Communication ceases
Talking is minimised
As I fear reprisal
For my brokenness
You lash back
When I am confused and
Struggling to understand
Asking you to repeat
Or rephrase
That was no criticism
Of your speech
Just clarification sought
From a mind hearing so much
That filtering out your words
Is sometimes a struggle
(7 January 2015)
frequently I am too distraught
to speak about other
than the pain and sorrow I feel
how communicating
with those close to me
leaves them unsure about response
and unable to express understanding
social situations
become awkward through
the need to cover up
this aspect of myself
because it just feels
even more uncomfortable
and painful
when they also don’t understand
and my isolation grows
please understand
I fight this
because I don’t want this
to define me
perhaps
it is only those
experiencing their own pain
who can understand me
I am drawn in through their eyes
and while no words are spoken
I feel connection
and the poets
who understand words
who can respond
with meaning
sometimes with a clarity
that pierces my shrouds
for you I give thanks
(17 Sept 2014)
To write or not to write
I ask myself many days
When thoughts and feelings build up
Pressing for release
Writing brings out the emotions
Often leaving me drained
unable to think, focus or function
Don’t write, and the pressure increases
Cracks of distraction creep into my focus
Thoughts wander
while I wonder what is going on inside my body
Sometimes suppression
leaves me feeling numb
as if I’m so upset that I refuse to talk or communicate with myself
The cold shoulder treatment
for ignoring
the essential part of me
Today I skirt around the edges
acknowledging what is going on inside
without diving in and being overwhelmed
It’s a little tense
But I hope I will be understanding later
When I really need my support.
.
[ This non-emotional writing is brought to you by “I needed to get work done today” ]
I’ve been learning the language of how I feel
Becoming confident my descriptions are real
Expressed through my writing and poetry
Are clear understanding – this aspect of me
We could all learn more of the language of love
Most people know little, unaware the rest of
it has so many nuances, we all could be
Better communicators, with practice, naturally
I’m brushing up concepts in the language of sex
So many facets to intimacy, it’s rather complex
Yet knowing what words describe our desires
Builds partner comprehension for passionate fires
There is language specific to so many events
When we speak different dialects confusion presents
A problematic occasion for hurt and friction
So when you next talk be sure of your diction.
A new feeling
a new thought
I want to write
to create meaning
communicate
enlighten
and just maybe inspire
I want to brush aside
daily work
focus on writing
create reality
with words
Instead of
the often tedium
of straight lines
and restrictive regulations
Back to earth
Stop dreaming
Don’t give up your day job
Money needs earning
To live
to be able to love
to be able to create
to be able
to be
Never go to bed in anger
Advice I keep hearing
But how do I avoid that
When my days keep on ending
With silent frustration
That I hold in
That I won’t express
Because you just get upset
When I talk about my feelings
What I’m missing
What I want
And we never seem to get to
What works
And what is good
Precious little positivity
Much experience negativity
No balance counteraction
Good memories a tiny fraction
Of the whole frustrating journey
Feel inadequate unworthy
Can’t speak
You’re asleep
In the morning keep the silence
Don’t upset you in defiance
Shutting down I need to cope
Stumble down the slippery slope
Where this goes will not be fine
While we cannot make the time
To understand and to connect
Each day fully, no neglect
And the energy required
Leaves me exhausted and so tired
There’s no focus on achieving
No efforts made nor love receiving
Feel ashamed that I can’t nurture
So it scars me like a torture
Thoughts crash down and are deceiving
Nothing left worth to believe in
Never go to bed in anger?
I do that nearly every night.
42 Days Younger than Kylie 