Genetic Test

My doctor called me on Tuesday. She finally received the results of the genetic testing from my April D&C. 

Normal girl.

There was nothing wrong with the little bean. 

So what went wrong?  

Did I do something wrong? 

Thinking the pregnancy was non-viable I did dance at the teachers' conference party. I didn't drink. But I did dance. Could that have done it?

A normal girl.

Sigh.

Kindness of others

It's been 20 days since I have surgery to correct my ankle.  It's been a tough 20 days.  Infertility is depressing. Throw being utterly dependent on the kindness of family and friends on top of that and it's a recipe for the blues.  

I took the week off of work and returned to teaching for the last week of summer school classes. It was tough. Not only did I have to deal with the physical environment but at the end of each day my ankle was swollen and achy. After a quick bite to eat, I slept for an hour or two.  It was exhausting.  

To add to the stress, Sweets had to go out of town for a week for work.  He offered to cancel the contract but I refused.  He needed to re-establish his relationship with this client and bowing out last minute wasn't feasible. With Sweets gone all week, I had to find another way to get to work.  My BFF was amazing; she drove me to and from work each day.  

I honestly can't thank her enough.  She constantly checks in on me and invites me out.  We went to see a film the other day.  It was nice to be out and about but a little stressful as I didn't know if I could manage to manoeuvre with my crutches amongst the crowds.  

Not only has my childhood BFF been awesome but my other BFF J has also been amazing.  She's visited a couple of times and she even took my car into the shop to get repaired and prepped for a road trip (more on the road trip later).  She spent 2 hours at the shop waiting for it.  

Even my neighbours have been helping me out! They've shared their meals with me, brought me beautiful flowers, and have even taken my recycling out.  

 I am truly overwhelmed by their generosity.  

Sweets came home for about a day and then had to leave again to attend his BFF's wedding in another province.  Again he wanted to cancel to stay home with me but I insisted he go; it's his best friend.  He's in the wedding party.  He hasn't seen his friend in 2 years. He needed this opportunity to reconnect with his best friend. 

During his one day stay at home we went to a walk-in medical clinic and had the staples removed.  Ouch! My orthopaedic surgeon's office is closed this week so I don't see him until the 21st.  That's when I'll get my cast. I only have the temporary surgical splint right now.  I'm hoping that I'll be able to get an ai.rca.st boot so that I can take it off for showering.   

As for the road trip, my family from Europe is coming. My aunt and my cousin arrive on the 20th.  Then after my appointment with the  OS on the 21st, we make the 18 hour trip north to visit my parents. Though I can't drive, my cousin can.  My dad will be starting his second round of chemo the day we arrive. I'm a little nervous about seeing my dad.  He's been in excellent spirits so that's good.  We keep stating to ourselves that though only 5% make it to year 5, he could be one of the 5%.  He'll make it. 

On the fertility front, things have been quiet.  Having a broken ankle kind of puts a damper on any romantic inclinations.  And since I can't drive, a trip to the RE to discuss our next cycle is impossible. I'm hoping to be walking and driving by early Sept. I'll make the appointment to see her then. 

Sorry for the long post.  I really should update my blog more often.  Right now it's just a whole lot of sitting, watching Ne.tflix, and reading.  I'll update things when I go home for the visit. 

Take care my friends. 

Unforgettable summer

It's been a very interesting summer.  And not interesting in a good way.

First off, it's been very much a roller coaster regarding my father's health.  My parents were here for more tests to find out how far the cancer had progressed.  It was difficult to see my father, a big, strong man, look so frail.  While they were here, my miscarriage started.  My mom knew but my dad didn't so when the nurse asked my dad if he would be around any pregnant women after his PET scan, he looked and me and shook my head. 

The results from the PET scan were not good. We had originally be told the tumour was small but it's actually 7cm.  It hasn't spread; it's only in the pancreas.  My dad starts a very aggressive chemotherapy regiment next week.  We're all hoping for the best but we know that statistics for pancreatic cancer.  I made a deal with my dad that next July we'll go to Hawaii.  We'll celebrate our 10th anniversary and they can celebrate their 50th.  He seemed to like that idea.

With my dad's condition, I had planned to drive home to visit them.  Unfortunately last week, I fell and broke my ankle.

My husband took me to the ER where we waited for for about 5 hours to see a doctor.  I was ready to go home when finally they called my name.  Our city's ER is busiest in all of our province. I had recommended that we go to a smaller hospital but Sweets, thinking that the new ER was open, insisted.  At first, I didn't believe the doctor when he said it was broken.  I insisted on seeing the X-ray. I was convinced it was just a bad sprain.  But soon enough I was being wheeled upstairs to the orthopaedic surgical ward and into a room.  

After kissing Sweets good night and sending him home, I was given morphine for the pain and fell into a restless sleep.  I discovered quickly that morphine and I do not mix.  I couldn't hold anything down even with the gravol.  Sunday was spent sleeping and trying to make conversation with my BFF and husband. Thankfully on Monday I was slated in for survey first thing in the morning.  I've never had surgery before.  Going under was an interesting experience.  On Tuesday, once I proved that I could use my crutches, I was discharged.  

I had hoped to go back to work by Thursday (summer school) but soon realized that was unlikely.  The pain is just brutal.  And trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in is impossible.  Still, I'm going to get off my butt and go to work on Tuesday.  I asked the principal for a wheelchair for my room and the elevator key.  My BFF will drive me to and from work.  I'm a little nervous because Sweets goes out of town for 5 days for work.  I hope I can take care of myself while he's gone. 

The staples come out next week.  And the following week I have an appointment with the surgeon.  Hopefully I can get one of those air casts so I can start putting weight on my foot.  

It's incredibly annoying to be so dependent but what is most frustrating is that my plan to drive up to see my parents is now ruined.  I really wanted to be there to help out my mom while my dad is going through his therapy. Very frustrating. 

I don't know when I'll be able to start driving again.  

Well that was short lived.

Never mind.

Beta came back.

It dropped.

188.  

Let the miscarriage commence. 

Weekend Blood Work and Family Time

This morning I woke up early to get myself to the lab for my second beta.  

I've been waiting all day for the results but unfortunately, while the lab may draw blood on weekends, it doesn't appear like they test the sample or provide results.  I've been checking the website periodically throughout the day and nothing. 

Argh.

So looks like I have to wait until Monday.  And since I'm teaching summer school right now, I won't check the site until I've finished for the day.  I don't want potentially heartbreaking news to throw me off for the day.  Who wants to be an emotional mess in front of a bunch of 15/16 year olds? 

My parents arrive on Monday as well.  Due to a cancellation, my father was able to get in to see the surgeon Tuesday morning. Like most people, I did a quick google search of the doctor.  I was pleased to discover the surgeon is one of the country's leading surgeons in the field of pancreatic cancer.  On Thursday, my dad has a PET scan.  On the cancer agency website, it cautions pregnant women to stay away from anyone who has had the scan.  My GP looked into it and she said what it means is that I can't sit next to him. So sadly I won't be driving my dad to his appointment. The radiation fades after 24 hours so I won't have to distance myself from him for too long.  

Here's hoping that next week brings good news all around! 

Numbers. Numbers. Numbers.

So it's higher than expected but lower than I wished.  

My beta came back at 225.  

I am 5 weeks 4 days according to my calculations. 

With a beta that low, should I be worried about another miscarriage? 

I have some progesterone suppositories left from my last cycle. I would if I should start using them?  Or maybe, for once, just let nature do her thing? 

Ahhh!!!!

Limbo

Today I visited with my GP.  I was supposed to get my tetanus shots but we decided to hold off.  I informed the office that I thought I was pregnant so they asked me to do a pregnancy test with their office so that they would have it in their records.  

Well, their test came back negative!  Negative!  Does everything have to be such a roller coaster ride for me?  I did 3 HPTs and all 3 were positive.  How is this possible? 

 I'm trying not to fret. The doctor felt positive about it.  She did send me off to get my beta tested but still, it's quite disconcerting.  How can the tests be so different? Is this "pregnancy" all in my head? 

 I'm trying to be positive. A few years ago, a friend of mine had positive home tests but at her doctor's office, it was negative.  Her daughter is now 2 years old. So I'm holding on to hope as that's all that I really have at this point.  

I'll be sure to post my blood test results tomorrow.  

Cross your fingers for me. 

Say a little prayer.

Send out positive energy.  

Please.