Fibbing Friday #308

Here are last week’s questions from Pensitivity101:

1.  What is a canopy?

A larder or cupboard for storing tinned foods.

2.  What is a cookie?

Dagwood Bumstead’s daughter – and his wife is Blondie – and their neighbor is Tootsie – no real names, and all before marijuana became legal.  I’m surprised that his son isn’t DUDE.

3.  What is a pup cup?

It’s the cap that screws on the top of a Saint Bernard’s rum keg.

4.  What is a typhoon?

A rich, powerful person who is full of…. hot air – and other, less pleasant, substances.

5.  Why are nails sharp at one end?

Because the other ends are still attached to my fingers.

6.  What’s the difference between a chip and a fry?

A chip is found either in an electronic device, or at a golf course, while a fry is most often found at a tailgate in a football stadium parking lot.

7.  What is a shoe horn?

A source of merriment and celebration at footwear stores.  C’mon!  The clerks need all the help they can get.  It’s not like they’re a cell phone kiosk.  All the salespeople ever see – and smell – are feet.

8.  Why do spirit levels have bubbles?

They were originally manufactured in the Champagne region of France, and filled with second-grade wine that hadn’t passed the Quality Assurance standards.

9.  Why do we have tea leaves but coffee grains?

You keep tellin’ the cops that the stuff in the baggie is tea leaves, while “your cousin,” Manolito, shipped you that coffee from Colombia.

10. What is a diplomat?

A man who always remembers a woman’s birthday – but not how many she’s had.

Fibbing Friday #302

Pensitivty101 had some rerun fun with the questions last week.

1. What are florins, tanners and bobs?

Varietals of high-society marijuana that you can obtain at dispensaries

2. What is Dead Man’s Fingers?

Slow heart rate, and restricted blood circulation – If I lived in Britain, I could chill my own beer

3. What killed the Triffids?

Trump’s tariffs

4. What’s the difference between a buck and a quid?

The difference between a buck and a quid, is a little bit of cross-dressing, dahling!

5. How much is an old crown worth?

Being First In Line for 60 years – Boring
Dumping a beauty-contest winner, and marrying a horse – Got a letter from Freud
Finally getting to sit on the throne – Priceless

6. What can be known as a ‘Little Gem’?

Whatever it’s called, most men can’t find it, or don’t bother to stop and search.

7. What is pearl barley?


Rerun question??  Rerun answer!  I can be only so creative.
Alternate response – soup for supper

8. Finish the sentence: ‘I came, I saw, I………………..’

….did a gag about this, last week.

9. Who said ‘Smile, it enhances your face value’?

Benjamin Franklin

10. Where on the human body is the zygomatic bone found?

The zygomatic bone is harder to find than Waldo.  Let’s face it, I have no idea.

Blog Prompt Challenge – Spirituality

How important is spirituality in your life?

I don’t know – because the question is as vague, and impossible to nail down, as a will-o’-the-wisp.  I would have to say, Not at all, because I see no evidence that such a thing exists.

I imagine that the person who posed this question thought that it was clear and straightforward, but like arguments for the existence of a “GOD,” no-one can give a firm, precise definition, and no two people agree on what it is.

The dictionary says that it is the quality or fact of being spiritual, predominantly spiritual character as shown in thought, life, etc.; spiritual tendency or tone, without actually saying just what “Spirit” is, besides someone’s desperate imagination.

I recently read an online article titled, “The brain is mortal, but is the mind eternal?”   Neither I, nor millions of other Atheists, have ever been shown evidence to indicate that such a thing is even possible.  Despite the fact that the headline was posed as a question, there will be thousands of Christian debaters and Apologists who will use it as Proof, “because I read it.”

The Danger Of Believing In Nothing

My title, above, was his title, I presume as some sort of ‘gotcha’ Christian argument.  In his post, it changed to The Danger Of Belief In Nothing – Atheist Quotes.  I responded,

The Danger Of Believing That Atheists Believe In Nothing

and the debate was on.  In a 1000-word blogpost, he never actually described or explained what the danger was.

Hi Archon, thank you for the commenting. Feel free to share here. The floor is always open for discussion. Do you feel that Atheists believe in something and that the faith of no faith has faith?

Naah….  Despite my warning, you’re still couching your questions and statements in your belief in unverified assumptions.  Atheists believe in pretty much the same things that Christians believe, except the existence of an incoherent, ill-defined, unprovable, supernatural entity, which is the creator and ruler of the Cosmos.  Atheists, generally, have no faith.  Faith is the excuse that people give for believing something for which they have no good reason.  If they had a good reason, they would give that.  Atheists have reasonable expectations, based on inquiry, research, and previously-observed history.

His Atheist quotes included, Julian Barnes (Atheist novelist)
“I don’t believe in God, but I miss Him.”
and
Jean-Paul Sartre
“That God does not exist, I cannot deny. That my whole being cries out for God, I cannot forget.”

None of his ‘Atheist Quotes’ prove the existence of God, or even give convincing evidence.  Several of them speak merely of ‘meaning, purpose, or spirituality.’  They are statements from intelligent, insightful writers who recognize the desperate desire of many believers to want and need a softer, kinder, New-Age, Woke, benevolent Cosmic Overlord, which cannot be shown to exist.  Even the Bible – which should be the sole font of all that is Christian, but often isn’t – only shows an improvement in their imaginary God, from a smiting, judgmental psychopath in the Old Testament, to merely a sociopath in the New Testament.

Fibbing Friday #290

It was Halloween last week, and Pensitivity101 was recycling Frank’s questions from 2021.  Sadly his original post is no longer available.

1. Why does garlic repel vampires?

Because they originated in Eastern Europe.  If they had come from France or Italy, they would be coated with pesto or pasta sauce.

2. What do you need to kill a werewolf?

A long, rousing Donald Trump speech.  Sometimes they are so frightened by a surrounding sea of MAGA hats, that they will impale themselves on a stake.

3. What is the purpose of a Jack-o-lantern?

Pumpkin pie, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin pancakes

4. What exactly is a ghoul?

The slowly dissipating remains of a well-intentioned New Year resolution

5. Why can’t vampires enter a home unless invited?

Because their mother is Etta Kett, better known as Miss Manners

6. Why can’t vampires cross running water?

Because they can’t shuffle along at more than a walking pace

7. What does a Chupacabra eat?

Nacho chips with ghost-pepper salsa

8. What is the name of the three-headed dog that guards the gates of the underworld?

Larry/Curly/Moe

9. Who are the Stygian Witches?

The known-to-police neighbor and her sister.  At least it’s handy seeing all the mortal sins gathered in one spot.

10. What alcoholic beverage is thought to be the true origin of witches’ brew?

I thought that it was mead, to sweeten those sour bitches witches up.
The daughter says that it’s One pint of ale, one shot of distilled liquor of choice (mead, whiskey, brandy, etc), one shot of magic mushroom tea, and a healthy dollop of superstition!
The son claims that it was home-distilled white lightnin’, so that they could dance to the light of the silvery moonshine.

Blog Theme Prompt – Memory

Would you rather have no long-term memory or no short-term memory? Why?

What was the question, again??

As a world renowned expert on both of these phenomena, let me assure you that neither of them is a bed of roses – more like a bed of rose bushes, with lots of sharp thorns.

I was born with a neurological syndrome that seriously impaired both my short-, and long-term memory.  It was maddening to appear slow, or stupid, when all I was, was forgetful.  I was actually relatively smart.  I could understand and figure complicated things out.  I just had to develop methods that helped me remember them for things like school exams.

I tested at 142 IQ.  I was smart enough to join MENSA – if I’d ever remembered to apply.  I cracked the electronic lock on a small safe, on the way into a Science Museum, but couldn’t remember the sequence, 8 hours later, as I exited.

You’ve heard of the old meme of tying a string around a finger, to remind you of something.  My life has been a trail of bread crumbs memory joggers – a pen left here, a bag set there, a book placed on the stairs, a note in red, in my Word blog file.  It is also maddening to see the trigger, and know that I’m supposed to recall something, and not have the faintest clue what it is.

What is also frustrating, is remembering something that didn’t happen.  I have given the pets water, or cleaned out the litter pan, every day for 4,000 days – so I ‘remember’ doing it today.  My normal age-induced memory loss is increasing.

My life – my consciousness –  my awareness – is closing in on me.  It’s a wonder that I remember to publish my blog-posts. The wife, who I relied on, because she had a diamond-hard, laser-sharp memory, is quickly, and deeply, slipping into old-age memory loss far worse than mine.  Some days, it’s like dealing with Rain Man.  Fortunately, the kids – and Grandkids – are here to keep an eye on us.

….what was I talking about??  Oh yeah.  You please remember to stop back on Friday for some fabulously funny fibs.   😀

Fibbing Friday #279

Mixed bag from Pensitivity101 last week, her apologies if some appear familiar.

1. What is an ingot?

That’s part of the national motto of the excitable bunch that live to our south.  They even put it on their money.  Ingot We Trust.  Everyone Else Pays Cash.

BONUS ANSWER: The daughter says that, because a bigot is a person who judges and hates everybody who isn’t exactly like them, an INGOT is someone with an open mind and open heart, who accepts others as they are, and values the differences.

2. What is a Pekinese?

The neighborhood pervert who’s always trying to get a look behind bedroom curtains

3. What is gumbo?

A stop-action cartoon character, played by Eddie Murphy, on SNL
I’m Gumbo, damn it!

4. What is crème fraiche?

That’s the latest cosmetic moisturizer, maybe from Maybelline

5. What is a patisserie?

A French petting zoo – of course, they pet frogs, and snails.

6. What is cock-a-leekie?

What my male Scottish terrier does to the neighbors’ mailbox post, when I walk him

7. What is a scotch egg?

The Scots are so cheap frugal, that their eggs only come 10 to the dozen.

8. What is a tuning fork?

Call me anything – except late for dinner.  You’re lucky you haven’t seen me eating, cutlery flashing in the light, moving so fast it’s striking sparks, and musical notes.  For poutine or chili fries, I can get up to a B-sharp.

9. What is a leprechaun?

A Korean with a necrotic flesh disease  Unclean!  Unclean!

10. What is a running flush?

The wife told me not to take that second, big slice of rhubarb pie

Fibbing Friday #277

These are funny phrases that Pensitivity101 found on the internet and I admit we have no idea who said them, so who would you suggest as the speaker?

When I read this list, I found that so many of them seemed to point directly at me, I worried that the wife had installed a nanny-camera in my computer room.  (Note to self – Clear browser history every day!)

1. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong.

2. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Then I file it all under P for Procrastination.  Nagging Reminding is what I have a wife for.

3. My diet plan: make all of my friends cupcakes, the fatter they get, the thinner I look.

During the heat wave, the kids up the street came down just to sit in my shade.

4. My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry.

Apparently, I must have accidently switched wallets with the Invisible Man at the gym.  I got all his invisible bank-notes.

5. You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

He was gone for a while, but not long enough.  Now he’s back.  I print a few copies of his face on my Brother Copier, and use them.  They’re almost as much a pain in the ass as the real thing.

6. Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

Chocolate says nothing – unlike the women in my office.  With them, silence is not golden.  It’s a vague, distant memory.

7. I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

It somehow also bleached my black hair white.  My morning hairstyle looks like a Costco swirly vanilla soft-serve cone.

8. My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch… I call it lunch.

I lunge toward the all-you-can-eat taco buffet, and crunch until I lapse into a salsa coma.

9. Whoever said nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door.

Chuck Norris is the only guy who ever did it, but the tornado that I spun up, leaving the insurance company’s Customer Service department, crossed three counties.

10. I don’t sweat, I sparkle.

I thought it was an Eskimo, coming out of an exercise gym in Nome, Alaska, but the daughter insists that it’s Richard Simmons!!!  He was the biggest sparkler of all time.  What with all that sweating to the oldies and his perky personality!

Why Is Atheism Rising?

It’s not that people woke up one day, and decided that they didn’t need gods; it’s that the reasons for needing them are quietly vanishing.  The stories that once made sense of the world are no longer enough.  And when something stops making sense, people stop holding on to it, no matter how sacred it once was.

The shift is quiet, but steady.  It doesn’t show up in protests, or revolutions, it shows up in the absence of prayer, and fewer people attending religious services, in younger people checking a different box on the census.  It shows up in a growing number of people saying they just don’t believe anymore, and don’t really miss it.

There’s a simple reason that Atheism is rising.  It’s not that people are getting angrier, it’s because they’re getting more curious.  Questions that were once dangerous, are now just normal, and questions that once silenced rooms, now don’t feel complete.  In the past, the structure of religions wasn’t just spiritual, it was practical.  It shaped laws, families, schools, and even the idea of morality itself.  But that structure only works when it remains unchallenged.

The moment something is questioned, it becomes something else entirely.  The Internet did something that religion never could.  It connected people, not through a shared belief, but through a shared doubt.  For the first time, someone sitting alone in a room in a deeply religious town could read the thoughts of someone who had walked away from it all, and hadn’t collapsed into chaos.

That exposure broke the illusion that belief was the only option.  Religions tend to thrive in isolation.  When a group is all you’ve ever known, its truths seem absolute.  But when you start seeing how many groups exist, and how each one believes something different, something starts to crack.  If they can’t all be correct, then perhaps they are all wrong.

Globalization didn’t just move products.  It moved ideas.  It exposed contradictions, and it made it harder to keep belief systems contained.  A young person raised is a strict religious home can now access scientific explanations, secular philosophy, and opposing viewpoints with a few taps on a screen.  That kind of exposure changes the mind’s chemistry.

There’s also the fact that religious institutions have not done a good job of protecting their own image.   Scandals, abuse, cover-ups, political involvement – these things don’t just shake individual faith.  They erode trust in the entire idea of religious belief.  When the people preaching morality are caught in deeply immoral ways, it doesn’t just damage reputations, it makes people rethink everything.

But the rise of Atheism isn’t just about disappointment, it’s about development.  There’s a direct correlation between education levels and religious belief.  Studies have shown that the more years of schooling people have, the less likely they are to believe in supernatural claims.

Fibbing Friday #269

Once again it was thanks to Pensitivity101’s newsletter for last week’s questions. They were simply too tempting not to share!

1] Which country has the largest number of Spanish speakers?

That changes day by day.  Sometimes it’s the United States.  Then Trump tosses a couple of million back over the wall, into Mexico – or Honduras – or Venezuela, just not cheap groundskeepers at Mar-A-Lago.

2] Name the first computer virus

Well, I’d like to call it Eugene, but I thought it already had a name.

3] Name the highest paid athlete in 2023

The basketball player who gets his weed from the same guy as Snoop Dogg

4] What is the longest running Broadway musical?

It’s a bureaucratic farce, titled, On Hold With The DMV.

5] How many eyes does a Bee have?

The same as the number of security cameras on a Tesla – but she still winds up splatted on the windshield

6] What number of US states have two words?

Pretty much every State motto has at least two words.

Maine – Rugged individualists – just like everybody else
Florida – Hurricanes?  Again??!
Kansas – It’s flat!
California – We’re burning
Texas – Yee-Haw
Oregon – Growing mould gracefully
Illinois – Remember the Capone
Iowa – 1962 Forever
New Mexico – Another brick in Trump’s wall
Idaho – America’s French fry capital

Why does the Miss Black Teen beauty contest only have 49 entrants??
Because no Black chick wants to wear a sash that says – IDAHO

7] Which ‘Popeye’ actor died in 2025?

The little guy who played the can of spinach.  He passed away before achieving his goal to star as a bowl of guacamole.

8] At the Oscars in 2025, which film won the best picture award?

It was the one where the studio’s PR flack spent the most money and ass-kissing, to persuade the majority of the Academy voters that it was the most Woke and inclusive movie.  I can’t remember the title, but I think it started with LGBTQ.

9] Who is the author of ‘James’ published in 2024?

Some lady writer named Joyce Ulysses

10] The inventor of the telephone was born on the 3rd of March, in which year?

He was Scottish, so I think that it was probably in the Year of the Ram, don’t ewe?