Tag Archives: science

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Silence Is Golden

Silence is golden.

“The universe,” wrote astrophysicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson, “is under no obligation to make sense to you,” and, for the most part, it doesn’t, to anyone. Beyond the incomprehensibility of quantum mechanics—and our inability to reconcile the main branches of physics—we’ve only managed to discover, after 500 years of groping in the dark, a meager 5 percent of the observable universe. The other 95 percent, physicists tell us, is composed of imperceptible dark matter and dark energy, surmised to exist based only on its impact on the small sliver of reality that has managed to sift its way through our pitiable and corruptible senses.

Basing grand proclamations about the ultimate nature of the universe—including the existence or nonexistence of God—on this shaky and incomplete foundation is unjustifiable and, frankly, utterly foolish. Isn’t it clear, that we’re all, for want of a better phrase, just making shit up?

As long as your belief system allows my belief system to live, we can be friends.  However, if your belief system makes my belief system wrong or evil, I fear we will never walk this earth together in peace and harmony. 

The moment we step past what is immediately given and begin speculating about the “ultimate nature” of things, we invite agitation, disagreement, and distress. Better, then, to withhold judgment altogether.

 

I’ve got nothing else to say.

Do you have anything to say?

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Blogging Comedy

 

I started a blog about procrastination.  I’ll publish the first post tomorrow

Blogging is the only job where you can spend three hours writing, two hours editing, and the rest of the day refreshing the page to see if your mom left a comment.

I once wrote a blog post titled “How to Go Viral.”

It got three views—two were me checking for typos, and one was a bot from Russia.

My editor once criticized my blog….
….He said that double negatives were a “no-no.”

I wrote a scientific blog-post about Oxygen and Potassium….
….It was OK

I wrote a blog-post about pregnancy, and used ‘can’t, and ‘won’t.’….
….My first comment said, “You’re having contractions.”

A newly published novelist wrote in her blog that her 100,000-word thriller got her $1,000,000 from her publisher.

She bragged at a party that her words are worth $10 each. A slightly drunk guy walked up, confronted her by the bar, plopped down $10 and says “OK, wise ass, give me one of those $10 words.” The writer calmly stuffed the bill in her pocket, said “Thanks” and walked away.

There are just too many blogs – and I will discuss the problem in my next post.

I went to Church and said, “Father, I need to confess.”
He replied, “It’s okay, I read your blog.”

I blog, therefore I am….
….exhausted.

Blogged today. Survived another existential crisis.

If I had a dollar for every blog idea I never finished, I could hire a ghostwriter.

Fashion bloggers do it with style.

Food bloggers know how to dish it out.

Behind every successful blogger….
….is a neglected laundry pile.

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F*#king One-Liners

I like to surround myself with people with extensive vocabularies….
….but still say fuck a lot.

If you crossed a fish with an elephant….
….would you get swimming trunks?

Fibonacci’s Soup ingredients….
….Yesterday’s soup – Day before yesterday’s soup….

If at first you don’t succeed….
….try twice more so your error is significant.

An expensive laxative will give you….
….a run for your money.

I have a joke about statistical analysis….
….but it’s mean.

Nothing tops….
….a plain pizza.

Why don’t people from India play soccer?….
….Because, when they go in the corner, they open a store.

The guy who invented the wind chill factor died….
….He was 87, but felt like 75.

Did you hear about the stockbroker who got electrocuted….
….when he shorted Tesla?

I am a bad influence….
….but DAMN, I’m fun!

I wrote a joke about the number 288…
….but it’s two gross.

I gave my History teacher a gift….
….but she didn’t like the present.

I have an economics joke….
….but there’s no demand for it.

Age is not a number….
….It is clearly a word.

I’m not old.  I’m only 39*….
….*plus shipping and handling

I woke up this morning, and nothing hurt….
….I thought I was dead.

I asked Siri a question about my life expectancy….
….She changed the subject.

Sign in store window, No Help Wanted….
….I’m going to apply.  I’d be great!

An Ampersand walks into a bar, and is served a free beer….
….A customer says, “Wow, he must be some kind of special character.”

I’m going back to the 80s….
….Anybody want anything?

If a grocery store has a section for health food….
….then what is the rest of the store??

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Blog Theme Prompt – Memory

Would you rather have no long-term memory or no short-term memory? Why?

What was the question, again??

As a world renowned expert on both of these phenomena, let me assure you that neither of them is a bed of roses – more like a bed of rose bushes, with lots of sharp thorns.

I was born with a neurological syndrome that seriously impaired both my short-, and long-term memory.  It was maddening to appear slow, or stupid, when all I was, was forgetful.  I was actually relatively smart.  I could understand and figure complicated things out.  I just had to develop methods that helped me remember them for things like school exams.

I tested at 142 IQ.  I was smart enough to join MENSA – if I’d ever remembered to apply.  I cracked the electronic lock on a small safe, on the way into a Science Museum, but couldn’t remember the sequence, 8 hours later, as I exited.

You’ve heard of the old meme of tying a string around a finger, to remind you of something.  My life has been a trail of bread crumbs memory joggers – a pen left here, a bag set there, a book placed on the stairs, a note in red, in my Word blog file.  It is also maddening to see the trigger, and know that I’m supposed to recall something, and not have the faintest clue what it is.

What is also frustrating, is remembering something that didn’t happen.  I have given the pets water, or cleaned out the litter pan, every day for 4,000 days – so I ‘remember’ doing it today.  My normal age-induced memory loss is increasing.

My life – my consciousness –  my awareness – is closing in on me.  It’s a wonder that I remember to publish my blog-posts. The wife, who I relied on, because she had a diamond-hard, laser-sharp memory, is quickly, and deeply, slipping into old-age memory loss far worse than mine.  Some days, it’s like dealing with Rain Man.  Fortunately, the kids – and Grandkids – are here to keep an eye on us.

….what was I talking about??  Oh yeah.  You please remember to stop back on Friday for some fabulously funny fibs.   😀

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’25 A To Z Challenge – M

I am always in awe of movie and television writers.  They must be like industrial spies, aware of the latest technology, almost before it exists, so that they can write it into scripts, and make the public aware of it.

In 1966, the bridge-crew of the Enterprise had wireless, electronic tablets, when most of us didn’t even have computers.  These later-to-be Ipads had beep-beep, flat surface pushbuttons that didn’t’ show up on my kitchen stove and microwave for another decade.

The year before, in a movie called Arabesque, a professor of Middle-Eastern languages, is kidnapped by the CIA, to translate a small note, written in Arabic script – because one sect is going to wipe out another sect.  (How things haven’t changed in 60 years!)

When he finally translates all of the nuances, the result makes sense – but it doesn’t make sense.  It’s as innocent as a recipe for hummus.  The secret, when it’s finally discovered and revealed is that one of the periods in the script has all of the information – IN ENGLISH – reduced 1000 times, through the optical science of

MICROGRAPHY

which is a division of STEGANOGRAPHY, the process of hiding things in plain sight.  The most common modern examples are benign computer files or messages, where secret information is added by making one small section denser.  First, you have to know TO look; then, you have to know WHERE TO LOOK.

I look forward to having you join me on Wednesday, for a new contest.

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’25 A To Z Challenge – G

The Department of Totally Useless Information

For today only (or as long as we can get away with it) is offering a

BOGO

A two-for-the-price-of none deal, just to empty out some over-stocked shelves, so that we can cram in some newer, Totally Useless, technological information, such as – that string theory and quantum mechanics are not coming together as quickly and smoothly as hoped.  We may have to dig Albert Einstein up, to moderate the dispute.

For your bewilderment and unwanted elucidation, we give you the beautiful twins

GLOTTOGONIST

AND

GLOTTOLONIST

Two men meet at a cocktail party in Washington, DC.  One asks the other, “So, what do you do for a living?  ”The other guy replies, “I’m a Naval Surgeon.”  “Damn!  You guys really specialize, don’t you?”

Both of these terms could also be described as a ‘Linguist.’  A glottologist is concerned with the meanings, synonyms, and present usages of words.  A glottogonist is concerned with etymology, the origin and development of word meanings.

File under #mosquito’s asshole and #whothef**kcares?

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Telepathic Comedy

He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment.  The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”
“No.” he replies “I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”
The guy explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”
The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”
“Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.”
The woman giggles and replies, “It must be broken because I am wearing panties!”
The guy smiles, taps his watch and says, “Damn thing’s an hour fast.”

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“Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed.
100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn’t drive, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.”

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How many Atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two!  One to actually change it, and another to videotape it, so that fundamentalists can’t claim that God did it.

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A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will:
“To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million.”

The lawyer continued, “To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million.”

The lawyer concluded, “And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will – well you are wrong.

Hi Dan!”

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Inertial Dampers

First of all – the correct word is “dampers,” a hindrance, or restraint, not ‘dampeners,’ which just make things wet.
It’s been wrong for so long, that now it’s right.

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If a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, some people should have their head registered.  Today’s world, and the science and technology that runs it, are becoming more and more complicated.  Sadly, many people, especially Christian fundamentalists, want comforting, simple answers to complex questions.

There really are such things as stupid questions.  We can skip by the Flat Earthers, the moon-landing skeptics, the climate-change deniers, and the COVID conspirators, and proceed directly to the likes of the young man who asked his girlfriend why the Earth wasn’t constantly getting lighter because of all the ores that were being dug out of it.  Or the Christian theist who called an Atheist podcast to PROVE the existence of God, because otherwise, “What holds the Earth up in space??”

Nobody can know everything about everything – although, I come close – just ask me.  Or don’t ask me, I’ll tell you, anyway.  In a recent discussion about time travel, commenter-supreme, John Erickson posed a very non–stupid question.

And here’s one to shoot down all the time travelers. Everybody moves through time, but always land on the same X/Y/Z co-ordinates. BUT – the planet that they launch from (usually, but not limited to, Earth) is moving through space, around a star that is also moving through space, in a galaxy that is also moving through space. So how come they always stay in the same spot? That has always bugged the censored out of me!

The short answer is INERTIA!  Everything is moving along with everything else.  Even though you take a shortcut (or a long cut, depending on your direction of travel) through the N/Temporal, subspace dimension, the rest of the physical dimensions continue in their assigned speeds and directions, ready to meet you when you pop out.

A Flat Earther posted a video to refute the claim that the Earth is a globe, rotating at 1000 miles per hour, (at the equator) by sticking his head and cellphone camera out the window of a car travelling at 60MPH.  “See how even 60MPH musses my hair??  We can’t be travelling at 1000MPH!!”  He completely missed the fact that the air in the car travelling at 60, or a train travelling at 100, or an airplane travelling at 500MPH wouldn’t muss his hair, because it was travelling along with him, at the same velocity, just like the atmosphere of Earth does.

That’s the Carl Sagan Memorial University inspirational message for today.  I hope to see you here again in a couple of days – unless you time-travel, and got here yesterday.  I’ll be in the same old spot.

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In The Beginning

And God said, “Let there be a Big Bang,” and there was a big bang; and from the Big Bang emerged matter and radiation.

And God saw the Big Bang, that it was a great explosion; and the evening and the morning were the first billion years, 14 billion years ago.

And God said, Let there be hydrogen and helium and let them swirl randomly; and let some of the gas swirl into regions of higher density; and let those regions of greater density contract themselves into proto-galaxies; and let the proto-galaxies contract themselves further into galaxies.

And when they had done so, God said, Let there be stars.

And the first stars began to form within the galaxies; and when the gases whereof they were made had sufficiently compressed, there began thermonuclear burning and lo, there was starlight.  And the evening and the morning were the third billion years, 11 billion years ago.

And to assure that man would not quickly understand His great works, God gave unto the speed of light, a finite limit of 300,000 kilometers a second, and to the atmosphere of the Earth, when He got around to creating it, five billion years ago, He gave turbulence and distortion, and opacity to many kinds of radiation; and further to confound Man’s understanding, He placed throughout the universe, quasars, neutron stars, black holes and other strange peculiarities.

And God looked upon the work of His singularity approvingly and said, Lo, it is a puzzlement.  And it was a puzzlement.

Could we ever expect a universe with anything as strange as Man in it, to be simple?  God the mathematician, God the astrophysicist, moves in mysterious ways.  Simple theories set forth by simple men with very limited knowledge mean that the creation story of the Bible is likely to be wrong, and the likelihood of the Bible being wrong on any given subject increases as Mankind’s knowledge and understanding increases.

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?  Then he is not omnipotent.  Is he able, but not willing?  Then he is malevolent.  Is he both able and willing?  Then whence cometh evil?  Is he neither able nor willing?  Then why call him God?

Epicurus: circa 300 BCE

 

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’24 A To Z Challenge – T

BABY, IT’S COLD INSIDE!

Over the eons, mankind has learned how to produce and distribute heat to keep him warm, from campfires to gas-fired furnaces, but we had to wait for electricity, to power the compressor pumps that produce the cold in our refrigerators.

The brand name of one of the first refrigerators was Norge – which is just the way that Norway spells its name – Cool!  Another early appliance manufacturer which did better and survived, was Kelvinator, named after the gentleman scientist, Lord Kelvin, who computed, but could not reach, Absolute Zero.

Kelvinator’s main competition in appliance sales was Westinghouse.  Between them they owned/controlled pretty much every radio and TV broadcast station in the US.  Stations whose call letters began with K were run by Kelvinator – like KTLA in Los Angeles.  Stations whose call-signs began with the letter W, were run by Westinghouse – like WLS in Chicago.

I recently had reason to investigate the word

THERMIDOR

as in Lobster Thermidor.  It’s got the construction, “therm” in it, meaning ‘heat.’  Is the heat being taken away, to safely store it in a refrigerated cooler, or is this the 19th Century equivalent of a modern air fryer??  While Lobster Thermidor was invented and named in 1891, the original term Thermidor was created by the French leaders of the new Republic, following their revolution.

Wanting to show how different and creative they were, they invented a calendar with a year that didn’t start on anyone else’s New Year, months with different names than anyone else’s, that started on days different from anyone else, and with different numbers of days and “weeks”.  Thermidor was the hot, summer month from July 19th, to August 17th.  This silliness lasted about 7 years, until they realized that the rest of civilization wasn’t going to go along with them.

One of the first food rules I learned was, Do not eat shellfish during months with no R in their name – June, July, and August, because of poor/lack of refrigeration.  Yet they invented a month with an R in its name, just to qualify for food poisoning.  😮