Tag Archives: respect

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Meet-Less Humor

Meet My Lazy Co-Workers

Cordless – only works for two hours.
E.T. – always wants to go home.
Kit-Kat – always taking a break.
Muffler – always exhausted.
Seaweed – just floats around all day.
Sensor Light – only works when someone walks past.
Wheelbarrow – only works when pushed.

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My parents spanked me as a child.  As a result, I now suffer from a psychological condition called “Respect for others.”

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DON’T MESS WITH ME!
I’m a
Wooden spoon
Lead Paint
No car seat
No bike helmet
Pickup bed ridin’
Garden hose drinkin’
SURVIVOR

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My ducks are definitely not in a row.  I don’t know where some of them are, and I think that one of them is a pigeon.

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WARNING

Visitors with no sense of humor are advised to turn back now.
Management is not responsible for any damage to feelings.

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At this point Jesus doesn’t need to take the wheel.  He should just pull over and spank some of you with his sandal.

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A man loses three fingers in an industrial accident.  At the hospital, he asks the doctor, “Will I still be able to drive with this hand?”
The doctor replies, “Possibly, but I wouldn’t count on it.”

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Eyelashes are supposed to keep things from going in your eyes.  But every time I get something in my eye, it’s an eyelash.
That’s eyeronic.

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’25 A To Z Challenge – U

We have all met a few (hopefully) of those pushy, nosy, bullies who work so hard to make any of your business, any of their business – police, co-workers, relatives – in-laws and outlaws.  I have a (very) little, grudging respect for the arrogant, egotistical assholes who just come right out and do it.  At least they have the conviction of their beliefs.

The worst ones – the ones who irritate me the most – are the

UNCTUOUS

Oily, having an oily feel
characterized by excessive piousness or moralistic fervor, especially in an affected manner; excessively smooth, suave, or smug.

ones – the ones who Shakespeare described as, How like a fawning publican he looks.  The ones who hide behind a fake smile – a shit-eating grin, and still want you to give up your information, your rights, your freedom.

I’m your friend.
I don’t really want to give you a ticket.  I am just following orders.
If you just obey me, it will be much easier for you.

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Lest We Forget -II

REMEMBER

 

Remember that today is Remembrance Day, or Veterans’ Day in the US, if Canada is too boring to remember.  Remember to wear a poppy, if it’s available to you.  I’ve remembered to wear mine for about three weeks.  Remember that this day is not about the wars that have been fought, but the peace that has been achieved.

Remember the Alamo.  Remember the Maine.  Remember that much of the world, especially here in North America, lives safely, stably, happily, and prosperously.  Remember that, all it takes for evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing.  Remember the members of the Armed Forces, present and past, who have refused to do nothing, and have put themselves in harm’s way, to ensure that we live as we do.

Remember to thank a Service-Person today (and every day).  Remember to shake his or her hand.  Remember to give a hug, if it’s appropriate and welcomed.  Remember to face the flag, and stand quietly and respectfully at 11:00 AM.  Remember that they volunteered to put themselves in harm’s way, so that we wouldn’t be.  It’s the least you can do.

Remember the sacrifices that others have made, that we might have what we do.  Remember those who have lost lives and limbs, and mental and emotional well-being, careers, education and even families, for us and ours.

Remember that a man wearing a helmet and defending our country, is worth more than a man wearing a helmet and defending a football – and should be paid accordingly, but sadly, is not.

Remember that the Canadian Thanksgiving is just past, and the American Thanksgiving is just around the corner.  Remember to take all the things you’re thankful for and understand that those in uniform ensure that we have most of them.

Remember that the Armed Forces are like insurance.  You don’t want to use it, but it’s very nice to have when you must.  If only the American Congress could remember to play nice with others and remember to pay this vital and respected group.

Remember….sshhh, it’s almost 11:00 AM.  Remember what I told you, and stand quietly, respectfully, at attention, for two minutes.  I will.  I’ll be watching, and I’ll be back in a couple of days.

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Re-Ordering Prejudices

Some people believe that they are thinking, when they are really just re-ordering their prejudices.

I have to be very careful what I say to my Osteopath.  I don’t want to have to find a new one.  She’s an Evangelical Baptist.  She wasn’t raised as one.  She got it as a wedding present from her second husband.  Like a NEW anything, she’s taking it far too seriously.

At a recent visit, she was bragging about how she was brought up, and that her mother wasn’t biased, bigoted, or prejudiced.  Her best-friend neighbors across the street were a Negro family, she worked with an African woman, and a couple of new families on the block were Indian immigrants, and she got along well with them all.

She once said to her daughter, “People in other countries are just like us.  They get up and go to work or school like us.  We should respect them.”  Okay so far.  Then I mentioned a woman who I’d helped with a rail-travel problem.  I said that she had to go to Toronto to train as a wedding officiant.   👿

Hmmph, Atheist
Secular Humanist
Whatever they want to call themselves now.
They want to call themselves what they are.
If people don’t want to get married in a church, they should just go to a JP.
Perhaps they want a memorable ceremony, but just not a religious ceremony.
What’s wrong with a religious ceremony?
An officiant is often used at mixed-religion marriages.  Perhaps the Catholic doesn’t want to attend a Jewish Synagogue.  Maybe the Muslim doesn’t want to go to an Eastern Orthodox Temple.  Possibly the Moron Mormon doesn’t want to get married in a Christian Science reading room.

Until I identified her as a Secular Humanist, the officiant could have been a cross-carrying Catholic, trying to make a few extra bucks.  The Osteopath didn’t seem to be convinced, or very happy about how the discussion had gone.

The wife piped up to say that she doesn’t argue with me anymore, because My logic, and My Wordsmith abilities, always prove her wrong – like I have access to some special kind of logic that’s not  available to her.  When I prove someone wrong, it’s because they are wrong.  All you have to do to win, is present believable evidence.  In a discussion about any other topic, it may be possible to convince someone that they are mistaken.  Only with religion are the views so iron-bound.

I have carefully not used the term Atheist about any of the family, to her, but I did tell her that the Grandson and his wife used an Officiant (Not this one) at their ceremony in the Historic Mill-House in the park, to accommodate an inclusive array of religious and non-religious guests.
😀

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Food For Fibbing Friday

Last week, Pensitivity101 wanted to know if we were hungry. Maybe not for our suggestions as to what these are!

  1. Cock-a-leekie

That’s a medical problem that many old guys like me suffer from.  It’s the price we have to pay to get older.  Many older women also suffer a related problem.  There are pads, and special underwear to sop up the overflow, but can you really trust a personal protection product named…. Depends??

2. Baked Alaska

The sun does not set in most of Alaska for six months in the summer.  Does that mean that you guys don’t sleep for six months??  🙄  Yes, it’s why Sarah Palin thought that she could see Russia from her front door – sleep deprivation.  Throw in Global Warming, and lots of sunny days, and some restaurants are offering a new organic specialty – toasted muskeg.

3. Toad in the hole

That’s the term of love and respect that my Redneck Karen neighbour uses for me.  Y’all don’t go nowhere, er do nothin’  Youse is just an old toad in the hole.  Which is still better than the term commonly used for her and her inbred brood – “Known to Police!”

4. Boeuf Bourguignon

He was a French actor wrestler, who appeared in the ring about the same time as Hulk Hogan and The Rock.

5. Quiche Lorraine

I thought you were referring to Quickie Lorraine, the hooker who works near the train station.

6. Chicken Chasseur

He’s the guy who is forever pursuing that poor bird, demanding to know why it crossed the road.

7. Creole Succotash

At last, I know the first name of the poor guy that Sylvester the Cat claims is always ‘Sufferin.’

8. Pan di Rosmarino

It’s a big pot of spaghetti Bolognese, that ex-quarterback Dan Marino’s wife, Rosa cooks up for family dinners.

9. Instant Whip

It’s the name of a well-known Dominatrix Den downtown.  But guys, if you want to be debased and controlled, just get married.

10. Loukoumades

It’s a slightly slurred warning from an Australian bloke.  It’s equivalent to the American expression, “Hold my beer, and watch this.”

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’22 A To Z Challenge – Y

The Beatles sang Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!

But The Rolling Stones sang

GET YOUR YA-YA’S OUT

Originally a Rolling Stones live album, (get yer ya ya’s out) the term usually means “to get your extra energy out” or “to blow off some steam“. One can do this many ways; it really depends on what type of person you are.

To indulge/vent an urge that society does not approve of — this can be fighting, partying, drinking, having sex, smoking pot… whatever. It implies that there are other times when you’re a “respectable citizen” and repress the urge — full-time party-animals are not getting their ya-ya’s out because they always act that way.

For the less adventurous of you, there’s always the 2002 movie, Divine Secrets Of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

I’m almost to the end of this alphabet challenge.  Do you think that I’m happy?
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!

Do you think that I’m damn fool enough to start another cycle in a couple of weeks??
You bet your YA-YA’S!

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Dr. Who’s Questions

The Doctor (He doesn’t say, ‘of what.’) claims that he just wants to ask some respectful questions of Atheists – no trick or gotcha ones.  He wants to amass the information, and sift and sort it, to produce a published report.  When asked when he might submit it, and to whom, he was delightfully vague.

He and his wife were Atheists, until each of them had a revelation from the Christian God, and they became Jews For Jesus.  His questions natter on and on – and on, full of presuppositions and leading statements.  Another blogger graciously simplified the list, although I included part of his number six, for context and clarity.  I thought I’d have a go at them.

  • Is Your Atheism Based on Study or Experience? …

Yes!, to both.  As young as seven or eight, I regarded stories that started with “In The Beginning” to be no more believable than those that began, “Once Upon A Time.”  I didn’t realize until I became an adult myself, that other children, and adults, took them seriously.  I became curious enough to begin a long-term investigation.  I spent a great deal of time looking at arguments for or against God’s existence, and eventually had to conclude that there just wasn’t any evidence for God that stood up to examination.

  • Do You Have Purpose and Destiny? …

Yes.  I have had many ‘Purposes,” and will probably have more before I die, but each of them was created and affixed by me, or those close to me, not by some supernatural entity.  I believe that I have a destiny.  It’s just that I am not enough of a fortune-teller to see far enough into the future to get a clear glimpse of what it might be.

  • Does God Exist? …

This might seem a strange question to be asking of Atheists.  In the original long-winded version, he wanted Atheists to provide total, complete, 100% proof, that there was absolutely no chance that God exists.  This is the philosophical equivalent to home invasion.  There are almost no things that can be utterly proved not to exist.  He appeared to want a tiny gap, where he could wedge his definition of God into.  I consider the possibility of God existing, only slightly more likely than the existence of a married bachelor.

  • Can Science Explain the Origin of Life? …

Science has explained the origin of life!  There is one major, largely-accepted (by biologists and related scientists) theory, and a couple of minor variations.  They all entail the chemical soup present in early Earth seas, with geothermal energy and solar radiation fueling and mutating the chemical reactions, until self-replicating RNA strands evolved upward to cells and DNA.  All that free energy powered the increasing DNA complexity.

  • Have You Questioned Your Atheism? …

Constantly and continuously!  I have never been convinced that I can’t be wrong.  Over the years I have done considerable reading and study.  Now, with YouTube, I can watch debates and lectures.  Atheism is merely the lack of belief in God/gods – the failure by theists to provide sufficiently convincing evidence.  (See above) With all the research and investigation that I have done, I continue not to be convinced that God is guilty of existing.

  • Are You Materialistic? …
    Are you completely materialistic in your mindset, meaning, human beings are entirely physical, human consciousness is an illusion, and there is no spiritual realm of any kind?

First, a pedantic language lesson, I think that phrasing should be ‘are you a materialist?’. ‘Materialistic’ refers to someone who prioritizes obtaining money and possessions!  I believe that humans, and all else within our Universe, are material.  I don’t think it makes much sense to say that consciousness is an illusion.  I think a more accurate phrasing of the materialist position on consciousness would be that it’s the product of material things/physical laws.  I continue to see no evidence of a spiritual realm of any kind, except in the hopes and dreams of the gullible.  I do not believe in tarot, Ouija boards, crystals, ghosts, mind-reading, fortune-telling, or a miracle-producing God.

  • Would You Be Willing to Follow the God of the Bible?

It depends which part of the Bible you’re talking about when you say ‘God of the Bible’.

From reading the earlier part of the Old Testament, I remember a god laden with petty jealousy, orchestrating hideous mass deaths, with archaic views on rape and slavery and some strange gaps in his scientific knowledge. The existence of this god would be bad news.

In the later part of the Old Testament, I glimpsed a different and better kind of god; the god of Ezekiel 18 and similar passages, expecting us to take personal responsibility but also willing to see our virtues and our efforts and to judge us fairly. The existence of this god would be good news, and, yes, I would follow and honor him.

In the New Testament, we get the most hideous god of all; the one who condemns all non-Christians to an eternity of torment, who blames the Jews for sticking to the laws that He himself strictly instructed them to keep to forever, who expects us to overlook the ways he acted back in the early books, and who tries to convince us that all these things are really signs of great love and concern on his part. The existence of this god would be terrible news. And, to answer the question, I could never honor such a god, and while I suppose I’d follow him because ‘Or burn in hell’ isn’t really much of an option, it would never be willingly.