grateful

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Waiting for the day you feel good.

Remembering the past with fondness, easy to do when we focus on the good memories we have retained, because they are uncomplicated and uncoupled from the other (un-remembered) happenings and emotions of the time.

So how do we apply that to our present life? Can we look at the now with our rose-coloured glasses on?

Yes we can!

Find the positives in the present and in the now, use an attitude of gratefulness to store those as good memories now.

Don’t let your unconscious mind decide what you remember, guide your own brain to create neural pathways that will benefit you in the future.

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Ten Things of Thankfulness (Big and Small edition).

With a little encouragement from A I have decided to dive into Ten Things of Thankful.

  1. I am thankful for Deborah responding to my Poetry picture shared on FB (the one about hidden pain) and letting me know she connected with it and offering a listening ear.
  2. Thankful for Lisa for letting me share a brunch order with her (of GF toast, poached eggs, bacon, avocado) so that I would know she had some proper food today and not just coffees.
  3. Thankful for my sister-in-law Julia texting through a picture of her daughter enjoying the birthday present she received today, in my absence. The card had my name on it as well, even though I had precious little involvement in the present acquisition.
  4. Thankful for seeing our pet rabbit Mr.Poppy asleep on his side in the DBP (dead bunny position) for much of this warm Sunday afternoon. An indication of his comfort and relaxed state, despite his ageing body (he is officially a Senior rabbit) and progressing arthritis. And also thankful for him letting me stroke his sleepy head and remain relaxed and snoozing on two separate occasions.
  5. Thankful for friends like Abbie and Lisa that encourage me to focus on the positives and partake in such Adventures as this TToT writing challenge.  I’m halfway there and fourteen minutes has passed, so I’m on track for a relatively quick write-up today 😀
  6. I am thankful for Lisa meeting me for a coffee and chat on this Sunday-that-I-needed-for-myself. Despite her own struggles with depression coinciding with mine this week. I am thankful particularly that through her sharing and words reminding me how important a person I am, reminding me how much I am cared for, reminding me how the screwed-up mental illness chemistry just fooks with one’s perception of reality. 
  7. Is that two there? If I have trouble later on, I can break that last one down into two, right? So this has to be a proper one, a big one, my brain says. A challenging one. A God-its-so-hard-to-admit-to-myself-or-anyone-else one. Thinks… lets the pressure go, keep the intuition on hand… I am thankful that my wife loves me. Still. After everything we’ve been through. After at least ten years of me being subtly difficult to live with, and then more recently probably blatantly difficult to live with. She still makes an effort to let me know she cares, even when I am blind to it. I am thankful for her, for this. Life would perhaps be so much shittier if not for this, or perhaps life would be different, I don’t really know. Know one really knows, do they?!
  8. I am thankful for Lisa sharing her own relationship dramas with me. Just her knowing smile at me said enough, said so much. But I asked for elaborations anyway, because who can’t resist a good story!
  9. I am thankful for technology that lets me watch a movie at home, on decent sized screen, streamed from goodness-knows-where via a DVD player with a dedicated Netflix button on the remote. Cheers to all you clever geeks that design such user friendly pieces of tech that let me escape into a story, laugh, hope and then wonder where my afternoon went!
  10. Oh, hey there! This would be the last one. So for today, finally, I am thankful for quiet, cheap-to-operate, whole-house ducted evaporative cooling that lets me survive the expected 38C (100F) in this hot-and-dry-place in this mostly-hot-and-dry-country sitting in the southern hemisphere all on its own between the great South Pacific and Indian Oceans.

So there you have it 38 minutes and some loose change on the clock. I just need to post and link it into WordPress now, and plan how I might do this again next weekend.  You see it’s been weeks since I last posted to WP and there is a bunch of poetry waiting to go up.  So I’m hoping this will get my writing momentum going again. 

What are you thankful for today?

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Silver Linings – Day 20.

“My Music”

I feel like I failed to function today. I achieved little office work despite being there for 5 hours. But as a friend reminded me tonight, writing two poems is an achievement.

I feel that I haven’t written poetry like today in a while. But looking back through my notes, there has been probably no more than a week of quiet at any point recently. The last six days has seen a lot rolling out. I just haven’t posted much of it yet. Perspective. Sometimes another view really helps.

The overwhelms hit me today. In the office before noon, and tonight while getting dinner ready.

Hey, this is meant to be about silver linings!

Well, this is about everything. About coping. About not coping. About support and encouragement and seeing what to be thankful for.

After dinner I curled up into my ball chair, put my headphones on and listened to music. I stopped and just listened to music. I cared for nothing more than caring for myself. I closed my eyes, rug over my legs and took the time to really listen to my music. Appreciating it’s depth and how it moves me. I spent time enjoying myself, something I realise just now that’s been missing in my life.

Today I am grateful for my music. Some nights I would not get to sleep without my music. Some days I would struggle through if not for my music.
My music brings back memories. My music creates new bright memories. My music is as integral to my life as eating.

What are you thankful for today?

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Silver Linings – Day 18.

“Inside Out”

Life has been so busy lately with resting, coping, working, helping out friends, trying to keep my life in some sort of order. I feel that I have been neglecting some of you out there. I want to respond to many new followers and commenters and just haven’t found the time yet.

So do know that I think of you all. And when I see that you have dropped by and read my words, I’m glad for the company.

Back to today. My friend Mark is a big Pixar fan and movie buff generally. So when he invites me to see a film, I usually know it’s going to be worthwhile. Today’s afternoon flick was Pixar’s latest, Inside Out. Having enjoyed every other Pixar film, I rate this very highly. Basically, go see it! If you are still unsure, read on (I consider this a spoiler free zone today).

The story is about the emotions that control us, that create us, that help us grow. The story is also about the girl Riley, that we see from birth to teens. The emotions are personified as characters within a “control room” inside Riley’s head. And a lot of the plot revolves around memories and how they effect us.

I really enjoyed the depth of consideration the film brings up around all this. And how some twists are surprisingly and lovingly resolved.

I can imagine a storyline where depression and other mental illnesses are treated with respect and insight using this film’s theme. Maybe that will happen eventually, in some way, perhaps a comic book version.

I had forgotten how painful emotional tears can be. Nevertheless I just let them roll down my face, into my lips, and dropping behind the scarf around my neck.

Today I am grateful for brilliant storytellers, the writers, animators and the rest of the team. I am grateful for generous friends. 



”Ms Nigella”

 I am also grateful for pets that enjoy sitting on my lap, receiving attention and just being present. The black one was happy to sit still for over an hour with me tonight and the brown one has maintained his spot on the carpet circle next to my chair.