’t blame Trump for everything.  The Hell we can’t!!  Even some of his strongest former supporters are jumping ship, now that they’ve realized what a walking disaster area he is.  C’mon everybody – all together – tell him he’s number one.

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Patriotic Duty

Donald Trump has managed to do something that no other politician – domestic or foreign – has ever done.  He has instilled a sense of National Pride in normally blasé Canadians.  He put some lead in our pencils – some backbone in our spine.  He has become the focus of Canadian, and Canadians’, distaste – even hatred.

The echoes of his voice, threatening to annex Canada had hardly faded, when tee-shirts were offered online, that read, CANADA IS NOT FOR SALE! and WE’RE #1 – NOT # 51!  Signs and notices have gone up everywhere.  Companies, businesses, and influential Canucks are urging citizens to Buy Local, Buy Canadian, and Boycott Trump.

Clutch.ca, an online, used-car trader, is busy assuring everyone that they are strictly Canadian, and not a tentacle of an American conglomerate.  Roadhouse/bar, Montana’s boasts that they have been Proudly Canadian for 30 Years.  It might not have been so critical if they’d been named Alberta’s, although that sounds like an Italian spaghetti joint.

Stores, especially groceries, are festooned with little, red, Maple Leaf tags and stickers, telling shoppers which goods are produced in Canada.  Canadians are only polite for so long.  That line may have been reached.  To Have And To Hold!  If Trump tries to go ahead with his hopes and plans for Canada, he may find that both of those are far more difficult than he ever imagined.  Captain Canuck, and all his Canuckleheads will give businessman Trump, the business.

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Daft Fibbing Friday

Daft questions from Pensitivity101’s own head last week (apologies for any that may sound familiar!)
Your silliness on these please!

1.  What is a Lover’s Knot?

Most religions tell you to love others.  The Kama Sutra is a little more specific.  After paramedics applied PAM oil-spray and a plastic pry bar, they started talking about using the Jaws of Life.  I say, just do what we do with the dogs.  Use the hose.  It’s amazing how much cold water can shrink certain parts of the anatomy.

2.  Where is the Milky Way?

Around any toddler learning to feed themselves breakfast.  Bobby Goldsboro’s son spilled sugar-drenched Rice Krispies in front of the coffee table in the den.  The mass dried and set into a diamond-hard, razor-sharp mass.  Bobby stubbed his left big toe into it for three stitches.

3.  What is a belly flop?

My post-surgery diet.  My doctor told me to watch my weight, so I put it out in front of me, where I could keep an eye on it.

4.  Why do they say ‘Break a leg’ before a performer goes on stage?

They’re hoping to move up a level, as the understudy.  Sir Lawrence Olivier once did a part in a small play, in a small, west-London theater.  During first rehearsal, he just phoned it in, but the star-struck toadies were busy congratulating him.  From the back of the hall came the voice of the janitor.  “Come on, Larry.  You can do better than that.”  Olivier admitted, I could, and I did!

5.  What is a goof ball?

Take your choice – or BOGO.

6.  What is two for his heels and one for his nob? (Remember: FAMILY FRIENDLY!!!!!)

It’s a sequence of moves in fighting… Right jab, left jab, then a hard uppercut with the right again.  Knocks ’em for a loop every time!

7. Why should every woman have a LBD?

So that they’ll have something to wear at their husband’s funeral, after he has a heart attack when he finds out how much money was paid for so little fabric.

8.  What is an updo?

When you have more followers on your social media than just your family and friends.

9. What do pearl, silverskin and button have in common?

Styles of dress at the local gay bar.  There’s also chain-link, for the BDSM crowd.

10. Why does the rain in Spain stay mainly in the plain?

Because there’s nothing fancy about Castilian precipitation

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Real Fake Fibbing Friday

Last week Pensitivity101 gave us some real words, but these are my definitions!

1. Bafflegab

    That would be anything that falls out of Elon Musk’s mouth.  I used to think that Donald Trump was the champion of Talk Much – Say Little, but Elon, his left-hand man, amazes and awes me.  He may be a genius who will get us to a colony on Mars, but no-one will understand why.

    2. Batrachomyomachy

    This is a word which means possessing an excess of Woke.  When God made Man, he was explaining to some angels.  “He might not look like much, but He will be strong, brave, tenacious, and clever.  He will fight off huge wild animals.  He will survive fires, floods, earthquakes, volcano eruptions….  Eventually, He will become afraid of words.”
    3.  Boondoggle

    This is my online friend who rescues and finds homes for unwanted and abandoned canines.

    4.   Borborygmus

    You’ve heard that “You can lead a horse to water’??!  This is the guy who can’t.  He vainly attempts to organize and run the team Zoom meetings, with all the style and panache of low-fat yogurt.  People follow him only out of morbid curiosity.

    5.   Bowyang

    It’s the vee-shaped wave, pushed ahead of the front of Viking Cruise river boats on the Danube.  Not amusing, or even very interesting – just something that we cannot afford to do – but I definitely dislocated my fibula, typing it out.

    6.   Blitzkrieg

    Blitzkrieg is a candy bar manufactured in The Netherlands, similar to a Mounds bar.  It contains dark chocolate and nuts, and is heavily infused with THC oil.  You will get as fat as a little pot-bellied pig, eating these things…. but you don’t care, man.

    7.   Brimborion

    This word describes the food provided at many hospitals.  It is contracted out, produced in bulk, shipped to the hospitals, warmed back up, and served to unsuspecting patients, with Hobson’s choice.  Maximum profit is obtained through minimum variation.  It contains no salt, because of heart patients.  It contains no sugar because of diabetics.  It is warm, filling, nutritious – and about as palatable as mucilage.  I lost 20 pounds in 10 days.  A previous cardiac patient was the Food Manager for all of Ontario’s penitentiaries.  He said that he could/would not serve this pap to his prisoners.

    8.  Boffola

    This is the ‘Dirty Talk’ portion of foreplay (If there is any) for #9

    9.   Boff

    Boff is the verb to describe aggressive, positive sex – usually with the male as initiator and controller.  The “Boff” quotient of American presidents has declined significantly over the years.  John F. Kennedy used to boff all kinds of movie stars and socialites.
    Monica Lewinski became Bill Clinton’s whistle-blower, when she took it into her head to become famous.
    Eeny, Meany, Miney, Moe
    Trump grabs them by the camel-toe
    He has oral sex when he tells them how much they want and enjoy his ‘HUGE’ hands.
    10. Buzzwig

    Renaissance hair-pieces were not white because they were heavily dusted with talcum powder.  It was arsenic, to kill all-too-common fleas.

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    Neighborly One-Liners

    The only person who listens to both sides of an argument….
    ….is the next-door neighbor.

    Vodka mixes well with everything….
    ….except decisions.

    There are two kinds of people in this world….
    ….I avoid them.

    I’ve opened three birthday cards, and I’m up $150….
    ….I love being a mailman.

    If I’ve learned anything in my 23 years on this Earth….
    ….It’s okay to lie about your age.

    I’m first in line at Paranoids Anonymous….
    ….Everyone else is after me.

    I never run with scissors….
    ….Those last two words were unnecessary.

    I’m really getting older….
    ….My doctor just referred me to an archeologist.

    What this country needs….
    ….are more unemployed politicians.

    By replacing your morning coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 87%….
    …. of what little joy in life you still have.

    I can’t be held responsible for what….
    ….my face does when you talk.

    A perfectionist walks into a bar, but immediately leaves….
    ….Apparently, the bar wasn’t set high enough.

    Bacon is actually the second reason I’m not a vegan….
    ….I’m not a moron, being the first.

    Last night I dreamed I was an automobile muffler….
    ….I woke up exhausted.

    I’m beginning think that, for some people….
    ….the wheels on their bus do not go ‘round and ‘round.

    When you said “Friends with benefits”….
    ….I thought you owned a taco truck.

    When people bring up my hell-raising past….
    ….I remind them that Jesus dropped all the charges.

    Girls nowadays are like a box of chocolates….
    ….Some of them have nuts.

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    Setup Fibbing Friday

    Last week was another set of question offered to Pensitivity101 by fellow blogger Archon’s Den.  (Ta-Da!)
    What do you make of these?

    1. Betrump

    That is the woe that will betide the United States, if there are enough desperate, gullible voters to re-elect a multiply-convicted felon.

    2. Cony-catch

    That’s a form of juggling, using special, Fall-Fair hotdogs.

    3. Crapulous

    Living in a small town, we don’t have a sewage system.  Houses just have septic tanks.  Some of the older houses still just have cesspools – or British cesspits – although, ours are covered over.  There’s a local firm that comes around occasionally, to pump them out.  It’s called Poker Pumping, and the motto on the honey-wagon says, “A straight flush beats a full house.”

    4. Dowsabel

    It’s the signal for the end of the stock trading day on the NYSE.

    5. Ear-rent

    This is the up-front, per-minute charge that I demand, to listen to duct-cleaners, campaigning politicians, and rabid religious missionaries.  I have kinda, sorta learned to listen to the wife, or I will pay.

    6. Flexanimous

    This is the exact opposite of what I was at the beginning of my life.  Nowadays, my thoughts and opinions are as rigid as my protesting muscles and joints.

    7. Gazophylacium

    This is a new medication developed to relieve acid reflux, caused by a hiatus hernia.

    8. Grum

    Cheer up, they said.  Things could be worse.  So I cheered up.  Sure as shit, things got worse.  Things always seem to go from bad to worse.  Yesterday, they were grim.  Today they are grum.

    9. Hugger–mugger

    This WOKE shit is getting Waaayyyy out of hand.  Apparently, there are no more armed robbers.  There are just financially-disadvantaged street residents.  I’m of the, “That’s not a knife.  That’s a knife Beretta 9-mil, opinion.”  It cuts recidivism 100%.

    10. Lucubrate

    This is a system to assign values to the untruths we spread.  It ranges from tact, – (No, dear, those yoga pants don’t make your butt look big.  It’s your addiction to Godiva chocolates that does that.) to white lies, fibs, euphemisms, misdirection, real lies, damned lies, statistics, and Vote for me.  I’m not really a rich, condescending asshole, I just married into the money.

    How many British Prime Ministers does it take to change a light bulb?
    No-one knows.  They don’t stay in office long enough to do it.

    Fancy a cuppa?