friendship

2 Comments Posted on Poetry, Prose

Constant Doubts.

I’m talking directly to you today. I need straight answers to straight talk.

Why do so many humans (still) feel alone? Good people. Liked by others. Personable. But seeming, in some abstract way, to not fit in. A feeling of never quite connecting with others. Not invited to join in. Never a “best friend” always an “acquaintance”.

I know these are insecurities. And I suspect untruths. Talk to me. I need to hear your story. Whether you agree or think differently. I need to know if you feel the same. If you have honest observations of me. If I misunderstand the world around me. 

I need to hear others’ truth.  What will you say to me?

5 Comments Posted on Prose

After Three Years. 

Wow! Yesterday was the third year anniversay of this blog. It was also the day I hit 600 followers. Now I don’t place much emphasis on that number (followers come and go and some aren’t authentic writers). But still, it was a nice little gesture from the universe. What really matters is YOU. The readers. The people who comment, like, and interact with my words. That is all that matters. That is what this writing is all about. 

• Sharing, conversation, connection •

Another positive sign I received was on a friend’s blog, and I appropriated the quote for my cover image today.

• Write hard and clear; about what hurts •

Attributed to Ernest Hemingway, and I don’t know enough of his words to confirm this, but it’s the reinforcement and confirmation I needed, so it is real for me. I’ve been concerned about the tone of my writing for a while. Yes I’ve been hurting a lot more than usual over this time. But I have always wanted this place to be somewhere safe I can express whatever I want, whatever I need to. So I have persisted and comforted myself with staying true to my intentions.

• Just let it out •

I think about the last three years of my life, all that I have been through: family, health, relationships. And despite all the pain, it warms my heart to remember all the people that have been there for me. All my new friends from here. That have supported me and shared their own struggles. That have answered my calls for help. That have just been there.

And the friendships I have made and built up closer to home. The people I consider my personal family. The people that have supported me through the dark days and been there to enjoy the light days. The people who welcome me with open arms no matter how I’ve been feeling on the day. The people who talk me through issues and give me valuable insight.

• The people I love •

So I will round off here with a heartfelt thankyou to the wordpress community, to my friends near and afar. I love you all. And wherever you are in your life journey, may you feel the lightness and love when you need it most. May you survive, grow, and become an even greater version of you. 

• Loneliness is a lie. You are always loved and cared for. Just ask •

3 Comments Posted on Prose, Visual

Silver Linings – Day 21.

“Participation”

Today I sent an email to a social/community group that I am a committee member of, to let them know that I am feeling overwhelmed by life at the moment and am unsure of my ability to participate much.

I was in bed all day today. Sound asleep mostly. Except for when I had to get up and eat something to take my medication with, because I realised my reminder alarm had been going off for about half an hour.

The good thing is that I consider all of these members my friends, and I knew that they would be supportive.

I received back supportive responses about caring for myself as a priority. A close friend sent a message congratulating me for speaking up and saying how good the email I sent out was.

And during the day I found a beautiful mention on a friend’s blog regarding a poem I dedicated to her yesterday. And also received words of wisdom from her tonight.

When I feel like I’m crumbling apart, it’s good to know that my friends are behind me supporting however they can.

Who do you turn to for support?

4 Comments Posted on Poetry, Prose, Visual

Understanding Real Friendship.

abandoned

The trauma of my childhood
That no-one was ever there for me
Consistently, patiently, lovingly
No-one to talk with
About the confusion of life
Trying to learn what it all meant
And how it all worked
I developed my own coping
But now those inexperienced patterns
Are more harmful than beneficial.
35 years later
I am relearning healthy ways
Helping myself most days
But still sometimes
Falling into a deep hole, where
Blinded by darkness and isolation
I am lost.
The difference now is friends
People I trust enough
People who care enough
Unconditionally, openly,
Fully respond to my cries
Support me through the terrors
And gently pull me out afterwards.
Finally feeling love
Enables self-love to grow
Learning self-support
Is a terrifying new experience
But the backup from my friends
Lends me enough strength
That no matter how much I slip backwards
Each day steps forwards can be made.

.

I shared this with a select few of my friends, those that have been of big assistance in the past year, to express gratitude in my own way. These words are like a photo or picture, conveying a snapshot of one moment’s relevance to my whole life. There is so much more, there always is, just as there is a world beyond the edges of a photograph. But taking it all in is overwhelming. So this little view tells a story, makes a few connections, and leaves the rest open for interpretation.

“When you have only felt able to truly rely on yourself, real friendship can seem strange.”

16 Comments Posted on Poetry

Friendship Questioning.

What is it
about you
that I don’t deserve?
Or what is it
about me
that feels undeserving
of you?
There is
something dividing us
always
the sense of
a missing connection.
I have always
wanted this friendship
and never fully understood
what you wanted
from this us.
Unmatched expectations
Unbalanced desires
Uneven communication,
These create fragility
leading to breakdown
and hurt
But how do you mourn
the loss
of an ethereal relationship?

.

[ this is my response to Pooky’s Poetry Prompt 24 – Fragile Friendships ]

5 Comments Posted on Poetry

Vision Restored.

Alone
I see them all
Faults magnified
Through my looking glass
of perception
Dragging me to unease
Tearing at my sanity
No release
Struck down by
Perfection paralysis

You are my cure
The medicine that makes me whole
When you are here
When we connect
All other is forgotten
All our words
All our thoughts
Are all that matters

[ dedicated to my dear friend Helen ]

2 Comments Posted on Poetry

Friend-ly Thoughts.

I know you haven’t spoken to me in a while
and that’s because you’ve got things happening
and you just don’t feel that great sometimes
and when you remember me it’s not a good time to talk
I don’t mind.
I remember you
And if we could catch up I would drop everything
just to spend a little time with you
a reminder –
that even for the briefest of moments
life is bearable
And I would pray
that is enough for now
.

===
[the second of three poems written Sunday morning, after a few days dry spell and sudden inspiration was captured. I was unsure about this poem’s completeness, so I left it lying around on FB and the consensus was positive. I’m uncertain as to the reason for my hesitancy. Perhaps it was just that once again I have written something new style-wise and it takes time for me to become comfortable with it. What do you think?]