Mother's Day Blues

Infertility is difficult to deal with on any old day.  Mother's Day is the worst.  Yes, I take the time to recognize the awesomeness of my own mother, my Aiti.  She deserves all the accolades I can muster.  But while everyone else is enjoying special breakfasts, brunches, and bouquets, I'm only reminded of my failure to join that special mommy club.  Never did I think that I would be 40 and childless.  Never.  Yet here I am.  A childless mother.   


So, to all of you suffering silently today while others celebrate and "Happy Mother's Day" updates overwhelm your Twitter or Facebook pages, I'm sending you a massive cyber hug and hoping that soon all of us will be able to partake in the celebrations.  

What to do?

Since my appointment with Dr. R earlier in the year, I've been in a holding pattern.  In our conversation, I was told that I would have to wait until the end of April for my FET.  I was disappointed as I was hoping to get in during April but I sucked it up and dealt with it.  Well, I called in day 1 of my cycle today and received another disappointment.  The renovations haven't been completed and they have no clue when they'll be completed.  So FET #3 is once again put on hold.  The nurse, while incredibly apologetic, essentially gave me two options.  Wait until the renovations are done or have my embryos transferred to another clinic.  

What do I do?  I felt so encouraged by my appointment with Dr. R.  I really felt confident with his assessment of my situation and thought that his plan was what I needed (full endometrial biopsy + injection day of transfer to stop cramping).  Regardless, I'll have to wait for the referral to go through if I go to another clinic.  I'll have to wait for the lab to be renovated.  I don't know what to do.  With  my 40th birthday coming up next week, my anxiety is through the room.  Will I ever be a mom?  <sigh>  I hate this shit.