LWB: Realistic Expectations About Cleanliness

I am still amazed by the things I hear prospective adoptive parents say and I was more amazed at some of the things said by persons in our travel group about the kids, cleanliness, having accidents, etc. and it made me wonder if they paid attention during their Hague training.  Many of these topics were covered.  Is it meant to deter you?  NO!  It is meant to PREPARE you.  I am a very realistic person and do not tend to see the world through rose colored glasses, so some of the things we experienced in China did not upset me.  I am so very thankful for our Hague training, our excellent social worker and for websites like LWB.  Here is a post from LWB in their Realistic Expectation series they are doing.  Anyone about to adopt from China should read it:

Realistic Expectations: Cleanliness

Here is another one about toilets, toilet training and the bathrooms…or lack thereof…in China:

Realistic Expectations: Potty Training

And, here is another one I enjoyed.  While in China a group of ladies came up to us and told us we needed to put “two clothes” on Lillian.  She had a pair of sweatpants, two layers and a coat on and it was only 72 degrees.  I kindly thanked them.  This article sheds light on why the children are so bundled and that it is not necessarily a bad thing.  Many orphanages and homes are not heated and it gets very cold in many parts of China.  In order to keep the kids well and stave off colds and pneumonia, they get bundled in many layers.  Many cannot afford to treat their children if they get sick and many, many, many do not have access to healthcare or doctors.  We let Alex stay in his stinky clothes for two days because he was upset and did not want to be parted from them.  We just hoped the hotel and our travel group understood.  I saved them for him and they are in a box of things I think he will want when he gets older.  So, here is another good article on understanding the Chinese culture:

Realistic Expectations: Clothing

Thank you LWB for posting these articles.  These are very educational and will help many prospective adoptive parents understand their child’s culture and why they do the things they do.  Many times here in America, we have such a Western ethnocentric view and we forget that the rest of the world lives completely different than how we live.

Andrea

 

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Enjoying some after dentist ice cream

Alex had a dentist appointment with a Peds dentist. He has four cavities and out family dentist referred us to Dr. Brasher because Alex is so skittish they most likely will have to put him to sleep while they work on his mouth. Anyway, two hours and no drama later, I took the kids for ice cream. I know, I know, it is kinda funny to award a child who did well at the dentist with ICE CREAM! Haha…but he deserved it! I was very proud. He was so brave and did very well. He even got to meet Bippo…that’s another story allll together!

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My little stash boy

Making a pass through Alex’s room I find this. This is his little stash he wants no one to touch or play with.

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Post Adoption 1 month pics

These pictures were taken for our one month post adoption visit back in January.  I forgot to post them.  I think they came out cute…all except me wearing flip flops in the winter..should’ve cropped that out…oh well.

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Dolls in the fridge

I wake up yesterday morning, stumble in to the kitchen, make myself a cup of coffee. I open the fridge and grasp at the creamer on the second shelf (where it always is) and my hand closes around a blonde baby doll braid….WHAT?!? I look closer…this is the work of Alex. Both dolls are Lillian’s. He takes Vivian’s and Lillian’s things all the time and hides them. He thinks they should be his. I guess this was one place he was sure Lillian wouldn’t look. Silly boy!

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Is adoption expensive? How is it possible? What can I do?

After coming back from China, of course, we receive a lot of attention going to the store, park, or restaurant just by virtue of being a blended family.  Many people lately have been asking me how we did it, isn’t it expensive, etc. and etc.  My answers to them, would be, it really depends!  Of course that is a frustrating answer, so, let me explain:

Is the adoption fee expensive?

Mainly people are asking is the cost of the whole thing expensive.  The answer is Yes, it can be.  Is the fee expensive?  No, we only paid $5,000 as an orphanage donation to China.  What was expensive was the travel, hotel, food during our two week stay in China, processing paperwork in the provinces the kids were from, USCIS paperwork, dossier preparation, etc…

Without going in to every mundane detail here is a basic breakdown of how our adoption worked out:

Total cost: $47,754.00 ($23,243 for Lillian’s adoption and $24,511 for Alex’s adoption) (It cost slightly more than this by a couple thousand, but we have a lot of undocumented expenses.  We used cash to pay for food, care packages and other things.  This is the number I had receipts and documentation for, so that is what I have to use)

Each child’s adoption included: the home study, the agency fees for processing their adoption, our travel expenses, flights, hotels and food, as well as dossier preparation fees, Visa fees, Chinese passports for the kids, filing the immigration paperwork with the USCIS, paying the US Consulate in Guangzhou to process documents, China orphanage donation, processing the paperwork in each province and paying a notary, paying the guides, etc.

How we did it:

$1,200 fundraisers (a lot of this money paid for care packages to the kids and other undocumented expenses) (Our fundraisers were: Tshirt sales, silent auction and selling adoption dolls with an adoption certificate)

$15,000 travel benefit from Steven’s work

$2,000.00 grant (ABBA Fun/Sonscope. I wrote for every grant I could find.  I posted the links on this blog.  It was a LOT OF WORK!  I copied pages and pages, I obtained reference letters.  It took a lot to do this.  We were very grateful and thankful for this grant!!!!!)

$4,000.00 grant (Showhope)

$27,200.00 tax credit for adoption.  Fully refundable in 2011.  Next year it phases out.  BIG BIG reason we decided to go ahead and process Lillian’s adoption instead of waiting another year.  I labored over our tax return this year.  It was extensive.  If you are a friend on Facebook, you saw the big packet I had to mail in to file the return.  But, it was WORTH IT!  Unfortunately, last year was the last time the credit was available fully.  It also phases out depending on income.

When all is said and done, and when we receive our tax return back, we will carry no debt for our double adoption.  We paid off everything before starting our adoption.  We took out a low interest and a no interest loan to finance the whole adoptionb over the year long process (from December 10, 2010 to December 9, 2011), and as we received grants and other benefits, we made payments towards the loan.  This is the real face of adoption.  So….it can be affordable to adopt.  Everyone is different and God just worked a miracle where our adoption is concerned.  When we started Lillian’s adoption, we were not sure how we were going to pay all the final fees, but I started writing for grants and just had faith.  Shortly after that, Steven’s company was bought out by a larger company that had adoption benefits.  We had already resigned ourself to carry a large amount of the debt for Lillian’s adoption, but God was so good to us and we ended up not having to do that. 

I hope this answers some questions.  If it creates more, like “How did you get a grant, or write for grants”, please click on the links I provided.  It took me several weeks to gather the information from the grant places, it took me more days to read through it all and figure out which ones we are eligible for.  Then it took me an even longer time to gather reference letters, financial documents, tax returns and make copies of all that….and an even longer time to write adoption statements or two page papers on why we want to adopt.  If a grant is something you are interested in, it will be a lot of work, but it is worth it. 

Other things to consider are the expense of furniture, clothes, paint, etc. to ready a room.  I had to buy Alex furniture for his room, including mattresses.  I had to buy Lillian a dresser.  All things to consider when thinking of the expense of an adoption.

But, if you are a very resourceful person, you can make it happen!  You can use Skymiles, you can cash in reward points for hotels, you can bring peanut butter or eat in your hotel room while in China.  You can save on your grocery bill by clipping coupons and putting the balance in your adoption fund.  You can hold fundraisers. There are many different ways to finance an adoption but, keep in mind, it will be a lot of work and you must be willing to do it.

And about this time, everyone says “Bah-humbug!”.  Hehe.  By no means do I mean this as a negative post, it is just realistic as I am known to be.  If you enter into the adoption process with rose colored glasses, you will be heavy hearted when it comes time to pay the bill!  Good financial planning and resourcefulness is the key to make it all work.

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Rocking Glasses!

Rocking some 3d glasses. Don’t know where they got them or found them, but they are cracking me up! Hehe. Then we had some good free fun at Alexandria’s City Park. Can’t wait til spring. Felt good to be out in the sun.

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Family Picture and Life Lately

Our First Dressed up Family Picture!
 
Our dedication service at our church was this past Sunday.  It was an opportunity for all of us to get dressed up and take a famiy picture.  I cannot remember if the photographer at my brother’s wedding took our picture as a family or not.  We took so many pictures I can’t remember now.  To take this one, I had to set up the tripod and hit the button….then I would run (in high heels no less) down to the end of the porch and yell at everyone to smile.  It only took 6 such unladylike displays before I got this picture. My neighbors probably thought I was crazy.
 
Alex and Lillian

We are not doing anything mom

 
A couple random stories.   We are still getting to know our kids and just enjoying them.  Lillian came with a bottle from her orphanage and they told us to give it to her when she cries at night.  I did that while in China, but once we got back home, she had already chewed the tip off.  I got a sippy cup and she bit that in half too.  I became scared that she might choke and I also felt that she was just a little too old for a bottle at night (she is four and a half years old), so I took it away from her.  When we went to the dentist the other day, he pointed out that her front teeth do not “close”.  That they stick out in front and asked me if she sucked her thumb.  I told him about her bottle and that I took it away.  He agreed with me that it was not safe nor good for her teeth.  So, anyway, we have had several, several nights of Lillian waking in the middle of the night crying asking for her “drink”.  It pulls on my heartstrings and I hate to see her upset.  Anyway, yesterday, I looked all over for her sippy cup and couldn’t find it.  I sent Vivian to look for it and then I asked Lillian where it was.  Lillian shrugged her shoulders like she didn’t know.  I got another kind of sippy cup and gave her something to drink with dinner.  All day and I still couldn’t find it.  Anyway, fast forward to bed time.  We put the kids to sleep and Lillian cried a bit and then all of a sudden, all was quiet.  Steven and I were laying in bed listening to Lillian and Alex talking to each other, then we heard a noise.  Steven decided to get up and go check on them and guess what he found?  Lillian in bed with her sippy cup.  She hid it somewhere in her room so she would have it at night.  Sneaky little girl!  Very smart too.  Steven took it away and OH MY, heartbreak!  I am hoping that she will start to self comfort and cope another way and not be dependent on her sippy cup.  
 
 
 
 
This morning, I was lazing in bed.  I didn’t feel like getting up.  I heard the kids up, they were playing in their room.  They came in and told me good morning and kissed my forehead…so cute!  Lillian likes to pat my head and giggle and kiss my cheek.  I guess they wanted me to get out of bed, cause Alex grabbed the covers and pulled them down and Lillian said “Mama, Finished Night Night” and pointed for me to get out the bed and put her hands under my shoulders like she was going to roll me out the bed.  It was really funny.  When I got up and put my slippers on, they jumped up and down and said “Yay!  Mama!”  They are cute.  The next thing I did was make coffee….

Nap time!

 

Bed head!

All right, on to do homework.  Blech.  Then we are going to try our hand at painting a canvas.  We shall see how that goes.
 
Andrea
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Is this boy the same?

Is this boy:

The same as this boy?  They sure do look different to me!  Goodness!

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Sweeter and sweeter as the days go by….

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I can’t remember all of the words to the song, but when I look at these pictures it makes me fuzzy and just when I think they can’t get any cuter or sweeter, they get cuter and sweeter.  This was at my brother’s wedding two weekends ago.  I was not able to get any pictures of all of us together.  The wedding photographer took some and I will have one in the near future.  It will probably be the first formal family picture we have taken since being home.  We took some on the swing out on the front porch and in the living room for our post adoption reports.  I want a nice formal shot.

We may have that chance next weekend.  It is dedication service at our church and both of our children are participating.  I believe that there usually is a photographer set up and will take our family picture for us after the dedication.  I am excited about that!

Well, on to do homework.

Andrea

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