Tag Archives: romance

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Blog Theme Prompt – What Romance Means To Me

I envy those who marry for love – I really do, but despite the almost universal consensus of feel-good books and movies, I actually see it so seldom.  I only personally know of two couples who did it – and in one case, it was his fourth attempt, and her second – although, after more than ten years, it seems to be working.

My 35-year-old, divorced Mother returned to our home town.  Quite soon, friends and family introduced her to a 28-year-old bachelor from a nearby town – because they both needed to be married. There was some respect and admiration, but it was several years before they learned to live as a unit.  There were some sharp points that never got filed off.

Her younger, fail-to-launch brother lived at home until their parents both died, and he inherited the house.  Then, he needed someone to cook and clean.  The same group found him a war-widow from the same town as my Dad.  Their marriage lasted many years, but could best be described as an alcohol-soaked armed truce.

At least my 16-year-old sister waited until she married her hard-drinking, partier boyfriend, before she started popping out babies.  My brother quietly married his girlfriend shortly after they found that she was pregnant.  She waited till he went to work one Friday, and moved herself, their two high school-aged daughters, and almost all the furniture, out.

With my low-level autism/Aspergers, I didn’t (and don’t) catch social cues well.  In retrospect, I think there were a couple of females who made overtures, but I was not socially, emotionally, or financially ready for marriage.  If I’d got some girl pregnant, we’d have wound up living in a dead-end small town, with me working at a gas station, as my brother did for a while.

I absorbed as much education/training as I could, and got my first real, full-time job, before I married the first woman who seemed willing to put up with me.  This was the one who bragged to the neighbors that she married a smart man, because smart men made more money – enough to support her in the style that she wished to become accustomed to.  This was a socio-economic pact, similar to Middle Ages marriage contracts.  I do something for her, and our growing family, and she does something for me and the kids.

Her older siblings all seemed to have moved out and got married to escape an arrogant, overbearing, abusive, Catholic-crazy father.  Of the eight siblings, only one couple ever seemed to show true love and affection.  The rest were all the result of social expectation and financial support.  Romance did not seem to be in common supply.

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Sad Comedy

A sad man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. “Why so down?” asks the bartender. The man replies, “I lost all my money, and half my friends deserted me when they found out.” “Well,” responds the bartender, “At least you have your other friends.” The sad man sighs and says, “No. They just haven’t found out about it yet.”

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A Gorgeous Young Woman Is Standing At The Bar Of A Pub

She goes up to the man standing behind the bar and she grabs him by his magnificent and long straggly beard which goes way down past his waist

And she whispers to him in a seductive tone ‘are you the landlord?’

He says ‘no no, sorry, I’m just the barman- the landlord isn’t here just now’

As he answers, she keeps grabbing his beard, stroking it all over; tugging on it gently with every word as she whispers to him ‘do you know when the landlord will be back?’

He says ‘ehhhh no I’m not sure at all, sorry’

And as she continues massaging his facial hair she says to him ‘okay… well when you see the landlord…. You can tell him… There’s no paper towels in the ladies bathroom’.

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Relationship Arithmetic:

Smart man + smart woman = romance.
Smart man + dumb woman = affair.
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage.
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy.

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’25 A To Z Challenge – Q

When someone asked my Dad to perform some difficult or problematic task, he would sometimes reply, “I’m like a steer.  I can only try.”

I’m going to try to show you the many, muddled meanings of the word

QUIXOTIC

taken to mean (among many other things) dreamy, foolish, impractical, impulsive, romantic. unrealistic, utopian, chivalrous, ineffective, impetuous, imaginary, fantastic, and starry-eyed.

It comes, of course, from the early 1600’s Spanish novel about Don Quixote – a man who tried to do the right things, for the right reasons, but failed, because of poor eyesight and worse judgement – only succeeding to draw his many personality peculiarities into the English language.

Finding the meaning of the original name – Quixote – using internet dictionary, translation, and Google research was like riding a carousel, round and round it went – like having Christian apologists claim that the Bible is inerrant…. because the Bible says that it is inerrant.  The character was quixotic – because he was Don Quixote – and he was Quixote – because he acted quixotic.

The Spanish suffix ‘ote’ means ‘large.’  Old Spanish says that ‘quix’ meant ‘leg’ or ‘thigh.’  It apparently began as an occupational name for someone whose job required much lower limb exercise, producing muscular, large legs.  Sounds like an American Thanksgiving turkey advertisement.

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I’m Rarely This Happy

WOW!!  I found two uncommon and interesting names on one drive home from the store.

After I followed the butthole of America, I passed a small work-truck that said INGOD Basement Restoration and Construction.

At first, I thought it might be English, and mean exactly what it said, or an Estonian name that means ‘left-handed,’ but research reveals that it’s a Romance-language-based name from the word ‘ingo,’ which means male ruler.  In Spanish, the male given name gained an I, and became Inigo.

My name is Inigo Montoya.  You killed my Father.  Prepare to die!

Closer to home, we followed a Sorrento, almost identical to mine, but from a dealership a hundred miles to the East, named Bessada KIA.  Spelled with one S, besada is an Egyptian word that means Arrakian sand-worm.  With two SS’es, Bessada is not merely Portuguese, but Brazilian Portuguese, and means ‘kissed.’

Eso beso

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Heartfelt Fibbing Friday

It was Valentine’s Day last week, so below are 10 romantic quotes and Pensitivity101’s question was, who wrote them. Bear in mind this is Fibbing Friday, so anything/anyone goes – within reason!

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Valentine’s Day is to the candy and flowers industry, what Christmas is to the toy industry.  It’s too slushy and mushy for a Grumpy Old Dude like me, so I cast aside my rose-coloured glasses, make sure my Bah, humbug is fully inflated – and away we go.

  1. “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

Charlie Manson

  1. “For you see, each day, I love you more—today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.”

Torquemada

  1. “The real lover is a man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space.”

Aileen Wuornos

  1. “Do I love you? My god, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches.”

“Ozzie” Osborne

  1. “We loved with a love that was more than love.”

Rob Zombie

  1. “You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

Marquis de Sade

  1. “I would rather spend one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.”

NAME REDACTED, recently convicted of stalking, and online threats

  1. “The giving of love is an education in itself.”

Howard Stern

  1. “The love we give away is the only love we keep.”

Father Trinity, of St. Louis parish, and all his rapidly-shuffled fraternity

  1. “Who, being loved, is poor?”

Jean Valjean

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Travel Agent Terms

I went to a fancy hotel at a Caribbean resort for a change and a rest.  The Bellboys got the change, and the hotel got the rest.  Be skeptical of what you read.  All is not what it seems.

Old world charm
Room with no radio or TV and one light

Tropical
Rainy

Majestic setting
A long way from town, at the end of a gravel road

Options galore
Nothing is included in the price

Secluded hideaway
Directions to locate unclear

Some budget rooms
Sorry, already occupied

Explore on your own
At your own expense

Minutes from????
By plane

Romantic
No phone in room

Knowledgeable trip hosts
They’ve flown in a plane before

No extra fees
No extras available

Bird watchers paradise
The paint on your car will never be the same

Nominal fee
Outrageous charge

Standard
Sub-standard

Deluxe
Barely standard

Superior accommodations
One complimentary chocolate, one free shower cap

All the amenities
Two chocolates, two shower caps

Just like home
No maid service

Plush
Top and bottom sheets, bed shakes

Gentle breezes
In hurricane alley

Light and airy
No air conditioning

Picturesque
Theme park nearby

24-hour bar
Ice cubes at additional cost (when available)

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Past Tense Fibbing Friday

Two weeks time ago, Pensitivity101 thought you might be fed up with word definitions, so she asked you for a brief description as to what the following films/books could be about.

1.   Gray Lady Down.

That was a little PSA about “Safety In The Home,” that the wife recently did.  There are 7 steps from the stair-landing, to the ground floor.  She took 6 of them, and then stepped off into a starring role in an episode of “How I Met Your Floor.”

2.   Ladyhawke.

This was a Rom-Com that a female friend of mine had made about her life.  She gave up a lucrative, but boring, position in middle management, to become a fishmonger at the local market, where she found love, crab legs, and a killer recipe for flounder curry.

3.   Black Hawk Down.

This was a YouTube video that the son recorded, of my hopes and aspirations, my trials and tribulations, in attempting to locate a theme for this term.  Finally, tired and despondent, and reluctantly accepting defeat, I just faked it.

4.   All The President’s Men.

This was a New-Age Keystone Kops short, news broadcast, of the Secret Service agents near the recent attempted assassination of Donald Trump.  One of them reached the roof where the shooter was located, but didn’t climb up, ‘Because there was a guy with a gun up there.’  There’s putting yourself in the line of fire for The President of The United States, and then there’s Trump.  One agent received a medal for protecting the owner of a nearby donut shop.

5.   The Green Mile.

I told the wife that the guacamole had gone off, but she said, “Oh no.  It’s still good for you.  Go ahead and eat it.” I hope my Fruit of the Loom package arrives soon.

6.   The Colour Purple.

The colour purple was originally restricted to royalty and the rich, because the dye was labour-intensive and expensive to extract from snails.  Today, there are far too many hillbillies who try to aspire to the purple, when the only purple they get is when they spill their moonshine mixed with grape Slushie.

7.    50 First Dates.

I finally published, as a blog-post, the contents of a diary that I kept for years, about my (lack of) love life.  A minor film executive read it, and it was optioned by MGM (Mediocre Ghastly Movies.)  They think they have a hit.  When it was screened for test audiences, people laughed, people cried, people threw up!  They just don’t know whether to promote it as a romance, a comedy, or a horror story.

8.   Geronimo.

This is the subtitle of the next, and last, Mission Impossible movie, where Reggie doesn’t hack the airplane door open soon enough, and Tom Cruise falls to his death – and our relief.

9.   The Sum of All Fears.

Otherwise known as A Beautiful Mind, this is the story of poor Alan Turing.  When he and his fantastic brain were cracking the Nazis’ codes, and winning the war for Old Blighty, he was a hero.  When he wasn’t needed any more, he was denigrated, harassed and threatened, for being gay.  😮

10.  Stagecoach.

He’s the guy (sorta) who guides and directs the performers in theater and movie musical comedies, teaching them the correct emphasis and inflection to put on the word, “Hello.”

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’23 A To Z Challenge – F

An author who had moved to southwest Texas was complaining about

FIRE ANTS

and wanted to know how to get rid of them.  The son kindly offered the advice that, napalm is usually sufficient, but to be really sure, sometimes thermonuclear is required.

While the arc of my life has not been a bright, brilliant, meteoric one, still, I am happy and satisfied with it.  I have run a good race.  I would very much like to keep running a little longer, although nowadays it’s more like just a fast shuffle.

As I approach 80, I am not morose about the inevitability that the end is approaching.  It’s just that I don’t get the feeling that “it’s over.”  There are still many things that I wish to do and see and experience.  I don’t want the ride to be finished.

It’s a feeling that many of us get, and it’s not just about our mortality.  I recently ran into a frilly little word which describes the emotion.

FINIFUGAL

Finifugal /fan· ee ·fyoo ·gal/ adj. Definition: The word finifugal is an adjective that describes a person who prolongs or tries to put off emotional endings.  It’s probably one reason why so many people ghost the end of their romantic relationships.

We’ve all experienced this feeling.  Finifugal is the resistance to the end of something.  As long as we’re living, we’re moving – and as long as I’m moving, I’m living.  I fully intend to take a couple of victory laps – but not any time soon.  I have a blogpost planned for The Last Time, as a bookend for The First Time one that I did some years ago.  I am pleasantly surprised by the small number of things that I’ve had to stop.

You keep coming around to read, and I’ll keep finding (allegedly) interesting things to blather about.

EXCELSIOR!

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Blue Sky One-Liners

Some people are like clouds….
….When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.

Some people try to turn back their odometers….
….Not me!  I want people to know why I look this way.

More wine….
….Less whine.

Cows eat grass….
….Therefore a steak is plant-based meat.

Hamburger helper only works….
….if the hamburger is willing to admit it needs help.

For a woman, romance is roses on a piano….
….For a man, it’s tulips on an organ.

I live for two reasons….
….1 I was born.  2 I ain’t dead yet.

My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table….
….I needed a running start, but I made it.

I tried to Google “Directionally challenged”….
….but I couldn’t find it.

Some say ‘Life Is Short’….
….but I’ve been alive for as long as I can remember.

More than four cups of coffee….
….and you can talk to electricity.

Sprinters don’t eat anything before a race….
….They fast.

How to twerk….
….Step 1: Reconsider

I’m unsure which way to turn….
….to get treatment for my dyslexia.

I named my dog ‘Ten Miles’….
….so that I can tell people I walk ten miles every day.

I used to live hand to mouth….
….but cutlery changed my life.

I can’t even be bothered….
….to be apathetic these days.

Don’t give up your dreams….
….Keep sleeping.

If you think adventure is dangerous….
….try routine; it’s lethal.

Laughter is the best medicine….
….unless you have diarrhea.

My wallet is like an onion….
….when I open it, it makes me cry.

Relish today….
….Ketchup tomorrow.

If you’re not good at haggling….
….you’ll end up paying the price.

Just so that everyone’s clear….
….I’m going to put on my glasses

Writing my name in cursive….
….is my signature move.

😀

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Dog-Gone Humor

Two dogs were walking together down the street, when they were passed by another dog, driving a truckload of logs.
One dog turned to the other and said, “He started out just fetching a stick, and built up the business from there.”

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A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, “Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?”
The blonde said, “I’m sorry sir, but wherever I go, there’s always a tree in front of me and I can’t seem to get away from it!”
The cop looked at her and said, “Ma’am, that’s your air freshener!”

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My doctor told me that jogging would add years to my life, so I started yesterday.  He was right.  When I finished, I felt ten years older.

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Commitment – 1. The act of binding oneself to a specific path, usually as regards a relationship with a romantic partner. 2. Consignment to a mental health facility. 3. There may be no difference between one and two.

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In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their back. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”

She again replied, “Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.”

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My friend keeps saying:
“Cheer up, man.  Things could be worse.  You could be stuck in an underground hole full of water.”
I know he means well.

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The new prisoner told his cellmate, “I won’t be in here long.” The veteran replied, “I dunno. Didn’t the judge give you six years?” “Yeah, but I know my wife’ll break me out. She’s never let me finish a sentence yet!”