King Wenceslas Unmasked

BAD KING WENCESLAS
Or:
Christians lie to themselves and others, to feel good.

Truth be told – and I occasionally do – Wenceslas wasn’t really too bad.  He was, perhaps, the least worst of a bad lot.  It’s just that every Christmas, the Christians drag him out to sing about.  They claim that the song represents how their love of God, and His love of them, makes them all kind and generous.  Let’s look at the facts though, shall we??

Using the Might Is Right justification, King Wendy and his retinue have taxed the song’s peasant, and thousands of others, into poverty and starvation.  While they are warm and well-fed, safe and secure in the castle, this poor slob is trudging through snowdrifts, desperately trying to find a few windfall branches to burn, to keep him and his family, and probably some livestock, from freezing to death.  While he starves, they are having a feast – The Feast of Stephen.

Even when the song has the “Good King” and his squire drag the poor wretch in, and give him food and firewood, I cynically suspect an ulterior motive.  Soon enough, there will be another religious feast, and someone has to provide that fatted calf, for free taxes.  Stealing everything, and then offering a tiny bit of it back as working capital, does not really fit into the definition of Concern for Others, or Generosity.   😮

Bi-Cycling Fibbing Friday

Pensitivity101 was recycling questions from August 2019 last week, so my apologies if these seem familiar:

1. What are Porkies, Chorkies and Morkies?

Pulled pork, pulled chicken, and pulled tofu sandwiches, in that order

2. Why did the Wicked Witch of the West melt?

Because she moved from Kansas to Phoenix, Arizona, in August, where it was 112 degrees F three days in a row.  Natives say, ‘It’s a dry heat’, but so is arson.

3. Will Smith said ‘I’ve got to get me one of these’. What was he referring to?

A wife with hair

4. Why aren’t dumb blondes quiet?

You can remain silent, and be thought a fool, or you can open your mouth, and remove all doubt.

5. Why do they call it ‘High Tea?’

Because describing it as a cup of gin, is too much on point.

6. What makes a banana split?

When it discovers that the ice-cream treat has lost its cherry.  😳

7. What happened when the Princess kissed the frog for a second time?

She found out how and why Princess Fiona became an ogress.

8. What goes best on rhubarb?

I spread manure on mine, but my neighbour insists on adding cream – strange fellow.

9. How is the best way to serve coffee?

Bow deeply when you approach the samovar.  Keep your eyes lowered, hold the salver level, and intone, O great caffeine God, you are our savior.

10. Why are rock buns so called?

Because food-service caterers found that bands like The Pretenders, Jefferson Starship, and AC/DC loved these chewy, crusty bread rolls, while performers like John Tesh, Justin Timberlake, and Brittney Spears prefer Fluffernutter™ sandwiches on white Wonder Bread.

Past Tense Fibbing Friday

Two weeks time ago, Pensitivity101 thought you might be fed up with word definitions, so she asked you for a brief description as to what the following films/books could be about.

1.   Gray Lady Down.

That was a little PSA about “Safety In The Home,” that the wife recently did.  There are 7 steps from the stair-landing, to the ground floor.  She took 6 of them, and then stepped off into a starring role in an episode of “How I Met Your Floor.”

2.   Ladyhawke.

This was a Rom-Com that a female friend of mine had made about her life.  She gave up a lucrative, but boring, position in middle management, to become a fishmonger at the local market, where she found love, crab legs, and a killer recipe for flounder curry.

3.   Black Hawk Down.

This was a YouTube video that the son recorded, of my hopes and aspirations, my trials and tribulations, in attempting to locate a theme for this term.  Finally, tired and despondent, and reluctantly accepting defeat, I just faked it.

4.   All The President’s Men.

This was a New-Age Keystone Kops short, news broadcast, of the Secret Service agents near the recent attempted assassination of Donald Trump.  One of them reached the roof where the shooter was located, but didn’t climb up, ‘Because there was a guy with a gun up there.’  There’s putting yourself in the line of fire for The President of The United States, and then there’s Trump.  One agent received a medal for protecting the owner of a nearby donut shop.

5.   The Green Mile.

I told the wife that the guacamole had gone off, but she said, “Oh no.  It’s still good for you.  Go ahead and eat it.” I hope my Fruit of the Loom package arrives soon.

6.   The Colour Purple.

The colour purple was originally restricted to royalty and the rich, because the dye was labour-intensive and expensive to extract from snails.  Today, there are far too many hillbillies who try to aspire to the purple, when the only purple they get is when they spill their moonshine mixed with grape Slushie.

7.    50 First Dates.

I finally published, as a blog-post, the contents of a diary that I kept for years, about my (lack of) love life.  A minor film executive read it, and it was optioned by MGM (Mediocre Ghastly Movies.)  They think they have a hit.  When it was screened for test audiences, people laughed, people cried, people threw up!  They just don’t know whether to promote it as a romance, a comedy, or a horror story.

8.   Geronimo.

This is the subtitle of the next, and last, Mission Impossible movie, where Reggie doesn’t hack the airplane door open soon enough, and Tom Cruise falls to his death – and our relief.

9.   The Sum of All Fears.

Otherwise known as A Beautiful Mind, this is the story of poor Alan Turing.  When he and his fantastic brain were cracking the Nazis’ codes, and winning the war for Old Blighty, he was a hero.  When he wasn’t needed any more, he was denigrated, harassed and threatened, for being gay.  😮

10.  Stagecoach.

He’s the guy (sorta) who guides and directs the performers in theater and movie musical comedies, teaching them the correct emphasis and inflection to put on the word, “Hello.”

Mixed Bag Fibbing Friday

Questions for last week were a mixed bag and Pensitivity101 was looking forward to reading what we came up with – finally.

  1. What is a bobby pin?

That was the Choke Hold/Body Slam that the Security Patrol Police Officer put on the lout who recently threw eggs at Bonnie King Charlie.

2. What is a Whoopee Cushion?

It’s the device that short, little MS Goldberg uses, to appear to be as tall as the rest of the Valkyrie co-hosts on The View.

3. What is a cock-a-poo?

That’s the cutesy name that the nurses give to the commodes in the men’s sections of the old-folks homes long-term care facilities.

4. Why are some chicken eggs brown and some white?

White eggs are caused by sun-bleaching, by light that enters henhouses while various chickens leave the nest, and root for food during the day.  When some farmers found out how much they could charge for brown eggs, by calling them ‘Organic,’ they boarded up all the windows.

5. How would you describe cardboard?

Foursquare, upstanding and self-contained, are the only words that come to mind.  It’s difficult to think outside the box.

6. What do a pony and monkey have in common?

They do not believe in Creation.  An All-Knowing God would not have been dumb enough to put Mankind in charge of the Earth.  The Great Apes have filed an injunction to have a portion of the family tree lopped off.

7. What is a USB key?

Similar to the Bat Signal, it’s the device I use to summon my creative Muse.  Either it needs a new battery, or Erato is on an extended, drunken orgy with Bacchus – again.  No inspiration this week.  😳

8. What is a golden handshake?

It’s one that you don’t want to get from any of the staff at a food-service business.  That’s the reason that restaurants have signs in their washrooms that insist, “Staff must wash hands before returning to work.”

9. What is an orange pippin?

It’s just an ordinary pippin that wanted to do some sun-bathing, but forgot to slather on lots of SPF Global Warming/End of the World sunscreen.  Note:  may be related to a certain ex-US President.

10. What is Teflon?

I’m still not sure.  I tried to do some online research, but none of the information seemed to stick with me.

Tell Me If You’ve Heard This One – VII

I put up the image that says that I Love English, but most of these words come from Latin, Greek, French, Hawaiian, Scottish and Spanish.  English loves immigrants – voluntary or not.  😀

‘a’ā  – [ah-ah] (Hawaiian) Basaltic lava having a rough surface
Mount Kilauea’s ‘a’ā surface flow made for a difficult hike.

ARETE – The aggregate of qualities, as valor and virtue, making up good character
He demonstrated arête by rescuing the kitten from the tree.

ARGUS-EYED – having keen sight, vigilant, watchful
It was important that the sentry was argus-eyed, guarding the castle against foes.
Argus – late Middle English: from Latin, from Greek Argos, the name of a watchman in Greek mythology who had a hundred eyes. After he was killed by Hermes, Hera used his eyes to decorate the peacock’s tail.

BLITHESOME – lighthearted, merry, cheerful
The children’s birthday party had a blithesome atmosphere.

CAŇADA – No, no!  Not my favorite Home and Native Land
(Spanish) A small, deep canyon [kuh n-yah-duh]
Actor Ron Canada isn’t from The Great White North.  He came from a hole in the ground in Mexico.

E-TAILING – The selling of goods and services on the internet or through email solicitation
As long as they don’t wake me, or tie up my phone, trying to sell me duct-cleaning in Pakistani.

GERONTOCRACY – Government by a council of elders
A governing body consisting of old people
A state or government in which old people rule
Despite being one, I was going to say that the old farts have screwed things up enough, let the younger ones have a chance.  Then Canada elected [Trudeau Junior], and the Woke stupidity started to really pile up.

GLABELLA – The flat area of bone between the eyebrows, used as a craniometric point
He had a unibrow, a straight line across his glabella.

GLAIKIT – foolish, giddy, flighty
Scottish author Irvine Welsh’s stories are filled with glaikit – the strange and particularly clownish behavior of his Glaswegian characters.

HYPOGEAL – underground, subterranean
Plants that show hypogeal germination grow relatively slowly, especially in the first phase.

NETIQUETTE – The rules of etiquette that apply when communicating over computer networks, especially the internet
Internet trolls display little to no netiquette, often insulting others online.

PARTRICIAN – A person of noble or high rank; aristocrat
A patrician by birth, she was seen as a suitable match for the prince.
Note!  Does not apply to Meghan Markle – see courtesan, or gold-digger

PATULOUS – spreading widely from the center
The tree’s patulous branches gave the family a lot of shade.

SHIPPEN – Dialectical, British – a cow barn, or cattle shed
The cattle had to seek shelter in the shippen before the storm arrived.

TABERNACLE – A house of worship; specifically, a large building or tent used for evangelistic purposes
A receptacle for the consecrated elements of the Eucharist, especially an ornamental locked box used for reserving the Communion hosts.
Also – a swear-word-light, often used by predominantly French-speaking Canadians.

VERJUICE – An acid liquor made from the sour juice of crab-apples, unripe grapes, etc., formerly much used for culinary and other purposes

WHOOP-DE-DO – [hoop-dee-doo – hwoop – woop]
Lively and noisy festivities, merrymaking
The festive party was their annual New Year’s Eve whoop-de-do.

I just got the word that enough is enough, and it’s time to move on.  1960’s garage rock says that Surfin’ Bird is the word.  Have a listen.  😀

Fibbing Friday?  Nein!

Even though I am neither Greek, nor gay, I sneaked in the back door over at Pensitivity101’s blog site, and made off un-noticed with yet another truly great list of chances to tell a lie….  or ten.  I did not chop down that cherry tree while I was there!  It was already felled when I arrived.  True story.   😉

  1. What is the difference between an earth worm and an ear worm?

Earthworms won’t bother you until you’re dead and buried.  An earworm will irritate the shit out of you, every day until that happens.

  1. What is a Mars Bar?

That was the dingy Star Wars cantina where Han Solo shot Greedo, the bounty hunter who was going to take him in, dead or alive.

  1. What color is a peanut?

Mostly purple, with a green topknot, neither color normally found in nature, but what do you expect from a little guy who crawled out of Chernobyl?

  1. What is meant by dressed up like a dog’s dinner?

Perhaps we don’t feed our dogs as much here in North America, as they do in England.  My attempts at sartorial splendor are referred to, merely as a dog’s breakfast.

  1. What is an orange pippin?

He was the Hobbit who caught a sociable disease from a female dwarf, and was unable to appear in any of the Lord Of The Rings movies.

  1. What do an owl, pussy cat and five pound note all have in common?

Since I am as poor as a church-mouse, they are all items which are not in my wallet.

  1. Where would you find a Bunny Girl?

That was Barbra Streisand, when she was struck in the mouth by a wardrobe closet door, while filming the movie, and couldn’t pronounce the name of the film, or her lines, for a couple of days.  With that nose running interference, I don’t know how it ever happened.  🙄

  1. What is the difference between an heir and a hair?

It would be so nice to say that hairy Prince Harry, was the heir, but Prince William, the guy with no hair, is the heir.  It’s all too hare-brained for me to understand.

  1. What is meant by fringe benefits?
    That’s when my girlfriend lets me get past third-base. She usually tells me that, when it comes to sex, I am self-sufficient.
  2. What is a whimsy?

He’s a gay Frenchman who likes to attend the Wimbledon Tennis Championships.  He’s been known to ‘come across’ beneath the stands, but he comes across the English Channel on a train with the erotically suggestive name of, The Freudian Sloop.  He used to come across on a ferry, but that became just too cliché.   The mental image of a powerful engine rapidly entering a tight tube gets him off, even while he’s onboard.  He arrives and leaves with a big smile – and a few extra Pounds – but never knows who won.

I cannot tell a lie.  I’m branching out toward Dunsinane Castle, but I’ll be back on Monday with another great post – and a cord of firewood for anyone who has a fireplace or woodstove.  😉

’21 A To Z Challenge – T

The theme for this week’s A To Z Challenge has been graciously supplied by Meghan Markle and Prince Harry.

TUMULTUOUS

Full of tumult or riotousness; marked by disturbance and uproar
raising a great clatter and commotion; disorderly or noisy
highly agitated, distraught, turbulent

If Harry just wanted a continuous supply of sex with gorgeous young women, he could have taken some tips from his uncle, Randy Prince Andy – parties, mansions, booze and drugs, some grooming and coercion, a bit of physical force, and, failing all that, boatloads of 100 Pound notes.

But Harry seemed to want to get married and settle down.  If that was his plan, he picked the wrong woman.  Actually, this brazen little, attention-seeking, gold-digger purposely picked him – and Meghan is not the ‘settling down’ type.  He is apparently getting some sex, but she is just leading him around by his….  nose.

She runs their life using the Brittany Spears Career Handbook – a minor catastrophe each week, and a more major meltdown every month – anything to keep them her in the public eye.  Watching her stick-handle their social and marital relationships, (That’s a Canuck hockey reference, eh.) is like watching the shining silver sphere in an Elton John pinball machine.

They’re in Britain!
They’re in the US!
They flutter into Canada just long enough to give the residents of British Columbia some false hope!
They’re on the West Coast!
They’ve moved to the East Coast!
They’re in the news!
They’re on TV!
They’re in court!

Lights flash, bells ring out, digit counters scroll upwards, but when it all eventually goes down the drain, nothing has really happened.  Then she pushes the reload plunger to bring up the next week’s controversy.  It’s enough to make the Kardashians look relevant.

It looks like I’m done with this rant.  See you again soon.   😀

Canadian Thoughts On An American Trip

Canamerican Flag

I’ve said that I treated the invitation to visit our D.C. hosts as a Royal Summons, but it was us who got treated like Royalty when we got there.  Here’s a shot of us arriving.

Harry and Meghan

More through coincidence than any planning,, we had three successive, different ethnic-food lunches.  One day it was Greek food at a strip-mall restaurant.  The next day, our kind hosts took us to an upscale Afghan establishment.  On the third day, while trying to find decent coffee, (we never did) we stopped into a Thai restaurant beside a Drunkin DoNuts.

Canada is getting screwed for gasoline, even though we pump more oil than the United States.

After calculating for US gallon/Canadian liters, and US dollar value vs. Canadian dollar….
Exiting Southern Ontario, gas was selling for about $1.30/L.  I bought gas 3 times in the US – 83.8cents/L, 76.7/L and 72.7/L – 1/2 to 2/3 the cost in Ontario.

Usually, the closer to the highway, the higher the price.  Pleasantly, surprisingly, this was not the case on the Pennsylvania and Ohio turnpikes.  All the rest centers sold regular for $2.749 (73.8/L).  When I got off in Toledo, the city stations wanted $2.849.

Gas Cost

When I crossed the bridge back to Windsor, the in-town stations wanted $1.269/L.  Twenty miles down the superhighway, where they’ve got you by the short and curlies, where it’s ‘pay or walk,’ the price was $1.369/L!  And there’s 4 liters per US gallon, so that’s another 40 cents/gal rip-off.

Something else I found, that pissed me off….  We wanted to keep all purchases on this trip on a credit card, so that we could keep track of them.  When I went to buy gas with the credit card, the screen on the pump said, “Enter 5-digit ZIP code.”  I’m from Canada.  I don’t have a ZIP code.  I tried entering our host’s ZIP.    The screen now said, “Does not match billing address.  Please prepay at office.”

Now I have to walk a pilgrimage to Coventry….and back.  Not too bad in the city, but I felt sorry for the guy waiting behind me at the Ohio rest area.  This is like gassing up at the Costco, only there, the prepayment authorization is for $150.  Some pimple-faced kid asks, “How much do you want?”  Enough to fill it up.  “Well, I have to put something in the machine.”  $50! Put in $50!  It only took $38.50 to fill it, instead of $75Cd.

Like the jaunt to find John Erickson a few years ago, we again circumnavigated Lake Erie.  Only, this time the trip wasn’t so much a circle, as a deeper oval.  The total trip, from door, back to door, amounted to 2243 kilometers, or 1402 American miles.

There are 12 houses in BrainRants’ little cul-de-sac.  Four of them, including him, fly American flags.  Only yesterday, a letter to the editor urged Canadians to show patriotism by flying Canadian flags.  No need – we know who we are.

On our hosts’ kitchen wall hangs a repro of an old station clock, with the hands at 8:45.  I assumed that it was just a rustic piece of art…. until one morning I was having orange juice and my morning pills all alone, and – tick, tick, tick.  So it works, it’s just jammed and not going anywhere.  I was reminded of The Mamas And Papas’ song, 12:30, or The Guess Who’s, No Time.

I estimate that Rants’ subdivision was hacked out of the woods about 40 years ago.  The developers left lots of trees, in some cases, too damned many.  Our stay was almost like camping in the piney woods, although most of the trees were cut-leaf Maple, and Oak.  It allowed me to commune with nature.

There were many birds, some of whom, by their calls, aren’t present in Southern Ontario.  Rants isn’t much of a bird person.  When asked about them, he identified them all as grey-breasted, Northern Virginia Shit-birds, so-called because of their ability to put white polka-dots on parked cars, so aggressive that they eat holes in the paint-job.

I love birds.  In my de-forested area, both the bright Blue-Jays and Cardinals are skittish creatures, hiding high in trees, sometimes heard, but seldom seen.  As I watched Rants at his forge in the garage, a Blue-Jay landed on a branch in the Maple in front of the house, barely above the garage door, and sat in plain view for several minutes, while we were disgusted by discussed Trump.

As I went to get a beer, through the back door of the garage, I saw what I first took to be a dried Oak leaf, fluttering in the breeze.  It turned into a bright-red hummingbird, which eventually brightly flitted into the neighbor’s yard, and molested some flowers.  The daughter gets the occasional green hummingbird at a feeder behind her house, but red ones are uncommon here.

Baby Cardinal

Later, as I went for another beer, I thought I saw the hummingbird again, but it magically transformed into a bright red Cardinal, apparently unafraid of humans.  It lingered for a few moments, then it too casually flitted to the neighbor’s yard.  Wow!, three usually unseen birds in the course of an hour – Mother Nature must really like me.

I took a walk, early one morning, while waiting for the wife to arise.  Ambling through the nearby woods, I met a lady walking her dog.  She told me that his name was Giggs, a Welsh name, after a well-known (to her) Welsh football (soccer) player.  Strangely enough, she had met another woman with a dog, also named Giggs, after the same soccer player.  There’s an Ontario transport company named Gigg Express.  Now I don’t have to research that name.

White Lady In The Hood, if you’re still out there and reading this, I still haven’t met a stranger.

The ancient Bob’s Big Boy restaurant that has been in front of our Taylor, MI, Red Roof motel for years, since April of this year, has been turned into a Wahlburgers.  Marky Mark and his two brothers should stick to acting.  I was not impressed – with the concept – or the service.  On a four-item order, one was missing (which I didn’t pay for, but should have noticed its absence), and one was wrong.

To the rest of you who are out there reading this – Thank You!  Let’s do it again, soon.  😀

A To Z Challenge – S

april-challenge

UPSTAIRS, DOWNSTAIRS

letter-s

I want to discuss my ancestors, but the above title is a lie. Upstairs/Downstairs was a British TV series dealing with the various goings-on of the upper-crust, upper-floor rich folk in a mansion, and the serving class below them, both physically and socially, who provided their every whim and wish.

My forebears didn’t live in no stinkin’ mansion, making tea, and cucumber sandwiches for effete dilettantes.   My folks have been industrious, productive people for hundreds of years.  They were ‘blue-collar’ long before blue collars existed.  A more accurate title might be Manor-House/Mill-house – and never the twain shall meet.

My father’s name (and mine) was Smith.  His progenitors originally were productive German artisans named Schmied.  Over many years, the name changed to Schmidt, and was carried to the newly-born United States of America by a Hessian mercenary, paid by the British.  After another hundred years, it got Anglicized to Smith.

Smith is a proud name, and a proud profession. It originally meant, one who produces, makes or manufactures something. Then the language changed so that it meant, a worker in metal.  Finally, the meaning narrowed to just the blacksmith, who pounds hot iron and steel.

I like to think of myself as a wordsmith.  I received blacksmith training in my high school shop class.  (Yes, I lived that far out in the sticks, and back in the mists of time.)  Blacksmith is making a comeback, both through the custom knife and sword makers, and artisans who supply millennial hipsters with hand-made gate latches, coat-racks, porch rails and coffee tables.

My mother’s side of the family supplied the name Stewart.  This is a Scottish name from the English word steward, meaning, one who takes take of something.  The spelling of this name also slipped a bit, to Stuart, and a branch of the clan became the Royal Stuarts, ruling, and ‘taking care of’, Scotland.

Before he emigrated from Glasgow to Canada, my maternal grandfather became the ‘Keeper of the Tartans’ at the fabric mill where he worked. He was the steward of the patterns of the plaids which clothed a good portion of the country.

letter-s-super

All in all, I think maybe this is the S that I should have chosen for this post.  I’m impressed with my family history.  How about you?  😎

Pint Sized

Pint

Always fascinated with the details of English word usage, I recently read a post titled Euphemisms. In it, a young female explained how the seemingly innocent words of many of the nursery rhymes we tell our children, had a much darker meaning when they were first composed.

She apparently had a real vendetta against royalty and religion. Her first story was about “Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary”, who was Queen “Bloody” Mary, trying to return now-Protestant England to the Catholic Church.  Her garden grew well, because it was fertilized with the corpses of the many that she had tortured and executed.

The writer claimed that “Three Blind Mice” were three noble men(sic) who plotted against Mary. She didn’t have them blinded, or mutilated (their ‘tails’ cut off), merely burned at the stake.  But, in reality, there were only two who plotted, and only one was a noble, the other, an Anglican Bishop.

“Goosey, Goosey, Gander” is about Catholic sympathisers hiding priests from Protestant torture and death squads. The line about grabbing them by their left leg was because priests were identified when they put their left foot forward as they genuflected.

Already cynical, she lost my belief when her mix of fact to fiction became too thin on the “Jack And Jill” story. This is word history, not political history, and something I’ve researched.

She stated that it referred to the execution of Louis XIII and Marie Antoinette. When Louis (not Jack – or even Jacques) was beheaded, he lost his ‘Crown.’  When Marie was guillotined, her head ‘came tumbling after.’  She didn’t explain why English commoners would make up rhymes about French monarchs.

This little rhyme is all about governments getting more tax income by screwing with sizes. It was something citizens were complaining about 400 years ago, and they’re still screwing us today.

A “Jack” was a leather mug, in which inns and taverns served 12 ounces of beer or cheap wine. Taxes were paid on how many ‘Jacks’ were dispensed. Suddenly, by Royal decree, the size of a Jack was reduced to 10 ounces, and taxes on beer and wine went up by 20%.

Crown

Taxes were often paid in ‘Crowns’, silver English coins. Soon both barkeeps and the drinking working man were going bankrupt (broke).  When the Jack fell down, he/it broke his ‘Crown’.

The Gill – or Jill – was a quarter of a pint, the amount of a shot of harder liquor. The Incredible Shrinking Jack trick had worked so well that the government tried it again.  A gallon had been 160 ounces, therefore a quart (quarter gallon) was 40 ounces, a pint was 20….and a quarter-pint Gill, was 5.

The gallon was reduced to 128 ounces, a quart to 32, a pint to 16. The 5 ounce Gill became 4 ounces, the tax on liquor went up 25% with the stroke of a pen, “and Jill came tumbling after.”

A later government restored the gallon/quart, etc. sizes, but the results can still be seen. The UK has ‘Imperial’, 40 ounce quarts, but the US never changed back, keeping their 32 oz. version.  The US has a Fifth (of a 128 oz. gallon = 25.6 oz.) of booze, where Canada insists that it’s a 26er.

When I was but a mere child, dairies delivered 40 oz. quart glass bottles of milk to the house. When glass yielded to cardboard cartons, the international conglomerates who now provided cow juice, did so in 32 oz. American quarts, without changing our cost.

In 1971, when Canada went metric, no-one really knew anything about metric sizes. Containers were now (34oz. approx.) liters.  Cost went up, but uncertainty kept complaints down.  40 oz. glass pop bottles became 1-liter plastic containers – at the same price.

To lull the population into happily accepting metrification, the Canadian government actually solicited poems from citizens, extolling the beauty and benefits of the Metric System. They were disappointed by the low turnout, and definitely did not publish the one that said;

When things go Metric,
Prices rise!
Surprise, surprise,
Surprise, surprise!

The Portuguese lady selling bread at the Market continues to shout, “Three bags for $5.” The old loaves of bread suitable for making trencherman farmers’ sandwiches are now so small that they’re barely big enough to make petit-fours.  The hamburger and hot-dog buns remain the same size, but the bags which used to contain a dozen buns, first slipped to 10, slid to 9, fell to 8, and, hopefully, have bottomed out at a ridiculous 7 per pack.

The only thing that I have as much left in my wallet as I used to, is lint.