I like to think
I’m kissable
That with me honestly,
there’s no bull
But who finds openness
somehow in vogue
It seems the women like
more of a rogue
I guess romance novels
promote strange ideals
Those sort of men
are just mostly unreal
But I am who i am
I care deeply and love
Share my passion and we
just might fit like a glove
I’ll stand by you
With my own troubles too
Even though finding the energy
is so hard to
Because I care for you
and I like the person who
is loving and sharing
fun and daring
Who gives of themselves
with no effort sparing
Just like I will, true
Be there for you
Today is a big battlefield
Mid morning still
and fighting my way
to function
to move
to manage some office work
The physical and mental
versus me
Constant battling
I work so hard
to get to my desk
to think
to draw some lines
Challenging myself
to achieve
just a little bit more
than I thought capable
just minutes ago
I reach out in my pain
and struggle
And even though they aren’t here
encouragement is sent back
gentle support
positive
pride, in me
And humbled
I choose to shut out
the loud negative inner voice
wanting to curl up and sleep
The lone soldier
perhaps winning the war
Labelled a hero by others
Just doing what needs to be done
in the moment
caring little for himself
just for the job that he has been given
The job of surviving
Want to let out all that I feel
Your arms around me
To trigger the release I seek
Crumbling
Collapsing
Falling apart
All melts
and flows to the floor
Then only me
Can stand up once more
Everything hurts
Inside my mind
Self criticism overload
Biofeedbacks into body tremors
All triggered by exhaustion
Solace sought in bed
Eventual sleep once more
Unconscious relief
there’s a little ball inside of me
that’s struggling to be free
it’s my essence and my energy
it’s who I am creatively
(23 August 2014)
I use the word loneliness
as a simple descriptor
for some feelings
But really it’s more of a
disconnection
from everyone around me –
Missing the relatedness
of human networks
where having a place
and an understanding of that all
brings closeness.
And there comes my sadness
when the person nearest me
does not connect
in the ways I do
My most frequent contact
is dry and unengaging.
I simply miss humanness
and it’s intertwining links
Struggling from
this lonely place of fear.
(15 August 2014)
Perhaps I will find my place
Maybe I will find something
out of the blue and
after the thrashing about has stopped
that feels right
a place where I can be
When feeling overwhelmed
I need to remind myself
That I am not a failure
nor falling apart,
That I am surviving
and growing
Even through the hurt.
I am learning about myself
and revealing
my hidden innerness
Discovering that which
was buried
under layers
of world misinterpretation
For this realisation
I thank my close friends
real friends
with their own pain and suffering
but always the most genuine love in their hearts.
.
[dedicated with thanks to my dear friend Lisa, for today’s deep discussion and encouragemt]
What if I can’t love you anymore?
What if I can’t bear to greet you at the door
What if I can’t kiss you goodnight
What if I can’t wake up to you with a heart that is bright
What if I can’t be excited from your touch
What if I can’t handle thinking about you much
What if you are irrelevant to my day, and
What if I can’t think of any more words to say
What if you love me more than ever before, and
What if I can’t feel the connection any more
42 Days Younger than Kylie 