misery

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Tuesday Morning’s Thoughts.

Feeling strong emotions is exhausting for me. Or is it that I am exhausted when I start feeling strong emotions? I was going to use the adjective negative for my emotions, but really they are not necessarily so. Just my interpretation of the situation around feeling them is negative. So much is coming up, coming out, as I do this therapy homework. Today I suspect sometime (>20) years ago I started suppressing my strong feelings because I couldn’t deal with them or they were too painful.

Being critical of myself for feeling sad, letting that take me over, for being emotional exhausted and feeling unable to cope with it all. Rebut: I am coping with help from close people in my life. I am learning (something) through all this. I am surviving and becoming stronger, bolder, more caring in a less selfish way, because this is the way I am being treated by other(s). Even managing this rebut is an achievement to feel good about.

In some ways I cling to feeling miserable because despite the anguish, it affords me opportunity to connect with others in dealing with it. Therein lies the attraction that I hesitate to lose.

How do you feel about strong emotions?

How do you think I am going with this?

What coping advise can you provide?

5 Comments Posted on Poetry

You Are More Than Just Your Pain and Shame.

I am more than this
these feelings
these words in my face
that block my vision
and shroud me in disgrace

I am more than this
Today is the opposite
of what I want my life to be
Today is pain, regret and shame
wrapped up in misery

I am more than this
Today is blindness
and I have no hope to see
The different doors the paths
waiting just there for me

I am more than this
Be my eyes of hope
and see for me today
Remind me there is more out there
For perseverance to pay

I have been told
I am more than this
I will listen

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Despise/Despair.

When you’ve been in pain
for so long
Can’t work out how to fix
what’s wrong
Doubting you have the strength
to carry on
Will you see the dawn break
or night continue strong
There is no comfort, it seems
nowhere you belong
Hear not the words of others
single voice nor throng
Feel nothing outside of self
misery’s siren song
Draws you in deep
nothing feels wrong
There is only one hope, soon
the end will come along

6 Comments Posted on Poetry

Another Day.

Deep dark place
Don’t go, don’t go there
Giving up the race
Don’t go, don’t go there
Battling ever on
Be strong, be strong there
Can no longer carry on
Be strong, be strong there

Doubt all who I am
Don’t go, don’t go there
All I feel’s behind a dam
Don’t go, don’t go there
Head is lost in space
Come back, come back here
Nothing positive to embrace
Come back, come back here

10 Comments Posted on Poetry

The Stalker

Cold hands of chill clutch at my shoulders

so lightly, yet firmly
unshakeable
Forgetting they are there
I push forwards
on with life
And wonder at my limited progress

A chain around my heart
cold and heavy
invisible
restricts breathing
prevents loving
Linked back to the pain of past hurts

Goes by the name “Depression”
or “Misery” to his friends
Cold, dark, silence
Just some of the tools of his trade

He is unwelcome
Yet selfishly,
I keep him all to myself
Even a cold grip
from my old friend
can be comforting

-=~=-

[ credit for the following line “Goes by the name Depression or Misery to his friends” and the spark that ignited this goes to Ashley Nicole’s piece The Face of Depression. ]