Tag Archives: guilt

The Guilt

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The young Mum recently asked me if I felt guilty about my infidelity and the answer is no. It is a good thing that I had fun while I was still young and the fact that Cara left me when I became disabled means I had a gut feeling that she was using me for my Dick anyway. The same nurse that yanked my pants down to have a look at my knob also told me that she came to the hospital every day until she realised I was paralysed and not injured and then stopped coming. It wasn’t the fact that he told me this it was the way he said it, like he was enjoying my pain. So glad that I fired him, what a Goon taking pleasure in my misery.

Saying all of that the thing that I do feel guilty about is shooting the Blackbird. As a boy I had a mate who’s Father had guns. We were in the backyard firing at targets, I kept hitting them, I can’t help that I am a good shot, so my mate started firing at the birds in the trees. Yes I hit a blackbird and it hit the ground but refused to die so I had to finish it off. That is what I feel guilty about. As a young man one of my Uncles used to take me Duck shooting and taught me to only shoot what you are going to eat or pests. I felt so guilty for years about this for years and probably still do. This painting came about without me knowing what I was doing. Not sure if this is finished yet?

And yes that is a leaf of bricks, between GIO and iCare I am being treated like I am still on the building site

Any comments/criticism will be taken on board and then promptly forgotten

Countdown to Abortion (man’s sorrow)

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I firmly believe that it is a woman’s choice but I also believe it was her fault. I have always been a considerate lover and have used the withdrawal technique to some critical acclaim, and then one night, I told her what was about to happen and she pulled me in and locked her legs around my back so that I could not withdraw. Why did she tempt fate? This obviously lead to her becoming pregnant and having an abortion. I still feel guilty about this ’til today and presume I will always feel guilty. The writing was on the wall, obviously, and then her parents came to Sydney and she told me that I had to go. Go where, I asked? Anywhere, she replied, I cannot let my parents know that I have a white boyfriend.

I know that abortion is a “hot topic” due to America’s stance and due to declining birthrates worldwide but nobody talks about the Fathers’s on the other side of the equation. Yes it should be a woman’s choice but what about the women that tempt fate? I know one woman who has had numerous abortions and has also had the “morning after pill” too many times to count. Is that her fault for not demanding her sexual partner to “rubber up” or is it his fault for “wanting to shoot in goal”?

I have been watching things on YouTube where woman wanting abortions are saying that it is just a clump of cells that they are aborting or calling the foetus a zygote instead of a human. Is this a way to escape guilt? Once again it is the woman’s choice but what about the father? Also I have done some research and Japan is considered to be one of the most racist countries on the planet hence her not wanting her parents to find out she had a caucasian partner. All lives should matter, just don’t shoot the messenger

Countdown

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I publish this all the while aware that abortion is a hot topic considering it is illegal in a lot of America. I maintain the contention that if you are a man you do not really have a say in it

COUNTDOWN to ABORTION

Don’t worry this is not supposed to make sense

I would normally pull out and jizz on her swingers or stomach back or wherever I was aiming  I told her what was about to happen

She pulled me in harder so I couldn’t escape

I can’t remember how long it took for her to realise

She did not want it

Japanese

Why did she pull me in?

why did she test fate?

I have good genetics

She should not have tested

She did not want it

I didn’t know what I wanted. I was young but I loved her. She was my Papillon and I her Honey

Why did she pull me in?

I told her what was about to happen

She had her smile on as she locked her legs around my back

Honey

She didn’t talk English for days, almost a week

Most of America has taken away a woman’s rights of self-governance

The slaves were freed in 1865

Apartheid !994

Why are Women slaves to their reproductive rights?

I still felt guilty for her causing this

I normally had control of what was happening

For the longest time nothing mattered

This was happening

And I had no control

I could not comfort her nor console

I have never felt so guilty but it was her choice

A man does not have a say in this

This is all I can say

            “are you pro-life or anti-consequence”?

                                                                                                         Dave Chapelle

Buchanan AS

Venus

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Why do I paint on the reverse of the canvas, I dunno. I suppose it is because I normally make too much of a colour of paint, besides a canvas is expensive – why not utilise the whole thing

https://bluethumb.com.au/andrew-buchanan-andrew-buchanan/Artwork/venus-717076

2-PLY MONKEY MAN

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2-PLY MONKEY MAN

I’m lying on my bed with my pants around my ankles when
I hear them laughing
They’re playing something and loving it
The lost children of my ball sack
A lot have gone where they’ve supposed
But now…
… but now they are neglected
Now I feel like a twelve year-old boy
Full of guilt and remorse
As I ejaculate onto pieces of
2-PLY
Silly monkey
Silly grown-up monkey man
The only thing that’s changed is the preparation
I have evolved beyond socks undies and occasionally sheets
They are still laughing and singing, all in love with each other
Everybody knows the words by heart and I’m jealous of their happiness
Even in the Desert there’s a song to sing
As the din dies I look inside myself
The tinnitus in my ear turns up the squeal
I like being alone but don’t like being lonely
A man shouts something I will never hear as a loud bike grumbles past
It’s quiet again and I hear a wind roar past from the ocean and
It’s as beautiful as the laughter
Humbling me for the fact that I can still hear
Humbled bumbled toiled and troubled
I hear it all happening around me but am uncontrollably drawn
My mind shouts out at me to pull my pants and undies back up
I look at the label on my Chinese made Australian branded boxers for a second
We only are what we think we are
I am a silly grown-up monkey man
Internet killed the video and Internet killed the introvert
It’s quiet but for the traffic of Bondi and
I start to think about how I survived to thirty-seven
I thought of all the ones I could have had at once
I thought of the fact that I was once great
I am a silly grown-up monkey man
Giving it to tissue to be flushed away

Andrew Stuart Buchanan