My birthday yesterday was a fun and fairly mellow day, which is how I wanted it after such a c-r-a-z-y week. My co-workers did get me a cake and give me a nice key chain made by our clients.
The craziness started on Tuesday when, after seeing two clients in Oakland, I drove up to Albany to lead a career transition meet-up... which had only one attendee! Boo. So tired of meet-up bailouts, even though I do it myself. lol FOUR other people failed to show up; one of them was nice enough to change their response on the website. Double boo. But. It ended up being really worthwhile!
The one guy who showed up runs the one-stop career center in San Pablo (where I worked for several years at the community college) and graciously offered the space to me for workshops and career groups. He also used to work at the Concord one-stop, which is close to where I live and where I'm wanting more clients! I intend to follow up with him on both the SP workshop and Concord networking fronts. Even though we have some differences in our background and perspective and the conversation started a bit stilted, we warmed into a lively dialogue about our clients and career development philosophies, and knowing some of same people at the college, etc. Great introvert networking experience!
I returned home around 8:30pm and after a half hour or so of necessary down time, jumped into preparing for my first of two interviews the next morning. Went to bed around 1am, but had insomnia and probably got about four hours sleep before the wretched alarm went off. This first interview was the one with a *NINE* person interview panel, which was as nerve-wracking and intimidating as it sounds. Everyone was really quiet, too, and not very responsive, which made me all the more nervous. My answer to the key diversity question was not great, but overall I would say I did okay. Came back home for a couple of hours before heading out to work at the non-profit.
That evening, I tweaked my PP presentation for the second interview the next morning, reviewed interview responses - especially the one about diversity! - and got to bed around 1am again. This interview started a bit later (the first was at the godawful time of 7:45am) but it was in Santa Rosa so I theoretically had about an hour and quarter drive to get there. I awoke at the same early hour of 6:30am, at which time I might add, it is still dark outside, and getting about 5 hours of sleep. *As a side note, I admire and have compassion for those of you that get up at this time or earlier every day.
Despite the rocky start of getting there late due to torrential rains and initially going to the wrong location, this interview, as a whole, was the best it could have been. I liked and felt connected with the (reasonable number of) four interviewers, gave what I felt were strong answers to their questions and a good presentation. This latter job is the one that would require moving, at least eventually. It would be a part-time position, so initially I could commute a couple of days a week. But considering the non-profit job location, it would make sense that I re-locate long-term to a town in-between the two jobs, which would mean about a half hour drive to each. On the positive side, it's a nice area.
Part of the reason I would wait to re-locate on the latter job, is because of my adoption process in this county. I need to research whether I could re-locate when a child is placed with me but not yet officially adopted. This could happen within a few months.
Regarding this adoption process, I took another step forward this week when I met with the adoption social worker Thursday afternoon. We had the house cleaned Monday, and I tidied everything up prior to her arrival. She was quite young! Like maybe 24 or 25? We first went through signing a lot of paperwork in rapid-fire fashion, before she began asking me questions about myself and what I was hoping for in this process.
Early on in the question-asking, I said I hoped for two-years-old and under but was a little torn and might want to consider a little older. At this point, she asked me, "Have you thought of other options?" Head slap, huge groan!!! Um, no, I'm just coming to you guys out of the blue, completely unaware and definitely not having gone through over 10 years off and on of trying to have a biological child, and three adoption training programs in three different counties, not to mention many blogs read, conversations had, books and articles consumed, experts consulted, etc., etc.! Do you agree that's a pretty harsh and clueless question, or am I just overly sensitive? It frustrated me but also hurt my feelings, as I am excited about moving forward and was thinking that she was there to help me and be "on my side."
She also followed up the question with a couple disparaging, negative comments about how there aren't nearly as many babies/infants that come up needing homes. I of course know this already as they stress it in every training and you hear it anyway, just through the media. I feel terrible about the older youth that get stuck in the system and have a harder time finding their forever families. It totally sucks. And, I am who I am and am where I am in life. I've worked with older youth for many years as part of my career. I love them, but I long for the experience of motherhood and am especially longing for the baby/infant experience and supporting them through the developmental milestones. As I think I've shared, part of my motivation for adopting through foster care is financial, but it is also that I want to provide a loving, safe home for a little one who was dealt a very harsh hand in life. So yes, ma'am, I have thought of other options. Grrr
Sorry for the rant. The interview did dramatically improve from there, after I said that her question kind of hurt my feelings and disrupted the process of beginning to get to know each other and work together. She apologized. I know her perspective is very different than mine. In any case, she then focused and began asking me the questions I thought she would ask about my strengths and interests, my neighborhood, my goals for next year, what ethnicity and gender in a child that I was open to, etc. She didn't get into asking about disabilities or special needs, but she gave me quite a bit of additional paperwork to complete, including a questionnaire with those types of questions.
Oh, and before she left, she had me complete this sad and somewhat disturbing questionnaire about what I or those in my family had experienced in terms of various forms of abuse, pornography, use of firearms, drugs, and more. It was a bit strange to answer, "I don't know" for some of them regarding family, and I felt a bit "hardened" answering yes to several drugs (from my college days in the late '80s lol). She said that having experienced these things would not rule someone out but instead will guide our conversation next time when we talk more deeply about my history.
We scheduled our next meeting for January 10th, which gives me time to try and make some fixes (lock box for medications, all cleaners stored in a place that's inaccessible to children, outlets and cords protected - how do you secure cords? - and any less than child-friendly items removed from the yard, and other requirements) and complete the homework. I realized that I should see what items my siblings in Oregon might have to pass along when I have my car to carry them back. Feeling excited about making preparations and things feeling more and more real!
That's my crazy week! Today, I'm going to have a late birthday celebration by meeting a couple of friends to check out a local holiday street fair and have drinks. It's a beautiful day, after getting tons of rain, so it should be a fun time. Then holiday cookie and candle making this evening and tomorrow.
Showing posts with label interview. Show all posts
Showing posts with label interview. Show all posts
12/17/2016
12/08/2016
Frenetic! and Festive
Next week is one of those weeks where multiple significant and stressful events pile on in succession... I'm not feeling too overwhelmed, but looking ahead resignedly and starting to gear up - while at the same time holding on to my holiday cheer.
After my post about wanting to settle in for a while and not continue to put effort into applying and interviewing for better-paying jobs, two colleges simultaneously managed to motivate themselves at the very last minute to schedule interviews before the holidays. So, I find myself committed to two early morning interviews on Wednesday and Thursday next week; one way up in Santa Rosa and the second one in Napa.
I am trying to feel hopeful and excited about these opportunities but honestly, I just don't. I do not even want to prepare, though I'm sure I will make myself, if not this weekend, then Tuesday, spend some time doing so. They are both, of course, stupid panel interviews, and one has NINE people attending. Ridiculous. How many people does it take to make a decision? Apparently nine.
If I had to choose, I would choose Napa, as it is only a half hour drive and would not require me to move. The Napa job, however, would require me to quit my non-profit job and dramatically scale back on my business for now. The Santa Rosa job is a part-time position, so theoretically, I could work two days there, two days at the non-profit, and a few hours in my business and make a good living - but both the non-profit and SR jobs are located such that I would need to move, likely to Petaluma, a town between the two locations. Am I really willing to move when I have so many good things happening where I live now, including my adoption process?
My finances are such that I can't, in good conscience, cancel either of these interviews, so I guess I will just take it a step at a time. But excited about them? No.
Additionally, I am committed to leading my career transition meet-up Tuesday evening, which has quite a few sign-ups (potential clients) this month. And, Thursday afternoon I'm scheduled for my first home interview with the adoption social worker. I'm looking forward to this but definitely have a few nerves about it. In a generous act that relieves some stress, however, my housemate gave me an early Christmas present and hired a cleaner to come the Monday before, so the house will be polished up for her visit!
Sounds like enough for the week, right? Nope, my birthday is Friday! No big plans, though, maybe a drink with friends. Despite the stress and busyness this week, I refuse to lose my holiday spirit. I attended our small and joyful staff holiday party last night for the non-profit, made peppermint cookie dough last week, have been enjoying the Christmas lights going up, and we plan to decorate a tree this weekend. ho ho ho!
After my post about wanting to settle in for a while and not continue to put effort into applying and interviewing for better-paying jobs, two colleges simultaneously managed to motivate themselves at the very last minute to schedule interviews before the holidays. So, I find myself committed to two early morning interviews on Wednesday and Thursday next week; one way up in Santa Rosa and the second one in Napa.
I am trying to feel hopeful and excited about these opportunities but honestly, I just don't. I do not even want to prepare, though I'm sure I will make myself, if not this weekend, then Tuesday, spend some time doing so. They are both, of course, stupid panel interviews, and one has NINE people attending. Ridiculous. How many people does it take to make a decision? Apparently nine.
If I had to choose, I would choose Napa, as it is only a half hour drive and would not require me to move. The Napa job, however, would require me to quit my non-profit job and dramatically scale back on my business for now. The Santa Rosa job is a part-time position, so theoretically, I could work two days there, two days at the non-profit, and a few hours in my business and make a good living - but both the non-profit and SR jobs are located such that I would need to move, likely to Petaluma, a town between the two locations. Am I really willing to move when I have so many good things happening where I live now, including my adoption process?
My finances are such that I can't, in good conscience, cancel either of these interviews, so I guess I will just take it a step at a time. But excited about them? No.
Additionally, I am committed to leading my career transition meet-up Tuesday evening, which has quite a few sign-ups (potential clients) this month. And, Thursday afternoon I'm scheduled for my first home interview with the adoption social worker. I'm looking forward to this but definitely have a few nerves about it. In a generous act that relieves some stress, however, my housemate gave me an early Christmas present and hired a cleaner to come the Monday before, so the house will be polished up for her visit!
Sounds like enough for the week, right? Nope, my birthday is Friday! No big plans, though, maybe a drink with friends. Despite the stress and busyness this week, I refuse to lose my holiday spirit. I attended our small and joyful staff holiday party last night for the non-profit, made peppermint cookie dough last week, have been enjoying the Christmas lights going up, and we plan to decorate a tree this weekend. ho ho ho!
10/29/2016
Super Chill
I'm purposely, consciously have a super chill weekend after an extremely stressful week that culminated in my crying yesterday at work when my boss didn't give me the extra hours I'd expected (I cried on my own after she'd left). The first part of the week was stressful preparing for my interview on Thursday, as well as going in to work early and rushing to get to my last adoption training on Wednesday evening - only to have it be like 45 minutes long (they said it would be 2 hours).
So, about the interview... I thought it went really well. I felt a great connection with the interview panel, my teaching demonstration went well, and I felt overall I answered the interview questions thoroughly and they seemed "with" me throughout. I did wish I'd thought more about the student learning objectives and how my teaching presentation related to those. I also wonder if they saw my career counseling business as a positive or a negative... I think I presented it as a positive, giving me more skills and workforce experience to share with students, and saying I'd likely continue working just a few hours a week with clients. But who knows what they thought. In any case, drumrollllll, I did not get the position. Yep, they emailed me back yesterday the same stupid, generic email saying they appreciated me and wished me well and apply again, etc. Blech. I put so. much. work. into preparing and I don't think I could have done much better. So what does that say? Am I just not competitive in this market? Is God telling me something? or are these things just usually rigged, with the winners decided before the games even begin...
I've reflected some on this, and there are two thoughts that emerged:
And maybe I just don't have what it takes to be competitive when applying for full-time college counseling jobs in the super competitive Bay Area market. I still would love to have a part-time counseling position not too far from home. That opportunity I would give an 8 out of 10. My career counseling business by the way is an 8.5 to 9. It does depend in part on the client - some clients I love and some are challenging, but I don't know if I'd take away all the challenges right now because it is helping me grow. Anyway, that's all I have on that topic right now...
I'll end on a high note: I finished my adoption training last week! It was rainy on Monday, which caused our outdoor trivia night to be cancelled, so I decided to go. Monday's training was on diversity and culture in adoption, basically the responsibility you take on if you adopt a child of a different ethnicity and/or culture. They showed a film with some adoptees talking as teens/20's, then talking again 10 years laters. It was good information; not a lot of new stuff but "getting it" at a deeper level. Identity is such a huge and important factor. My deepest and most moving learning was something one of the adoptees said about their parents and family and how it wasn't like they were helping her to deal with racism, but that they were a "multi-cultural family" going through life together with all that that means. Something like that. Very powerful. I still, for a variety of reasons, am thinking I would like to adopt a Caucasion, Caucasion/Asian, or Caucasion/Latino child, but the latter two would definitely require me to step up and be fully "with" them as they go through life as a person of color. The third training was a total dud, as mentioned above, basically legalese about accessing services as a foster parent. The material was not made accessible to us as trainees! lol
Now, I'm waiting to hear from them about setting up the first long interview leading into creating a profile and completing the home study. I would have felt more confident about the income piece if I landed the full-time counseling job, but we will see what they say. I'll take it a step at a time. My boss at the non-profit did say we are working towards increasing my hours but she wants to have a better sense of how many hours I need to complete my duties, especially since we've changed the intake process somewhat and they have added follow-up calls to my duties. Some exciting news: starting in November, I get to work some hours from home! We have two holidays in November, so those days can be from home (since I'm not paid for holidays) and I think she said the other two Fridays, as well, but I have to double check. Only driving that long commute two days a week will make a big difference!
That's all for now! Heading back into my super chill weekend. Plans to do some business work off and on, maybe work out later, but other than that, watch movies, take walks, surf the web, do laundry, etc. Snuggle up at home. Hope you have a good, relaxing weekend, too, especially if that's what you need.
So, about the interview... I thought it went really well. I felt a great connection with the interview panel, my teaching demonstration went well, and I felt overall I answered the interview questions thoroughly and they seemed "with" me throughout. I did wish I'd thought more about the student learning objectives and how my teaching presentation related to those. I also wonder if they saw my career counseling business as a positive or a negative... I think I presented it as a positive, giving me more skills and workforce experience to share with students, and saying I'd likely continue working just a few hours a week with clients. But who knows what they thought. In any case, drumrollllll, I did not get the position. Yep, they emailed me back yesterday the same stupid, generic email saying they appreciated me and wished me well and apply again, etc. Blech. I put so. much. work. into preparing and I don't think I could have done much better. So what does that say? Am I just not competitive in this market? Is God telling me something? or are these things just usually rigged, with the winners decided before the games even begin...
I've reflected some on this, and there are two thoughts that emerged:
- I always ask my clients what level of interest they have for a particular career, on a scale of 1 to 10, and I make the case that their interest level should be at an 8 or above to sustain a career in the long run and not burn out or lose interest over time. When I asked myself what was my level of interest for this full-time counseling gig involving teaching college classes again, my interest level was a 6.5 to 7. I don't want to work full-time at any job really, as it means basically letting go of my business in large part, at least for now. Also, teaching college success classes is not consistently awesome. Some of the topics are fun and interesting and others are real snoozers, like how to take notes, and think critically, etc. And community college students are not my fave demographic. My favorite college class had a good amount of adult learners returning to school who were super engaged and mature in their communication - and they brought lots of interesting life experience.
- Maybe I am being guided to step up to my business and take it to the next level. I've come this far. I have had 7-10 clients consistently since early this year. I keep getting consultations and I keep getting new clients, albeit somewhat in fits and starts. I feel like I've learned so much in the last year and really developed professionally in terms of how I communicate with clients and how I present my tools and resources - I've created several new tools, actually, based on my learning. I have done some brainstorming and writing about how my career counseling (for the Introvert/Professional niche stuck in jobs that don't fit them) might be packaged into Group Program content for delivery in a live event and/or by video. I'd love to take the plunge and sign up for the next programs in the high-level marketing program I did last year, called Speaking and Leverage, which are all about delivering Group Programs. Also, I know I could raise my income if I had an assistant (virtual assistant likely) to help me focus and track payments, posts on social media, newsletters, event marketing, etc. In a way, I was looking at this job I interviewed for as my savior, hoping it would rescue me, but maybe I need to be on the hot seat and stay in the game to get over the hump and make my business sustainable.
And maybe I just don't have what it takes to be competitive when applying for full-time college counseling jobs in the super competitive Bay Area market. I still would love to have a part-time counseling position not too far from home. That opportunity I would give an 8 out of 10. My career counseling business by the way is an 8.5 to 9. It does depend in part on the client - some clients I love and some are challenging, but I don't know if I'd take away all the challenges right now because it is helping me grow. Anyway, that's all I have on that topic right now...
I'll end on a high note: I finished my adoption training last week! It was rainy on Monday, which caused our outdoor trivia night to be cancelled, so I decided to go. Monday's training was on diversity and culture in adoption, basically the responsibility you take on if you adopt a child of a different ethnicity and/or culture. They showed a film with some adoptees talking as teens/20's, then talking again 10 years laters. It was good information; not a lot of new stuff but "getting it" at a deeper level. Identity is such a huge and important factor. My deepest and most moving learning was something one of the adoptees said about their parents and family and how it wasn't like they were helping her to deal with racism, but that they were a "multi-cultural family" going through life together with all that that means. Something like that. Very powerful. I still, for a variety of reasons, am thinking I would like to adopt a Caucasion, Caucasion/Asian, or Caucasion/Latino child, but the latter two would definitely require me to step up and be fully "with" them as they go through life as a person of color. The third training was a total dud, as mentioned above, basically legalese about accessing services as a foster parent. The material was not made accessible to us as trainees! lol
Now, I'm waiting to hear from them about setting up the first long interview leading into creating a profile and completing the home study. I would have felt more confident about the income piece if I landed the full-time counseling job, but we will see what they say. I'll take it a step at a time. My boss at the non-profit did say we are working towards increasing my hours but she wants to have a better sense of how many hours I need to complete my duties, especially since we've changed the intake process somewhat and they have added follow-up calls to my duties. Some exciting news: starting in November, I get to work some hours from home! We have two holidays in November, so those days can be from home (since I'm not paid for holidays) and I think she said the other two Fridays, as well, but I have to double check. Only driving that long commute two days a week will make a big difference!
That's all for now! Heading back into my super chill weekend. Plans to do some business work off and on, maybe work out later, but other than that, watch movies, take walks, surf the web, do laundry, etc. Snuggle up at home. Hope you have a good, relaxing weekend, too, especially if that's what you need.
8/20/2016
Weekend Updates
Thank you so much to those of you who weighed in on the job opportunity analysis in my last post. It was really helpful! Most of you leaned towards the job with the healthcare trust because it's local, pays well, and offers the opportunity to work remotely. Those of you that favored the university job in Oregon mentioned the positives of living near family and having summers off.
After interviewing for both positions, I have an update on the details of each job, as well as my feelings towards them now...
First of all, the Oregon job interview did not go very well. It was a panel interview on a conference call, which I have never experienced and I can now report is super. awkward. I could not see anyone and received very little feedback on my responses, even non-verbal. They were not a warm and friendly crowd. The main interviewer was kind of formal and unhelpful in communicating the expectations and framework of the interview. In "normal" interviews, it is not uncommon to ask to add something at the end that did not come up in the interview, but when I did this, instead of clearly saying, "I'm sorry, we have to stop now due to time," or something like that, she kind of withdrew and begrudgingly said to go ahead, which totally threw me off.
Also, during the interview, I asked about collaborating between the career and advising departments and an idea I had for that, and got a very strange, stilted response about referring students to career counseling, which did not really answer the question. This also threw me off a little, as I had been told by my friend who works there that this is a great idea and they are really looking for innovation. I realized later that I likely stepped into some political sensitivities, because there was a representative from the career services department in the interview, along with the advising representative, who was leading the interview. This whole separation is foreign and non-intuitive to me, as here in California, we simply have college Counselors that do both academic and career counseling, versus dividing out these functions. What is weird is that it seems that advising helps students choose a major/career, my favorite part of the job. I am still a little confused, and not optimistic they will call me back, even though I feel I did very well on the first half to three-fourths of the interview. Oh, and I did re-read the job description and discover it's a 12-month assignment, so no summers off.
In contrast, I felt like I totally rocked the interview with the healthcare trust for a career counseling position. The whole interview felt as comfortable as an interview can feel, even though this one was also over the phone (only one interviewer though). She and I had a lot in common and seemed to totally click. We had moments of understanding and laughter, having both worked for community colleges and for workforce programs. And the core of why we like career counseling seemed to be similar. I am knocking on wood, but I feel I will likely be moved on to the next stage of interviewing, which will indeed be with a panel/committee. Ugh. In any case, she said I should hear back by next week on the details of this. One potential negative I discovered during the interview is that my position is located in Oakland, which is the one location that has a physical office where other Trust staff work. So, I likely would be working from that office part of the time versus fully remotely, although she indicated I would also work from home to some extent, as well as travel out to various healthcare center locations.
I do still feel positive about the Oregon location - central Oregon, which has waaay better weather than where I grew up - and living near family. My brother said he thought we would likely see each other every few weeks and our families could be more in each other's lives. But traveling for CA Conceptions treatments would be costly and less convenient, and I am really appreciating my friendly, healthy housemate situation, especially in comparison to the stress of my last housemate. In addition, she loves Zoey and plays with her regularly. Yay! She generously offers to let her out when she's home and I'm not, and hangs out with her outside or in her room, truly enjoying Zoey's company. I really feel like she adds to the joy in Z's life, which in turn makes me so happy.
Maybe Oregon does make more sense later, if I do decide to go that route... what do you guys think, hearing how things went?
So now I am playing the waiting game and working on getting new clients to make my budget this month. I plan on making outreach phone calls, which I don't enjoy but which sometimes brings referrals. There is an Art in the P@rk festival nearby that I also may check out today. My housemate and I are going to go in on a big nature photo hanging for the living room. Hope you have a great weekend!
After interviewing for both positions, I have an update on the details of each job, as well as my feelings towards them now...
First of all, the Oregon job interview did not go very well. It was a panel interview on a conference call, which I have never experienced and I can now report is super. awkward. I could not see anyone and received very little feedback on my responses, even non-verbal. They were not a warm and friendly crowd. The main interviewer was kind of formal and unhelpful in communicating the expectations and framework of the interview. In "normal" interviews, it is not uncommon to ask to add something at the end that did not come up in the interview, but when I did this, instead of clearly saying, "I'm sorry, we have to stop now due to time," or something like that, she kind of withdrew and begrudgingly said to go ahead, which totally threw me off.
Also, during the interview, I asked about collaborating between the career and advising departments and an idea I had for that, and got a very strange, stilted response about referring students to career counseling, which did not really answer the question. This also threw me off a little, as I had been told by my friend who works there that this is a great idea and they are really looking for innovation. I realized later that I likely stepped into some political sensitivities, because there was a representative from the career services department in the interview, along with the advising representative, who was leading the interview. This whole separation is foreign and non-intuitive to me, as here in California, we simply have college Counselors that do both academic and career counseling, versus dividing out these functions. What is weird is that it seems that advising helps students choose a major/career, my favorite part of the job. I am still a little confused, and not optimistic they will call me back, even though I feel I did very well on the first half to three-fourths of the interview. Oh, and I did re-read the job description and discover it's a 12-month assignment, so no summers off.
In contrast, I felt like I totally rocked the interview with the healthcare trust for a career counseling position. The whole interview felt as comfortable as an interview can feel, even though this one was also over the phone (only one interviewer though). She and I had a lot in common and seemed to totally click. We had moments of understanding and laughter, having both worked for community colleges and for workforce programs. And the core of why we like career counseling seemed to be similar. I am knocking on wood, but I feel I will likely be moved on to the next stage of interviewing, which will indeed be with a panel/committee. Ugh. In any case, she said I should hear back by next week on the details of this. One potential negative I discovered during the interview is that my position is located in Oakland, which is the one location that has a physical office where other Trust staff work. So, I likely would be working from that office part of the time versus fully remotely, although she indicated I would also work from home to some extent, as well as travel out to various healthcare center locations.
I do still feel positive about the Oregon location - central Oregon, which has waaay better weather than where I grew up - and living near family. My brother said he thought we would likely see each other every few weeks and our families could be more in each other's lives. But traveling for CA Conceptions treatments would be costly and less convenient, and I am really appreciating my friendly, healthy housemate situation, especially in comparison to the stress of my last housemate. In addition, she loves Zoey and plays with her regularly. Yay! She generously offers to let her out when she's home and I'm not, and hangs out with her outside or in her room, truly enjoying Zoey's company. I really feel like she adds to the joy in Z's life, which in turn makes me so happy.
Maybe Oregon does make more sense later, if I do decide to go that route... what do you guys think, hearing how things went?
So now I am playing the waiting game and working on getting new clients to make my budget this month. I plan on making outreach phone calls, which I don't enjoy but which sometimes brings referrals. There is an Art in the P@rk festival nearby that I also may check out today. My housemate and I are going to go in on a big nature photo hanging for the living room. Hope you have a great weekend!
8/05/2015
Short (ish) Post on New Place and Someone from the Past
Short post this morning to share that I am moved into the house I mentioned last time. It feels great to be in "my" space - it's shared but I'm paying rent versus being a guest in another's home - and to know I have the option of staying another month or longer if needed. This situation IS quite perfect for me, I must say. Thank you, God.
My friend is driving over in her truck this morning to drop off my bed. I have been sleeping on an air mattress the past few nights, which was fine, but a bed will be nice. Zoey is in dog heaven to have the run of a full house after being confined to single rooms the past months. We are learning the neighborhood and have been enjoying walking around a lovely nearby park.
The interview went well. Not perfect, but well. I was a bit scattered on a couple of unexpected questions but did great on several other questions and my 10-minute presentation. From buying a new outfit, to lengthy research, to doing a mock interview with a friend, I know I did everything possible to prepare, so now it's out of my hands.
My final juicy bit of news is that my ex, S, contacted me for the third time since our break-up, asking if he could share recent insights about our time together. That bait was too enticing to pass up, so I responded, and he shared... well, he didn't share much of anything new, so it was kind of disappointing. He basically validated what I already knew - that he did have anger issues he needed to work on and had shut down in the intimacy department and also was unable to get to a place when we were together where he could "hang out" with me and just be normal - work or whatever. He said he had made progress in all these areas in a relationship he had been in since about six months after our break up, which had now "reverted to being friends." Ah, I see why you contacted me at this time, S.
Anyway, I'm considering getting together with him to see if I can release some residual anger and hurt from the last few months we were together. But first, I need to get clear on "how" that might be possible. The goal would not be to get back together, but to further heal my feelings from that time, and maybe have more positive feelings towards S, allowing friendship. I am meeting with a counselor this week (the one S and I saw when we were together and that I saw individually a few times after), so hopefully that will help.
My friend is driving over in her truck this morning to drop off my bed. I have been sleeping on an air mattress the past few nights, which was fine, but a bed will be nice. Zoey is in dog heaven to have the run of a full house after being confined to single rooms the past months. We are learning the neighborhood and have been enjoying walking around a lovely nearby park.
The interview went well. Not perfect, but well. I was a bit scattered on a couple of unexpected questions but did great on several other questions and my 10-minute presentation. From buying a new outfit, to lengthy research, to doing a mock interview with a friend, I know I did everything possible to prepare, so now it's out of my hands.
My final juicy bit of news is that my ex, S, contacted me for the third time since our break-up, asking if he could share recent insights about our time together. That bait was too enticing to pass up, so I responded, and he shared... well, he didn't share much of anything new, so it was kind of disappointing. He basically validated what I already knew - that he did have anger issues he needed to work on and had shut down in the intimacy department and also was unable to get to a place when we were together where he could "hang out" with me and just be normal - work or whatever. He said he had made progress in all these areas in a relationship he had been in since about six months after our break up, which had now "reverted to being friends." Ah, I see why you contacted me at this time, S.
Anyway, I'm considering getting together with him to see if I can release some residual anger and hurt from the last few months we were together. But first, I need to get clear on "how" that might be possible. The goal would not be to get back together, but to further heal my feelings from that time, and maybe have more positive feelings towards S, allowing friendship. I am meeting with a counselor this week (the one S and I saw when we were together and that I saw individually a few times after), so hopefully that will help.
7/17/2015
Thriving vs. Surviving
This will be a summary of the ups and downs of my recent dating/living situation with C, as well as an appeal to send me some good thoughts about an exciting upcoming event.
So, I lived with C for a couple of weeks and, let's just say, what I thought would happen, did. Our chemistry ignited and we ended up fooling around several times. It was fun - really wonderful actually - and I don't regret it, even though it led to hurt feelings, as I also predicted.
When I asked him about staying there, he warned me that a long-time friend - a girl - would be coming into town during that time and he was concerned about awkwardness (there's that word again). At the time, we were not dating and, frankly, I was somewhat desperate to find a place to stay... plus, I missed him. So, I over-optimistically reassured him I could handle it, and it would not be a big deal.
Well, when the actual event transpired, we had been hanging out and connecting physically, and I felt more attached. Plus, I assumed she would spend time there but had no idea she would be spending the night. :-/ Also, he didn't give me enough warning so that I could have made arrangements to stay somewhere else. Basically, it was really stressful and, yes, awkward and uncomfortable, for me at least, even though she had her 7-year-old daughter with her and I don't think anything sexual happened. She still slept in his room. In his bed. With me down the hall. Yuck. I felt he should have done more to acknowledge the impact on me and try to alleviate it - at the least by giving me a couple days warning.
The deeper issue is that the intimacy we shared (not sex but intimacy that felt increasingly loving) didn't change his feelings about commitment and moving forward to being in a relationship. It didn't seem to increase his attachment to me; whereas for me, it definitely did. That was a sad and painful realization. Thus, it was probably good timing to leave for Tahoe and from there move into my house-sitting situation. We have had a couple of processing conversations since then, but I have decided I am done trying to break through his wall and make him realize he loves me and can't live without me. ha I faced reality that this will not be happening any time soon, and likely not ever. I'm moving on and putting my energy towards more productive and mutual situations. I actually have a date tonight that I'm looking forward to (sort of - ha).
The exciting upcoming event is that I found out yesterday that I have an interview for the full-time counseling position in San.ta Rosa on the 28th! Yay! I actually was pumping my arms and exclaiming, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" when I got the email. Please send me good thoughts at 3 and 4pm on the 28th. There is a writing part of the interview at 3:15, and the actual interview is at 4... I'm sure it will be a panel interview again, but last time (I interviewed for another position a few months ago) I remember thinking these were the nicest people - and this was the most enjoyable interview - that I had ever experienced in this context. I do plan to spend a lot of time preparing!
Both professionally and personally, I'm setting my sights on "thriving" versus just "surviving."
So, I lived with C for a couple of weeks and, let's just say, what I thought would happen, did. Our chemistry ignited and we ended up fooling around several times. It was fun - really wonderful actually - and I don't regret it, even though it led to hurt feelings, as I also predicted.
When I asked him about staying there, he warned me that a long-time friend - a girl - would be coming into town during that time and he was concerned about awkwardness (there's that word again). At the time, we were not dating and, frankly, I was somewhat desperate to find a place to stay... plus, I missed him. So, I over-optimistically reassured him I could handle it, and it would not be a big deal.
Well, when the actual event transpired, we had been hanging out and connecting physically, and I felt more attached. Plus, I assumed she would spend time there but had no idea she would be spending the night. :-/ Also, he didn't give me enough warning so that I could have made arrangements to stay somewhere else. Basically, it was really stressful and, yes, awkward and uncomfortable, for me at least, even though she had her 7-year-old daughter with her and I don't think anything sexual happened. She still slept in his room. In his bed. With me down the hall. Yuck. I felt he should have done more to acknowledge the impact on me and try to alleviate it - at the least by giving me a couple days warning.
The deeper issue is that the intimacy we shared (not sex but intimacy that felt increasingly loving) didn't change his feelings about commitment and moving forward to being in a relationship. It didn't seem to increase his attachment to me; whereas for me, it definitely did. That was a sad and painful realization. Thus, it was probably good timing to leave for Tahoe and from there move into my house-sitting situation. We have had a couple of processing conversations since then, but I have decided I am done trying to break through his wall and make him realize he loves me and can't live without me. ha I faced reality that this will not be happening any time soon, and likely not ever. I'm moving on and putting my energy towards more productive and mutual situations. I actually have a date tonight that I'm looking forward to (sort of - ha).
The exciting upcoming event is that I found out yesterday that I have an interview for the full-time counseling position in San.ta Rosa on the 28th! Yay! I actually was pumping my arms and exclaiming, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" when I got the email. Please send me good thoughts at 3 and 4pm on the 28th. There is a writing part of the interview at 3:15, and the actual interview is at 4... I'm sure it will be a panel interview again, but last time (I interviewed for another position a few months ago) I remember thinking these were the nicest people - and this was the most enjoyable interview - that I had ever experienced in this context. I do plan to spend a lot of time preparing!
Both professionally and personally, I'm setting my sights on "thriving" versus just "surviving."
5/10/2014
Mega-Stressful Week
Happy May, Everyone!
I just got through a mega-stressful week with my counseling interview Wednesday. I was so stressed and nervous and had to acknowledge it in the interview when my hand was shaking when I took a drink of water. The content included normal interview-type questions, plus a role play, plus a 10-minute teaching demonstration. I practiced the teaching demonstration a lot - it was on one of my favorite subjects, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator personality assessment - and think that I did quite well on that part. I felt I rocked the questions, too... but the role play? Not so much. I just plain didn't understand the setup and that I was supposed to look up information and make a sample Education Plan ahead of time. So, in the interview, I was deprived of a catalog and obviously didn't have access to a computer to look up information, which is completely unnatural and not a fair representation of my abilities. I'm kicking myself because I know NOW what I should have done and wish I could go back. Oh well. I did as well as I could without knowing the specific class information.
I think regardless of what happens, it was a good idea that I applied and interviewed because: 1. They know I care about the job and have ambition; and 2. I got some good practice should I choose to apply again. Also, through working with the counselors this semester in students services (as CTE counselors, we worked in a separate building across campus from student services), the interview process, and then today working as a team on the annual Super Saturday registration event on our campus, I feel a sense of belonging and like I am getting to know people better and feel more comfortable around them. That makes work more fun!
The week was also stressful because it was the last week of normal class for the course I'm teaching, and I crammed almost 30 student presentations into two days. It was intense, but also kinda fun. Oh, and I was skating on financial fumes because so many bills came through last month. Thank God, it was the last EOL payment!
In positive financial news, I think I mentioned I'm going to get quite a few hours this summer, and I'll also be teaching three Counseling orientation classes, which are either taught over two shorter days or one long day. It will be nice to make more money, aided by the fact I do not have to pay my almost $400/mo healthcare payment over the summer months, as it's divided over the rest of the year when they know people are working. Many people don't work in the summer and the campus will be more quiet. I'm looking forward to the more mellow atmosphere. I'm nervous to teach the orientations, which I've not taught before, but I sat in on another colleagues class which helped. And it's only one or two days - 6 hours - so how bad could it be? I have a PowerPoint I can fall back on if need be and I can do some fun interactive activities, as well. Okay, thanks for listening as I talked myself into it! :-)
After my class is over, at the end of this month over Memorial Day weekend, I'm going to drive up to Oregon again with Zoey. As usual, I can't wait to see my nieces and nephew, who I can tell from pictures have grown a LOT. My littlest niece has reddish/strawberry blonde hair and is such a little cutie. And my older niece and nephew are playing sports and looked darling participating in a recent Easter egg hunt. My mom is soldiering through her chemo appointments. Twice now she's had to go in the hospital when her temperature spiked. I guess on chemo it's easy to get sick and much more dangerous if you do. She was in for at least a week this last time but is now home. She and my dad actually went to stay at a special hotel and go wine tasting for their 40th anniversary this weekend.
I kind of miss my EOL program, but my local "pod" got together this last Monday at one of the women's house and caught up with each other, made some art/creative scenes (like visualizing what you want), and ate dinner. It was nice. There are more events on the horizon, including a reunion get-together on June 7th up in Sonoma and a book group that starting up.
I'm still working with my last-assigned "buddy," K, exchanging mini-coaching sessions every two weeks. So that helps keep my feet in the water. I'm trying to motivate to eat and drink more consciously and up the health factor another degree. I would like to drink kombucha instead of Diet Coke, but I will say that it's a hell of a lot more expensive! He's also supporting me in envisioning the relationship I want to have with my Dad, as well as with my birth Mom. Even though she passed away when I was young, I love the idea of creating space to connect with her and feel gratitude for all she gave me and the special relationship we shared - I think it would be really valuable for me to be able to tap into that on a regular basis. He is a very sweet and loving guy, and I think I am supporting him, as well, through helping him with a work transition, his relationship with his pregnant fiance, and sharing coaching/career counseling tools.
I have a f#*kload of student papers to grade before Tuesday. Wish me luck! I do have a nice brunch scheduled for tomorrow with a friend. Hope you all are having a fun weekend.
I just got through a mega-stressful week with my counseling interview Wednesday. I was so stressed and nervous and had to acknowledge it in the interview when my hand was shaking when I took a drink of water. The content included normal interview-type questions, plus a role play, plus a 10-minute teaching demonstration. I practiced the teaching demonstration a lot - it was on one of my favorite subjects, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator personality assessment - and think that I did quite well on that part. I felt I rocked the questions, too... but the role play? Not so much. I just plain didn't understand the setup and that I was supposed to look up information and make a sample Education Plan ahead of time. So, in the interview, I was deprived of a catalog and obviously didn't have access to a computer to look up information, which is completely unnatural and not a fair representation of my abilities. I'm kicking myself because I know NOW what I should have done and wish I could go back. Oh well. I did as well as I could without knowing the specific class information.
I think regardless of what happens, it was a good idea that I applied and interviewed because: 1. They know I care about the job and have ambition; and 2. I got some good practice should I choose to apply again. Also, through working with the counselors this semester in students services (as CTE counselors, we worked in a separate building across campus from student services), the interview process, and then today working as a team on the annual Super Saturday registration event on our campus, I feel a sense of belonging and like I am getting to know people better and feel more comfortable around them. That makes work more fun!
The week was also stressful because it was the last week of normal class for the course I'm teaching, and I crammed almost 30 student presentations into two days. It was intense, but also kinda fun. Oh, and I was skating on financial fumes because so many bills came through last month. Thank God, it was the last EOL payment!
In positive financial news, I think I mentioned I'm going to get quite a few hours this summer, and I'll also be teaching three Counseling orientation classes, which are either taught over two shorter days or one long day. It will be nice to make more money, aided by the fact I do not have to pay my almost $400/mo healthcare payment over the summer months, as it's divided over the rest of the year when they know people are working. Many people don't work in the summer and the campus will be more quiet. I'm looking forward to the more mellow atmosphere. I'm nervous to teach the orientations, which I've not taught before, but I sat in on another colleagues class which helped. And it's only one or two days - 6 hours - so how bad could it be? I have a PowerPoint I can fall back on if need be and I can do some fun interactive activities, as well. Okay, thanks for listening as I talked myself into it! :-)
After my class is over, at the end of this month over Memorial Day weekend, I'm going to drive up to Oregon again with Zoey. As usual, I can't wait to see my nieces and nephew, who I can tell from pictures have grown a LOT. My littlest niece has reddish/strawberry blonde hair and is such a little cutie. And my older niece and nephew are playing sports and looked darling participating in a recent Easter egg hunt. My mom is soldiering through her chemo appointments. Twice now she's had to go in the hospital when her temperature spiked. I guess on chemo it's easy to get sick and much more dangerous if you do. She was in for at least a week this last time but is now home. She and my dad actually went to stay at a special hotel and go wine tasting for their 40th anniversary this weekend.
I kind of miss my EOL program, but my local "pod" got together this last Monday at one of the women's house and caught up with each other, made some art/creative scenes (like visualizing what you want), and ate dinner. It was nice. There are more events on the horizon, including a reunion get-together on June 7th up in Sonoma and a book group that starting up.
I'm still working with my last-assigned "buddy," K, exchanging mini-coaching sessions every two weeks. So that helps keep my feet in the water. I'm trying to motivate to eat and drink more consciously and up the health factor another degree. I would like to drink kombucha instead of Diet Coke, but I will say that it's a hell of a lot more expensive! He's also supporting me in envisioning the relationship I want to have with my Dad, as well as with my birth Mom. Even though she passed away when I was young, I love the idea of creating space to connect with her and feel gratitude for all she gave me and the special relationship we shared - I think it would be really valuable for me to be able to tap into that on a regular basis. He is a very sweet and loving guy, and I think I am supporting him, as well, through helping him with a work transition, his relationship with his pregnant fiance, and sharing coaching/career counseling tools.
I have a f#*kload of student papers to grade before Tuesday. Wish me luck! I do have a nice brunch scheduled for tomorrow with a friend. Hope you all are having a fun weekend.
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