The faces I wear around others
The happy, energetic, confident; even
The quiet, thoughtful, calm
The outside effects the inside
Sometimes I need to feel the inside
Sometimes mask removal seems impossible
Sometimes a hug, touch, words help
Sometimes I want to let out all that’s inside
When feeling overwhelmed
I need to remind myself
That I am not a failure
nor falling apart,
That I am surviving
and growing
Even through the hurt.
I am learning about myself
and revealing
my hidden innerness
Discovering that which
was buried
under layers
of world misinterpretation
For this realisation
I thank my close friends
real friends
with their own pain and suffering
but always the most genuine love in their hearts.
.
[dedicated with thanks to my dear friend Lisa, for today’s deep discussion and encouragemt]
I can’t face being sad
And letting others know
It just feels wrong, because
I want the world to be a brighter place
Not dragged down
By feelings like mine.
That’s what I learnt growing up
From the reactions
and actions of others
Well, my interpretation anyway.
I can’t face being sad
And not letting others know
It just feels wrong, because
dishonesty is not what I want to be
And hiding away my feelings
Just hurts – just hurts.
Pretending to be happy
never brought me to that state
Rather, making an effort to participate
Brought the energy that bears happiness.
I can’t face being sad
But I’m slowly learning
That what I feel and think
Is not always an accurate reflection
of a given situation
And more difficultly,
The imperative of unlearning
all the old lessons
That were so uneducatedly given.
I can’t face being sad
So one day I chose
To be vulnerable
And open up about my feelings
To a friend
Who showed me acceptance,
understanding and support
And now I am both unlearning
and learning at the same time.
.
[ this was sparked by Pooky’s Poetry Prompt 57 – Write a poem which explores how it feels to put a brave face on things; and every word is truth ]
Fear is writing this poem
Of uncovering feelings
and unpleasant revealings
While in this emotional depressed state
It’s so easy to feel self hate
So I hesitate to venture on
When usually I’d be quite strong
But as I heard a wise person say
Feel the fear and do it anyway
.
[All I can manage today. Feeling really low after, out of the blue, being hit with a really strong anxiety/depression spell this morning. Only just holding it together, with the help of a dear friend. And tonight exhausted because I couldn’t manage decent rest during the day.]
42 Days Younger than Kylie 